HEART CHECK: Dating for Godly Gain

INTRODUCTION

[Greeting]

I heard a story about a place called The Boyfriend Store. It’s a six-story building where girls can go pick out their ideal boyfriend.

The rules:

Each floor gets better.

You can only choose from one floor.

Once you go up, you can’t go back down.

And once you leave, you can’t return.

So a girl walks in.

First floor sign says: “These boyfriends text back.”

She’s like… okay. Respect. Bare minimum. But let’s see what else is up there.

She goes up.

Second floor: “These boyfriends text back and have a car.”

Now we’re making progress. But she thinks… I’ve got options.

Up she goes.

Third floor: “These boyfriends text back, have a car, and are 6 feet tall.”

She pauses. That’s strong. But what if it gets better?

Up again.

Fourth floor: “These boyfriends text back, have a car, are 6 feet tall, and love Jesus.”

Now she’s sweating a little. But she sees stairs to five… And she thinks, “I’ve come this far.”

Up she goes.

Fifth floor: “These boyfriends text back, have a car, are 6 feet tall, love Jesus, and post you.”

She’s shaking. But there’s one more floor.

She climbs to the sixth floor.

Sixth floor sign says: “You are visitor number 3,482,921. There are no boyfriends on this floor. This exists to prove you will never be fully satisfied.”

It’s funny - and guys have their own version of this, too. But if we’re honest? That’s how we date.

We shop. We compare. We upgrade. We evaluate.

“Do they check my boxes?” “Are they better than my last one?” “Can I do better?”

The question isn’t just, “Do they meet my standards?”

The real Heart Check is: “Is this relationship making me more like Jesus?”

For many of you, you’re dating or maybe you want to be dating someone. The way that you’re likely going about it is asking the questions, what type of person is right for me, what do I like in a person. I want them to splurge on me, bring me flowers, respect me, make me feel like I’m the only person in the world.

Let’s pause so I can ask you this - What if dating isn’t mainly about finding the right person…but becoming the right person? What if dating can be a tool used not as the destination but as a preparation tool for a greater purpose. . That’s what tonight is about.

We’ll see tonight in Ephesians 5 that dating relationships are not about your happiness but can be about your holiness.

Here’s why this is important. You’re already navigating dating relationships, and some of you are really bad at it. Also, and even more importantly, you are not married and it’s one of the most important decisions you’ll make in life.

This is a topic that fits for every person in the room because you need to know what does a healthy marriage look like for yourself in the future and now for your parents and what does a healthy and godly dating experience look like.

Before we continue, let’s define what dating is. Dating is when two people of the the opposite gender explore the chances of entering into covenant marriage relationship with one another.

This definition assumes Biblical realities such as…

Marriage is between 1 biological man and 1 biological female as described in Genesis.

Dating is fundamentally an exploration of what could be and is never final.

The ultimate purpose of dating is a life-long covenantal marriage - If you can’t see yourself marrying that person then you need to cut the relationship off because there’s nothing but hurt feelings and abuse on the other end.

Genesis 2:18–24 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” demonstrates that marriage was God’s idea since the beginning of time.

If we are going to have godly dating relationships then we must think about it in terms of a future marriage that we are aiming towards.

As we read Ephesians 5, we’ll see that the one way to even conceive of talking about dating is if we see it as a means to godly marriage in the future.

Let’s stand and read Ephesians 5:22-33 together.

SERMON

Paul message to the Ephesians church and Ephesians Christians includes the institution of marriage but it’s important that you notice this p passage doesn’t speak primarily about marriage. The major idea here that Paul send is to Imitate the love of Jesus Christ as followers of Christ. Before we even breach the topic of dating through the lens of marriage you need to know that marriage is not even the end goal but a life that points and imitates Jesus Christ. Marriage is simply one way God has allowed us to live that out.

Look at verse 21 in your Bible — this is the verse that everything we’re going to look at hinges on. Ephesians 5:21 “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submission to Jesus Christ is the aim!

I want us to see 3 major principals about dating for godly gain.

1. Fully Seek to Exalt Christ in Dating

The first truth we need to face is that to Exalt Christ in dating. Exalting Jesus in dating is when He becomes your top priority in all you do in regards to your dating relationships.

Look with me at a couple of verses and notice the REASONS WHY Paul tells husbands and wives to do certain things.

Ephesians 5:22–23 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.”

Ephesians 5:24 “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,”

Ephesians 5:29 “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,”

Ephesians 5:32–33 “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

The foundation of life and all that a Christian does is rooted in Christ alone. The way we see dating, relationships, life, family, time management should be ruled by pursuing Jesus above all things.

This should change multiple aspects of our dating. Exalting Christ in your dating means changing the mindset from this relationships should be about us and what makes us happy to this relationship is about Jesus and what will point others and each other to Christ.

How does a Christian honor God when dating - the first place to go is in God’s Word. Here’s how God’s Word teaches us…

Psalm 119:9–11 “How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.”

If anything in your life, friends, a girlfriend or boyfriend takes you away from a pure life the solution is to cut it off! Not to sympathize. The point of honoring God in dating is first so that you can have a God honoring relationship but also so that it will go well. We can’t ask God to bless your mess when you mess doesn’t give a hint of holiness or purity.

Paul talks about Christ being the head of the husband in this passage - you may not be a husband but you can honor God right now while dating above all else.

Here’s what I want you to know - Exalting Jesus in dating is aiming to glorify and honor Him above every feeling or personal desire when dating.

