For the Common Good Pt. 13

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 NASB 2020

Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Good afternoon, church! Last Sunday we continued to study Paul’s definition of love through CH13 of his 1 letter to the Corinthians. And in doing so, we did not approach this Chapter as poetry for weddings (Which is the way this chapter tends to be used)—We actually approached this chapter as correction for a divided church. (Written to believers in the midst of conflict)

Now, we have already spent months walking through the issues at Corinth. So were not going to be expanding on those today. We know there were divisions. We know about the pride and the competition that was taking place among them among many other issues.

Now, as we began to unpack Paul’s definition of love, we first established that love begins with patience and kindness. (Love is patient and love kind) This meant that Biblical love does not rush people ahead of what God is doing in them. Biblical love does not discard people and it does not throw people to the side. (It is patient)

Biblical love moves toward people with grace—the same grace we ourselves have received.

Second, as we continued expanding the definition, we saw that love walks in humility, not self-exaltation. Which means that:

Love is not jealous.

It does not brag.

It is not arrogant.

It does not act disgracefully.

It does not seek its own advantage.

in other words love does not revolve around the self. And what we discovered is that Paul was not giving here a mere checklist of behaviors. He was showing us a way of life. As a matter of fact at the end of Ch 12 he describes it as a far better way. A way of living that reflects the very character of God.

And here is what we must remember before we go any further:

We will never produce this kind of love by trying harder.

We will only practice this kind of love by beholding Christ. (By product of our relationship with Him)

Our goal here is not to leave today and try to produce this type of love through our own efforts. Our goal is not to love ourselves better. Love does not begin with us. Our goal is to know God by beholding His One and only Son Jesus Christ and as we experience God’s love in our own lives, we will find our complete satisfaction in Him and only then will we be able to express that kind love towards others. So, before love is ever demonstrated through us, it must first be revealed in us by the Holy Spirit as He establishes Christ in our hearts.

And this means that;

1. Before love becomes something we practice, love must be Someone we behold.

And the love Paul describes here in 1 Corinthians 13 is not sentimental.

It is not emotional instability.

It is not cultural romance.

It is actually the life of Christ on display.

Biblical love is not defined by what we feel. It is actually revealed by how we live. And it is only understood when it is rooted in God Himself. And as we established last week, love is not a feeling we fall into. It is a way of life that reflects the character of God.

And nowhere do we see that character more clearly than in Jesus Christ. So today, as we continue to expand on Paul’s definition of love, we are not merely asking: “How should we behave?”

We are actually asking: “What do we see in Christ?” Because as we behold Him, we will be transformed by His Spirit.

Now here is where Paul takes us deeper. Up to this point, Paul has described the posture of love—what love is and what love is not. And in doing so he has addressed the internal disposition of the heart. However, now he moves from disposition to demonstration.

Meaning that Paul is moving from what love is (and what love is not)… to how love responds.

Why? Beloved, because love is not proven in theory. Love is not proven merely through spoken or written words. Love is proven in tension. Love is displayed through action. Love is not tested in comfort; love is tested in conflict.

For instance, we sing the song, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” And yes, the Bible tells us that God loves us. But we do not merely know He loves us because it is written—we know He loves us because He demonstrated it. How? “God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” His love was not theoretical. It was displayed in the midst of betrayal, abandonment, opposition, and suffering.

When Christ was abandoned by His disciples…

When He was opposed by religious leaders…

When He was betrayed by one of His own…

How did He respond?

He responded by going to the cross. “having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.” And this is the kind of love Paul describes. Church, true love is revealed when we are wronged. When we are misunderstood. When we are opposed. When truth becomes costly. When obedience hurts. That is when love is exposed for what it truly is.

It’s easy to say you love someone when everything is smooth. It’s easy to say you love someone when they agree with you, affirm you, support you. But love is like metal placed in the fire — you don’t really know what it’s made of until the heat rises. Pressure reveals composition. Conflict exposes character. When the temperature of betrayal rises, when misunderstanding burns, when opposition tightens around you — that is when love is tested. And in that fire, Jesus did not melt into anger or harden into bitterness. He absorbed the heat and chose the cross.

