Solving Conflict

I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord. Yes, I also ask you, true partner, to help these women who have contended for the gospel at my side, along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are in the book of life.

Today, we tackle a topic that’s essential yet often challenging: conflict and reconciliation. These aren’t easy subjects to navigate, but they are vital for the health of the body of Christ. As we look at Philippians 4:2-3, we see Paul urging two women, Euodia and Syntyche, to come together in the Lord. Their disagreement serves as a reminder that even within the church, we can face conflicts that threaten our unity.

In our lives, we will inevitably encounter disagreements, whether in our families, friendships, or church community. How we handle these conflicts speaks volumes about our faith and commitment to Christ. Paul’s call for reconciliation is not just about resolving disputes; it’s about embodying the love and grace of Jesus in our relationships.

Big Idea: As Christians, we must pursue reconciliation with each other.

As we explore these verses today, let’s open our hearts to the transformative power of reconciliation. Remember, as we strive to follow God, we must seek out peace and unity, reflecting the humility and grace that Christ has shown us. Together, I pray we will commit to pursuing reconciliation with each other, knowing that our unity is a powerful testimony to the world.

Philippians 4:2

I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord.

Paul has apparently heard about a disagreement in the Philippian church between two ladies: Euodia and Syntyche. We can guess that this argument was reported to him by Epaphroditus, who we learned about in Philippians 2, when he brought the gift from the Philippian church to Paul.

Calling on these two ladies to come to an agreement is not the first time we see Paul address the issue he is now confronting. In Philippians 1:27, he instructs his readers to live worthy of the gospel of Christ.

Philippians 1:27

Just one thing: As citizens of heaven, live your life worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or am absent, I will hear about you that you are standing firm in one spirit, in one accord, contending together for the faith of the gospel…

This type of living insists that believers will stand firm together, contending for the faith of the gospel together. If we are consciously trying to live worthy of the gospel of Christ, that means we should be working at building up unity in the body of Christ. Unfortunately, we can let sin and pride work their way into our hearts and minds, even as Christians, causing division and strife in the church instead of unity and peace.

This last week, I spoke on finding Godly examples to emulate and follow. In the last year, I have seen two men whom I admired as pastors and faithful preachers of God’s word resign from their positions after being found in sin.

The latest one was this past week, when a pastor and founder of a prominent ministry was forced to resign after he was found to have 4 anonymous social media accounts, 2 anonymous emails, and 2 anonymous Substack accounts (basically like a blog) with which he would attack, slander, or attempt to discredit other faithful ministers of God, including those who have spoken at his conference, as well as elders on the board of his church.

This is not contending for the gospel together with others. This is not what it means to agree with each other in the Lord. This was purposefully causing discord and strife within the body of Christ by a person who was supposed to be an agent of God’s love, grace, mercy, and truth.

Remember last week when I went through the end of Romans 1 and all of the sins that Paul lists that people do when they refuse to serve God? What did we then see in the first verse of chapter 2? Paul tells the Roman Christians that they should be careful not to judge the unbelievers who do such things because they are guilty of the exact same sins.

I thought it was extremely honest for one of the ministries that this pastor often attacked to say this in their statement concerning the issue:

We harbor no animosity toward Josh Buice. Our Lord reigns and we are confident that He will use all this for our good and His glory. Many of (his) secret sins have been brought to light and the revelation has been painful and sorrowful. We are aware that the seeds of those sins live in our own hearts, and we must, by the grace and power of Christ, mortify them daily.

Instead of responding with backlash, this ministry admitted that if they were not careful, they could find themselves falling into the same sinful trap. We all must be careful not to let pride and selfishness grow in our hearts to where it starts to spill out in our thoughts, words, and actions.

Much like this ministry responding to the news of this pastor’s betrayal, we should remember this quote from Charles Spurgeon:

“If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him. For you are worse than he thinks you to be.”

Charles Spurgeon

After Paul tells the Philippians that they are to stand firm together and in unity for the gospel in Philippians 1, he then continues instructing them on how to live this out in chapter 2. He describes the need for humility in the faith and to consider others as more important than ourselves.

Now, I have already preached an entire sermon on the first 4 verses of Philippians 2, but I want to look at these verses again in light of our main passage today.

