Wisdom for Family

PRAYER- Reminder that we are studying the thematic portions of Proverbs 10-29.

INTRO: I’ve often shared that some sermons are more difficult to preach than others. When it comes to a message on families, well, this one burdens me greatly. And that’s partially because I know how challenging parenting is- and I don’t always get it right.

And if we are honest, many of us are overwhelmed when it comes to family, and sometimes that’s because we are just trying to do better than what we experienced.

But the reality is that countless homes are filled with chaos as moms and dads have stepped away from traditional parenting in favor of passivity and permissiveness.

The ramifications of this breakdown are staggering and, for a society, downright deadly.

Consider the stories in schools where teachers face entitled teenagers who become belligerent simply because they are asked to do stop talking or do the work.

Or consider the lack of life skills of many young people whose parents never taught them how to cook, change a tire, or have a conversation.

There are multiple examples of children who are disrespectful, rebellious, and, in some extreme cases, violent.

All of this brokenness reveals a troubling picture. The family, as God designed it, is under attack. Satan’s lies and deception have infiltrated our homes and churches. Now some of you may not have children in your home—but every one of us is part of God’s design for passing down wisdom. Whether as parents, grandparents, mentors, or members of this church family, we all play a role in shaping the next generation. You see, I believe that as Christ followers, you and I have a unique opportunity to reflect God’s truth in our society.

The light shines brightest in the dark places. But listen, when we speak of brokenness and disorder in the family, our goal is not merely to modify behavior. Remember, Proverbs 1:7a “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;"

That fear, as we’ve noted before, can be understood not as an abstract terror, but as a right view of who God is and how we respond to Him. In order for our witness to change lives, others must rightly see God- His holiness, power, mercy… and surrender to His lordship as a matter of conviction. Thus, our desire should be to reclaim the family by reclaiming the hearts of family members.

This begins in our homes first. Then, through ordinary means of discipleship, mentoring, and community, we demonstrate and teach God’s wisdom. I need this just as much as anyone of you here today.

And let me just pause here for a moment—because while much of what we’re talking about today will apply directly to parents, this is not just a message for moms and dads. Every one of us is either shaping someone or being shaped by someone.

Here’s what I want you to grasp before we go any further: God has brought you here today to draw you closer to Him. And in our time together, you will see some very practical wisdom regarding the family. But perhaps even more than that, I pray that you will see that God is our perfect father; He has called us who have been redeemed by Christ His sons and daughters.

Therefore, receive His grace and His wisdom. God’s love is not something we earn, yet He calls us to display what we have received. So, if you picked up a bulletin, I encourage you to follow along in your sermon guide as we learn together, Wisdom for Family.

The wisdom we see in Proverbs compounds as we go. What you will see is that there are 3 dimensions of wisdom that work together to illustrate God’s design for wise family living. Each dimension is an action step that you and I can take to reclaim our families according to God’s design. I do want to offer the caveat that this is by no means exhaustive. Rather, it’s foundational.

So, let’s get to it, shall we? The first action step for wisdom in the home is:

Establish Your Role (20:7, 22:15, 14:1)

It’s vital folks, that in your home you know your role. Moms, dads- you are the parents! You are the ones in charge, not your kids. Listen here to Prov. 22:15

Proverbs 22:15 NASB95

15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.

Children, because they are still developing and have little experience from which to judge, do not have the capability to make wise choices. Now this is not to say that they cannot make good choices ever, but we need to understand that children are still learning wisdom. What they need is guidance, not autonomy.

Parents, you must establish your role. In fact, and this is just a free sidebar, your role as husband or wife needs to come first before your role as mom or dad. Genesis 2:24, God shows that the covenant bond of matrimony is preeminent and outlasts the parenting season of life.

When we get these roles mixed up, even when it seems like we are doing good, we are tearing down the very foundation God has set for our flourishing. Listen to Proverbs 14:1

Proverbs 14:1 NASB95

1 The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

ILL: I want you to picture a football team. When the offense is out on the field, there are 11 guys. But they all have very specific roles. Linemen have blocking assignments, receivers have routes to run, running backs have their own duties, and of course there’s the QB who hands off the ball or throws it. Now, imagine if the linemen, instead of blocking the defense, decided to run a receiving route? The whole thing collapses!

Thus, we need to know and establish our roles in the family. Now, look here- our role is not just a function for our own good; we also serve as a model for our family. Listen to Prov. 20:7

Proverbs 20:7 NASB95

7 A righteous man who walks in his integrity— How blessed are his sons after him.

Dads, Moms, when you fulfill your right roles in the family, you are showing your children God’s wisdom in action. The result is clarity. Children- teenagers, you need to know your role. You are under your parents’ authority. God put this as one of the 10 commandments that you shall honor your father and mother.

