2- What Does God Have to Say About This Friday Night

Introduction

Quick recap of last week:

contentment

initiative

become the one you’re looking for is looking for

right place- NO CANAANITES

History of Dating:

All animal and human societies have courting rituals, but not all have dating.

Word dating (the way we now use it) first shows up in 1896 in a column in the Chicago Record written by George Ade. Writes of a young man who is suspicious that the girl of his dreams has been giving her heart to other men who have been filling up his dates.

Late 1800s to early 1900s mass exodus of singles from rural contexts into cities for work. This changes the game, seismic shift from courtship (others involved) to dating now becoming one on one. Raises suspicions among cops in major cities like NYC and Chicago who see men buying women food and drinks and start arresting them thinking they’re prostitutes. Problem here is that of autonomy. Dating is no longer in community where others speak into it. And you’re left extremely vulnerable and exposed because of this. If marriage is the long term contract we all hope to land then dating feels like an unpaid internship where you try to gain experience, and if you look sharp and do well you might get a free lunch (as one writer has said).

Here recently we are in the midst of another relational seismic shift to the hook up culture that I don’t have time to talk about now. Donna Freitas explores this in her book, The End of Sex. With the prevalence of technology and such apps as tinder, along with a plethora of other reasons, dating and romance are receding and we can get straight to the point. Now with the internet you don’t have to waste time or money finding out by experience a person’s background and idiosyncracies, you can simply google them. If you just want sex there’s apps that will help you find people in your area who want that too. yes, there’s an app for that. This clearly is not God’s will. yet it’s the culture we live in.

Courtship. This was the norm in most societies leading up to the 17 and 1800s. Woman who was around 16 on average. Male callers, suitors. Present cards. Sit in parlor with the mom for sure, both parents at times. Interviewed. Based on input, whittled down for one and you may be granted permission to go to some event with him. No such thing as meeting a person in isolation and oh by the way we’re getting married. Whole community spoke into that...

Invite Others

Explanation: Our story is one of courtship. Look at how many people are involved:

Abraham

Abraham’s servant

Laban- Rebekahs brother

Bethuel- her father

Her mother

Her maidens

It’s a community affair! And they bless in verse 60. YOU NEED TO INVOLVE GODLY, WISE PEOPLE IN THE AREA OF DATING.

Application: Why should we involve others in our dating relationships? Problem: We all contract an illness, and it’s called falling in love. This illness keeps us from seeing straight. “Being ‘in love,’ in the beginning of a relationship is an illness. It is treatable, but it is an illness nevertheless. The illness is the inability to see reality. For the very state of ‘being in love’ is a state of idealization, where the other person is not really viewed through the eyes of reality. He or she is mostly seen through the eyes of someone’s own wishes or fantasies that the other person is able to symbolize”- Dr’s. Cloud and Townsend, Boundaries in Dating.

Women can be wise and insightful like need to write a book on relationships until they get into one. Why? Our emotions are the shallowest parts of who we are but they tend to be the strongest parts of who we are.

Illustration: Zone verses one on one. We need a zone.

Scriptures: ; ;

When you buy a house you get an inspectors report, a car a carfax reports, these are reports from other people who have looked things over carefully. So why in making the biggest decision of your life would you not get the same objective reports from godly people who love and care for you.

Point: Disclaimer. This doesn’t mean your friends and loved ones are always right. Mother in law story. Her bad cooking…let me think about it. Don’t ask for permission but blessing. We’re cool now.

Involve God- Verses 12-14

Explanation: About 25 times in our text the word LORD or God is used. What’s more is we see Abraham making his servant swear by the LORD to find a godly wife for his son. The servant prays to the LORD, he praises the LORD. IN FACT THE SERVANT SUBMITS THE WHOLE THING TO THE LORD. He bows before the LORD. Her family refers to the LORD and worships the LORD. WHAT YOU CAN’T GET AWAY FROM IS THAT GOD IS IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS WHOLE RELATIONSHIP.

