Uprooting the Silent Killer

Intro:

CORI

For nearly two centuries, Beethoven’s death was a mystery. The famous musician suffered from irritability, depression, and abdominal pain. His dying wish was that his illness would be discovered so that “the world may be reconciled to me after my death.”

In 1994, two Americans launched a study to determine the cause of Beethoven’s end. Chemical analysis of a strand of his hair showed his killer—lead poisoning1.

More than likely, it was a little poison in everyday activities that took his life. It could have come from drinking out of lead lined cups or having dinner on a lead lined plate—both common household items in that day. Or perhaps it came from eating contaminated fish or even the extensive consumption of wine. It didn’t come in one lump sum, but the lead killed him slowly and quietly—one little bit of poison at a time.

That’s also how bitterness destroys a marriage. It stores itself in the soul, and slowly poisons the one who carries it. It’s a blade meant for another that eventually severs the hand that tightly conceals it.

Definition: Bitterness in marriage is deep-seated resentment arising from unforgiven hurts, unmet expectations, and chronic conflict, often acting as a "silent killer" of intimacy. It builds up over time from small, unaddressed offenses, harsh criticism, or unequal partnership, causing emotional detachment. Overcoming it requires active forgiveness, improved communication, and intentional connection

For simplicity we are going to define bitterness as “undealt with anger”

Where have you seen “bitterness” in your own life, or the life of your extended family or friends crept in?

Larry

I. The First Marriage

Genesis 1:27–28 CSB

27 So God created man in his own image; he created him in the image of God; he created them male and female. 28 God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, and subdue it. Rule the fish of the sea, the birds of the sky, and every creature that crawls on the earth.”

(EXP)(27-28) God created male and female and he commissioned them. His commission would require them to be in covenant relationship with him. Genesis 2:15-22

Genesis 2:15–22 CSB

15 The Lord God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it. 16 And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree of the garden, 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for on the day you eat from it, you will certainly die.” 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” 19 The Lord God formed out of the ground every wild animal and every bird of the sky, and brought each to the man to see what he would call it. And whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. 20 The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found corresponding to him. 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. 22 Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man.

(15-22) The Lord took the man and placed him in the garden. He went to sleep then woke up with a home, a job and a wife.

It is clear from the text that God expected to be the center of their new life together.

Everyday they walked by the tree of knowledge of Good and Evil without eating it was an act of worship to God. Skip Down to Genesis 3:8

Genesis 3:8 CSB

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

the grammar of the text seems to imply “the Lord walking in the garden to meet them was a daily thing” He spent intimate time with them. He was their groom and they were the bride.

Adam, Eve and God were in a relationship without any hints of sin in it. Naked and Unashamed. They were in an optimal situation. There is nothing in the either of their lives that could improve what they already had.

YET!!!!!!!

Then something happened! Something came in between this couple! This beautiful union Mankind & God was violated

The Deciever was able to get both of them to believe that Perfection was not enough!! They believed their was something better than God or “gooder” than God.

II. The First Adultery

2 Corinthians 2:11 CSB

11 so that we may not be taken advantage of by Satan. For we are not ignorant of his schemes.

Paul says we ought not be ignorant of Satan’s schemes? What does he mean?

Paul never wants us to be caught off guard by Satan’s (thought processes)(plans)(strategies)

Genesis 3:1–7 CSB

1 Now the serpent was the most cunning of all the wild animals that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You can’t eat from any tree in the garden’?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit from the trees in the garden. 3 But about the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden, God said, ‘You must not eat it or touch it, or you will die.’ ” 4 “No! You will certainly not die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “In fact, God knows that when you eat it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 The woman saw that the tree was good for food and delightful to look at, and that it was desirable for obtaining wisdom. So she took some of its fruit and ate it; she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

Cori-Lead the couples to read the text. And discuss Satan battle plan. Then we are going to list them!

What was Satan battle plan when he came for the first marriage?

Satan is a master manipulator-can’t take him at face value

He made the woman question what she knew to be true-First case of mankind being gaslit!

Satan ask question which required to keep the conversation.

Satan question led her to view the garden from his perspective rather than God.

