QA on Conflict

Order of Service:

Announcements

Missionaries and Martyrs

Communion

Worship

Teaching

Fellowship / Discussion

Prayer time as a group

What if I am lonely.

Is it a feeling? What is true and what is a feeling. What does “lonely” mean?

Jeremiah 17:9 ““The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”

Proverbs 28:26 “He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, But he who walks wisely will be delivered.”

Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way which seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death.”

Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, But a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”

Loneliness is not a justification for sin

Negative or positive emotions are not a justification to sin

God is always with us:

Psalm 18:1–2 ““I love You, O Lord, my strength.” The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

Facts of the circumstance:

You need to be honest with yourself about the circumstance - what is real and what is based on emotion.

How to know you have friends?

Proverbs 18:24 NASB “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24 NIV “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24 KJV “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: And there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 18:24 NKJV “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

1 John 1:6–7 “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the Light as He Himself is in the Light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin.”

1 John 2:10 “The one who loves his brother abides in the Light and there is no cause for stumbling in him.”

A professing Christian who thinks they are fine in sin thinking they can still sin in the same way and call you a friend is not a professing brother that is treating you as a friend. Holiness, faithfulness, loving others, and friendship are all intricately connected.

How do you get friends?

See verses above

What about a friendship that grows apart naturally

There is no sin in natural distancing.

If “naturally” means because there is some observed sin or an offense, that is different.

I’m an introvert and don’t want to hang out with anyone

Should we prioritize a psychological understanding of personality types over God’s will provided in Scripture to love one another? Is psychological understanding of personality types an excuse to not love one another?

Whether introvert or extrovert the requirement is to love others

1 John 2:10 “The one who loves his brother abides in the Light and there is no cause for stumbling in him.”

How many friends can you realistically have being married with kids and being busy?

Proverbs 18:24 NASB “A man of too many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Proverbs 13:20 “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.””

Proverbs 22:24–25 “Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Or you will learn his ways And find a snare for yourself.”

The issue is not quantity but quality of friends. However, realistically, you can only manage a certain volume of friends.

How does accountability take place in the church?

How long until you move someone out of the church when they’re in sin?

Like the 1 Cor passage we talked about...how long had it been?

Matthew 18:15–20 ““If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.””

Hebrews 5:11–14 “Concerning him we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you have need again for someone to teach you the elementary principles of the oracles of God, and you have come to need milk and not solid food. For everyone who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.”

Matthew 13:24–30 “Jesus presented another parable to them, saying, “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to a man who sowed good seed in his field. “But while his men were sleeping, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went away. “But when the wheat sprouted and bore grain, then the tares became evident also. “The slaves of the landowner came and said to him, ‘Sir, did you not sow good seed in your field? How then does it have tares?’ “And he said to them, ‘An enemy has done this!’ The slaves said to him, ‘Do you want us, then, to go and gather them up?’ “But he said, ‘No; for while you are gathering up the tares, you may uproot the wheat with them. ‘Allow both to grow together until the harvest; and in the time of the harvest I will say to the reapers, “First gather up the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them up; but gather the wheat into my barn.” ’ ””

EXPLANATION: Matthew 13:36–43 “Then He left the crowds and went into the house. And His disciples came to Him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the tares of the field.” And He said, “The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man, and the field is the world; and as for the good seed, these are the sons of the kingdom; and the tares are the sons of the evil one; and the enemy who sowed them is the devil, and the harvest is the end of the age; and the reapers are angels. “So just as the tares are gathered up and burned with fire, so shall it be at the end of the age. “The Son of Man will send forth His angels, and they will gather out of His kingdom all stumbling blocks, and those who commit lawlessness, and will throw them into the furnace of fire; in that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. “Then the righteous will shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.”

1 Corinthians 5:11–13 “But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church? But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.”

Two things need to be understood:

We must be willing to go through the process of addressing sin.

We must have the maturity to know when a person’s words do not reflect their actions. We must learn how to question and challenge someone who is in unrepentant sin and trying to justifying and being cautious not to damage believers while dealing with questionable professing believers.

The timeline is dependent on (1) the time spent observing the person in unrepentant sin and whether they repent, and (2) the elders going through the final step of addressing the sin with the unrepentant person.