Philippians 2:1-4

If, then, there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, make my joy complete by thinking the same way, having the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.

The disagreement between these two ladies in Philippi showed that they were having trouble being of one mind and spirit. By definition, a disagreement means there is no agreement; there is a lack of unity.

Now, just because there is disagreement, does not mean there can’t be unity. I can disagree with a Presbyterian on the topic of baptizing infants and still be unified with them in proclaiming the gospel of Jesus Christ. I can have a different view on how God predestines his people than another pastor in the area, and yet, there can still be unity in the gospel because these issues are not primary issues that will determine if someone is actually saved or not.

The problem is that we let our sinful pride and selfishness control how we think, act, and speak in response to someone disagreeing with us. We allow our sinfulness to take center stage. Instead of looking to the interests of others, we are only thinking about ourselves. “I want my opinion to matter more than someone else’s.”

This is why we see churches split over stupid things like what color to paint the walls, what color carpet to install, whether to get rid of old, wooden, uncomfortable pews or use comfortable chairs. This is not an exaggeration.

Just so I am clear, there are times when disagreement, even in the church, is good. There are times when you have to say, “You know what, unity is just not possible anymore.”

If the conflict is over fidelity to the Word of God, where one side is trying to stay faithful to what Scripture says, but the other side is either ignoring or even distorting what Scripture says, especially when it comes to core doctrines of the Christian faith, there cannot be unity. Living Word Community Church cannot have unity with churches that do not adhere to the basic, fundamental tenets of the Christian faith as outlined in Holy Scripture.

Another reason that there could have been conflict between these two ladies is miscommunication. The Irish playwright, George Bernard Shaw once said:

“The biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has occurred.”

George Bernard Shaw

How often have we had a conflict with another person (married people) because we simply misheard or misunderstood what the other was saying? I can fully admit here before you all that I have been the cause of conflict in my marriage because I have either misheard my wife, misunderstood what she was trying to tell me, or assumed she meant something, and my assumption was wrong.

I am still learning to have Emily or anyone else who may be trying to communicate something to me repeat what they said, and then I repeat it back to make sure I actually understood. When I don’t take those steps, I find myself disappointing others and myself a lot.

Next Step: I will work on clear communication with others.

Now, we don’t know the exact type of argument that was going on between these two ladies in the Philippian church. It is possible that the thing they were disagreeing about was not even that big of an issue because Paul does not mention it specifically until we get to almost the end of the letter. Had this been a bigger issue, Paul would have likely mentioned it near the beginning of the letter.

In Galatians, Paul feels it necessary to call out the sin of the Galatian church following after false teachers in the first 10 verses. In 1 Corinthians, Paul gets through his introduction and thankfulness for the Corinthian believers, and then jumps on them for the divisions that have started to form within the Corinthian church.

There is one more thing that we need to notice about this call to agreement between these two ladies. Paul does not say, “I urge Euodia to agree with Syntyche.” Nor does he say, “I urge Syntyche to agree with Euodia.” He says:

Philippians 4:2

I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to agree in the Lord.

In the original Greek translation of this passage, Paul uses “urge” twice, once before each name. Even if Paul agrees with one of these women over the other, he is avoiding the appearance of potential favoritism. You can’t be accused of favoritism if you're scolding both people in an argument equally. This also shows the need for both women to work toward reconciliation.

Agreement is not a one-way street; a dictatorship is.

Dictators don’t feel the need to agree with anyone. They believe that everything should go their way. They dictate to everyone else how things should be. How many of us can recognize that we have a little dictator inside of us that tries to get its own way all the time?

Next Step: I will ask God to help me consider others above myself, even in conflict.

Philippians 4:3

Yes, I also ask you, true partner, to help these women who have contended for the gospel at my side, along with Clement and the rest of my coworkers whose names are in the book of life.

Paul asks this “true partner” to help these two ladies come together. The Greek word for partner is “Syzygus.” There is debate over whether Syzygus is a person’s name or a term of endearment toward the person Paul is asking for help from. The root of this word is “zygos”, which means a yoke (like you would put on a pair of oxen to keep them pulling together), or a balance scale (like we would use in high school science class to see how many feathers it took to match the mass of a little 1 gram weight).

