Resolving Conflict

A rather arrogant deacon was called to teach a youth class. He wanted to impress upon the youth the importance of living the Christian life. He asked them, “Do you know why the people call me a Christian?”

After a long pause, one of the youth popped up and answered, “It is probably because they don’t know you!”

I just thought that was funny, so I put it in right here. It has nothing to do with the sermon. I just wanted to say that joke.

As you can see from the title of the message, we will be discussing conflict resolution from a biblical perspective.

But, before we start that, I want to catch you up to where we are right now.

In Acts chapter 12, James the brother of John has been beheaded by King Herod, and he sees the delight from the Jews around him, so he takes Peter prisoner and has him scheduled to be executed.

Last week, I spoke about the God of the Impossible.

Well, Peter is asleep between two guards and an angel comes and sets him free.

Now, get this, because I find it so funny. He leaves the prison and the city. He goes to a local house that he knows is filled with believers.

Now these believers had been in payer for Peter. Now there is a knock at the door. A woman comes and asks, Who is it?...Peter? and she freaks out. She goes and tells the others and they freak out saying it has to be a ghost or the angel of Peter.

Peter is trying his best to get off the streets, because it would not be long before they realize he is gone. So he knocks again.

They finally realize it is Peter and they let him in.

King Herod calls for Peter and they tell him, he escaped. So King Herod executes the guards.

Peter is mentioned once more in the book of Acts chapter 15 at the Jerusalem Council where he defends the addition of Gentiles into the church age.

Then we get to Galatians.

Let’s read what is going on

Galatians 2:1–14 CSB

Then after fourteen years I went up again to Jerusalem with Barnabas, taking Titus along also. I went up according to a revelation and presented to them the gospel I preach among the Gentiles, but privately to those recognized as leaders. I wanted to be sure I was not running, and had not been running, in vain. But not even Titus, who was with me, was compelled to be circumcised, even though he was a Greek. This matter arose because some false brothers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus in order to enslave us. But we did not give up and submit to these people for even a moment, so that the truth of the gospel would be preserved for you. Now from those recognized as important (what they once were makes no difference to me; God does not show favoritism)—they added nothing to me. On the contrary, they saw that I had been entrusted with the gospel for the uncircumcised, just as Peter was for the circumcised, since the one at work in Peter for an apostleship to the circumcised was also at work in me for the Gentiles. When James, Cephas, and John—those recognized as pillars—acknowledged the grace that had been given to me, they gave the right hand of fellowship to me and Barnabas, agreeing that we should go to the Gentiles and they to the circumcised. They asked only that we would remember the poor, which I had made every effort to do. But when Cephas came to Antioch, I opposed him to his face because he stood condemned. For he regularly ate with the Gentiles before certain men came from James. However, when they came, he withdrew and separated himself, because he feared those from the circumcision party. Then the rest of the Jews joined his hypocrisy, so that even Barnabas was led astray by their hypocrisy. But when I saw that they were deviating from the truth of the gospel, I told Cephas in front of everyone, “If you, who are a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you compel Gentiles to live like Jews?”

Let’s pray!

In Galatians 2, Paul publicly rebukes Peter (Cephas) in Antioch

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for hypocritical behavior that compromised the gospel. Although Peter initially ate with Gentile Christians, he withdrew and separated himself when visitors from "the circumcision group" arrived, fearing their judgment. Paul confronted him to his face, arguing that Peter’s actions falsely implied that Gentiles must adopt Jewish customs to be justified, directly contradicting the doctrine of salvation by faith alone.

Peter's influence was so significant that his actions led other Jewish Christians, including Barnabas, to join in the same hypocrisy.

Paul insisted that if Peter, a Jew, had been living like a Gentile, it was hypocritical to then pressure Gentiles to "live like Jews". He stressed that both Jews and Gentiles are justified solely through faith in Christ, not by observing the Mosaic law or ritualistic traditions.

As I read through this, this conflict could have destroyed the church before it truly began. You have Peter and Paul, going head to head on a matter of vital church importance. This could cause a rift that would make the church take sides.

This confrontation serves as a critical moment in early church history, illustrating the tension between maintaining Jewish cultural traditions and the emerging, inclusive gospel that transcended traditions and ethnic boundaries.

Confrontation is the action we all try to avoid because it carries such negative thoughts and consequences. Confrontation is not fun and it is usually filled with pain, discomfort and it does cause wounds in relationships and in the heart. I personally hate to confront because of the pain and the wounds it causes to all who are involved, but my calling puts me in the thick of it sometimes.

But we must remember what the proverb says about confrontation and reproof.

Proverbs 12:1 CSB

Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but one who hates correction is stupid.

So how do we resolve conflict in a biblical manner?

Well, Peter and Paul show us here.

The first thing in conflict resolution is:

Looking in Your Mirror and Your Bible

Let’s look back at what Paul wrote

Galatians 2:6–8 CSB

Now from those recognized as important (what they once were makes no difference to me; God does not show favoritism)—they added nothing to me. On the contrary, they saw that I had been entrusted with the gospel for the uncircumcised, just as Peter was for the circumcised, since the one at work in Peter for an apostleship to the circumcised was also at work in me for the Gentiles.

