Created for Intimacy

Marriage. Singleness. Widowhood. And the God Who Draws Near.

INTRODUCTION

The Dead Phone Illustration "How many of you have done this? You plug your phone in before bed. You wake up, reach for it expecting a full charge... and it's at 2%. Dead. You check the charger—it's plugged into your phone perfectly. But the other end? Not plugged into the wall. You spent all night waiting for power from something that wasn't connected to a source.

That's what we do with intimacy. We plug into marriage, into dating, into the hope of finding 'the one'—and we wait. We wait for them to charge us. To make us feel whole. To make us feel seen. And we wake up empty... wondering why they're not filling us. But they were never connected to the Source."

If we’re honest… every single one of us in this room longs for intimacy.

We want to be known.

We want to be seen.

We want to be chosen.

We want to be safe.

And that longing doesn’t go away depending on your relationship status.

If you’re married — you long for deeper connection.

If you’re single — you long to be chosen.

If you’re widowed — you long for what once was.

If you’re divorced — you long for healing.

If you’re human — you long for intimacy.

And here’s what I want us to understand today:

Intimacy is not first about romance.

It is first about design.

Genesis 2:18 NLT

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

God wired us for connection.

But marriage is not the source of intimacy.

Marriage is one expression of it.

The source of intimacy is God Himself.

And until we understand that, we will put crushing expectations on people that were never meant to carry the weight of our soul.

PART 1 — INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

Now let’s talk about marriage for a moment.

Marriage is beautiful.

Marriage is sacred.

Marriage is covenant.

But marriage is also exposing.

You already know this.

When two people stand at an altar and say, “Till death do us part,” something powerful happens.

But something revealing happens too.

Because marriage doesn’t create your issues — it reveals them.

Jesus said in Matthew 15:11 says,

Matthew 15:11 NLT

It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.”

Marriage brings things out.

Insecurity comes out.

Fear comes out.

Jealousy comes out.

Old wounds come out.

Childhood baggage comes out.

And we’re shocked.

We think, “Why are they making me feel this way?”

But remember what we’ve already learned:

Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

Above all else.

Not monitor your spouse.

Not fix their behavior.

Guard your heart.

Your ability to stay in love has as much to do with the condition of your heart as it does with the behavior of your spouse.

Marriage is not primarily about happiness. It’s about Christlikeness.

Ephesians 5:25 NLT

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her

Marriage is meant to shape us into the image of Jesus.

But here’s where we go wrong:

We expect our spouse to fill what only God can fill.

We expect them to:

Make us feel secure

Make us feel valued

Make us feel respected

Make us feel complete

And when they don’t… we resent them.

But no human being can be your Savior.

When two people are drawing life from Christ first, marriage thrives.

When two empty people demand the other fill them, marriage suffocates.

If you’re married, here’s the question:

Are you guarding your heart…

Or just monitoring your spouse?

PART 2 — INTIMACY IN SINGLENESS

Now let me talk to the singles in the room.

Because the church has not always done a great job here.

Sometimes we unintentionally communicate that marriage is the goal.

That singleness is a waiting room.

That you’re incomplete until someone chooses you.

But Paul says something radical in 1 Corinthians 7:8

1 Corinthians 7:8 NLT

So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am.

He says singleness is not second-class.

It is not lesser.

It is a gift.

And I know that doesn’t always feel that way.

The lie singles often carry is this:

“I will be whole when I’m married.”

But Colossians 2:10 says,

Colossians 2:10 NLT

So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.

You are not half a person.

You are not behind in life.

You are not spiritually incomplete.

The deepest intimacy in the Christian life is not romantic.

It is relational with Jesus.

Psalm 73:25 NLT

Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth.

Singleness offers something powerful:

Undivided devotion.

Freedom to lean fully into calling.

Capacity for deep community that isn’t built on romantic exclusivity.

And church — we have to do better at being family.

Not a couples club.

Real biblical community means:

Singles are not projects.

They are not sidelined.

They are not “future married people.”

They are essential members of the body.

If you are single, your life is not on pause.

Your intimacy with Christ can be vibrant and full right now.

PART 3 — INTIMACY IN WIDOWHOOD

Now let me speak gently to those who have lost a spouse.

Widowhood carries a sacred ache.

It’s not theory.

It’s not “move on.”

It’s loss.

It’s memory.

It’s absence at the dinner table.

It’s the quiet side of the bed.

Psalm 34:18 NLT

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

And Scripture repeatedly says God is a defender of widows.

He does not overlook your grief.

He does not rush your healing.

He draws near.

Jesus does not replace a spouse.

But He does meet you in loneliness.

And church — the early church had a category of honor for widows.

They were woven into the life of the community.

They were valued.

Seen.

Protected.

We need that again.

No one in this house should grieve alone.

PART 4 — THE FOUNDATION: INTIMACY WITH GOD

Now here’s the anchor for everything.

Every human longing for intimacy is a shadow of something deeper.

Ephesians 5 tells us marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church.

That means earthly intimacy is a signpost.