And listen, I’ll speak for myself at least, as a dad, I don’t always get it right. I try to walk in God’s wisdom. I am intentional in many ways- not domineering or passive, but I make mistakes and I’m sure some of you other parents do as well. But God does not make mistakes. And He created the family with distinct roles so that we can flourish and bring Him glory.

If there’s confusion in your home about roles, then I encourage you to spend some time in prayer and reflection about God’s wisdom for your family. Establish your role and watch how much clearer God makes things. And when we fail in these roles (and we will) know that God does not cast us off. Instead He calls us to draw near… to receive His grace and strength to establish our role in the family.

And this doesn’t just apply in parenting. Every one of us lives in God-given roles—whether in the home, the church, or under authority. Wisdom begins when we embrace where God has placed us.

Now, knowing and establishing roles is important, but our roles, especially as parents, are action roles. In other words, you do not have a stunt double for when things get tough. Now, I want to speak to you pastorally in this next dimension… hear my heart when I tell you to:

Embrace Your Responsibility (19:18, 23:13-14, 19:20, 10:17, 13:1, 29:15)

ILL: When I worked in hotel management, one of the first lessons I learned is that the buck stops here. I was responsible… If people didn’t show up for work, if work was done poorly, if things were broken, etc. I could not deflect, I had to act. Sometimes that meant showing up in the middle of the night. Sometimes it meant firing an employee or setting course corrections for future success.

To a greater degree, in the family, we must embrace the responsibility of our role. There are several proverbs relating to the specific responsibility of parents providing proper discipline to their children. We won’t look at all of them, but let me point you to a few. First,

Proverbs 19:18 NASB95

18 Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death.

Proverbs 23:13–14 NASB95

13 Do not hold back discipline from the child, Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. 14 You shall strike him with the rod And rescue his soul from Sheol.

Proverbs 29:15 NASB95

15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, But a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.

It’s easy to hear these and have a negative reflex to physical discipline. Solomon is not advocating abuse or harshness. What you need to see is discipline is an act of love and rescue for your child. In fact, we often think about the negative, punitive measures of discipline, but in a much broader sense, discipline is about training and instruction.

Deuteronomy 6 lays out this principle > Parents are to diligently train their child in the ways of the Lord. That includes correction because without correction, it allows our kids to go unhindered to their own destruction.

In the NT, the writer of Hebrews helps us to see that God disciplines those that are his- because He desires the best for us. So just as it’s the role and responsibility of parents to provide instruction and discipline, it’s also the responsibility of children to receive said instruction and discipline.

Solomon writes a lot to contrast between the wise and the foolish. But several of the proverbs demonstrate the wise person as one who receives instruction. Let me share a couple of these:

Proverbs 13:1 NASB95

1 A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.

Proverbs 19:20 NASB95

20 Listen to counsel and accept discipline, That you may be wise the rest of your days.

Proverbs 10:17 NASB95

17 He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, But he who ignores reproof goes astray.

God’s design for the family is such that when we understand our role and embrace our responsibilities, then we can flourish in the world God created. But this is more than a selfish endeavor. You see, ultimately, this is about the the shaping our heart. It’s about trusting God.

Here again, none of us have perfectly handled this responsibility. In fact, we cannot do this apart from Christ. Folks my age and younger tend to be more soft in their parenting style than what we experienced. The pendulum swings. But this is not about our experience or our parents. This is about whether or not we believe God and will choose His way over our way… so let me ask you,

How are you embracing your responsibility? As a parent? As a child? For some of you, this may look like discipling a younger believer… being intentional with a niece or nephew… or simply being a faithful example in the church.

Establish your role clearly, embrace your responsibility now so that you can look to the future with anticipation. You see, God has a great plan… our final action step asks us to act with an eye on the future. Or, said another way:

Envision Your Reward (23:24-25, 22:6, 24:3-4)

How many of you believe that our actions have consequences?

Sure you do. If you get dressed in the dark, you might have mismatched socks. If you excel in the workplace, you might get a promotion. And if you raise your child in the admonition of the Lord, you will likely get the benefits that accompany this action.

