Different Kind of Relationships

Intro

We will end the Book of Colossians tonight. The last couple weeks (before our Good Friday on Wednesday) we’ve been talking about how new this new life is.  We’ve talked about who Jesus really is, His preeminence, the fact that He’s first being declared, His firstness was defended.  Then we’ve been talking about how to demonstrate Jesus being first in your life.  The way you do that is by living this new life that comes only from Him.

We’re going to see that if you’ve got a new life, it’s always going to result in new things in your life.  Why would you have a new life in Christ and the same old things keep going on?  You have a new life and new things happen.  In fact, last week we took a look at some of the attitudes that will happen in this new life. 

Tonight we’re going to take a look at some of the most vital things in my life, your life, when the new life happens … and that’s new relationships. Doesn’t it make sense that if I have a new life in Christ I'm not going to have the same old relationships?  Things will start to change in those relationships. Do you ever struggle with that?

Do they all change overnight? No. We struggle with that… it’s a process of making the right kind of friends.

me and my new saved friends -

The rest of Colossians will talk about almost every kind of relationship you can have. How does Jesus make all of our relationships new? Let’s look at some and see.

1. New relationships mean I make the choice to be unselfish towards my family.

There are 3 family relationships we will look at in this passage.

Colossians 3:18–21 NLT

18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. 20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

A key word the Bible uses in many places for many different people is the word submit. Submit has the idea of unselfish love. The word submit gets a bad rap mainly because people… mostly men have tried to use it on their wives.

The idea of submission to somebody else who tells me what to do who doesn’t really care about me, they’re always ordering me around is not the biblical idea of submission.  In fact, the idea is no one can force it on you.  It has to be something that you choose in your life.

When the Bible says, wives submit to your husbands, there are several truths about submission most people miss.

Submission does not cancel out our equality.

Here is the deal. Any time the Bible tells you to submit to someone else, it doesn’t mean that you are unequal to them.

Jesus submitted to the Father. The Father, Son and HS are equal. Our faith is built on that.

We all have to submit to each other.

Ephesians 5:21 NLT

21 And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

This isn’t just for wives or women. We all have to submit to others at different times.

Paul is saying that we all submit to each other. Everyone of us have relationships where we have to submit to someone else. We submit to governing authorities. We submit to bosses. We submit to fellow laborers.

In this passage, Paul tells us to submit to one another and then he says here is how it look. Wives submit to your husband and husbands sacrificially love your wife. IOW… submit to each other. You should be seeing who can submit the most.

Submission doesn’t mean that if asked, we would disobey God.

Some people have said that to be submissive, one must do whatever they say. Thats an argument used by abusers and it flat out not true.

There’s an interesting story about this in Acts 4 when they told the disciples they had to stop preaching the gospel.  They said, “We’ve got to do it.  So if you have to punish us, punish us.  But we’ve got to do it.”  It’s a great story because it said we have to obey God but we still respect you.

Sometimes when somebody says you have to disobey God whether it’s a governing authority or husband or wife, instead of saying, “No, I have to obey God,” we get real resistant.  We get resistant to the point of bitterness.  And somehow the early disciples were able to say, “We realize you can throw us into jail but we have to do what we have to do.”  They said they’re going to obey God but they still respected those people who were authorities in their life.   Sometimes we have to do that in our lives.

Submission can not be imposed on another person.

I have heard husbands say to their wives, you have to submit to me. First, that will not work. 2nd, that’s not what submission is. That’s oppression.

Submission willingly submits to someone.

The real key in marriage is that Paul tells couples to submit to each other. Then he tells the husbands to love their wives like Jesus loves them. If the husbands would do that, it would be much better.

Submission is the wife ducking out of the way so God can hit her husband.

The key word here for husbands is loving like Jesus loves. To love like that requires Jesus living in us.

A survey was done by a couple psychologists and studied newlyweds over the first decade of their marriage.  They discovered that couples who stayed together uttered five or fewer put-downs in every hundred comments to each other. 

