Called Out of Shame

Introduction

Welcome:

Transition: Today we’re continuing on in our series called “The Words of Jesus” focusing on some of his words that take place right after his resurrection. And the words we’re going to focus on take place as Jesus handles one of the disciples moments of shame.

Before we get into the words, can we just enter this discussion with some sensitivity and curiosity?

Tension: What are you ashamed of?

[Basic Situations] Do you have any situations in which you feel immense amount of shame? I’m talking about the things that keep you up at night

[Failed joke] That moment when you told a joke that you thought was funny but no one laughed and you get the looks from pretty like they want to run away from you?

[Failed Initiative] Do you have those things you tried to start but just never took off? Whether it was social media account, small business, college degree, that you started but then had to stop because something just wasn’t working. You told everyone how this was your life purpose and now it makes you question your own identity.

[Mistakes] Or how about the situations where you just screwed up? Do you have moments of your life you can’t reconcile? Things you said to someone in a moment of anger? Decisions you made because it just felt right in the moment but now looking back you know it just wasn’t a good call?

For some of us, there’s bad decisions we’ve made that we are still living in the consequences of today.

But you’re not just living in the fallout, you’re living in the shame.

[Cultural Messages] Shame is challenging, because as human beings we don’t know how to solve shame, we just know how to move it around, hide from it

[Differences] If anything, we weaponize shame. If people don’t think the same way we do, vote the same way we do, what’s the result— shame.

[Mistakes] Think about when people do make major mistakes, it’s entertainment to our world! We know how to shame people and put them down but we don’t know any other way to approach this subject.

[Church Hurt]

[Unsafe] Unfortunately, the church isn’t an exception to this reality.

Public: There’s the public hurt we’re dealing with when it comes to shame. We as a city still haven’t healed from the wounds of pastors in our own city who have caused damage— our response is just shame.

Community: But on an internal side, we’re afraid of what could happen if the things we’re ashamed about came into the light. Some of us have been bold and shared it didn’t go well. Rather recieved in your pain, we’re instead seen our shame magnified.

Or we get dismissed and we don’t have the space to process together through our emotions.

Personal vulnerability:

Can I share with you that vulnerability, especially about the things I’m ashamed of was not handled well in church. Some of my greatest scars and shame is wrapped up in so much of people I chose to talk with in church.

[Collapse] Emotional Tensions of Resistance

Shame in itself goes beyond a feeling. There are emotions you feel, and then there are emotions that go far beyond to become emotional sensations.

Have you ever felt anxiety in your skin? Depression keeping you from moving? Joy that made you feel light?

Shame often comes with a sensation- one that we all think we deserve: condemnation. But condemnation isn’t really an emotional sensation we’re good at understanding.

[Illustration of a condemned house] Have you ever seen a condemned house before? Authorities come and evaluate, put a sign on it, and make sure no one goes near it. Usually it’s because there something structurally off, normally collapsing on the inside, and any weight would ruin it all.

The sensation we sense with Shame is an internal collapse of our identity= condemnation. We feel as if our sense of self is crumbling- and just like a condemned house, no one is allowed near it.

I don’t have to research hard on this topic, because some of us become so used to shame and condemning that we are experts at it- myself included.

Transition question: So how does God view my shame? How does he respond when I’m collapsing on the inside.

Gospel of Shame

[Firsts] One of the things often therapists and mental health counselors do is ask the question, “When was the first time you experienced_______?” This is what often gives us our first exposure and understanding of feelings and framework. What do you think God’s first response to shame was?

Genesis 3:7–9 “At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?””

This is the first time we seem shame appear in the Bible, in human existence as a matter of fact. God knows everything about the situation and his response is gently calling out to us.

[Current Response] Can I share with you that his response has not changed since this day. His response is still one calling out to you, wanting to find you, in the pain in brokenness to become whole again the trueness of your real identity.

Main Idea:

Main Point: Jesus calls me out of shame and into a true identity.

But the words of Jesus we see here, cut deeper, show us more, show us his heart, and show us how he interacts with us today.

Bible Text:

There’s a little bit of backstory to what we read. The night before Jesus is put on the cross he’s with his disciples and he let’s slip that one of them will betray him, and he’s referring to Judas. But Peter immediately gets defensive and says, I’d never betray you!! And Jesus informs he, he would deny that he knows Jesus 3 times that very night.

Listen, denying that you knew Jesus 3 times on a night where he gets killed would instantly be one of the most shameful and defining experiences of my life!!! And we’re told that when Peter became aware of this, he wept bitterly. Or how we would understand it, Peter’s internal understanding of self felt like it was collapsing and no one could step in.