2. Fully Embrace Being Sanctified for Marriage in Dating

Relationships are meant to lead to Marriage and dating can prepare us to arrive at marriage pure. Who you date and what you do now prepares you for the person you will be when you get married. The people you date now can affect the person you marry in the future. What you do with the body God has given you now impacts your marriage later.

The aim of marriage is not to find a life-long partner, or to get your needs met, and as long as I’m getting what I deserve I will stay. If we’re honest, we’re only as committed as we are happy and content. The point of dating is marriage and the point of marriage to show the relationship between Jesus Christ and His bride , the church (the people of God).

So the question is NOT how can I be happy but how can God use my dating period now to prepare for the one day soon in marriage - which will make you happy.

In dating, we can embrace the preparation for marriage now by…

Fully embracing being sanctified for marriage means Not being unequally yoked together.

2 Corinthians 6:14–15 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?”

A yoke is a wooden frame farmers used to have oxen tread their grass. If one was too fast it would go in circles - they had to be equal in power and steering. Exalting Jesus in dating is not dating an unbeliever - even if you think you feel like they are in the questioning phase.

Fully embracing being sanctified for marriage means Sexual Purity

Because many dating relationships are often about what can I get, the inevitable direction leads to physical and sexual advances. Even Christians today think one day I will be spiritually strong enough to not look at a pornographic scene or to be around the opposite sex alone and not fall into sin.

This is a worldly idea, that you will one day be strong enough. God tells us in 1 Corinthians 6:18 “Flee from sexual immorality.” meaning that when we see sexual sin we’re not suppose to try to fight the temptation with willpower but to literally run the other way.

Being able to walk into marriage knowing giving the other person the pleasure of knowing that they were the only person that will be able to say they are one flesh with you and the person who knows you the deepest is one of the best gifts you can give to your spouse.

John Piper says “the best gift you can give you your spouse is your own sanctification”

Here’s the point - Dating isn’t just about finding someone you’re attracted to. It’s about becoming someone who can walk into marriage as God intended.

3. Fully Acknowledge The Exposure in Dating

Lastly, I want us to Fully Acknowledge the Exposure in Dating. we have Beach Camp coming at the beginning of summer and all of you should go - it will be the funnest week of the year and you shouldn’t wait to be convinced but to sign up now! but, what you see at beach camp are a lot of farmer tans and other types of tans that can awkward and funny to see. But really, when you think about - a farmers tan simply shows you where you both lack clothing and where you had clothing. Thats why Sunscreen is your best friend because it allows your skin to not b exposed to sun. In the similar way relationships really expose and show more about who we are then it does about the other person.

Look at verse Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” You’re not married, you’re not in a covenant and you can walk away but look at requirement of the type of love - it’s…

Self-giving

Patient

Pure

Others-centered

Dating doesn’t just show you how you love - It shows you what you lean on and trust in. But even in a non-covenant relationship - your heart still gets exposed.

Here are 2 potential areas dating can expose in your life…

Dating Exposes Your Need for Validation

Validation can be the currency of our time. It’s why we post on instagram and love it when people like our post. It validates and gives us worht and meaning that we’re liked and people still like us. The eternal cycle of always wanting to date someone provide us with someone who we will typically always have attention on us and we like that. Some of us need the attention and source of validation.

You may need to ask yourself…

Why does it hit so hard when they don’t text back? Why does it feel like your day is ruined when they’re distant?

Dating Exposes Your Boundaries

Boundaries in dating will make or break your relationships with the other person and if not upheld can significantly bur your relationship with the Lord. It’s easy to have boundaries and say you’re not going to be that “type of person” until it’s time to demonstrate it. You say you’re not going to be the person who always texting multiple times a day until your insecurities make you believe they are somehow ignoring you. Or you’re not going to be the clingy person until you realize that they their life doesn't revolve around you.

Boundaries should be set before dating and upheld in Biblical Community while dating.

Here are Boundaries to consider…

Don’t freak out when they don’t text you right away

When on a date, make sure to bring other people with you.

If you have to hide anything about your relationship - RUN!

Never be alone

Delete Snapchat - the idea is to hide

Ultimately, dating and relationships exposes where you really place your trust - in the person you’re dating, in the relationship itself (saying you’re not going to be able to deal with life if y’all break up), or in Jesus Christ.

Dating relationships can really expose the deep insecurities that already exist in you.

The problem isn’t that they’re annoying - it’s that you’re too irritable.

The problem isn’t that they don’t text back ever, it’s that you’re controlling and domineering

Dating and relationships doesn't bring up problems but exposes our problems.

CONCLUSION

dating has changed since it began in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s but the point has remained the same- Marriage; and Marriage is God’s Idea for human flourishing. The reason many divorces happen is because we choose our way over God’s way. God has not given us VETO power or the ability to amend His work.

While weather teens should date is up to your parents. Side note: If you know you shouldn’t be dating and you are dating you don’t have God’s blessing and you’re actively choosing to sin and fracture fellowship with God and harming future relationships. But if you’re parents have allowed you to date then the first question should’t be do they make me happy but would this be holy. If you’re going to date make sure you date for godly gain and not personal happiness.

[Heads bowed, Eyes Closed (HBEC)]

The point of dating is marriage - FULL STOP - the point of marriage is to tell the gospel story that one man, name Jesus Christ, gave up his life for his bride, the church, which is every person who would believe their a sinner in need of the death sacrifice of Jesus Christ to forgive them of sin and be made whoe and holy in the sight and presence of God.

G.O.S.P.E.L

[Pray.]