The Problem: The deepest part of who we are is spiritual, and the only one who can fulfill that deep part of us is God. That’s why over 97% of the world believes in and worships some part of higher power...Isaac and Rebekah will go onto have not a perfect relationship but a flourishing one because they have turned to God to fulfill the deepest parts of who they are and not the other person. WHERE RELATIONSHIPS GO SOUTH QUICK FAST AND IN A HURRY IS WHEN WE ELEVATE THE PERSON WE’RE DATING TO THE PLACE OF DEITY AND RELEGATE GOD TO THE PLACE OF HUMANITY. IT’S WHEN WE LOOK TO PEOPLE TO GIVE US WHAT ONLY GOD CAN GIVE US WHERE UNHEALTH COMES IN.

Illustration/Relationship Test. If you’ve said one or more of these things, you’re in an unhealthy place:

I can’t live without you

I can’t make it without you

I’m not sure I want to live without you

I’ll never overcome this without you

With your help, I can become a better person

Before you came along, I was lost.

I need you

I’m incomplete without you

Now these things sound great on a hallmark card, but they are idolatrous and not biblical. they all say, you’re my God, and not God.

Application: So what if that’s me? Get out the game for a year. Illustration of athletes who are injured…worse thing they can do is keep playing in an unhealthy state. It hurts them more and their team…it pulls others down. Get discipled, come out the game. If you can’t it could be idolatry.

LAST POINT: A Selfless Spouse- Verses 12-14

Explanation: Look at his prayer. She has one water jar, that she not only gives to the servant but 10 camels. One came required 25 gallons of water to regain weight it loses in the course of a long journey. Now let’s say her jar is one gallon, and that each camel only needed 10 gallons. So she goes back and forth 100 times! WE CALL THAT SELFLESS!

POINT: THE NUMBER ONE KILLER TO ALL RELATIONSHIPS IS SELFISHNESS. SIN IS NEVERE JUST PERSONAL, IT’S SOCIAL. ADAM AND EVE.

ILLUSTRATION: ALBERT EINSTEIN QUOTE.

THEREFORE IF SELFISHNESS IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER TO ALL RELATIONSHIPS, THEN THE PRIMARY FERTILIZER TO HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS IS SELFLESSNESS. GOD HAS WIRED RELATIONSHIPS THAT YOU GET THE MOST OUT OF RELATIONSHIPS WHEN YOU GET THE MOST OUT OF THE WAY. SEX IS DESIGNED THIS WAY. THE BEST SEX IS WHEN WE SERVE OUR SPOUSE SELFLESSLY. AND I’M GOING TO LEAVE IT AT THAT. IF YOU HAVE JUST THREE PRAYER REQUESTS IN THE KIND OF PERSON YOU NEED TO MARRY, ON THAT LIST NEEDS TO BE SELFLESSNESS. ; .

A Bronx Tale Illustration. A bit extreme, but you see the point.

If he’s selfish before the wedding, he’ll be selfish after the wedding. THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST AND PRESENT BEHAVIOR.

Application: Derek and Cheryl…he’s selfish. Spends money the way he wants to spend it. Walked through their new house and him saying I picked out crown molding, tables, etc…I was like shoot, what did you pick out? Guilts her if she doesn’t want to go along. She just looks beat down.

Jesus the ultimate selfless man. Gospel…Maybe I need to end with this point.

Men we need to model selflessness in relationships.

Physical Attraction- Verse 16

Explanation: Now I know many of you are wondering where if at all the physical plays in this dating thing. Oh it’s in there. Look at verse 16. You know what attractive means? IN the Hebrew it means delighting the senses or exciting attraction. Translation, baby girl was fine. In fact, I love this, the next verse, the Bible says, the servant ran to meet her.

Point: Over the long haul the physical is not the most important thing, but in the beginning for many it’s the most noticeable thing. buying a house analogy. If the curb appeal is off, the house doesn’t look good, you don’t want to go inside and see the rest. The physical is a doorway to see the rest. It’s important.

Biblical Examples: When Adam first sees Eve…she had to be fine. .

Application: Solomon helps us out ladies. Men are physically oriented. When I first saw Korie I didn’t see her godliness or spirituality, I saw her fineness. And that was the door. As I tell my sons, she doesn’t have to be the most beautiful woman in the world, but to you she does. IN the eye of the beholder…robbed a bank. Ladies, it’s important that what you used to catch us with you try to maintain as long as you can.

Shani Feldham- Women think about beauty as much as men think about sex.