Gospel Friendship

You know, the older I get, the more I realize what a blessing friendship is.

Which is weird, you know, because it seems like the older we get, the less friends we have.

I mean, think about it - how many of your friends from High School do you still have?

How many people in your wedding party are still integral parts of you life?

How many college buddies do you still hang out with?

It seems like as time goes on, as you develop in your overall maturity, you cycle through life stages (whether getting married, having kids, whatever)… it seems like you have less and less in common with friends that you once had completley entangled lives with.

But, what you really learn as you gain and lose friends over the years, is what true friendship actually is and means. You can even recognize different types of friendships based on your interactions with those people.

Way back in the 4th century BC, a guy named Aristotle wrote a series of books called Nicomachean Ethics.

These books largely shaped how we view friendships in Western Culture, and he outlines three different forms of friendship.

The first of these are friend of utility. These are your business partners, work colleagues, maybe political affiliations. Essentially, these are friends we get things from, otherwise the relationship doesn’t exist.

At 5pm, that person ceases to exist in your mind.

The second type of friendship is friends of pleasure.

These are your sport buddies. Your golfing buddies. Your knitting ladies.

You share a hobby with these people, but the friendship is extremely unstable because it depends on your interests, which change as you get older, gain experience, mature, and change life cycles.

The last type of friendship identified by Aristotle are friends of virtue.

This is defined by:

Admiring the character of the other. Each wants the good of the other for their own sake.

The relationship is built on shared virtue

And he argues that these relationships are exceedingly rare. They’re deep, long-lasting, he’s quoted as saying this type of friendship is like finding another self.

And while Aristotle wasn’t a follower of God, he absolutely nailed the inherent need for friendship, citing that true friends “helped us become better people” and “held societies together”.

Although he didn’t subscribe to a diety, you can’t run from the Creator God, who created all of us to desire friendship.

I’m betting your parent’s never had to teach you the joy that came from a true friend. Maybe we had to learn the hard way of how to treat our friends right on the playground, but we never had to learn the joy of seeing your dad walk through the door after a long day of work,

Or seeing your friend when you show up to the classroom, seeing their eyes light up, ready to talk about the day before.

No, that joy is baked in us. And it stems from God’s friendship to us. God’s joy when he sees us with Him, and Him with us.

When he sees us with one another.

And this morning, I can say without a doubt, the entirety of history, the Bible, the church, it wouldn’t exist without our inherent desire to friendship.

Because we find it all the way from Genesis to Revelation,

And we find it especially in our passage today on Philippians 2:19-30,

And it starts with this fellow named…

Timothy

Now, who was this guy? Lets look first at our passage for context:

Philippians 2:19–24 CSB

19 Now I hope in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you soon so that I too may be encouraged by news about you. 20 For I have no one else like-minded who will genuinely care about your interests; 21 all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ. 22 But you know his proven character, because he has served with me in the gospel ministry like a son with a father. 23 Therefore, I hope to send him as soon as I see how things go with me. 24 I am confident in the Lord that I myself will also come soon.

So, we see a few characteristics of Timothy, one is trust:

Timothy - Trust

Now, if you’re unfamiliar with Timothy’s story as it relates to Paul, let me give you a quick recap:

Paul picked up Timothy in his hometown called Lystra. We know that Timothy’s mother and grandmother were devout Jews, and they taught Timothy the traditions and the scriptures of the Jewish people.

Timothy himself was half Jew, half Gentile. He encountered Paul, and Paul picked him up to be his missionary travelling companion because he was so impressed essentially with Timothy’s faith in Jesus.

So, they travel on various journeys to Phrygia, Galatia, Macedonia, and Greece, which includes the city of Philippi.

And I think the binding moment of friendship and closeness was probably when Paul circumcised Timothy. Not sure how a relationship can get any closer than that, to be honest.

Timothy ended up being the messenger to Paul’s established churches in Corinth, Thessalonica, Ephesus,

And now Philippi.

Paul has spent Enough time with Timothy to know him. To know his character.

He trusts Timothy enough to not only send information, but to send the most valuable information – the gospel which Paul is literally in prison for.

And this brings us to Timothy’s next characteristic,

Timothy - Like Minded

Literally, the Greek here says “like-souled”, that Paul and Timothy are of one mind.

Timothy completley gets Paul, they are identical in mission and value. Do you have anyone in your life like this?

As CS Lewis writes:

The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

C. S. Lewis

What a sweet thing to find in this world, someone who gets you. Doesn’t judge you.

This was Timothy to Paul. It’s well-known that Paul could be an annoying know-it-all, if that isn’t to sacreligiuos to say,

But Timothy saw through any unpleasant demeanor, any communication strategy that wasn’t landing,

What Timothy saw was Paul’s intention and heart. This is what God sees in us - not the broken outer appearance, but the heart inside.

And this brings us to our third characteristic,

Timothy - Genuine

This is maybe the most flattering part of the letter,

Paul says Timothy will genuinely care about their interests.