Does that sort of response apply to only certain “bad” sins?

(1 Cor 5) He was having sex with his mom. Where is that line in our own lives?

Consider the urgency/brevity of the sin and the consistency of the sin. Is the sin so grievous that an immediate removal needs to occur. However, in the 1 Cor 5 passage, the church did not address the sin early on. This wasn’t just an issue of the brevity of the sin until it got to Paul’s ears, but it was an issue of not handling it correctly when it was initially known, then being arrogant about how they allowed him to continue in fellowship.

What’s the Bible say about stepping away from these kinds of conflicts?

(When you’re dealing with another person’s sin issues or unrepentant heart, it’s messy and it affects you too)

Is there is sin: 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”

Proverbs 10:12 “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all transgressions.”

Proverbs 17:9 “He who conceals a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates intimate friends.”

James 5:20 “let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Matthew 18:15–20 ““If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. “But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed. “If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. “Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. “For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.””

Matt 18 clearly states there is not a way out of addressing the sin of believers.

We need to ensure we are addressing sin, not debatable matters.

2 Timothy 2:14 “Remind them of these things, and solemnly charge them in the presence of God not to wrangle about words, which is useless and leads to the ruin of the hearers.”

Titus 3:9 “But avoid foolish controversies and genealogies and strife and disputes about the Law, for they are unprofitable and worthless.”

Romans 14:13–15:7 “Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather determine this—not to put an obstacle or a stumbling block in a brother’s way. I know and am convinced in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself; but to him who thinks anything to be unclean, to him it is unclean. For if because of food your brother is hurt, you are no longer walking according to love. Do not destroy with your food him for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let what is for you a good thing be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who in this way serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another. Do not tear down the work of God for the sake of food. All things indeed are clean, but they are evil for the man who eats and gives offense. It is good not to eat meat or to drink wine, or to do anything by which your brother stumbles. The faith which you have, have as your own conviction before God. Happy is he who does not condemn himself in what he approves. But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because his eating is not from faith; and whatever is not from faith is sin. Now we who are strong ought to bear the weaknesses of those without strength and not just please ourselves. Each of us is to please his neighbor for his good, to his edification. For even Christ did not please Himself; but as it is written, “The reproaches of those who reproached You fell on Me.” For whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, so that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope. Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus, so that with one accord you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.”

For unbelievers, I really like this AI quote: “The underlying principle is that silence enables destruction. Peacemakers confront sin to foster righteousness, and as believers conquer personal sin, they become more effective in leading others out of it. Avoidance is not a biblical option—it reflects self-protection rather than love for the person’s wellbeing.”

Luke 7:34 ““The Son of Man has come eating and drinking, and you say, ‘Behold, a gluttonous man and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners!’”

“My principle here would go something like this: Avoid relations with unbelievers in which your relation endorses the unbelief or consequent sins, and avoid the kinds of relationships that involve the interweaving of deep personal values (like marriage).

On the other side, don’t avoid relationships where you can have clear testimony to the truth and are allowed to stand on Christian principles, even if you are sometimes criticized for getting too close. Jesus was criticized like that, and was called a “glutton and a drunkard” (Luke 7:34).

2 Corinthians 6:14–18 “Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness? Or what harmony has Christ with Belial, or what has a believer in common with an unbeliever? Or what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For we are the temple of the living God; just as God said, “I will dwell in them and walk among them; And I will be their God, and they shall be My people. “Therefore, come out from their midst and be separate,” says the Lord. “And do not touch what is unclean; And I will welcome you. “And I will be a father to you, And you shall be sons and daughters to Me,” Says the Lord Almighty.”

 John Piper, Taste and See: Savoring the Supremacy of God in All of Life (Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2005), 223.

Colossians 4:5 “Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity.”

1 Corinthians 9:19 “For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a slave to all, so that I may win more.”

NOTES:

The Bible does not permit avoiding confrontation of sin in believers. Rather, it establishes a clear mandate to address it. Scripture is explicit: Jesus commanded, “If your brother sins, rebuke him”[1], and Christ outlined a specific process in Matthew 18:15–17, instructing believers to approach someone privately first to show them their fault[2].