And this is precisely where the Corinthians were struggling. And if we are honest, this is where we struggle too. So today, we continue to unpack Paul’s definition of love by looking at out third movement…

Love reshapes how we handle conflict. And just as we did last week, we will not look within ourselves. We will behold Christ. So with that in mind… Let us go begin to unpack this:

III. Love Reshapes How we Handle Conflict

If love reshapes how we handle conflict, there’s a question we must answer, What does that love actually look like in real day to day interactions with others? (We live in a world of conflict) (work, home, driving, McDonalds drive thru, social media)

Now, remember what we established — Paul now moves from what love is (and what love is not) to how love responds. He moves from disposition to demonstration. And he begins by telling us: Love is not provoked, and love does not keep an account of a wrong suffered. (The tension between these two is experienced in conflict)

There is a connection between these two statements. (let’s unpack them) First;

2. To say love is not provoked means that love is not easily stirred up.

Love is not quick-tempered. It is not easily triggered. It does not allow personal offense to control its response.

In other words, when someone wrongs you, criticizes you, disrespects you, misunderstands you — love does not immediately flare up. And if we are honest, this is not natural for us. We are easily provoked.

For example in marriage, we know exactly which words to use that will wound. We know how to produce a reaction from our significant other. We know how to press certain buttons. And not only do we know how to press certain buttons — we have buttons ourselves. And when they are pressed, what happens? We react. When we are provoked we respond.

Some triggers:

Just mention someone’s parenting in a critical way (mom).

Just question someone’s competence.

Or maybe bring up a past failure.

Or just compare them to someone else (we hated my cousin Dimaris)

Or think about family. We can usually handle criticism from strangers — but let someone speak negatively about your mom, your father, your child? Something immediately rises up within you.

Or in social media. Someone posts something. You feel triggered. And suddenly here you are typing a response — not in love, but as an impulsive reaction.

3. The truth is that sometimes we don’t need someone to wound us deeply in order to be provoked. All it takes is for our pride to be touched.

And boom! But Church this is not how love works. These types of actions are not loving. And Paul is telling us that love is not easily stirred up.

However, what happens when we are truly hurt? What do we do with the offense? Well, the truth is that once we are hurt, we do not simply feel the pain and move on— we store it. And in some ways, that’s natural.

Think about driving down the road. You hit a pothole. The whole car shakes. You feel it in the steering wheel. And what happens? You remember it. The next time you pass that same stretch of road, you slow down. You move over. You avoid it. That memory protects you.

But here’s the difference — the car is just a vehicle. It feels impact, but it doesn’t develop resentment. Our hearts are different.

When we are wounded, we don’t just remember the pothole — we replay it. We rehearse it. We revisit it. And if we’re not careful, what began as protection turns into bitterness.

Or think about touching a hot stove. You burn your hand once — and you learn. That memory is wisdom. But imagine grabbing the stove every day just to relive the pain. That’s not protection — that’s self-inflicted harm. And this is what happens when we store offenses without letting love deal with them.

4. There is a difference between learning from pain and living in pain.

Love does not deny the pothole.

Love does not pretend the stove wasn’t hot.

But love refuses to turn memory into a weapon. (to give it power over you)

5. When we hold on to the offense, it does not just sit in our minds — it begins to shape our hearts.

And this is the reason why Paul says that love does not keep an account of a wrong suffered.

To understand where Paul is coming from let us define the term.

6. The phrase “does not keep an account of a wrong suffered,” comes from accounting language. It means to calculate, to record, to keep a ledger.

So, Paul is saying that love does not keep a running list of offenses. It does not mentally rehearse every wound. It does not weaponize past failures in future arguments. But this is precisely what we do.

“You remember what you did.”

“You always do this.”

“You did the same thing three years ago.”

What do we do? We keep receipts. We place our pain in the filing cabinet of our minds. And to defend ourselves we bring it up not for healing — but for leverage. Paul says: that is not the way love operates in relation to others.

And that is precisely what was happening at Corinth. They were suing one another. Dividing from one another. Counting wrongs. Demanding repayment. And Paul asked them in chapter 6: “Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be defrauded?”

Now let me say something pastorally, because this is important. When Paul says love does not keep a record of wrongs, he is not saying that real evil should be ignored. He is not saying abuse should be tolerated. He is not saying crimes should not be reported. He is not saying that boundaries are unspiritual.

There are wounds that are real. There are situations that require protection. There are relationships that, because of sin, must be confronted — and sometimes even separated from. Paul himself told the church to remove the unrepentant man from their midst. Scripture also affirms governing authorities to punish evil. Which means that justice is not unloving.