But couples who inflicted twice as many verbal wounds, ten or more in a hundred comments, were later much more likely to split up.  That makes sense.  There’s something about our words that build our relationships in very powerful ways.

On the positive side of that, a survey some German physicians and psychologists got together and did a study of what happened with men who kissed their wives right before they left their house each day and men who just walked out.  The study found out that those who kissed their spouse each morning missed less work because of illness.  They had fewer auto accidents on the way to work.  They earned ten to thirty percent more monthly.  And they lived about five years longer than those who don’t at least get a peck on the cheek on the way to work.  It couldn’t hurt!  What they concluded from the study was that simple encouragement that says,  “We love each other,” made an incredible difference in people’s lives. 

So just the gentleness of words and the actions towards one another of love is a real key.

Whenever I see “On their golden wedding anniversary they said…” that’s the advise that I want to read.  If somebody can stick together for fifty years. 

Somebody asked a grandmother on her golden wedding anniversary the secret of a long and happy marriage.  She said, “On my wedding day I decided to choose ten of my husband’s faults which for the sake of our marriage I would overlook.”  One of the guests said, “Can you tell us one of the ten that you had?”  She said, “To tell you the truth I never did get around to listing them.  Whenever my husband did something that made me really mad I’d say to myself, ‘Lucky for him that’s one of the ten!’”

It’s the little things that count in relationships.  It’s the little things that change my attitude – this willingness to submit to another, this willingness to sacrificially love another person.

Here is the word for Kids.

The word for Kids: obey

Colossians 3:20 NLT

20 Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord.

Obey literally means to hear under someone. That means to obey someone, you have to listen to them. We kind of know this with our kids. They don’t listen so they can’t obey us.

We have all had a conversation like this. Can you take out the garbage?”  Ugh!  Did they hear you?  No.  Then they can’t obey.

Children have the responsibility to obey, but we have a responsibility to make sure they hear us. If we don’t say it in a way for them to hear it, they can’t obey it.

The Word for Fathers: don’t

Colossians 3:21 NLT

21 Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.

While it says fathers, it is for both parents. Paul says here and in Ephesians, don’t frustrate and irritate your children. Don’t exasperate them… don’t embitter your kids.

Three things tend to irritate and exasperate kids:

1. Don’t insult them.

Dad’s and moms, but especially dads. There is something about your words that carry more weight that you realize. I hear it many times… my dad said …

Instead of words of insult, our kids need words of encouragement. That doesn’t mean that you never say anything negative, but it means you don’t insult.

2. Don’t ignore them.

We probably do this one the most. How many of you like to be ignored? None of us. Stop looking at the TV, your phone or your computer and look at them and listen. You will blink your eyes and they will be grown and gone.

3. Don’t indulge them.

We ignore them and because we’ve ignored them we have to indulge them.  Have you ever walked through airports and seen the ads that are there for dads? Incredible things that you can buy for your kids.  Why?  Because you’re away from your kids and if you’re away a lot you think, “Maybe I need to indulge them.”  But both of those things tend to embitter kids. me at Downtown Disney

What do our kids really want? Our time.

They want our attention, our time and our encouragement. Don’t let your kids be one that says, my dad never said he loved me….

A word for workers: Lord

Colossians 3:22–25 NLT

22 Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything you do. Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. Serve them sincerely because of your reverent fear of the Lord. 23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. 25 But if you do what is wrong, you will be paid back for the wrong you have done. For God has no favorites.

If you and I are going to have a relationship with the boss and we’re reading this passage that says treat them as your lord how would your boss react if you came in and called him “lord”?  Some of your bosses would really like it. 

Obviously for us Christians we have only one lord and that’s Jesus.  But there’s really an attitude of who you’re really working for here.  We don’t work for a boss as the lord of our lives.  We work for the Lord Jesus Christ as the lord of our lives.  That’s why this says again and again don’t do your work for anyone else.  Work as for the Lord Jesus Christ whom you’re serving.  Don’t do it to please other people.  Do it to please the Lord Jesus Christ. 