What started off as a question ended in a declarative by Satan because he could gauge the bitterness of eve.

Satan went from questioning to speaking for God.

Satan present “facts” supposedly hidden from Eve.

Satan then speaks for God

Satan charges God with a crime. And the crime is that of witholding his goodness!!

After making this list where was the weakness point in the first couple?

(3) You must not eat it, or touch it, or you will die

Eve added to the restriction and she subtracted from the consequences!

Larry

What was the outcome of the battle? What was the cost?

Genesis 3:7 CSB

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

The Loss of innocence

Genesis 3:8 CSB

8 Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden at the time of the evening breeze, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.

They feel real fear and anxiety

Genesis 3:16 CSB

16 He said to the woman: I will intensify your labor pains; you will bear children with painful effort. Your desire will be for your husband, yet he will rule over you.

Earthly strife between the sexes

Genesis 3:17

Work was no longer pure joy it is now joy mixed with pain

Genesis 3:19

Physical Death(Seperation and Grief)

Genesis 3:23-24

Seperation from the daily physical presence of God.

Let’s take a look at how this silent killer “bitterness” caused problems in the first family

Genesis 4:1–5 CSB

1 The man was intimate with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. She said, “I have had a male child with the Lord’s help.” 2 She also gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel became a shepherd of flocks, but Cain worked the ground. 3 In the course of time Cain presented some of the land’s produce as an offering to the Lord. 4 And Abel also presented an offering—some of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. The Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, 5 but he did not have regard for Cain and his offering. Cain was furious, and he looked despondent.

(EXP)(5) The Lord in dealing with Cain notice that Cain had some internal issues. You will notice that Cain didn’t say anything, it was in his body language that he was seething. God knew his heart.

What was the Lord’s response to Cain’s seething anger?

Genesis 4:6–7 CSB

6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you furious? And why do you look despondent? 7 If you do what is right, won’t you be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

(6) God wanted Cain to evaluate why he is mad?

Saints repeat after me: “Why am I mad?”

When God ask question is never for information it is introspection.

(7) God then relieves the deepest concern of Cain heart at the moment “he was rejected but his brother was accepted” Cain never articulated this but in (7) The Lord seems to be implying this. “If you do what is right won’t you be accepted?” Cain was dealing with rejection. He was feeling it in his heart. It was real and it hurt him.

Sidenote: Genesis 3:15

Genesis 3:15 CSB

15 I will put hostility between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring. He will strike your head, and you will strike his heel.

(15) I would argue his feeling of rejection involved more than just God’s rejection of his offering. Adam and Eve have been promised to be the parents of a Messiah a Savior. That would be a boy. This is an oral culture. When they told their boys and girls the story of the garden they would have told them the whole story “we messed up but the Lord gave us grace and through us a messiah would be born” we know this based on what Adam named his wife Eve “the mother of all living”

Eve’s name,  (derived from "to live" or "give life"), represents her role as the mother of humanity and her faith in God's promise that a future seed—a Messiah—would redeem humanity by crushing the serpent. Naming her son Cain, she displayed hope for this promised redeemer

I would argue that Cain concluded that Abel must be God’s chosen one because his offering was chosen. His heart wasn’t right prior to the offering and after.

Cain seem to be charging God with the sin of favoritism. Cain problem was with God not Abel. But he took his anger out on Abel.

(7) Notice how God describes the nature of Sin. “Sin is crouching at your door. It’s desire is for you, but you must rule over it”

In this text God talks about sin likes it’s a predator sitting outside your door ready to destroy.

What do you think about this metaphorical description of sin?

What was God trying to convey with this metaphor?

What specific sin was God talking about in relationship to Cain?

