When SIience Cost Too Much

INTRODUCTION

Good morning, family! I’m Andrew, one of the pastors here at Hope Valley. And I am excited we are still in 2 Samuel, because 1st and 2 Samuel are two of my favorite books in the bible, the historical narrative, the shenanigans of David and Joab, the beautiful story of Gods faithfulness all wrapped in one.

Quick announcement: How bout the choir this morning. Well we will be doing one for Easter. If you are interested in being in the choir go find Kevin and he will get you all the information you need.

Alright so our passage of scripture today comes from 2 Samuel 13:21 and as is our custom here at hope valley please stand and read with me the reading of Gods word because participation is better than observation. The reading of Gods word is the most important thing we can do on Sunday mornings, so lets read together.

2 Samuel 13:21 ESV

When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.

So let me start with a simple question.

How many of you have a message sitting in your phone right now/ a draft email that you never sent/ argument rattling around in your head?

You typed it. You rewrote it. You deleted it. You stared at it. And then you just… closed the app.

Not because you don’t care. But because once you hit send — you know something is going to change.

The relationship changes.

The dynamic changes.

The peace changes.

So you leave it sitting there. Saved as a draft. Because NOT bringing it up —- is alot easier than dealing with it.

I think a lot of us have conversations like that — not just in our phones…

…but in our hearts.

An apology we haven’t offered.

A boundary we haven’t set.

A truth we haven’t spoken.

A wrong we haven’t addressed.

Not because we’re indifferent.

But because we’re tired.

Or ashamed.

Or afraid.

Or we just don’t know how it’s going to go after i say something.

Either way silence feels… safer.

Safer than risking the relationship.

Safer than risking stability and control.

Safer than trusting God with the outcome.

So today we’re closing out our series in 2 Samuel and we are going to explore is silence really safe.

In week one, Pastor David preached from 2 Samuel 6 that we must not be afraid to be undignified in our worship of a God who is worthy.

Week two, we looked at 2 Samuel 11 — the sins we try to excuse.

And now we come to some of the darkest chapters in David’s life — 2 Samuel 13 through 18. This is the unraveling of his house.

And right at the center of it is one haunting verse.

2 Samuel 13:21:

2 Samuel 13:21 ESV

When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.

“When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.”

And then… Nothing.

No confrontation.

No discipline.

No protection.

No action.

He was furious. But he was passive.

And here’s what we’re going to see this morning:

Silence feels safe — but it costs more than courage.

Now before we go any further, I want to be very clear about something.

This is not a sermon to condone saying everything you’re thinking.

This is not a sermon to affirm venting in Jesus’ name.

This is not a sermon about finally telling people off (or giving people a peace of your mind - some of you need to keep your mind)

But when we are passive, we DON'T need more aggression. We need courage.

So let me clarify.

Biblical courage is faith-filled obedience — empowered by the Holy Spirit.

Because courage is not believing you can handle the outcome. It is believing God can.

But many of us take boldness and forwardness as courage.

You see there is a kind of boldness that is just frustration with a Bible verse attached to it.

Like when you send that text that starts with:

‘Hey… I just want to speak truth in love…’ And what follows is not love. It’s three paragraphs of things you’ve been storing since 2019.

OR you say

‘I just really feel like God told me to tell you…’ And then it turns out what God ‘told you’ sounds exactly like what annoyed you yesterday and your own insecurities.

There is also a kind of silence (that is also not good) that is really fear dressed up as wisdom so we don't have to deal with the thing.

What we need is neither recklessness nor retreat. We need faith.

Faith that God is faithful to His promises.

Faith that obedience will not destroy what God has promised to sustain.

And we also need the Holy Spirit.

Because courage without the Spirit becomes recklessness. And silence without the Spirit becomes fear.

The Spirit of God strengthens our faith so that we can obey without clinging to control.

To let go of the steering wheel and let him drive.

To trust he can navigate your life better than you can.

So as we walk through David’s story, we’re not asking:

“How can I make sure I don't crash”; We’re asking: “How do I trust God for what he is inviting me to do?”

So lets get into this: David hears what happened to Tamar (his daughter).

For those of you who don't know just before verse 21 there is this horrific account (WARNING trauma is about to follow) of one of David’s sons luring his stepsister into his house and rapes her and then discards as if she was nothing.

Now King David knows this is wrong.

He feels it.

He burns with anger.

But he does…… nothing.

And if we take a second before we hurl stones at him, we can see how that can happen.

Because most of us are not sitting around thinking, “I don’t care.” about the wrongs around us

About injustices going on in our world,

in our places of employment, in our families

We care deeply.

But sometimes we care so much we feel overwhelmed by the onslaught of wrongs exacerbated by social media and we don’t know where to start.

AND “If I speak up on thing, I may lose the peace I’m trying to protect.”

So we let it sit.

