Redeemer Equips: Walking Together as Christians

Opening Word & Prayer

Welcome! This is our third and final week together for this series. Over the last two weeks, we’ve talked about the vision for care and the words we use in care. Tonight, we’re addressing something just as important—maybe even more difficult: How do we keep caring when the struggle doesn’t go away quickly? Some of you have walked alongside someone for months—or even years—and quietly wondered, “Why aren’t things changing?” Others of you are the ones being cared for, and you’ve wondered, “Am I ever going to move past this?” First of all, know that your not alone in these thoughts. i believe that at some point and to some degree, we are all at one or both of these ends, and often times it can be really frustrating. This class exists because the Christian life is not a sprint. And Christian care isn’t either. We are not meant to go from point A to point B over night but if that is what we expect, then we will find ourselves very disappointed.

Let’s pray

Introduction: The Reality We All Face

Most Christians don’t struggle because they lack information. They struggle because they live in time. We hear sermons. We read Scripture. We pray. We gather. We say the right things. We do all the things we are told we are supposed to do.

And yet:

Sin still entangles us - We still find ourselves battling the same old sin.

Suffering lingers around us - We see the pain and suffering from sin not only around us, but all throughout this world.

Relationships remain difficult for us - Marriages are still suffering, work is still hard, and real friendships feel rare.

Habits change slowly within us - It seems like we will never get past the struggling. We try so hard to change, but most days, it feels like we have went backward instead of forward.

One of the most important lessons for Christian maturity is learning how to walk faithfully without resolution. That is what tonight is about.

Key Text: Hebrews 3:12–13

Let me read Hebrews 3:12–13 “Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” There are a few assumptions built into this text that shape Christian care.

Truth #1: Perseverance Is a Community Project

Notice the language:

“Take care, brothers” - This points to the community of believers that God has placed around us. This is the church taking care of one another.

“Exhort one another” - This word exhort, it means to strongly urge. We have to be a community that urges belief and trust in God. Constantly reminding one another in our suffering of the promises of God and encouraging trust in those promises.

“Every day” - This is to take place every single day. Because we falter, and waver in our belief, we need this type of encouragement every day.

So, from this short passage, we can see that God does not leave perseverance up to individual willpower alone. The Christian life is not sustained merely by private devotion, but by shared exhortation. We have to be careful here and not make this into something it isn’t.

Shared exhortation doesn’t mean:

Constant correction - Exhorting isn’t only correcting people, it is also encouraging them. Trying to constantly find something to correct in others is exhausting and sinful. We are called to hope for and see the best in people.

Nonstop accountability - Exhortation is not nonstop accountability. Accountability is not a bad thing, but again, constantly seeking to find and correct something in people, is exhausting.

Intrusive oversight - Lastly, exhortation is not putting yourself into other peoples lives for the sake of oversight. We are not called to be overlords in peoples lives, but brothers and sisters, pilgrims on this journey together.

It means ongoing, ordinary encouragement—reminding one another of the truth when sin, sorrow, or weariness begins to distort our thinking. Perseverance is not dramatic. It is repetitive and relational.

Counseling the Room: Naming the Fatigue

Let me speak directly into something many of you feel but rarely say out loud. Some of you are tired of caring. You’ve checked in. You’ve listened. You’ve prayed. And things still seem messy. Others of you are tired of being the one who needs care. You feel behind. You feel like a burden. You wonder if people are quietly frustrated with you. If either of those is you, hear this clearly: God is not surprised by the slowness. Speed does not equal faithfulness. The process of sanctification, that becoming more like Christ, is a very slow and progressive change that happens over a lifetime; not overnight.

Truth #2: God Grows His People Slowly—and He Always Has

One of the quiet gifts of Reformed theology is that it teaches us what to expect. In other words, we learn what to expect about God, ourselves, and this world.

We believe in:

Remaining sin - Because of the remaining sin within us, in others, and the corruption in this world, we learn to expect sin and suffering to happen. One of the most freeing things for me, was when I started expecting sinners to act like sinners. I stopped expecting people be to as perfect as I am! Thats a joke of course, but in all honesty, I stopped expecting sinners to not sin. It freed me from the frustration, not all of it, but the majority of the frustration of people growing through their sin and suffering.

Progressive sanctification - This is the slow and progressive process of becoming more and more like Christ. This doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen over the 6 weeks of becoming a true believer. It happens over the rest of your life.

Ordinary means of grace - This is the Word, prayer, and the ordinances in community with the church. Whether in GC, Sunday mornings, equips classes, seminary Sunday, DNA groups, whatever it is, let the Word, prayer, and the ordinances be center in your life. These are the very things that keep you moving forward in the sanctification process.

This means that change is real—but gradual, growth is uneven, and no believer outgrows dependence this side of glory. The Bible does not hide this reality. Peter stumbled after years with Jesus. David sinned grievously after long periods of obedience. The early churches needed repeated correction. So why do we assume our own paths will be cleaner or quicker?

Colossians 3: What Enduring Care Looks Like

Colossians 3:12–14 says, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Notice what Paul emphasizes:

Character, not techniques - Holy, compassionate, kind, humble, meek, and patient character. This ought to be the very character we have with those around us. If not, we will fail to care for them. We cannot bear with one another or forgive one another, if we aren’t displaying these characteristics in our life.

