Relationship with Others/Godly Dating Relationships
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Relationship with Others/Godly Dating Relationships
Relationship with Others/Godly Dating Relationships
Horror stories of mistaken identity when there were red flags
Recap from part one
Recap from part one
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD WAS CREATED BEFORE RELATIONSHIP WITH EVE. The order of creation teaches us that RELATIONSHIP with God is the FIRST and utmost important relationship in our lives.
There’s another important principle found here in Genesis.Obeying God’s COMMANDMENT was a key ingredient to RELATIONSHIP. God gave Adam Instruction before He could trust him with to properly love someone else. God gave Adam instruction before He could trust him with Eve.
God knew that if Adam couldn’t listen to His instructions, he would never able to listen to and respect the voice of eve.
We know before we can ever BEGIN to think about dating someone, we have to make sure our relationship with God is tight. We have to be aligned with Him and His word and make sure we are the best version of ourselves before ever taking a step into a committed relationship with another person.
If you’re in the 13-18 age range, you’re just now in a season where you’re making your OWN decisions about your relationship with God. You’re at an age of accountability where you are faced with what’s right and what’s wrong, what’s Godly and ungodly, and what choices you’re going to make in every day living concerning your own life.
Take your time. Don’t rush your teenage years of living and learning.
Let’s work backwards for a moment…
(Teacher note: Instead of diving right into dating, start with teaching what the ultimate goal of dating is.)
I. MARRIAGE
I. MARRIAGE
When it comes to romantic relationships, our ultimate goal is marriage, right? A happily ever after of loving and be loved. (Note: I personally shared right here how thankful I am that God blessed me with an incredible spouse and how happy I am that marriage exists. It’s an amazing thing when you seek God and listen to spiritual counsel during the dating process)
We want you to have an amazing God-centered marriage too. If you want that to happen, we need to look at what the Bible says about marriage.
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
What do you think of when you hear “yoked together”?
In the Bible, this wasn’t an unfamiliar term to most people because of the way they worked back then. Most of us in this room do not have experience with working with the “yoke” Jesus was referring to in 2 Corinthians.
A yoke is defined to be: “A wooden CROSS piece fitted on the neck of oxen for the purpose of binding to them the traces by which they might draw the plow” Essentially, a yoke was a harness used by oxen and other animals to ease the work of hauling a load. It enables them to bind together to utilize the full benefit of their combined strength.
When Jesus said, “Take my yoke upon you” in Matthew 11:29, He meant that we are to submit ourselves to HIM every day in every way.
A yoke was made of wood, hand carved to fit the neck and shoulders of the animal to prevent pain or discomfort. In ancient culture, the word yoke was a term that was used to describe submission.
So when someone was described as being yoked to someone or something, it was communicating the idea that he or she was in submission to that person or thing.
To be yoked to Jesus is to serve Him and walk in obedience to His word. Before you think “I’m not serving anyone or anything…” take note that everyone is yoked to someone or something. The question is to whom or what do you want to be yoked?
Some people are yoked to the power of sin. They are under its control.
Some are yoked in a relationship with unbelievers, and the Bible warns very specifically against that in the verse we just read. (2 Corinthians 6:14)
Another prominent danger to keep in mind is that you can be unequally yoked even if someone is a believer in Christ. It is important to have conversations about what you believe and see if you are on the same page doctrinally.
Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV):
28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
He wants us yoked with HIM rather than yoke with oppression. He wants us to let HIM help us carry our heavy burdens. He also wants us to yoke together with mutual believers who walk in truth because when we do that, we’re carrying the load together.
I know that I do not walk alone through any situation because I am yoked with God and I am yoked with a God-fearing spouse. When your spouse is yoked with God, they will be used by God to give you direction when you need it. The reverse is true as well. When you are yoked together with God, YOU will be able to hear the voice of God when your spouse needs it.
Have you ever heard the term “strong as an ox”? How much weight do you think an ox can pull alone? (Have fun with this! Have your students give answers!)
By themselves, an ox weighs 1,500-3,000 pounds and can pull its body weight or greater.
If you put an experienced, trained ox that can pull 5,000 pounds with an inexperienced ox that can pull 2,500 pounds, how much weight do you think they can pull together? (Havestudents give their answers…)
Together oxen can pull 10,000 pounds or more! When equally yoked, they can pull WAY more weight TOGETHER than when they are alone.
When we are UNEQUALLY yoked, it’s like using a DONKEY and an OX together instead of two oxen. In this case, the donkey is smaller, weaker, and not on the same level as the ox. If a donkey and an ox are yoked together, it will cause them to walk in circles and they can’t sufficiently work together.
II. Dating
II. Dating
So we’ve talked about how our ultimate goal when dating is marriage. We want to have good, Godly, happily-ever- after marriages.
How do I make that happen?
Who do I need to be?
Who should I be looking for?
THANK YOU FOR ASKING!
Love God.
Our key verse in this series has been Deuteronomy 6:5 which says “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”
Love God first and foremost. He is a jealous God. He wants you to put Him first in all that you do. He wants you to pray and seek His voice. He wants you to read His Word and align yourself with it.
YOU be the BEST GODLY VERSION of yourself before ever considering joining another person in a relationship. Don’t wait until you’re dating someone to make yourself available for kingdom work. If you do, you’re not doing it for God, but for someone else.