So then we pick up in John 21. Jesus has resurrected and he finds that Peter is exactly where he began before Jesus called out to him and started his relationship. John 21:1–3 “Later, Jesus appeared again to the disciples beside the Sea of Galilee. This is how it happened. Several of the disciples were there—Simon Peter, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin), Nathanael from Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two other disciples. Simon Peter said, “I’m going fishing.” “We’ll come, too,” they all said. So they went out in the boat, but they caught nothing all night.”

This is the exact place Jesus found Peter and the disciples.

If we keep reading, John 21:4–6 “At dawn Jesus was standing on the beach, but the disciples couldn’t see who he was. He called out, “Fellows, have you caught any fish?” “No,” they replied. Then he said, “Throw out your net on the right-hand side of the boat, and you’ll get some!” So they did, and they couldn’t haul in the net because there were so many fish in it.”

This is almost a shot for shot remake of what happens in Luke 5 when Jesus first called Peter. These guys weren’t catching anything until Jesus came and told them to let down their nets after they hadn’t been able to catch anything.

Isn’t it amazing how Jesus often starts healing by having us remember different parts of our past, good or bad?

So then Jesus has them come and cooks them breakfast, and they all sit around quiet, eating. And then they begin to converse. John 21:15–17 “After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.”

[Transition to points] We’re going to look at this situation and look at how Jesus calls us out of shame and into true identity.

Point #1- He calls again & again

Here’s the first point I want to make: Jesus calls us again & again.

[Story] This was not the first time Jesus called out to Peter, this was the 2nd time, in the same place, calling him again, back to the life he wanted for him!

[Encouragement] If you feel like there was a time but you missed it. I want to encourage you, you didn’t. Jesus is not…

Your parent who didn’t have patience for you

Your teacher who was irritated by you

Your coach who gave up on you

Your boss who never saw the value in you.

Jesus is the one who died for you before you even existed. He’s proactive in calling out to you, and consistent in it!!

[First Response] Can I take you back to the first response. Because this story doesn’t just show us one moment where something happens, it shows us God’s heart posture towards us. He sees the weight shame puts on us and chooses to come for us to protect and us bring us security.

[Isolation] One of the biggest things that comes with shame is isolation. The cruel trick of shame is to make you isolate you and make you think, “Get yourself together and then you can be loved by everyone else.” The weight of internal collapsing causes us to do some wild things. Peter felt like he had no other choice except to go back to what he knew and was comfortable with.

How do you manage shame in your life? Have had you managed shame in your life?

[Binge watching escape] Do you find yourself running to distractions that will help you escape how intense reality is? Binge watching shows and movies you don’t even care about because at least when you’re doing that you don’t have the ability to be present with how bad you feel about yourself.

[Substances] Do you find yourself eating, vaping, consuming anything you can because at least those small things at one point or another brought you joy!

[Walk Away] The one that gets me the most frustrated is when I see people who live under the weight of shame in areas of their life where they once had dreams and ambitions.

[Story] I remember sitting with someone once who was new to our church in Pittsburgh. He’s one of the most talented guys I’ve ever met, and he was sharing how he felt like he had a purpose he was supposed to do something. So when I suggested he join a team to just serve for an hour once a week, he said no. It wasn’t just a “no” it was— I’m too ashamed to say yes. A few months later we talked again, he told me, “I don’t feel good enough to be on a team, because I look at porn and I’m trying to stop.”

What he was trying to say was, “I’m going to handle this and fix this on my own. And then once I’m together I’ll step up.”

Can I tell you about what happened to this guy. Jesus started calling him, again & again! Jesus didn’t say, “get over the porn and then we can talk.” He called all of him, mess and all and said, let’s move forward together.

[Porn] I’m not just saying this as another example. I’m saying this, because for way to long, things like porn have had a stronghold over the church for way too long. I know for some of us here, we’re uncomfortable with this topic already. We’re comfortable searching it online, but not talking about it openly.

I have talked with too many people who have sat in church for decades who are self-condemning, collapsing internally and they’ve never been given permission to step out of isolation and into relationship with Jesus.

[Condemnation Response] The response of one of the writers of the Bible who I imagine had lots of shame to work through. The shame of killing others writes about this relationship with Jesus saying in Romans 8:1 “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”

Let me break this down more. When we give our lives to Jesus it means that he is now responsible for our beings. As much as we want to care for ourselves, he cares more. And the second he steps into your life, the things that try to collapse us are unable. There is now no condemnation, instead we have the grace. That even when I make a mistake, I’m still secure. That’s why he keeps calling out to us. It’s not difficult to call out something he made to be strong.

[Prophetic] He steps in and says, “Oh I can work with this. It’s more than potential”

Let me clear on this as well- he’s not just calling out to you to get your attention, he calls out again and again to ensure we don’t live life below the purpose, below the peace, below the life he always destined for you.

Do you find yourself in the place Peter was, going back to what’s known because you do feel good enough for what’s next? Jesus is calling to you. And he will keep calling to you. Because he’s way more patient than you, way more determined than you are, and he hasn’t given up on you yet!