Saved as a draft in our hearts and minds. Building up our anxiety

And here’s what makes this text so interesting .

The Bible doesn’t comment on how David feels. It doesn’t explain.

It simply says:

“He was very angry.”

Full stop.

David had emotions

But feeling anger did not produce anything. (sad and crying/ disappointment)

His Anger was an emotion to let him know that something is wrong. Like check engine or oil light on car dash.

It lets you know that something is wrong in your car, but if you choose to ignore it, you will eventually be left by the side of road with a broke down car.

Similarly feeling conviction is not the same thing as responding to what God is urging you to do.

Therefore, the silence of this verse and in our hearts becomes an indictment of a future pain when we dont act

Because silence never freezes a situation. It fertilizes it.

What David leaves unaddressed does not disappear. It grows.

And over the next several chapters, we will watch that silence escalate into hatred, murder, rebellion, and national fracture.

But before we get there, ask yourself quietly:

“Is there something in my life I have been silent on?”

Maybe its a conversation.

A correction.

A confession.

A reconciliation.

Because the truth is — silence feels safe. But it is costly.

I hope by the end of this message you will see that just because you have been silent God is not through with you yet.

But first…. We have to sit with David as we look more closely at his silence.

POINT I — SILENCE

(2 Samuel 13:20–21)

Look again at verse 21:

“When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.”

The text doesn’t rush. BUT it doesn't comment either.

It doesn’t analyze his psychology and what he was thinking.

It simply tells us what he felt.

He was very angry. AND that matters.

Because David is not indifferent.

He is not calloused or cold.

He IS FURIOUS!

He knows what happened to Tamar is evil.

He knows it dishonors God and it violated the law.

He knows it devastated his daughter.

But feeling all the things did not move him to act.

And that’s the haunting part.

The verse just… stops.

He was very angry.

But he did nothing — and to make matters worst he had authority to act, he was not only daddy but he was king.

Some of us have felt emotions but ALSO failed to show the courage to do something about.

Felt sadness but didn’t reach out to anyone for help

Felt anger but didnt let it lead you to prayer

Felt remorse for my actions but didn’t let it lead you to repentance.

So before we rush to judge David, we need to understand the kinds of silence that show up in our own lives.

Sometimes silence is fear-based.

“If I address this, I’m going to be exposed.” (people are going to know..)

“If I bring this up, I could lose the relationship.” (and i need this relationship)

“If I speak at work, I’ll be labeled.” (not going to get that promotion)

So we convince ourselves that staying quiet is wisdom. (dont mess up a good thing)

Sometimes silence is shame-based.

David had his own moral collapse with Bathsheba.

He abused power.

He failed to uphold a sexual moral standard.

He brought consequences into his home.

So now when his son sins sexually, you can almost hear the whisper:

“Who are you to say anything?”

Shame has a way of stealing moral clarity.

It says, “You forfeited your right to lead/ to judge/ to say anything”

Sometimes silence is exhaustion-based.

By this point in David’s life he has:

Led a nation through countless wars and battles

Survived political turmoil and leadership transition

Navigated personal scandal publicly

And all of that weighs on him.

You see when you are emotionally depleted, even clear obedience can feel overwhelming.

You may feel the Lord leading you to do something, but the thought of it makes you say

“I can’t take on one more thing.” (its too much)

And then there is stability-seeking silence.

When everything feels unstable, we cling to whatever feels predictable — even if its unhealthy. (bad relationships, bad jobs, poor living conditions — the devil we know if better than the one we dont)

How bout any devil is bad.

David may have thought,

“If I confront Amnon, the family fractures.”

“If I discipline him, I destabilize my succession plan.”

So he decided that he is going to preserve the appearance of peace.

But how many of you know thats not really peace.

It’s delay. He knows what he is supposed to do, but he chose to put it off, Alan (one of our campus ministers) tells his kids “slow obedience is no obedience.”

But we get into that and before we move on, I want you to hear this clearly — not all silence is sin.

Because this is not a sermon telling you to confront every irritation.

Not every offense is yours to address.

David was wrong in chapter 13 to ignore-and remain silent- on injustice in his house.

But later, when Shimei curses him publicly, David refuses retaliation.

Showing us that some moments require confrontation WHILE Others require — surrender.

O how hard is it to keep your mouth closed when you feel you have been wronged or slighted.

O how tempting it is to let our vengeance loose when someone has committed an injustice against us (try jesus dont try me)

For some of us we will need the courage to remain silent (AND NOT to act). And the faith to believe that vengeance is the Lords.

But how do we know the difference?

The Holy Spirit. Spirit-led courage discerns which battles are ours to fight and which insults we are called to endure.

This isn’t about telling someone they hurt your feelings.

This is about addressing what dishonors God and harms his people.