Paul is about to confront Peter about being a hypocrite.

The Rock! The one that Christ called out. He was about to face him.

Paul looked at what is going on in a personal and biblical since.

Paul said hey they are important but they are no different to me in God’s eyes. They have not added anything to me. We are both entrusted to spread the Gospel. To be messengers for God. One to the Gentiles and one to the Jews.

Paul looked inward and outward to ensure he was not wrong.

Before we bring our complaints to our brother, it is vital that we look at what is going on, take a look into the mirror and see if it is something we may have caused.

Then it is extremely vital to look into our Bible, the Word of God, to see if we are inline with what it says.

If both are correct, then bringing your complaint to your brother is within biblical standards.

The second thing in conflict resolution:

2. Know Thy Roles

When it comes to conflict resolution, Christ was clear on the order in which it should go.

Matthew 18:15–16 CSB

“If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established.

The very next part of conflict resolution, after you have checked yourself, is have a backbone and speak to that person in love to resolve it. Just between you and them.

Not everyone needs to know your business, you do not need to blast them on facebook. You do not need to let your best friend know.

If you really want to resolve it, speak with the one you are in conflict with.

Now, if this does not resolve the conflict, there is still a path to resolution.

Know thy roles in the church.

Your pastor is not...again I say not, the be all and end all for conflict resolution.

My position is to shepherd the flock and to establish peace when necessary.

Conflict resolution actually falls on the deacon board.

This is the reason why I want to establish a full deacon board here at NEC.

A deacon board is used for conflict resolution within a church, as it aligns with their biblical, servant-leader role to preserve unity. They act as "shock absorbers" for the congregation by mediating disagreements, soothing hurt feelings, and clearing up misunderstandings.

The office was originally established (Acts 6) to resolve a crisis of unity and division, allowing pastors to focus on teaching.

Deacons often intervene to prevent small issues from escalating, addressing gossip, or mediating disputes between members.

They often handle complaints or conflicts to protect the pastor and staff, allowing them to focus on ministry.

While they are meant to foster harmony, they should not be the most contentious members, but rather peacemakers.

Saying this, the deacons also know that they are not a board of directors. We have a church council that direct the goings on here.

The reason I am saying all this is so we know the roles, when conflict arises.

Now, when the deacons are at a lost for how to handle a situation, I move away from my teaching role and shepherding role to help.

So when a conflict arises, and you step to me, I will ask if you spoke with one of the three deacons we have here.

And do not come to me and say, well I don’t like Rod cause he is too conservative, well I don’t like Robert cause he just looks mean, and I can’t go to Lennie cause he ain’t got no feelings.

These men have my trust and they are learning. If they make a mistake, and no doubt they will, I will speak with them to make it a learning situation.

The issue with a lot of churches today is that the pastor is in everything and really not in his role.

I have said it before and I will say it again, I am not NEC. I am the pastor called to be here. My platform is not even a full foot high up here.

Now I truly appreciate the confidence you have in me to handle the conflict, but lets get to a biblical way of handling it.

Let us know thy roles.

The final part of conflict resolution:

3. Should Point Back to Christ

Let’s look at Paul’s words again

Galatians 2:4–5 CSB

This matter arose because some false brothers had infiltrated our ranks to spy on the freedom we have in Christ Jesus in order to enslave us. But we did not give up and submit to these people for even a moment, so that the truth of the gospel would be preserved for you.

Christ should be front and center in everything we do here at NEC, that includes conflict resolution.

If Christ is not in it, then guess who is at the front of it all. Yourself!

I will say this with all the conviction in the world. There will be things we do, programs we do, people that come, that you will not like. And that is ok. You are allowed not to like it.

But! If the church is doing things that is inline with biblical principles, if they are doing programs with the heart of love for Christ and those around them, and that person you do not like is here to learn the Word of God and obey His commands...in the immortal words of Lennie Boulet...suck it up buttercup!

I will go a step further and say suck it up and shut it up!

We have all been around someone that complains about every single thing and it can get so irritating to listen too. Stop being a negative Nancy and a Nonc Negative.

Now if the conflict is center on issues dealing with the truth of the Gospel, that is something we must face head on.

If it is something dealing with hurt feelings, we must confront it with the love and understand of Christ and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit.

We can see the church has had to deal with conflict since the very beginning of the church age. It is not something new.

What is new, and it is actually old, is how the church must handle conflict resolution, and how you are to handle it in your own life.

Conflict is a fundamental, inevitable part of human interaction, both personally and professionally. Because it is so common, developing structured resolution skills is essential to prevent it from damaging relationships. Effective conflict resolution does not mean avoiding disagreement but rather using active listening, emotional regulation, and clear biblical communication to reach a mutual understanding or compromise that allows all parties to move forward constructively.

For the church to flourish, it must not sweep conflict under a rug, but face it with biblical principles.