Timothy isn’t going to care because Paul said to care. He isn’t being paid to care, and at 5pm he’s clocking out every day.

No, Timothy will genuinely care. And let me tell you, this is exceedingly rare in our day.

This has to be the most naval gazing, self-centered generation in history.

I mean, just try to get any customer service line, whether on the phone or on an online AI chat-

Your call is very important to us, thanks for staying on the line for 5 hours just to be told to uplug the router. Right?

We’ve outsourced genuineness because it takes too much time, costs too much money, and it doesn’t directly benefit us.

And I’m not just talking about customer service reps, I’m talking about us here in this room.

If we’re super duper honest, 90% of the things we do, the decisions we make, are for ourselves with almost zero thought of others.

Pauls takes that percentage a step further, so don’t blame me.

He writes:

Philippians 2:21 CSB

21 all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.

We proclaim Jesus is Lord, then proceed to never think about him again.

But Timothy was special, because he was genuine, and he had

Timothy - Proven Character

Timothy must have been to Philippi and known these people, because Paul says “you know his proven character,

And here’s where this paragraph hits a high note:

Philippians 2:22 CSB

22 But you know his proven character, because he has served with me in the gospel ministry like a son with a father.

That defines the relationship and takes it to a whole new level. Like a son to a father.

Now, a letter like this in Greco-Roman times was very rare.

No one commended a protégée like this, unless it was immensely proven that the party being written about was truly amazing. This is a full endorsement.

There was no room for speculation - Paul sending Timothy was just as good as Paul himself marching to Philippi and delivering the news in person.

Paul is completley vouching for Timothy.

Have you ever had someone ask you for this? To vouch for them? It’s happened to me a few times in regard to job applications - it’s like “hey, can you put in a good word for me and be a refferal?”

And a lot of times, no matter how great that person is, there’s something frightening about sticking your neck out for someone else, because eventually that decision comes back on you based on their performance.

That’s not the case here - Paul is staking his reputation on Timothy.

Finally, Timothy exhibits a characteristic that is keeping Paul going:

Timothy - Companionship

Notice that Paul wants to go see the Philippians himself, sending Timothy is great for now, but he’s only a placeholder for Paul wanting to come.

Timothy has served Paul in prison, and he’s clearly too important to send at the moment. Paul writes:

Philippians 2:23 CSB

23 Therefore, I hope to send him as soon as I see how things go with me.

Remember, Paul is sitting in a Roman jail. He really had no one other than Timothy to keep him going.

It’s clear here that Paul knows he won’t last long without the companionship of Timothy. It’s quite literally keeping Paul going, keeping him from going crazy.

See, theres something about the simple calming presence of someone else, a true friend, that can keep you going,

And Paul knows he’s about to hear the news of his trial, and a decision is to be made as to his wrongful arrest.

Paul is willing to admit he is weak, and needs Timothy. He’s not a bulldozer - renegade who feigns strength and invincibility.

Paul needs the companionship of Timothy in this hard, awful time.

And in that awful time, Paul actually had another companion and friend who he writes about here named

Epaphroditus

Now, Epaphroditus was from Philippi, a Christian convert from Paganism more than likely, and clearly someone Paul admired.

The Philippians church sent this guy to deliver financial support for Paul in prison, but along the way, got sick and almost died.

Yet despite this, he pressed on and made it to Paul, and now is recovering.

Travel was extremely difficult in those times, and depending on the route, Epaphroditus would have travelled somewhere between 900 and 1200 miles to get to Paul.

So, this wasn’t your average trip, it was grueling and nearly killed him. And now, he has to make it all the way back to Philippi with the letter and anything else to deliver.

And like Timothy, Paul had great things to say about Epaphroditus, and the first is

Epaphroditus - Brother, Coworker, Fellow Soldier

See, he wasn’t just a messenger to Paul, it really seems like they had a history.

In addition to being a messenger and a minister to Paul, he was seen as family, a coworker in the gospel, and Paul compares it to being a soldier on the front lines of battle together.

In fact, Paul says:

Philippians 2:27–28 CSB

27 Indeed, he was so sick that he nearly died. However, God had mercy on him, and not only on him but also on me, so that I would not have sorrow upon sorrow. 28 For this reason, I am very eager to send him so that you may rejoice again when you see him and I may be less anxious.

God not only showed mercy on Epaphroditus by healing him and saving him from a deathly sickness, he also showed mercy on Paul, saving him the sorrow of losing another friend.

It seems like losing Epaphroditus would have been a hige loss to the Philippians also, because they’re extremely worried about him,

Which speaks volumes to his character - an entire city and church loves this man. Like Timothy, his character seems to have been proven.

And also like Timothy, Epaphroditus exhibits another characteristic,

Epaphroditus - Trust

In these days, you didn’t just send money with anyone.

Large sums of money were only entrusted to people of high character, completley trustworthy, and I might add, tough.

Again, the roads for travel were rough. Bandits lurked in the shadows, merchants wanted your money, and travelling with a money bag made you an easy target.