Posture, not pressure - Paul says to put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. A posture of love makes caring for one another possible. Love enables us to move towards those who are hurting instead of turning away from them.

Patience, not immediacy - Paul calls for patience in the way we care for one another. Understanding that our sin and suffering never just go away aft hearing a bible verse, or saying a simple prayer. It takes time; often a very long time. We must have patience with others.

Enduring care is less about knowing what to say, and more about becoming the kind of people who can stay present over time.

Truth #3: You Have Limits—and They Are God-Given

This may be one of the most freeing truths we need to hear. You are not called to fix everyone. You are not called to carry every burden. And you are not called to replace the role of pastors, elders, or families. If you don’t have an answer, just say you don’t have the answer and then ask for help. Remember that limits are not failures.

Limits acknowledge the fact that:

You are not omniscient - You don’t know everything there is to know about any given situation.

You are not omnipresent - You can’t be everywhere and with everyone in all of their sin and suffering.

You are not the Holy Spirit - You can’t do what only God, through the Holy Spirit, can do in someone's life.

When Christian care ignores these limits, it turns unhealthy, controlling, and very exhausting. Faithful care knows when to say: “I can walk with you—but I cannot walk instead of you.” I can tell you what and who to trust in, turn to, and principles to live by, btu I cannot make you do any of it and I can’t do it in your place. Often times, people come into counseling, expecting the counselor or pastor to give some magical words of advice that makes everything just go away. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way; because we aren’t God. We must acknowledge these limitations in our care for each other.

When to Involve Pastors or Elders

Let me be very practical here. Sometimes, find ourselves in some pretty serious situations. Abuse, trauma, addictions. These can be dangerous scenarios, especially if we don’t know how to handle it properly, both to ourselves and the other person.

Loving care sometimes means recognizing when a situation is: Spiritually dangerous, spiritually stagnant, or beyond your wisdom or capacity. know when to get help and involve someone else, such as your pastors, elders, counselors, or someone much more mature than yourself.

Involving pastors or elders is:

An act of humility - It is recognizing that you need help in this matter and that you don’t have all the answers. Put your pride down for a few minutes, and ask for help, when you need the help.

A sign of wisdom - True wisdom, is understanding that you don’t know everything, and there is a need to always be learning. Reaching out for help, and even studying up on the specific situation, is always a wise choice. One of the things I learned in seminary, was how to read for research, which is why I never finish a book. I read, in order to learn. If I have a case dealing with PTSD, I will be reading books and articles on PTSD.

A protection for everyone involved - When a situation is escalated or dangerous, and you involve your pastors, you are protecting yourself and the other person. This should obviously be done in a loving and protective manner, but it sometimes necessary.

You are not escalating because you’ve failed. You are escalating because God has structured His church with shared responsibility.

Counseling the Caregiver: Staying Faithful Without Burning Out

Now a word for those who are actively caring for others. If you want to care well over time, you need to embrace three commitments:

Consistency over intensity - Faithfulness beats emotional highs. Slow consistency in faithfulness and obedience is always better than hell fire and brimstone style, forceful, change. You can force anyone to change. But you can walk with them while God changes them.

Prayer over pressure - God works while you sleep. Soak everything in prayer. If you know of a situation going on, pray for it consistently, and remember that God is always working behind the scenes when you can’t see anything going on.

Hope over control - Christ is more committed to His people than you are. If our care isn’t driving people towards Christ, it is driving them towards self or others-reliance. Teach people to find their hope in Christ, not in themselves, or in you.

Remember, you do not need to carry the outcome. But you do need to walk in obedience.

Counseling the One Being Cared For: Receiving Help Without Shame

And to those who often find themselves on the receiving end of care:

You are not a project - Your not a project that sits over to the side until we have the time, resources, or money to work on you. You don’t have to wait until I figure out how to fix you. There is this false belief in the western church that says, “I can only love you after I love myself.” In other words, I can’t help you until I am all fixed up myself.

You are not an inconvenience - When you ask for help, ask and wait. The tendency here is that we expect an immediate response from others, and when we don’t get one, we begin to believe that we are just an inconvenience in their life. We all have things we have to take care of in our own lives, so if you expect constant attention, you will be let down. We have literally had someone tell us to our faces, that we were unloving pastors, because we didn’t drop everything we were doing for them, every time they called or texted. They called and texted a lot. If this is your expectation, you will be let down every single time. But, just because someone doesn’t answer you right away, doesn’t mean your an inconvenience.

You are not behind the curve - Just because you need help with something, doesn’t mean that you are less then, or behind the curve on this path to the kingdom. We all need help, in different ways, and different degrees. You are not alone in your sin and suffering. You getting help, is the best possible thing you can do, in your sin and suffering.

Receiving care is not immaturity—it is humility rightly ordered. God’s grace often comes to us through other people.

A Final Vision: An Ordinary, Faithful Church

Imagine a church where:

Struggles are not hidden

Growth is celebrated, not rushed

Care is normal, not awkward

Truth is spoken gently

Grace is extended patiently

That kind of church does not come from programs. It comes from people shaped by the gospel, walking together over time.

Final Charge: “As Long as It Is Called Today”

Hebrews tells us we care for one another “as long as it is called today.” That means:

One conversation at a time

One prayer at a time

One step of obedience at a time

You don’t need to change everything. You need to stay faithful today.

Closing Prayer