The King James translates this word as a true “yolkfellow,” while the ESV and NASB translate the word as “companion.” This is a person who has worked together with Paul for the advancement of the gospel. A companion or yolkfellow is one who works in unity with another, like a team of oxen pulling a cart. So Paul is asking this person to help these ladies work together, just as this person had worked together with Paul for the gospel.

Paul wants this argument to get figured out. Discord within the church or within a family does not just impact the people who are disagreeing. The effect can be felt by everyone around the argument.

How many of us have been in a situation where we know two people are not getting along, and they may not even be talking to each other, but you can feel the tension in the air to where the room is uncomfortable to be in?

Sometimes we need help to resolve conflicts. Jesus provides instruction to us on how to deal with conflict between two believers.

Matthew 18:15-17

If your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he won’t listen, take one or two others with you, so that by the testimony of two or three witnesses every fact may be established. If he doesn’t pay attention to them, tell the church. If he doesn’t pay attention even to the church, let him be like a Gentile and a tax collector to you.

This is a very systematic approach to dealing with conflict between two Christians. There are three steps that Jesus gives us here on how to deal with conflict.

Step One: Go directly to the person

Jesus says that if your brother sins against you, go directly to him. Approaching those you are in conflict with must be done in love, grace, and humility. Do not talk to others about what the person has done to you - that is gossip. Doing this will only cause more division between you and the person or party you are in conflict with.

Also, do not just hide it and ignore it. Those who hide the fact that they have been hurt by someone else often believe they are doing it to keep the peace. But Jesus did not say in the Beatitudes of Matthew 5, “Blessed are the peacekeepers.” NO. He said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” By only trying to keep the peace, we are not solving any issues. Instead, we are pacifying people for temporary comfort.

Peacekeeping seems easy, may not take much effort, and can provide a clean solution, but its results are often temporary. Instead of confronting the real issue, it pushes the problem down the road to be dealt with “later,” if at all. Peacemaking is hard, takes work, and is often messy, but has longer-lasting effects than simply keeping the peace. Peacemaking requires confrontation because it addresses what the actual problem is.

Lets think of it this way. You go to the doctor for an itch on your arm that has been so bad you have scratched it until it bled. The doctor looks at it quickly and says, “Here is a band-aid for the bleeding,” and then sends you off. The doctor has not actually addressed the fact that your arm still itches or what even caused the itch. He has only addressed the result of the symptom of the itch. This is how we can look at peacekeeping.

Using the same situation, of going to the doctor for an itch on your arm, a good doctor will take the time to try and help you figure out what caused the itch (whether poison ivy, or a food allergy, or a chemical reaction), give you advice on how to avoid the cause, and THEN will give you the means to help with the symptoms. This is how we can look at peacemaking.

So when we find ourselves in conflict with others, we must go to the other person and assess what caused the conflict together. Did someone sin against the other? Did someone just not get their preference? Or was it simply a miscommunication between us and the other person?

Then, the two parties should do what they can to work out the conflict in a God-honoring way through repentance, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. If this ends in resolution, give thanks and praise to God that the conflict is over.

In his article Peace over Pride, Pastor Bruce Gale says this about forgiveness: (link to article and other resources in the app)

Forgiveness is not excusing wrong actions but releasing bitterness for God’s greater peace.

Bruce Gale

Right after this passage about conflict in Matthew 18, Peter asks Jesus how often he should forgive his brother who sins against him, saying, “Should I do it as many as seven times?” Jesus responds by saying, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.”

Jesus is not telling his disciples that once they have forgiven someone 490 times that they no longer have to forgive that person. Jesus is telling them that the number of times we should forgive others is so high that we will lose count and therefore should keep forgiving those who sin against us.

I want to bring this quote up again because I believe we all need to hear it again, including myself:

“If any man thinks ill of you, do not be angry with him. For you are worse than he thinks you to be.”

Charles Spurgeon

We must be willing to forgive others of their sins against us as often as Jesus forgives us when we sin against him, because we have sinned against Christ infinitely more times than anyone has sinned against us.

If you have brought your grievance to the person you are in conflict with in love, grace, and humility, but there has been no desire to find a resolution on their part, Jesus tells us to bring two or three witnesses into the conflict.