So If your courage is not born in prayer and shaped by the Holy Spirit, it may just be - emotions taking you over, caught up in sorrow, lost in the song, but if you dont come back… (destiny child). - See that I didnt use the holy spirit to lead me

But getting back to the sermon: Where do you find your emotions getting stirred up ? What alarm is going off.

But if you default to silence without letting God lead you, you may find yourself grieving what obedient courage could have actually prevented.

Let’s watch what David’s silence allows to grow.

POINT II — ESCALATION

(2 Samuel 13–18)

David is angry. And he does nothing.

Now watch what happens next.

Tamar goes to her brother Absalom.

And Absalom tells her, “Hold your peace.”

Which sounds gentle.

But it isn’t healing.

It’s containment.

Some of us grew up in homes like that.

Where everyone knew something wasn’t right. But the rule was — we don’t talk about that night, that family member, that situation.

We just protect the family legacy, we manage the embarrassment, we just keep the peace.

BUT it's “a type” of peace that is expensive and the price is truth.

The text tells us Absalom HATED Amnon but he didn’t confront him (just like his daddy). He just waits.

But the silence didn’t dissolve the pain. It incubated it.

If we remain silent on troublesome issues it only make it worse.

In our homes, silence incubates too.

Years of tension in a marriage that no one names.

Years of watching a child drift without correction.

Years of bitterness growing at work because no one addressed the compromise.

Silence never stays neutral.

Eventually Absalom invites ALL the king’s sons to a feast.

And thats when he strikes down his brother.

The house that could have been healed by public courage is

Instead fractured further by the violence of private rage.

Then David and Absalom become distant.

And David refuses to see his son.

Then two years later there is a fake reconciliation between David and Absalom.

But nothing is named.

No repentance.

No accountability.

No restoration of trust.

Just a kiss and I’m sorry

BUT how many of you know Reconciliation without repentance is only appearance.

Repentance is the acknowledgement of remorse for their wrong and the turning away from what we know is wrong.

If that doesn't happen, we are not truly sorry. I'm just sorry — I got caught.

Some of us know what that feels like.

The real issue always gets talked around but never really named.

The sorry that wasn't really a sorry.

The conversation to appease the other person’s need to have the conversation.

And everyone pretends they’re fine. But what grows beneath the surface is

Resentment.

Disappointment.

Vengeance.

Moving through the story, David then because of all the chaos in his life, chooses not to lead at all for a season

So Absalom us more than happy to take justice into his own hands.

But self-appointed justice always escalates. It never restores.

We see that in our world today (as culture takes turns retaliating against each other)

When a father will not lead, a child will try.

When a married couple will not address tension, resentment will.

When a leader/ nation refuses to confront compromise, a culture will respond.

When we don’t trust God to handle what is wrong,

We start managing OUR outcomes

Instead of obeying Him to produce HIS outcome.

So the story continues to progress, and the sword Nathan prophesied in chapter 12 is now moving through David’s house.

David’s earlier sin with Bathsheba was forgiven.

But forgiveness does not erase consequences.

And then finally Absalom declares himself king and David flees Jerusalem barefoot, weeping.

Do you see the escalation?

Anger.

Silence.

Hatred.

Murder.

Exile.

Half-hearted reconciliation.

Manipulation.

Rebellion.

Civil war.

Silence feels like stability in the moment. But it is just compounding grief in the future.

And this is where it starts to get uncomfortable for us.

Because escalation rarely feels dramatic at first.

It subtle.

A conversation avoided.

A correction delayed.

A boundary softened.

A habit excused.

And we tell ourselves,

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

But worst than that is unaddressed sin.

Because the desire that causes us to sin in the first place does not shrink when we dont confess it.

It grows roots. And roots eventually crack foundations.

We keep saying i have to stop lusting, (stop doing this)

But what is the desire that led to the lust. Kill that root!

Dont play with sin, be courageous and act.

David could have acted, should have acted; but he delayed.

And delay created damage that courage could have prevented.

Underneath that delay is this question:

Do I trust God enough to obey Him, even if it messes up what I’m trying to protect?

Many of us are trying to protect the appearance of a peaceful home, or job, or relationship when all we are doing is compounding our grief later.

But it is far better to act in faith-filled, Spirit-empowered obedience now…

Than to grieve what obedience could have prevented later

Far better to trust what God is asking you to do in faith now..,

Than to wait OR you try and fix it yourself.

I can remember back in the COVID days we were doing online church

And I was preparing to preach that Sunday,

I started letting people in to the online room, when i heard a drip, drip, drip

So I tell Ariel to greet and check people in for a second while i go an investigate

And I found water coming through the pot lights in the ceiling of my kitchen.