The ultimate intimacy is communion with God.

The Bible begins with relationship in a garden.

It ends with the Marriage Supper of the Lamb.

You were created for intimacy with God.

Marriage points to it.

Singleness depends on it.

Widowhood clings to it.

The Church embodies it.

James 4:8 NLT

Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.

That is not poetic language.

That is promise.

Intimacy with God grows when we:

Pray honestly

Open Scripture consistently

Worship wholeheartedly

Confess humbly

Live in community authentically

You don’t drift into intimacy.

You cultivate it.

PRACTICAL MOMENT — GUARD YOUR HEART

The Heart as Source, Not Container

The Hebrew word for "heart" (לֵב - lev) isn't just about emotions. It's your command center - where you think, choose, desire, and worship. When Proverbs says the heart "determines the course of your life," the literal Hebrew is even stronger: it's the "goings out" or "issues" of life. Everything flows from it.

This is why Jesus connects it in Matthew 15 - what comes out of your mouth reveals what's in your heart. Your marriage doesn't create resentment. It reveals the resentment that was already flowing beneath the surface.

Guarding vs. Fixing

Here's the shift: Most of us try to manage outcomes instead of guarding the source.

We think:

"If my spouse would just..." (managing their behavior)

"If I could just find someone..." (managing circumstances)

"If this season would just end..." (managing timing)

But Proverbs says guard the heart - because that's where the issues of life originate.

You can't control your spouse. You can't manufacture a relationship. You can't skip seasons. But you can steward what's happening inside you.

The Idolatry Connection

When we don't guard our hearts, we turn people into functional saviors. This is where Ezekiel 14:3 becomes powerful:

Ezekiel 14:3 NLT

“Son of man, these leaders have set up idols in their hearts. They have embraced things that will make them fall into sin. Why should I listen to their requests?

Idols aren't just statues. They're anything we ask to do what only God can do:

Make me feel secure

Prove I'm valuable

Give my life meaning

Fix what's broken inside me

When your spouse becomes your functional god, you don't just love them - you need them to validate you. And that's suffocating.

When singleness becomes your functional curse, you don't just desire partnership - you require it to feel whole. And that's desperation.

The heart that isn't guarded will always turn someone or something into a savior.

Practical Ways to Guard Your Heart

1. Name What You're Actually Feeling

Don't spiritualize or minimize. Get specific.

Not: "I'm just frustrated." But: "I feel invisible when you scroll while I'm talking."

Not: "I'm fine being single." But: "I feel ashamed when I'm the only one without a plus-one."

Not: "I'm trusting God." But: "I'm terrified of being alone."

Guarding your heart starts with honest inventory. You can't protect what you won't acknowledge.

2. Trace the Root, Not Just the Fruit

When you feel rage at your spouse over something small, pause and ask:

What wound just got poked?

When have I felt this way before?

What am I afraid this means about me?

Example: Your spouse forgets to text you back. You spiral into rage. That's not about the text. That's about a deeper fear: "I don't matter. I'm not a priority."

Guard your heart by asking: Where did I learn that? And is it true?

3. Bring It to Jesus Before You Bring It to Them

Before you have "the conversation" with your spouse, friend, or family member - have the conversation with Jesus first.

"Lord, why does this trigger me so deeply?"

"What am I expecting from them that only You can give?"

"What do I need to confess before I address this?"

This isn't avoiding conflict. This is guarding against weaponizing conflict because your heart is unguarded.

4. Build Guardrails, Not Just Willpower

Guarding isn't passive. It's strategic.

If comparison is your struggle:

Limit social media during vulnerable times

Curate who you follow

Have honest friends who will call you out

If resentment builds when you're depleted:

Protect rest, not just productivity

Say no to good things that drain what's needed for the best things

Create rhythms of refilling (worship, Sabbath, community)

If loneliness is your vulnerable spot:

Don't isolate when you feel unwanted

Invest in deep friendships, not just dating apps

Serve someone else - get outside your own ache

5. Repent Daily

Guarding your heart includes clearing out what shouldn't be there.

Confess to God:

The resentment you're nursing

The fantasy you're entertaining

The bitterness you're justifying

The self-pity you're feeding

David prayed: Psalm 51:10

Psalm 51:10 NIV

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

That's a daily prayer, not a one-time event.

CLOSING

Some of you are married and tired.

Some of you are single and wondering.

Some of you are widowed and aching.

But every single one of us is invited deeper.

Jesus knows you fully.

He loves you completely.

He will never abandon you.

And when our intimacy with Him is strong —

We truly love better.

We grieve with hope that is beyond our circumstance.

We walk in wholeness, trust God no matter what.

You were created for intimacy.

Not just with a person.

But with your Creator.

Let’s not settle for less.

PRAYER

Lord,

In every season of life represented here —

marriage, singleness, widowhood —

draw us closer to You.

Teach us to guard our hearts.

Heal what has been wounded.

Break what has become hardened.

And anchor our identity in Your love.

May our intimacy with You

overflow into every other relationship.

In Jesus’ name.

Amen.