What Does God Say About This Friday Night, Part 3

Introduction

“I Kissed Dating Goodbye,” a Christian book that came out some years ago that somewhat questioned the whole system of one on one dating. Dating not the problem. Like a car analogy. To kiss dating goodbye because of some bad experiences is like giving up on driving a car because there’s bad drivers, or you had an accident. The problem isn’t with the car, it’s the driver. Change the driver. Problem not with dating, but the “driver”.

Series meant to help you use the car of dating wisely...

Table of contents. Dating is a time of investigation…you need to see some things. There’s three boxes you need to be able to check on your way to discerning if this is someone you can spend the rest of your life with found right in our text:

I Got You

I Am Leaving

I Love You

I Got You- Verses 50-53

Men and women have two profound felt needs:

Men/Significance:

/- Wives are to respect their husband

R-e-s-p-e-c-t: Aretha sang it, but Otis wrote it…We need to feel significant

Illustration of the time when Korie cussed me out in front of her husband. Ladies, if you want to emasculate and kill the spirit of your man, disrespect him, especially in public.

Korie

Korie

Women/Security:

SUV’s specifically marketed to women.

Explanation of verses 50-53…what’s in view here is the bride price, and it’s given after her father and brother give permission to go.

Example of college classmate from Africa who worked hard for bride price of 10 cows…I watched him slave.

Point: the bride price said fundamentally, I GOT YOU. EVERY WOMAN NEEDS TO HEAR THAT FROM A MAN. NOT JUST FINANCIAL BUT IN TOTAL. I GOT YOU PHYSICALLY (PROTECT YOU), EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY…I GOT YOU.

Why is this important?

The cry of every young girls heart, from the moment they come out the womb is to feel this I GOT YOU. IF they don’t get it from the first man, their father, they have a really hard uphill road:

71% of teen pregnancies involve women from fatherless homes

Over 20 million kids grew up in fatherless homes...

Over 47% of them in poverty.

Girls who grow up in fatherless homes are 92% more likely to divorce than those who grew up in two parent situation.

92

Higher rates of depression, eating disorders and suicide all tied to fatherlessness

Illustration: Amy Winehouse. She said something in her died the day her dad walked out…the cry of her heart was never answered as she would make bad choices with men…at no point did she ever feel from a man I GOT YOU.

ILLUSTRATION: DENNIS RAINEY. MY FATHER WITH RICK…BOTH GIRLS HEARD I GOT YOU FROM THEIR DADS.

Application:

Statistically speaking most of us men will at some point date and/or marry a woman who never felt from a father I GOT YOU.

KORIE ANALOGY BUT NOT TOO MUCH INFO HERE…NEVER HAD THAT ADDRESSED. WHEN WE GOT ENGAGED SHE SAID JUST DON’T CHANGE...

So in dating we have three choices: 1) Deepen the insecurity by continuing the narrative in her life of bad, broken men; 2) Go to the other extreme and say I GOT YOU WHICH RESULTS IN MARRIAGE; 3) No, I’m not there yet, but as long as we date I will commit to writing a new narrative of respect and honor and value. So that if we break up you will have hope!

I Am Leaving- Verses 58-59A

Marriage demands a repatterning of relationships. You can’t be a mama’s boy and have a happy wife at the same time. You can’t be a daddy’s girl with your dad as the number one man and have a healthy marriage…

TABLE VISUAL. REARRANGING SEATS…CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. CAN’T SAY TREAT ME LIKE AN ADULT BUT STILL ASK FOR MONEY. IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE GROWN, BE GROWN.

Application. Korie with her dad, “I’m marrying him and I’d love for you to be there”. Me with my mom, “You take care of Atlanta, and I got Charlotte”.

What this means is we stand up for one another even risking hurting mom and dad’s feelings.

I Love You- Verse 67

We live in a society and culture that aggressively disciples us in the area of relationships, sex and love. And when it comes to love they want to minimize it to a feeling. But love is so much more.

...

Love is communal- Paul is writing to a local body of believers and talking about spiritual gifts, but in the middle he says to love...

Love is commitment- not one of these descriptions is a feeling but a commitment. When you say I love you, you are biblically saying I’m committed. TO DATE IS NOT TO OBLIGATE.

On this note, first time I said it to Korie. I had cooked catfish and red beans and rice. She shook her head, exhaled and said now why did you have to say that. She was right…it’s a serious thing…not how I saw that going...

Love is conflicting- it’s most clearly seen in the midst of weakness. Love is patient: Patience means that I make the decision to move at someone else’s pace instead of pressuring them to move at mine. What this means is you’re going to see the stuff, the not so pretty stuff and you’ll want to fix it right away. Love is patient…Love is kind…Kindness is loves response to weakness. Woman with the twisted face.

Application. Both patience and love imply I’m in the relationship long enough to see the stuff and I’m still down.

Gospel Conclusion: WE SEE ALL THESE TRAITS IN GOD

I GOT YOU-

I AM LEAVING- JESUS AND THE INCARNATION

I LOVE YOU- ROMANS 8:37-39