Controlling Anger

James 3:5-10; Prov. 15:1

Eph 4:31-32

Introduction: Have you ever gotten angry and said things you should not have said? It might be to a spouse or it might be to one of your children or maybe a sibling. It is strange how we can say things with no seeming control over our tongues. This is the struggle we have with this sin nature in our lives. In Romans 7:24 “O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” Paul calls this sin nature a body of death. He is crying out with this struggle to ask from deliverance from this sin nature. In fact, verses 13-25 speak of the human struggle of selfishness and sinfulness we deal with daily.

This means it is natural to be angry when we don’t get our way, it is natural to intimidate people into doing what you want them to do. Families need to understand when two sinful people marry, they will need to help each other grow in their relationship with God. The key to overcoming anger is spiritual growth will conquer this uncontrolled anger, this undisciplined tongue. To be clear, you will not be able to control your anger or tongue without the power of God.

Anger and uncontrolled speech will destroy relationships; however, gentle words bring peace.

The passage before us gives us amazing insight into eliminating these uncontrolled outbursts.

I. Recognize destructive speech

Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: But grievous words stir up anger.”

A. Avoid harsh words

1. Identify explosive words-this is easy-look the words the news reporters use-their words are explosive and create negativity-like he bombards them or radical or right wing. Think of the words you use would affect you. Grievous means causing pain.

2. Identify sarcasm-while joking may in jest, be sure your sarcasm is not hurting others in your family. When my mother was alive, she was super sensitive about living or being in WV. She loved the state and if I said anything sarcastic about the state, she would get very angry. I refused to say anything about it.

3. Identify impatience-it is not just in the words but also in the facial expression.

B. Avoid angry spirit

1. Soft means a tender or gentle spirit-don’t wait until they are deeply wounded and you try to use tender make up speech. Use make up speech normally.

2. There should be a tenderness in how we communicate with our family. 3. Ask God to help you keep a right spirit.

II. Seek the Holy Spirit’s power

James 3:5–10 “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.”

A. The power of the tongue vv. 5-6

This passage shows us the explosive nature of our tongue-words can kindle a fire.

A small spark can ignite into a huge blaze.

It is a world of iniquity-the tongue can corrupt, hurt, or ruin the course of someone’s life.

Parents, do you realize that your children probably want to please you more than you realize? Be sure to tell them how pleased you are with what they do. Help them to realize how valuable they are to your family, how important they are to you personally and how you are proud of them.

B. The control of the tongue vv. 7-10

Animals can be tamed and our tongues can be tamed also. We are not able to control it ourselves, we need the Holy Spirit to help us.

If your animal is out of control, it can cause destruction. If your tongue is out of control, it is like a fire out of control. Fire is good when controlled and in its proper place.

The tongue should be to bless God and we need to yield our tongues to Him for His use-

Romans 6:12–13 “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.”

The tongue cannot be tamed by man, but it can be tamed by God.

Warren W. Wiersbe

Spiritual maturity requires a tamed tongue.

J. Ronald Blue

III. Turn anger into understanding

Ephesians 4:31–32 “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”

A. Respond with holiness

In verse 31, we have to put away all the clutter in our hearts if we are to be patient.

Proverbs 4:23 “Keep thy heart with all diligence; For out of it are the issues of life.”

Matthew 12:35 “A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.”

2. These detrimental attitudes in our lives will affect our relationships in the home-this is why responding at the altar when God speaks to you to keep these attitudes out of your heart is so vitally important.

3. This is why attending the church with your whole family is very important.

4. Your response to each other will be Biblical and patience because according to verse 31 you put all that away.

B. Respond with patience

Patience is the companion of wisdom.

Saint Augustine of Hippo

Kindness to each other.

This heart will make it more patient with the other and being willing to forgive as Christ forgave us.

When you realize how much God forgave you, the easier it will be for you to forgive others.

True patience grows with the growth of love.

Saint Gregory I

Conclusion: What about your tongue? Is it under the control of the Holy Spirit? Perhaps tonight you need to surrender it to God? You might need to come and seek God for the words you use. Are you building up your family members or are you hurting them? Speaking life into your family comes as we control our anger and our tongue.