Transition: He’s calling us out of shame into true identity, and this means he’ll call again & again.

Point #2- He calls out in care

Here’s the second point : Jesus calls out in grace & kindness.

What was the setting Jesus created to speak with the disciple who abandoned 3 times? Who left behind the purpose he put on his life? Who didn’t even stay with Jesus as he was crucified? Jesus makes him breakfast! I can’t find a better picture of what the grace & kindness of Jesus looks like!

What’s the tone you believe Jesus speaks to you? Because most of us believe it’s one of disappointment. And a lot of us project our relationships with parents, caregivers, important people in our life on top of Jesus and act as if their response is his.

[Parent response] Like when your parents found out about that thing you did and had a huge reaction!

[Boss] Or how about when you didn’t get the project finished on time and your boss just unloaded all of the stress they had on you!

[Teacher] How about when you failed a test and your teacher gave you a lecture as to why if you didn’t do better you were going nowhere in life!

[The toll] Sin & shame take a toll on your life. Not just physical, just not emotional, not just spiritual. Every part of you gets hit by this. And we often believe we can handle it on our own.

Jesus wanted to care for Peter! So much so that he blessed the work he was doing even though it wasn’t his purpose! Jesus wanted to remind him and show him that he didn’t give up on him. So he instead chose to show grace & kindness so that Peter’s true identity could come out.

Transition: How does Jesus call out to us? He calls again & again, and does it with grace & kindness.

Point #3

Here’s the third point : Jesus calls out to the deepest points of our shame.

Why did Jesus sit and ask Peter the same question 3 times? He’s giving Peter another chance to process through what happened and relive the experience.

1st Denial [John 18:15-17] Peter was watching at a distance while Jesus is taken to the courtyard. He wasn’t able to follow. So he’s speaking with a servant at the gate, a servant whose primary job is to keep track of “who” someone is. So they ask Peter, “are you one of his disciples?” And Peter says no. It’s not just a response it’s identification or rather disassociation from Jesus. Why? I’m not sure.

2nd and 3rd Denial [John 18:25-27] Peter is asked again twice more if he is a follower of Jesus and he says no! And immediately a rooster crows.

[Questions] Then we have the questions from Jesus. He doesn’t ask him why he responded the way he did. He doesn’t get petty like you and I would! He instead cuts deep and just acts the real question:

Do you love me more than these?

Do you love me?

Do you love me?

He’s not asking Peter, do you feel bad about what you did? Do you promise to never do it again? Do you love me?

[Conviction- what does this look like for me?] Jesus calling out to the depths of our shame often goes deeper than our shame. This calling out is something his spirit is able to do, it’s something we often refer to as the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes it’s situations that we’re unaware in which we’re doing something unhealthy, or sometimes it’s things we know about but don’t know all of it.

2 Corinthians 7:10 “For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.”

The conviction Peter felt probably wasn’t fun. But it was necessary. This is the goal. This was Jesus’ goal in that moment- godly sorrow that would lead Peter away from death and back to true identity and life!

Let’s get really practical on this for a second. How do process through when Jesus is calling out to us? How do respond? How do we know the difference between godly sorrow, conviction, and shame? It’s a practice that’s deeply spiritual that we rarely do, let create a habit out of: confession.

Do you know who wrote about this practice? The brother of Jesus, James 5:16 “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

Confess so you can respond to Jesus calling you and live in your true identity once again!

This looks like you sitting down and sharing with someone the real stuff going on. And someone hearing and caring for you saying “It sounds like you’re in pain. I love you! Let’s move on from this together!”

Let me prepare you for a second as to how service is going to end today. We’re going to have some moments of worship, then I’m going to pray to dismiss us as I normally do, and then myself and some of the team are going to be available to practice confession. To listen and pray with you! If you tell me, Colin I’m…

Dealing with a porn addiction, I’m going to love you and speak to you about the real you.

Colin I have 20 situationships and I don’t care about any one of those people, I’ll love you and remind you that God designed you to be such a strong person of connections.

Colin I’ve got anger issues and resentment towards so many people I’m going to remind you that God made you for an identity that brings people together.

I know some of you are ready to leave right now and avoid this.

Prophetic: Don’t go back, go forward.

But what if you Don’t go back, and instead you go forward.

[Peter] Peter could have stayed a fisherman. Instead he does what Jesus tells him to do. Take care of his sheep, his people. And not too long after this we see Peter preaching to and thousands respond back. You have no idea what’s outside of your shame and condemnation.

[House analogy] The devil is trying to tell you that the house of your life is condemned, destroyed, gone. Jesus is trying to open it back up for buisness! To expand the purpose he put on you!

He doesn’t condemn you he cares for you

He doesn’t shame you he calls you up

[True Identity]

Closing/ Recap