The Christian Home

How many of you have ever played the telephone game? This game is played by beginning with a large group of people and the first person comes up with a phrase and whispers it into the ear of the next. This continues until every player has had the phrase whispered in their ear and the last person then says the phrase. Typically, this phrase gets very distorted. So for example, the phrase could have started out as “The moon is so bright” and what was spoken by the last participant is “How blue is the night”. Today we are going to talk about a passage giving us instructions for how the Christian home should be organized to give a picture of the gospel. But some of these verses have been twisted to fit into a box they never belonged in. I want to make sure today that this passage is clear and we understand who Christ is through the Christian Home and relationships surrounding that home.

Opening Prayer

Colossians 3:18–4:1 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. 20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. 22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. 1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

A major theme we see today is that of the absent father. The family was designed to be run with both a mother and a father present and when you remove those pieces repercussions tend to fall down to the children.

Some statistics:

70% Juveniles in state operated institutions come from the fatherless home

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes.

Single-parent children 77% more likely to be disobedient at school.

Boys from single-mother homes 20x more violent crimes.

Fatherless homes produce 70% of long-term prison inmates.

Fatherless children 4x sexual violence risk.

70% of inmates from fatherless homes.

Children of single parents 50% more likely imprisoned.

God has designed the father in the home to be a representation of what Christ is to His church. And when the father is removed and not present in the child’s life they are left searching and trying to fill a void that was meant for the father to fill and in his position as father he is meant to lead by example a view into how Christ loves us. Keep this in mind as we go through today’s passages, because these verses have been twisted by many men in order to sit back and take the stance of do as I say, not as I do. Men have used these passages to take a communist role in their household to allow for control and emotional abuse under their watch, all the while pushing their family further away from Christ instead of pointing them to the Savior.

Wives

Colossians 3:18 ESV

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Submit, that can be a nasty word can’t it. And how this word has been abused. But you see what’s missing here is that we take out the assumption that the husband is following Christ as he should. There is no biblical basis to believe that the female gender has any lesser role to that of the man. If that were so I don’t believe Jesus would have come as an infant through the womb of Mary. And upon his resurrection the first two people to find out that the tomb was empty and to see Jesus risen were women. Matthew 28:1-10

Matthew 28:1–10 ESV

1 Now after the Sabbath, toward the dawn of the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. 2 And behold, there was a great earthquake, for an angel of the Lord descended from heaven and came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. 3 His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow. 4 And for fear of him the guards trembled and became like dead men. 5 But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you seek Jesus who was crucified. 6 He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay. 7 Then go quickly and tell his disciples that he has risen from the dead, and behold, he is going before you to Galilee; there you will see him. See, I have told you.” 8 So they departed quickly from the tomb with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9 And behold, Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came up and took hold of his feet and worshiped him. 10 Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid; go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee, and there they will see me.”

So knowing that God does not see women as lesser, why does Paul tell the wives to submit to their husbands? So let’s go back to what I said a minute ago, the husband should be following Christ. The husband should be an example in the home of how Christ treats His church. How does he do that? One example is that Jesus in John 13, washes the disciples feet. When his followers were hungry, he took two fish and 5 loaves and fed a multitude of people. And when we were sinners, he laid down his life on the cross for us making the ultimate sacrifice. Our response to Christs love should be in submission because we know and feel his love for us. We understand that he is going to care for us no matter what and that he will lead us into good and not evil. This is the same type of submission that wives should be able to show their husbands. Wives if your husband is not following Christ your submission is to Christ alone. You should not blindly follow a husband that is not leading you toward Christ. We see this next command in 3:19 to the husbands reminding them how to treat their wives.

Husbands

Colossians 3:19 ESV

19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Verse 19 states that husbands are to love their wives and this is not seen as loved past tense, it doesn’t say to love your wives when they are kind to you or when you feel like it. This tense of love is show as in the present tense. Meaning, to continuously love, because it is always the present tense. Ephesians 5:25–26 reiterates the point of how husbands are to love their wives: “25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,” . What we see here is the continuous action of pointing our wives towards Christ and showing the same love that Christ gives us to our wives. There is no better example than a life lived out in service to our wives to show them how Christ gave up himself for us. When we can show our wives this kind of love the natural response should be her wanting to follow the husbands leadership.

So how does Christ love us: John 4 we see the story of the Samaritan woman at the well. Jesus takes time to notice that she is distressed. He doesn’t immediately jump in and try to fix the problem. Instead He listens, and offers grace.

Matthew 9 Jesus has dinner with the sinners and tax collectors. He didn’t condemn, but instead made time for the people that needed him the most. He meets us where we are our journey in life.

Jesus takes time to care for our physical ailments. How many times did he heal the blind, lame, and sick? Husbands, take care of your wives when they are sick.

John 13 we see the example of Jesus washing the disciples feet. It’s a picture of servant hood. We see the king of the creation and all existence stop and take time to serve the people he cares about. Being a good leader of the home means stopping and taking the time to serve your wife in whatever she needs. You are not too good to do the dishes or sweep a floor. That’s not woman’s work, it’s just work.