7. What Paul is addressing here is not the responsible pursuit of justice — but the sinful preservation of bitterness.

He is confronting the heart that replays the offense in order to fuel resentment, leverage control, or demand personal revenge.

Love may establish boundaries.

Love may involve consequences.

Love may even require distance.

But love does not nourish hatred in the heart. Love does not build an identity around the wound. It does not weaponize memory to destroy. There is a difference between wisdom and bitterness. Between accountability and revenge. Between healing and hostility. And Paul is calling us away from hostility.

So let me say this plainly. If you have truly forgiven an offense commited against you — do not keep bringing it back to the front.

Because that is not forgiveness. That is suspended hostility.

In marriage, it sounds like this:

“I know I said I forgave you… but remember when you…”

“I’m not holding it against you… but this is just like last time.”

“I moved on… but you always…”

Sometimes it’s an old argument. Sometimes it’s a financial mistake. Sometimes it’s a moment of immaturity. Sometimes it’s a past betrayal that has already been repented of and worked through.

But instead of allowing healing, we reopen the scar. And here’s what happens — every time we bring it up, we are not seeking resolution. We are seeking leverage. We say we forgave. But we kept the file. Paul is saying love does not work that way.

8. Love does not pretend the wound never happened. However love refuses to use the wound as a weapon.

There is a difference between learning from the past and living in the past. And Paul is calling us away from living in it.

So, I beg you — if forgiveness has been granted, do not resurrect what Christ has buried. Because every time we rehearse what has already been forgiven, we are quietly telling the other person, “Your past is still your identity.” And that is not how Christ treats us.

So, then the question becomes: How can we actually live that way? How can anyone say, what Paul suggests in chapter 6, “I rather be wronged. I rather be defrauded.” How can a person release the ledger? How can someone absorb the offense without becoming hardened? The answer is this — this only makes sense if love reshapes our hearts.

Naturally, we defend ourselves. Naturally, we retaliate. Naturally, we keep a record. Our flesh demands repayment. (movies) Our ego demands vindication. And this is precisely the reason why Paul establishes at the end of CH12 I will show you a far better way. Paul’s contention is that love breaks the cycle.

If we are going to move from keeping records to canceling debts… from reaction to restraint… then something deeper must happen within us. Our hearts must be transformed. And as we saw last week this transformation takes place when we behold our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

As we read the Gospel accounts we find that the Pharisees were constantly trying to provoke Jesus. They would constantly ask Him loaded questions designed to trap Him. The Scriptures even tell us that this was their intent. They publicly challenged Him and they falsely accused Him. (looking to trigger to provoke) However our Lord never reacted defensively. He always responded in truth and love.

Think about the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus was about to be arrested — unjustly arrested. A crowd comes with swords and clubs. And leading that crowd is Judas, one of the Twelve. He approaches Jesus and betrays Him with a kiss — a sign of affection turned into an act of treachery.

The disciples standing around Jesus see what is happening and they ask, “Lord, shall we strike with the sword?” And before the sentence is even finished, Peter — draws his sword and strikes the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.

Everything in that moment justifies retaliation. (An injustice is being perpetrated)

Jesus has been betrayed.

He is about to be falsely accused.

He is about to be condemned to death on a cross.

And yet, in Luke 22:51, Jesus responds, 

Luke 22:51 NASB 2020

But Jesus responded and said, “Stop! No more of this.” And He touched his ear and healed him.

Think about it! If you or I were in that position, what would we do? We are not stopping Peter — we are celebrating him. We are grateful someone finally stood up for us. We feel vindicated. We feel justified.

I remember in high school, when I was told someone was waiting outside to beat me up. (Father) My friends said, “We’re with you.” And when I walked out with them surrounding me, I felt justified. I felt proud. I felt defended.

But Jesus did not respond that way. He stops Peter and He heals the man who came to arrest Him.

Before Pilate, when falsely accused, Jesus did not respond in rage. He spoke truth. And at times, He remained silent.

Beloved, that is not weakness. That is meekness. Meekness is strength under control. It is trusting the Father enough not to take vengeance into your own hands. It is refusing to retaliate even when you could.

9. At the cross, Christ did not keep a record of wrongs against those who nailed Him there. Instead, He prayed: “Father, forgive them.” That’s love!

The Scriptures tell us in Isaiah 1:18

Isaiah 1:18 NASB 2020

“Though your sins are as scarlet, They shall become as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be like wool.

