Conflict
RBC Men’s Retreat 2026 • Sermon • Submitted • Presented
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15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. 17 “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. 18 “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. 19 “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. 20 “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”
Why did Jesus give these instructions?
1. He desires to be unified with us.
20 “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”
2. He desires us to be unified with others.
15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
19 “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven.
What causes disunity?
1. Sin directed at others.
15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
2. Spirit of Division.
15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Why? Private correction is almost always better received that publically calling someone out and embarrassing them. And the goal is reconciliation.
Its we have talked to them with the right motives and intentions but cannot have a restored relationship, it is only then that we involve others. And the goal remains the same…reconciliation.
16 “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
Often times we show a third party the faults of others before we go to the person that sinned against us. And that kind of showing is divisive and destructive. If we follow steps one and two correctly but there is still no reconciliation, it is only then that we tell it to the church.
17 “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
Showing the conflict to your pastor is the last step of the process, not the first. It may be that the leaders of the church need to confront the spirit of divisiveness and if there is no repentance, remove the individual from the church membership.
10 Reject a factious man after a first and second warning, 11 knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned.
No one should ever desire this outcome. God doesn’t want this and we should either. Sometimes, as a last resort, it does become necessary, but all steps should be taken to prevent such an outcome.
3. Self defense. (self-defense is fine if it is a matter of life and death…)
(v. 15) "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.”
Hurt feelings, bitterness, pride, etc. can keep us from going and showing. We try to protect ourselves or our pride and we don’t obey this command from Jesus.
(v. 16) "But if he does not listen to you…”
Sometimes the person we are trying to reconcile with is defending themselves and they have justified in their own minds their sin. It can become a he said/she said kind of thing. If that is where things are, you involve at least one additional witness.
(16b) “16b…take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED.”
These witnesses ought to be people that both of you mutually respect. And it is always best if they are a neutral party so that their witness is unbiased.
But what if they will not listen to one or two others? We can go to some pretty big extremes in defending our pride.
(v. 17) “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church...”
That’s when you involve the leadership of the church. Notice Jesus is saying “brother” in all of this. This is conflict between fellows Christians. There is disunity between spiritual siblings. If the first to steps don’t bring reconciliation and unity, get your pastor involved. If things go this far, often people will come to their senses. A person that loves Jesus is going to obey Jesus. If the pastors and leaders of the church are involved with the conflict and the individuals are genuine believers, there should be restoration, if not, Jesus gives this last reason that unity is being prevented…
But if they don’t, Jesus is saying it is because they are like Gentiles or Tax Collectors. What does that mean?
4. Spiritual death
(v. 17) “…and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector…”
The Gentiles worshiped other gods. They were still spiritually dead. Tax collectors were frauds. They’d collect taxes for the oppressive government and also steal money from their own countrymen at the same time. Jesus is saying that if you go through all these steps and there is still no reconciliation, the individual that sinned against you is likely unsaved. They are still spiritually dead.
So how do you treat them?
The easy answer… like Jesus treated Gentiles and tax collectors.
Matthew 9:9-11 (NASB)
“9 As Jesus went on from there, He saw a man called Matthew, sitting in the tax collector's booth; and He said to him, "Follow Me!" And he got up and followed Him. 10 Then it happened that as Jesus was reclining at the table in the house, behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and were dining with Jesus and His disciples. 11 When the Pharisees saw this, they said to His disciples, "Why is your Teacher eating with the tax collectors and sinners?”
Jesus spent time with them, knowing they we dead in their sins and they needed salvation. If you follow the plan Jesus laid out for reconciliation and there is no desire for reconciliation by the other party, then you must change your approach. These methods work for those that have the Holy Spirit inside them. They do not work for those that are still lost in their sins. Before they will ever be reconciled to you, they must be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ. They need the gospel. They need to see it lived out in you as you extend them grace. They need you to show them what it looks like to be a Christ follower.
In some cases, there is the possibility that they are saved but have resisted the Holy Spirit to the point that they look so much like someone that is spiritually dead that you cannot tell the difference. The solution is still the same, their relationship with God must be restored first before it can their relationship with you can be restored.
How to Handle Conflict…
1. Don’t Avoid It.
2. Never Go on the Attack
3. Always Be Redemptive in Your Approach
4. Seek Help From Allies
5. Be Respectful of Authority