It’s clear, again, that the Philippians trusted Epaphroditus with their raised monetary support for Paul.

So, what can we take away from this passage?

Pastor Brett told me this week that this passage is why we pay you to preach. It’s easy to preach through Philippians 2:5-11, how great Jesus is,

It’s a lot more difficult to find something in this section, which is really logistical and planning in nature,

But I truly believe every section of Scripture has something to offer, and looking into this passage, I think we can come away with a…

Model of Mentorship and Friendship

I think the church today needs to take a serious look at their models of mentorship, friendship, and discipleship.

Because I think we’re really good at being warm and friendly, keeping things light and breezy,

But we aren’t so good at a continuing and fostering relationships.

Because if we pursue deep friendship and true mentorship, we actually become vulnerable.

We put ourselves in this position to trust another individual, and since we are all sinful, we almost always end up getting hurt.

Our trust gets broken, our friends don’t meet our expectations, and we keep them at arms length because they’ve done wrong in our sight, and we don’t want to associate with them for fear that our own reputation will be tarnished.

We take the mindset of individualism, as if no one on planet earth is as great as me, everyone is beneath me, my expectations are a high, set bar, and everyone that’s in my life better be in my good graces.

Steve Cuss, in his book Managing Leadership Anxiety, writes about this very concept pertaining to leaders in ministry:

Some leaders feel alone not by self-pity, but by self-aggrandizement. Such a person believes that other people are mere mortals, but he is unique, exceptional. Whether your tendency is toward isolationism ("No one understands") or exceptionalism ("No one can do it like me"), the danger is the same: the need to feel Like you are "the only one."

And this doesn’t just apply to leaders, it applies to all of us. Because our own view of ourself is often inflated and aggrandized to the point that we are the savior, we are what humanity has been waiting on, the perfect person, everyone is doing it wrong.

But that’s just not the Biblical model.

True friendship has been a staple of Biblical history for thousands of years, and there are sooo many examples of this in Scripture.

In fact, I don’t think you can find a story in the Bible where one person does everything.

God created Adam, and said it wasn’t good for him to be alone, so he created Eve.

Take Abraham and Melchizedek for example, they found one another essentially wandering around, and realized they worshipped the same God. It was an extreme encouragement to one another.

You have Moses and Aaron, they freed the Israelites together.

David and Johnathon, two best friends.

Elijah and Elisha, prophet mentor and mentee.

Ruth and Naomi, Moses and Joshua, Job and his three friends.

Paul and Timothy, Luke, Silas, Epaphroditus, Barnabas

Mary Martha and Lazarus, Priscilla and Aquila,

I’m sure the list could go on.

And if those don’t convince you, even Jesus needed companionship and took mentees under his wing.

The 12 disciples, as screwed up as they were, Jesus took them along, taught them the way, and even though he knew they would mostly all abandon him in his biggest time of need,

He washed their feet.

The king and creator of the universe washed his friends feet.

That means we can too.

Because friendship isn’t about what I can get out of a relationship, it isn’t about how someone can increase my reputation, it doesn’t stem from self,

Friendship is completley self-sacrificial and for the advancement of the gospel.

Proverbs 17:17 CSB

17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a difficult time.

John 15:13 CSB

13 No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.

So, what how can we practically live this out both in the church and in everyday life, I think two things:

Be on the Lookout

This first thing we can do is look for good friendship.

We can look for people that match us, that are like minded, people that we trust, people that we get along with.

Because the fact of the matter is, we can’t do this alone.

And as much as I would love to be able to set out a list of sign ups for friendships and matching up mentors and mentees, no amount of church programming can manufacture organic, true connection.

It’s something we all have to do, constantly.

We need to be mindful of people looking to be mentored. We need to be as replaceable as possible, because if you read through Paul’s story and history, he died at some point.

But he had a group of men that he poured into, and that’s the reason the church exists today. Because Paul was obedient to God’s calling of mentorship.

And this is a calling of all of us. At any age, at any level of maturity, there is someone that needs you.

There is someone struggling, confused, and seeking a friend, often suffering silently, waiting on the right person to come along.

If you feel the call of connection with a person, my simple challenge is to just say yes, even if it’s uncomfortable, even if you’re not sure about yourself, just say yes and try.

We have to have the mindset of multiplication and sending, which is only possible with mentorship.

The second thing we can do is:

Be a Friend

Ask yourself, how many people do you know that would write a letter of recommendation like Paul did for Timothy?

We need to be the best friend we can be, especially to those who are vulnerable with us, and are investing in us.

And it’s ok not to have 30 deep friendships, in fact, a lot of studies show that our lives can only hold so many deep level friendships at one time.

It may be one or two friends, but be there for them. Think of yourself less, genuinely care about their interests, be willing to be instructed and to take criticism.

Forgive them when they fail you, because they will.

Have your proven character, be a son or a father.

And no this isn’t easy, but it’s a mission-critical component.

Ask yourself how you can be a better friend this week, pay attention to their needs, and really dig and be vulnerable yourself.

Let’s pray.