Christ laid down his life for us. 1 John 3:16 “16 By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.” Romans 5:8 “8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Our jobs as husbands is to sacrifice our wants, our desires, and our needs to that of our wife the same as Christ did for us. When we can show that kind of example for our wife, her response should be to follow. Emphasis on should, however, even if she is not our job is to continuously love and not be harsh with her in hopes that she too will begin glorifying God in the example that we are providing as the husband.

Children

Colossians 3:20 ESV

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Everything is the key word in this verse. It states the fact that the children should be mindful to obey their parents in all that they do. Reminds me of 1 Thessalonians 5:17 that we should be praying without ceasing so that we can always obey our Heavenly Father. Why does this verse come to mind for me in this context. Again, remember that the Christian Home is an example of the gospel to non believers. And if we are praying without ceasing we are constantly looking for that guidance to do what is right in the sight of the Lord. Similar here to the command for children to always be obeying their parents in everything. That obedience shows an acceptance of the role of child versus parent. When the child is obeying the parent in all they do they are displaying the fact that they belong to their parents. Now as the child grows and becomes an adult this command doesn’t have the same effect because now they should be solely relying on the Lord for their instruction and direction. That obedience shifts from parents to God. The obedience of the child to the parent gives practice for obedience to the Lord.

Now as parents we should not expect our children to be perfect in all that they do, just as our Heavenly Father knows that we will stumble and fail. These are opportunities of failure are prime times to show Grace and compassion so that we can give an example of how are Heavenly Father treats us.

Fathers

Colossians 3:21 ESV

21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

My teenagers and I we like to banter back and forth at times, well a lot of the time. We all can be quite sarcastic, however, I myself am not always great at reading the room when one of the kids is actually upset and not just joking around and I can push it too far at times. Our words can be quite powerful, and we have to be careful on how we use them. Proverbs 18:20–21 “20 From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips. 21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” . Our words can cause death or life into our children. When is the last time you took time out of the day to let your kids know how proud you are of them? And if your when you did, was it mixed with all the things you want them to do better, or did you just pull them aside and say I’m proud of the way you are handling life?

Do we constantly nag our children and hold them up to an impossible standard or only point out the things they are doing wrong in life? Typically we know what we do wrong and don’t need reminded every moment of every day. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 tells us to lift each other up. Are you doing that with your children? Because if you’re not they will turn to someone who will and that person may not be leading them down a path they should go.

Workers

Colossians 3:22–25 ESV

22 Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. 25 For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality.

Slaves or bondservants were mentioned here in this passage as many times slaves were part of the Christian Home during this time period. They were basically the house servants taking care of many of the daily chores within the home. Today we can apply this in our culture as any one that is employed or working for someone. Could even be volunteer work.

First thing to note here is the word obey in verse 22. This is the same word as above when Paul was speaking of the children obeying their parents. This is the continuous act of obeying. Have you ever seen those folks at work that just like to work when the boss is watching? This is the reason for Paul stating to be continuously obeying your master. The idea Paul is trying to display to us is that we are held to a higher standard as Christian workers. We are not accountable to just our boss, no we are actually accountable to the Lord. Notice in verse 22 it states not by way of eye-service and says fearing the Lord. Verse 23 says as for the Lord, and not for men. Then reiterated again in verse 24 that You are serving the Lord. When we are on the job and we are serving the Lord in the way he asks we are showing witness to those around us in the work place. These verses also suggest that others are watching all the time to see how we are different than the rest of the world. If we look like the world, then why would anyone else want to follow Christ? Verse 25 shows us that God is also watching and that the wrongdoer, or the one working just to please the boss and not the Lord, will be paid back whether they are a follower of Christ or not.

Masters

Colossians 4:1 ESV

1 Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.

Paul closes out this section reminding the Masters to treat the slaves fairly. I’ve told my kids in the past, not sure if they remember it or not, but even if you become a boss some day you still have a boss, and that boss has a boss, and so on all the way up the chain. Then when you get to the top and you end up as an owner of a company or CEO, your now a slave to the customers, because without the customers, you don’t have a business. The only true Master in this life is the Lord Jesus Christ. So everything that Paul mentioned to the workers can be applied just the same as to the Masters although they are now accountable not only for their work, but how they treat their employees.

Closing

No matter what position we fall in, we are part of God’s Christian Household. Maybe you carry multiple positions, for myself it’s Husband, Father, and Slave. Each position that we hold has value. Each position is to be taken seriously so that when the world looks upon us they see Jesus. Maybe we are doing better in one area than another. It takes a continual focus on the Lord to be able to fulfill those positions in life 100 percent. Philippians 4:13 “13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” God gives us the strength that we need to be a wife that responds to her husbands love. He gives children the strength to obey their parents. And he steps into the work place to remind and push us as employers to give each day are all, and he rebukes the masters that mistreat their employees. When we continuously focus our minds on how Christ loves us we are able to build strong relationships that allow for a flow of Harmony throughout our life.

Closing prayer