I run upstairs and the bathroom door is locked

So I had to lockpick or use my shoulder to open the door

And what do i find…… an overflowing toilet

You see before my youngest son had left to go with his mother he accidentally clogged the toilet

But instead of letting someone know he tried to fix by flushing the toilet again

And when that didnt work he knew he needed some towels so he put those down

And when that didnt work he felt that the problem was too big for himself to fix so he did what most of us do in our real lives

He locked that problem behind a closed door to be dealt with later or never (preferably).

O if he had asked his father for help.

God is not asking you to fix your mess —

He is asking you to trust him with your mess.

But we’re not done yet.

Because the story does not end in rebellion.

It actually takes a heavier turn

And that is regret.

POINT III — REGRET

(2 Samuel 18:33)

2 Samuel 18:33 ESV

And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

Eventually the rebellion collapses.

Absalom is caught in a tree by his beautiful hair.

And then David’s goon Joab kills him.

The threat is gone.

The rebellion is over.

The war is finished.

The kingdom is preserved.

So someone runs to tell David the news.

At first, David doesn’t ask about the victory.

He only has one thing on his mind — his son.

“Is it well with the young man Absalom?”

And the messenger just brushes past it. (“My Lord you should have seen how we beat your enemy”)

David could care less about the victory; “Is it well with the young man Absalom?”!

Then I guess they figured they got to tell him.

And the text says (18:33):

“And the king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept.

And as he went, he said,

‘O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom!

Would I had died instead of you,

O Absalom, my son, my son!’”

Don’t rush past this.

“My son.”

Not young man (anymore)

Not rebel.

Not traitor.

Not disappointment.

“My son.”

Five times he says it.

“My son.”

But that acknowledgment is too late.

He wishes:

“Would I had died instead of you.”

But he cannot.

He had authority to do something earlier.

He had clarity about what happened earlier.

He had opportunity to act earlier.

But now — all he has regret.

And THIS IS the ache of delayed obedience.

Not loud rebellion.

Not dramatic collapse.

Just slow avoidance…(i’ll deal with it later)

Slow obedience is no obedience AND that becomes irreversible grief.

Now, hear me.

This is not a moment for shame.

This is a moment of recognition.

Because some of us know that voice.

Not the exact circumstance.

But the feeling.

The ache of:

“I should have said something.”

“I should have stepped in.”

“I should have trusted God enough to obey.”

Regret is heavy. Because regret reminds us that time does not reverse.

David wishes he could have substituted himself.

“Would I had died instead of you.”

He wants to trade places.

He wants to undo it.

He wants to absorb the cost.

But he cannot!...

He can not go back.

He can’t rewrite those moments of silence.

All he can do now — is weep.

GOSPEL RESOLUTION

AND If this is where the story ended… we would all be in trouble.

Because regret and shame have a way of convincing us that the damage is permanent.

That the silence defines us.

That the missed moment is final.

But the story of Scripture does not end in regret.

David stands over his son and says,

“Would I had died instead of you.”

Unfortunately he cannot undo what his silence allowed.

But generations later… another Son from his lineage would hang on wood.

Not suspended by accident by his hair; but intentionally his limbs stretch wide with nails.

Not caught in rebellion. But lifted in obedience.

And where David could only wish to substitute…

Jesus is the one who actually did for us.

The difference is this:

David’s silence led to grief.

Jesus’ obedience led to redemption.

And that changes everything.

Because the gospel tells us something David could not see in that moment:

Your past silence does not disqualify you from future obedience.

Grace that God has provided through his son Jesus does not sideline you. He doesn't say “I’m fixing all your problems now go sit in the corner and don't cause no more trouble.”

Grace restores you.

Think about Peter the disciple who just couldn't get right.

He denied Jesus publicly.

Three times.

Not quietly.

Not accidentally.

But intentionally.

And after the resurrection, Jesus does not say,

“You had your chance. You messed up too much. I’m done with you.”

He says,

“Do you love me?”

And then He says,

“Feed my sheep.”

Grace did not remove Peter’s calling. Grace restored him to it.

And Grace restores us so our past inaction does not define our future usefulness. (ITS NOT TOO LATE!)

Grace means you no longer obey to fix your past.

You obey because you trust the One who has already secured your future.

So that's who we put our faith in.

Faith to believe that God is still able to heal what was wounded.

Faith to believe that He can restore what was fractured.

Faith to believe that He brings beauty from ashes.

Faith to believe that obedience today is not wasted — even if yesterday it was delayed.

And the Holy Spirit strengthens that faith.

He reminds you of God’s promises.

He steadies your heart when fear rises and tells you it’s safer to not obey to remain silent.

He empowers you to step forward — not in self-confidence — but in God-confidence.

Free to obey.

Not because you are fearless.

But because you are forgiven.

Jesus was obedient,

So regret and shame are not the end of your story.

Don't let the costs of silence compound your grief

Stand firm and be courageous.

Obey God today and allow Him to fix what you cannot tomorrow.