Stay pure in mind, body, and spirit.
The Bible tells us in Matthew 5:8
8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
22 Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
To be pure is to be top notch or “top of the line”. When something is top notch, it cost to have it in your life. You each are worth so much. You deserve to live a life of purity in mind, body, and spirit and to have a spouse who has done the same.
God cares about purity. He desires purity in all we think, say, or do. Why? Because impurities separate us from Him. It slows us down, like running through knee deep mud.
I understand that everyone I’m speaking to right now has a different story.
Some of you have been exposed to things and experienced things at an early age that I absolutely wish you had not been exposed to.
Some of you may have already crossed lines in your relationships with significant others that you were not ready to cross and should not have crossed until marriage because culture is working to normalize pre-marital intimate relations.
Please do not live in shame if you have fallen into the temptation of impurity. Today is a new day and you can make decisions today that will impact the rest of your life. God will forgive and He can heal. You never have to feel shame in the presence of God. He is a God of grace and of mercy.
If you do not set boundaries as a young, single person, you are setting you and your future spouse up for emotional distress that could be avoided.
We can discuss more detailed practical boundaries in a split session at another time or you’re welcome to ask us privately if you want to know sooner rather than later.
Stay accountable to spiritual leadership
14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall; But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
(This would be a good place to encourage your students to seek counsel from spiritual leadership in their lives from you as their student pastor and your pastoral team. Let them know how much you love them and care about them and will seek God with them to help them make the best decision. We’ll listen and pray.)
Be a person who seeks Godly counsel. Make sure when you are dating someone that they are a person who is seeking Godly counsel as well.
One things you can do is have an accountability buddy like someone on your pastoral team. You can ask our thoughts on a person you’re interested in. We will pray about it with you and give you the best spirit-led guidance that we can.
Another thing you can do is remember if you are going on a date with someone, do not do anything you would be embarrassed to know that your youth pastor or parents know about. If something happens you are uncomfortable with, it is important to let a mentor in your life know. This helps hold yourself accountable.
If you have people in your life that are seeking God on your behalf and they have spiritual alarms that are going off, please understand that it’s LOVE and CARE for your future that causes them to share their concerns.
Treat your reputation like precious gold.
Don’t put yourself in situations where inappropriate things can happen or rumors can be spread by onlookers.
Proverbs 22:1 says
1 A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, And loving favour rather than silver and gold.
For you as a teenager, we, as student pastors, personally do not recommend going on a date with someone unless you are with a group or have a chaperone. Maybe that sounds a little over the top to you, but we care about your reputation.
Romans 14:16 says
16 Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil;
Think your plan through. Where are you going to be? How long are you going to be there? Do you have a curfew set? If your parents haven’t set a curfew for you, then go ahead and set one for yourself. This is just another practical step to take for accountability.
Always keep in mind: When emotions are high, judgment is low. Let me say that again. WHEN EMOTIONS ARE HIGH, JUDGMENT IS LOW.
Protect your reputation. Let every conversation you have with someone be pure, Godly and encouraging. Let every song you listen to be about the goodness of God. Choose friends to hang out with that will only encourage propriety and Godliness to take place. Make sure your environments are well lit and promoting Godly things.
To take things a bit beyond just environment and conversation, another thing to be mindful of is how you are dressed.
(Teacher Note: This is the point in the lesson where you explain the candy that was placed on the floor throughout the entirety of the lesson. “Remember when I told you to not look at the candy?”
Modesty is extremely important. This is why we set boundaries when we go on trips like District Summer Camps or North American Youth Congress. Letting your guard down and dressing in a way that shows off your body, but not expecting anything to happen, is like if I put out chocolate Hershey’s kisses all over this room and telling you not to look at it or touch it.
Conclusion
Conclusion
You guys, marriage is WORTH the wait. YOU are worth the wait. Be pure and modest in mind, body, and spirit. Dating should be a time of discerning a possible marriage partner. It should NOT be a game where you are just “having a good time” and playing around.
Don’t set yourself up for failure. Look for someone who you can be equally yoked with, serve God with, and one day raise a family with.
One of the greatest decisions you can ever make it to commit to a life of purity right now.
You are worth the wait.
I want to leave you with a verse that you can memorize and help combat impure thoughts throughout your life.
It’s Psalm 51:10 - it says
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; And renew a right spirit within me.
God has a plan for your life. You’re not an accident. You’re fearfully and Wonderfully made. Walk in peace knowing God has your story written for you and as long as you walk with Him, he’ll take care of all the details of your life.
Let’s pray!
Green Flags in a Godly Relationship (Don’t Ignore These)
HUMILITY (Philippians 2:3-4) - They don’t always have to win. They listen. They apologize. They honor others.
CONSISTENCY (Luke 16:10) - Who they are on Sunday matches who they are on Tuesday. Faith isn’t a phase - it’s a pattern.
A SERVANT HEART (Mark 10:45) - They look for ways to bless, not just ways to benefit. Love shows up in action.
A TEACHABLE SPIRIT (Proverbs 12:1) - They receive correction without exploding. They grow. They stay submitted to God.
A GROWING PRAYER LIFE (1 Thessalonians 5:17) - They talk to God when things are good… and when things are hard. Prayer reveals dependence.
Green flags matter. Pay attention when God is giving you peace. Look at this before your next relationship.
Okay… now what would some red flags be???