Step Two: Bring witnesses into the situation.

These witnesses may have seen what caused the conflict and be able to speak the truth to both parties about what they saw in order to help bring clarity. Perhaps the witnesses did not see what happened, but instead can help the two parties talk through the issue.

That can be done through me here at the church as your pastor. I am more than happy to help people here at the church work through conflicts with others. Perhaps you have a couple of friends whom you trust not to be biased or judgmental about the situation to help you find a resolution. Biblical counseling is also an option, especially for married couples who need help working through a conflict or argument that they have not been able to resolve on their own.

It is good and right to bring in others to help resolve a conflict or argument if you are not able to work out the issue with the other person on your own. Going to counseling or bringing in someone to help you work through a conflict or argument is not losing or giving up, it is admitting you need help.

This is somewhat like coming to Jesus. We do not come to Jesus because we have everything figured out. We come to Jesus because we know we DON’T have everything figured out. We know that we need help walking through this life. The same goes for working through conflict. Its okay to admit you need help.

If you have approached the person you are in conflict with, tried to reconcile, brought witnesses or others to help work through the conflict, and the person still refuses to acknowledge their sin or refuses to work at a resolution, you are to bring them before the church.

Step Three: Bring them before the church.

This seems like an extreme step, I know. However, the body of Christ is supposed to be a family that will love, support, and pray for the needs of those in the church. If there is a refusal by one side to try and resolve a conflict, the church and the elders are then to get involved.

I have seen this step happen many times. It was the church board of Pray’s Mill Baptist Church and the G3 Ministries board of directors who had to finally come to Josh Buice with a ton of evidence to get him to admit his sin after he had denied it so many times.

I don’t ever want to see a conflict get to this point in this church. If arguments get to this point, it means that things have gotten ugly. And when reconciliation happens at this point, it can be celebrated, but there is still a lot of ugliness that needs to be dealt with.

I pray that as a church, we can learn to work through our differences and communication issues with each other in a way that honors Christ and honors each other as God’s children who bear his image.

If none of these steps work and someone is still refusing to reconcile or admit their fault in an argument or conflict, Jesus says we are to treat that person like a Gentile or tax-collector.

Step Four: Treat them like an unbeliever.

This does not mean that we completely banish this person from our lives. It means that we treat them as if they are not a Christian. We do not ignore unbelievers, we show them the love of Christ. We point them to the truth of who God is. But we also recognize the lack of unity with them compared with fellow Christians. And just as we would when an unbeliever repents and submits their lives to Christ, we celebrate when someone who refused to reconcile repents and submits their own heart to Christ as well.

Paul wants Euodia and Syntyche to agree together because they have contended for the gospel with Paul and his fellow workers. Paul describes his fellow workers as those who have their names written in the “book of life.” This is the book where God has written the names of his children, those who have submitted to him. These are true believers in Christ, the ones who have been saved through repentance and faith in Jesus.

Paul’s call for reconciliation between Euodia and Syntyche is a call to us today as well. As fellow Christians here at Living Word Community Church who are contending together for the faith, working together to point this world to the hope that is found in Christ alone, let us work through the conflicts we may have with each other in a way that honors Christ and points each other to him.

Next Step: I will work to reconcile with those I am in conflict.

As we conclude today, we must reflect on the greatest conflict we will face in this life: the struggle between our sinful nature and God's call for reconciliation. Each of us carries the weight of our sins, which separates us from a holy God. But there is hope!

The path to peace begins with repentance—acknowledging our shortcomings and turning away from the things that keep us from God. This isn't just about feeling sorry; it's about a heartfelt desire to submit your life to Christ, who offers forgiveness and transformation.

You don't need to have everything figured out or to come to the front of the church. What matters is your willingness to recognize your need for Jesus. He desires to bring you into a relationship with Him, where you can experience genuine love, grace, and a new beginning.

If you feel the tug on your heart today, respond by surrendering your life to Him.

Next Step: I will submit my life to Christ.

Confess your sins, ask for His mercy, and commit to following His ways. This is the first step toward true reconciliation—not just with God but with yourself and others. Remember, we are all in need of grace, and through Christ, we can find the peace that surpasses all understanding.

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