Cori

Hagar and Ishmael

Genesis 16:1–10 CSB

1 Abram’s wife, Sarai, had not borne any children for him, but she owned an Egyptian slave named Hagar. 2 Sarai said to Abram, “Since the Lord has prevented me from bearing children, go to my slave; perhaps through her I can build a family.” And Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So Abram’s wife, Sarai, took Hagar, her Egyptian slave, and gave her to her husband, Abram, as a wife for him. This happened after Abram had lived in the land of Canaan ten years. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she became pregnant. When she saw that she was pregnant, her mistress became contemptible to her. 5 Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible for my suffering! I put my slave in your arms, and when she saw that she was pregnant, I became contemptible to her. May the Lord judge between me and you.” 6 Abram replied to Sarai, “Here, your slave is in your power; do whatever you want with her.” Then Sarai mistreated her so much that she ran away from her. 7 The angel of the Lord found her by a spring in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. 8 He said, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” She replied, “I’m running away from my mistress Sarai.” 9 The angel of the Lord said to her, “Go back to your mistress and submit to her authority.” 10 The angel of the Lord said to her, “I will greatly multiply your offspring, and they will be too many to count.”

(EXP)(4) Sarah says she became “contemptible” to her(Hagar)

contemptible-small or insignificant

Sarah says after Hagar became pregnant she turned into the wife I turned into the servant. This Caused Sarah to become bitter!

Now watch how Sarah handled it:

Let me establish this first this was Sarah plan. Genesis 16:2

Genesis 16:2 CSB

2 Sarai said to Abram, “Since the Lord has prevented me from bearing children, go to my slave; perhaps through her I can build a family.” And Abram agreed to what Sarai said.

(5) Three verses later look at where she is at.

What did she say about Abraham?

“You are responsible for my Suffering” (Sidenote) Bitterness will cause you to place blame on the wrong things!

Tell me what you think?

Sarah kicked Hagar out the house?

The Bitter One

Isaiah 14:12–15 CSB

12 Shining morning star, how you have fallen from the heavens! You destroyer of nations, you have been cut down to the ground. 13 You said to yourself, “I will ascend to the heavens; I will set up my throne above the stars of God. I will sit on the mount of the gods’ assembly, in the remotest parts of the North. 14 I will ascend above the highest clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.” 15 But you will be brought down to Sheol into the deepest regions of the Pit.

This is a description of the Fall of Satan.

what do you see in the fall of Satan?

Jealousy is the cause and Bitterness is the result.

Entitlement is the root of discontentment.

NT Teaching

Acts 8:14–25 CSB

14 When the apostles who were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them. 15 After they went down there, they prayed for them so that the Samaritans might receive the Holy Spirit because he had not yet come down on any of them. 16 (They had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.) 17 Then Peter and John laid their hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit. 18 When Simon saw that the Spirit was given through the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money, 19 saying, “Give me this power also so that anyone I lay hands on may receive the Holy Spirit.” 20 But Peter told him, “May your silver be destroyed with you, because you thought you could obtain the gift of God with money! 21 You have no part or share in this matter, because your heart is not right before God. 22 Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that, if possible, your heart’s intent may be forgiven. 23 For I see you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by wickedness.” 24 “Pray to the Lord for me,” Simon replied, “so that nothing you have said may happen to me.” 25 So, after they had testified and spoken the word of the Lord, they traveled back to Jerusalem, preaching the gospel in many villages of the Samaritans.

What did Peter mean that Simon the witch was poisoned with “bitterness”?

What did is cause him to do?

Cori

Ephesians 4:31 CSB

31 Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice.

What does the text say we are to do with Bitterness?

Larry

Hebrews 12:15–16 CSB

15 Make sure that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no root of bitterness springs up, causing trouble and defiling many. 16 And make sure that there isn’t any immoral or irreverent person like Esau, who sold his birthright in exchange for a single meal.

What are results of Bitterness?

Bitterness will lead you to foolish and irrational decisions.

James 3:14–15 CSB

14 But if you have bitter envy and selfish ambition in your heart, don’t boast and deny the truth. 15 Such wisdom does not come down from above but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

Where does bitter envy and selfish ambition come from?

Satan is not mentioned in the story of Cain and Abel, but what does this scripture tell us the deep seated motive of Cain. The anger being so hot that he killed his own brother possibly a twin brother.

Larry

Antidote to Bitterness

Ephesians 4:26–27 CSB

26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the devil an opportunity.

Ephesians 4:31–32 CSB

31 Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.

Let’s have discussion around these two verses. Let us exegete them as a group!!

Pray