Solomon writes about this on a few levels. But I first want to hit an area many of you are very familiar with. Look with me to Prov 17:6

Proverbs 17:6 NASB95

6 Grandchildren are the crown of old men, And the glory of sons is their fathers.

Remember, Solomon is writing for his sons, but this applies to women as well. What he is saying is that, in wisdom, there is multi-generational blessing. Let’s break it down:

Grandchildren- how many of you have grandchildren? Ok, how many of you might possibly love those grandchildren even more than your own kids? They are a blessing, aren’t they!?! They are like your golden crown- a sign that you made it through the parenting phase of life and now you get to enjoy your legacy. Grandchildren are a visual reminder that all those hard years of parenting paid off.

Adult Children with positive relationships. When we parent wisely, our kids grow up to be grateful for how you sacrificed, how you disciplined even. How you modeled godliness for them. They know you had their best in mind, even though, when they were teens, they didn’t see that.

Folks, for you who still have kids at home, or are children living at home- I want you to look at the bigger picture. Look ahead to what God’s wise design means for you and your family and commit yourself to His way. Solomon says it this way:

Proverbs 24:3–4 NASB95

3 By wisdom a house is built, And by understanding it is established; 4 And by knowledge the rooms are filled With all precious and pleasant riches.

But the rewards are not just for this life… look down to

Proverbs 22:6 NASB95

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

You’ve likely heard this before.. but let me clarify. These proverbs are not promises, but principles. You and I cannot save our children. They may harden their heart, and that is beyond our control. But, we can set them on a path where they can hear and see the Gospel so that they can respond appropriately to it.

But I want to lean in a little further on this particular point. I believe that the heart of this proverb demands that we are authentically leading our kids. Parents, grandparents- we must prioritize God’s Word, we must be sacrificially committed to His church, and we must allow our surrendered heart to convey the realities of God’s Amazing Grace.

Practically:

Our personal devotion to God should be both consistent and visible. Your kids need to see you reading the bible, praying, worshiping.

Our attendance in church community must not be optional or delinquent. If we do not prioritize being the bride of Christ, how can we expect our children to know the bridegroom?

Our humble and regular repentance should tell the story of a God who is patient and loving. Paul said it is the love of God that compels him to obedience… that should be our motivation as well. Not that we can earn something, but that we have received something so great!

Look here- I think the greatest reward that any parent can have is to see their children come to know Christ as Lord and Savior.

I want to step back for a second here: I wonder if some of you are not thinking, “I’ve already failed.” Let me remind you, God is not finished with your family yet. Perhaps you are a parent or grandparent and you are praying this for your kids. I want you to know that I join you in that prayer.

ILL: I was listening to a man’s testimony a few weeks ago. He grew up in a Christian home- he was taken to church regularly; understood the Gospel intellectually. But when he went to college, he stopped attending church. His faith became unimportant. He got married, and his wife was not a Christian. They did not attend church… eventually his wife passed away. And after several years, God opened the man’s eyes to love and Christ, and praise God, He repented, started attending church, and has recommitted his life to Jesus Christ.

The proverb, for this man, was true. But it is God’s timing.

And for those who may never have children, don’t miss this—there is still a legacy of faith you are called to build. The people you invest in today can become part of that eternal reward. John, in his epistle said this:

3 John 4 NASB95

4 I have no greater joy than this, to hear of my children walking in the truth.

John is not talking about biological children here, but rather those he poured into as a disciple maker.

Here’s the thing: As Christians, we know that an eternity in heaven with Jesus awaits us when this life is over. Aside from that, can you think of a greater joy than knowing your kids will be there with you?

Can you think of something cooler than knowing you were faithful to demonstrate the importance of God’s Kingdom above the kingdoms of the world to your children, who in turn, devote themselves fully and wholly unto the Lord? What a reward!!!

So here’s where this teaching leads us today:

God’s wisdom for the family teaches us that reclaiming our family begins in our own hearts. Friends, our world is very broken. And the solution is not merely to modify behaviors. Rather, it’s to surrender ourselves under the Lordship of Christ- adopting a proper fear of the Lord, and living it out...and that includes in our homes.

Let me ask you to reflect upon 2 questions:

What kind of home are you building right now?

What do your children believe matters most based upon your life?

Friends, let me make this very specific for us this morning:

Some of us may need to call a family meeting, where we reset and refocus God’s way. Maybe you’ve never had a family meeting- start. Remember your role.

Here is just a moment, I am going to lead us in prayer. As we pray,

If you sense conviction, as a passive parent or a rebellious child, repent!

If you feel your family is in chaos this morning, grab your spouse by the hand and together pray that Christ become the center of your family.

[PRAY]

DISCUSS: What happens when parents or children operate outside of their God-given roles?

DISCUSS: What kind of “future picture” motivates you when you think about your family?

DISCUSS: Based on your life, what would your family say matters most to you?