Psalm 103:12 NASB 2020

As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.

Our Savior does not keep a ledger against us. What did He do with our ledger?

Colossians 2:13–14 NASB 2020

And when you were dead in your wrongdoings and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our wrongdoings, (V14) having canceled the certificate of debt consisting of decrees against us, which was hostile to us; and He has taken it out of the way, (How?) having nailed it to the cross.

So think about what we are seeing. In the garden, He refuses retaliation. Before Pilate, He refuses defensiveness. At the cross, He refuses revenge. And with the very hands that were pierced, He takes the ledger that stood against us — every betrayal, every denial, every act of rebellion — and instead of rehearsing it, instead of weaponizing it, instead of demanding repayment, He nails it to the cross.

He absorbs the justice we deserved, cancels the debt we could not pay, and removes our transgressions as far as the east is from the west. He does not deny our sin. He deals with it. He does not ignore the offense. He satisfies it. And then He forgives it. That is love. Not sentimental love. Not fragile love. But redeeming, debt-canceling, cross-bearing love.

So, what do we do when the hurt is real? Not petty. Not imagined. Not exaggerated. But real.

When the wrongdoing has scarred us.

When the betrayal cuts deep.

When the words leave a mark.

We run to the cross! We remember what He has done for us!

Ephesians 4:31–32 NASB 2020

All bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, compassionate, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

How do we put the bitterness away? How do we deal with the pain from the offense?

10. We put the bitterness away by remembering His mercy towards us.

11. How do we release the records of the wrongdoings against us? By remembering that our certificate of debt was nailed to the cross.

Because here is the reality:

We were the ones who despised Him.

We were the ones who offended Him.

We were the ones who denied Him.

We were the ones who disobeyed Him.

We were the ones who rejected Him.

And yet God, being rich in mercy, forgave us. We remember that:

Isaiah 53:5 ESV

He was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed.

And now 1 Peter 2:21-23 tells us:

1 Peter 2:21–23 NASB 2020

Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you would follow in His steps, He who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; (V23) and while being abusively insulted, He did not insult in return; while suffering, He did not threaten, (What did He do?) but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; (This is the answer)

Romans 12:17-19 tells us:

Romans 12:17–19 NASB 2020

Never repay evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all people. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people. Never take your own revenge, (This means that when start to feel that that post on social media is starting to trigger you — don’t fire back in the flesh. (stop yourself - pray) When your spouse says something that stings — you don’t reach for the wrong stored in your heart. When someone at work questions your integrity — you don’t retaliate to restore your pride. When you are overlooked, misunderstood, or criticized — you do not make it your mission to balance the scales. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.” In other words, love refuses to avenge itself. Love entrusts justice to God.) (V19) beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written: “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. (In other words, love refuses to avenge itself. Love entrusts justice to God.)

Because the moment we take revenge into our own hands — whether with words, silence, sarcasm, or strategy — we have stepped out of love and into the flesh.

But how do we overcome the temptation to react? By running to the gospel.

We renew our minds.

We take every thought captive to obedience to Christ.

We entrust justice to God.

We remember that we were forgiven. And here is the key:

12. When we find our contentment in Christ — when we realize that after all our rebellion, we are still loved, still forgiven, still accepted — something begins to change in us.

We stop demanding repayment from others because we are already satisfied in Him. We stop keeping score because our own debt was canceled. We begin to give by grace what we have received by grace.

Now, this is not a call for us to suppress our emotions. This is call to experience gospel transformation. The love that refuses retaliation. The love that releases the ledger.

13. The love that entrusts judgment to God is produced in the heart that has been overwhelmed by His mercy.

And beloved, if we are honest —This is where we most need Christ.

1 John 4:9–11 NASB 2020

By this the love of God was revealed in us, that God has sent His only Son into the world so that we may live through Him. (V10-11) In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Do you see it? The command to love flows from the experience of being loved.

14. We do not forgive to earn mercy. We forgive because we have received mercy.

15. We do not release the ledger because the offense was small. We release it because our own debt was infinite — and it was nailed to the cross.

So if today you find yourself easily provoked…

If today you find yourself rehearsing the wound…

If today you are carrying a ledger in your heart…

Do not start by trying harder. Start by beholding the Lord.

Look at the garden.

Look at the silence before Pilate.

Look at the cross.

And let the love that canceled your debt begin to reshape your heart. We love — because He first loved us.