The search results expose the rationalizations people use to avoid this responsibility. Common excuses include not wanting to hurt feelings, claiming it’s not one’s place, believing the person needs to learn independently, having personal problems, treating it as none of one’s business, or fearing friendship loss[1]. However, hating what is evil includes challenging people about destructive patterns, and the potential loss of friendship is worth the cost if it prevents someone from dying in sin[1].

For unbelievers specifically, the approach differs somewhat. One should avoid relationships that endorse unbelief or involve deep interweaving of personal values, but should not avoid relationships where clear Christian testimony can be given and biblical principles can be maintained[3]. However, while believers should be friendly toward unbelievers, intimate relationships with them are not biblical[4].

The underlying principle is that silence enables destruction. Peacemakers confront sin to foster righteousness, and as believers conquer personal sin, they become more effective in leading others out of it[2]. Avoidance is not a biblical option—it reflects self-protection rather than love for the person’s wellbeing.

[1] Dustin Willis and David Platt, Life in Community: Joining Together to Display the Gospel (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2015). [See here, here, here.] [2] Gregory Brown, The Beatitudes: Growing in Kingdom Character, The Bible Teacher’s Guide (BTG Publishing, 2018), 100. [3] John Piper, Taste and See: Savoring the Supremacy of God in All of Life (Sisters, OR: Multnomah Publishers, 2005), 223. [4] Got Questions Ministries, Got Questions? Bible Questions Answered (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2002–2013). [See here.]

______

I need to clarify that my previous statement was imprecise and the search results actually present a more restrictive framework than what I suggested.

The biblical teaching on relationships with unbelievers is more stringent than I indicated. Believers should not be “bound together with unbelievers,” as there is no partnership between righteousness and lawlessness, and no fellowship between light and darkness. (2 Cor 6:14–18) Scripture explicitly forbids intermarriage with unbelievers, warning that they will turn believers away from following God to serve other gods. (Deut 7:3–4)

However, the search results do recognize a distinction between avoiding intimate partnerships and maintaining Christian witness. Paul clarified that believers cannot avoid all association with immoral people of the world, or they would have to leave the world entirely. (1 Cor 5:9–11) Instead, believers should engage strategically: conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. (Col 4:5)

The emphasis falls on how believers interact with unbelievers, not on complete avoidance. Let your light shine before people so they may see your good works and glorify God. (Matt 5:16) Always be ready to give an account for the hope within you, with gentleness and reverence. (1 Pet 3:15–16) Paul became all things to all people so that by all means he might save some. (1 Cor 9:19–23)

The boundary is clear: avoid binding partnerships that compromise faith, but maintain redemptive relationships where Christian testimony can be given and biblical principles upheld.

_____

Scripture addresses debatable issues with a framework that prioritizes unity and conscience over doctrinal rigidity on secondary matters. Paul instructs believers to accept those with differing convictions without passing judgment on their opinions (Rom 14:1–6), establishing that disagreement itself isn’t inherently sinful.

The core principle centers on two constraints. First, each person must be fully convinced in their own mind (Rom 14:1–6), meaning individual conscience matters—you cannot violate your own convictions. Second, believers must take care that their liberty doesn’t become a stumbling block to the weak (1 Cor 8). If your actions cause a brother to be hurt, you’re no longer walking according to love, and you shouldn’t destroy with your choices someone for whom Christ died (Rom 14:13–15:7).

Scripture explicitly warns against how disputes occur. Refuse foolish and ignorant speculations, knowing that they produce quarrels (2 Tim 2:23–24), and avoid foolish controversies and disputes about the Law, for they are unprofitable and worthless (Titus 3:9). Wrangling about words is useless and leads to the ruin of the hearers (2 Tim 2:14).

The tone matters enormously. There’s a vast difference between friendly debate and bitter warfare; verbal assault, slander, and accusation have no place in the body of Christ[1]. When pointing out doctrinal error, do so humbly and respectfully, remembering that others with equal reverence for God’s Word may read it differently—such discussion is healthy if approached with the right attitude and teachable spirit[1].

The kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Rom 14:13–15:7)—meaning secondary practices matter far less than relational peace and spiritual fruit.

[1] Got Questions Ministries, Got Questions? Bible Questions Answered (Bellingham, WA: Logos Bible Software, 2002–2013). [See here, here.]