If I'm going to work for this person but my attitude is really towards the Lord… what should my attitude be?

Look at verse 23 again

Colossians 3:23–24 NLT

23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 24 Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.

You don’t just get paid for good work. The Lord rewards you for good work.

A word for Bosses: provide

Colossians 4:1 NLT

1 Masters, be just and fair to your slaves. Remember that you also have a Master—in heaven.

If you are a boss, an owner, or a manager, you are responsible to provide for your employees in the best way you can… with excellence. Don’t be crazy, but provide as best you can. It really boils down to loving like Jesus loves… unselfishly.

2. Be devoted to prayer

If you want an exciting relationship with God, you have to be devoted to prayer. How do you express real devotion in prayer? Do you get on your knees when you pray? kneel on something uncomfortable?

Look at what Paul says here.

Colossians 4:2 NLT

2 Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.

When we pray with an alert mind, we are watchful to God about what is going on in the world. We need to be alert. You won’t know to pray for Iranian Christians if you don’t know they are being persecuted. Look for needs and pray for them.

Then he says to pray with a thankful heart. Thankfulness has to be prat of our prayer life if we want to be devoted in prayer and see God do great things.

What about our relationships with those who don’t know Jesus?

3. Be wise with unbelievers

Paul prayed in Col 4:4-6

Colossians 4:4–6 NLT

4 Pray that I will proclaim this message as clearly as I should. 5 Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity. 6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

How can we be wise and proclaim the Gospel to those who don’t know Jesus? How can we have the kind of relationships that draw people to Christ?

Pray in the way you think towards unbelievers.

Prayer is a key. You will always get along better with people you pray for that those you do not.

Pray for an open door to share with them. Pray that the blinders will come off. God wants people to be saved so he will answer those prayers.

Pray for wisdom in the way you act.

Colossians 4:5 NLT

5 Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.

Pray for opportunity and wisdom when God gives you the opportunity. Do you ever get in one of those situations where somebody asked you a question, they’re not a believer, and about half hour later – after they’ve left – you think, “That’s what I should have said!”  That’s what he’s saying, Pray in advance that God would give you the wisdom in advance to say the right thing.

We also need to ask for wisdom for the way we act. It’s not just our words, but our actions that witness.

Pray for grace in the way you talk.

Colossians 4:6 NLT

6 Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.

That’s a great verse. Every conversation is a witness, so let Jesus be part of it. You don’t have to preach and quote scripture, but your relationship with God should show through.

It’s like putting salt on food. It gives it flavor. Paul says to do this so that people will ask us about our faith and then he says pray for God to give you the right response.

So the first step it to pray for them. Then be wise in the way we speak and act toward them at work … Then you start talking about what Jesus means in your life. Work it into conversations and watch what happens.

When you start doing those things one day you’re going to find that you’re a person you never though you could be.  One of those people who had the opportunity to help someone else come to know Christ.  There’s no greater thrill.

Finally Paul gives instruction on how to act with believers.

4. Be in fellowship with Believers.

Colossians 4:7 NLT

7 Tychicus will give you a full report about how I am getting along. He is a beloved brother and faithful helper who serves with me in the Lord’s work.

Colossians 4:8–18 NLT

8 I have sent him to you for this very purpose—to let you know how we are doing and to encourage you. 9 I am also sending Onesimus, a faithful and beloved brother, one of your own people. He and Tychicus will tell you everything that’s happening here. 10 Aristarchus, who is in prison with me, sends you his greetings, and so does Mark, Barnabas’s cousin. As you were instructed before, make Mark welcome if he comes your way. 11 Jesus (the one we call Justus) also sends his greetings. These are the only Jewish believers among my co-workers; they are working with me here for the Kingdom of God. And what a comfort they have been! 12 Epaphras, a member of your own fellowship and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings. He always prays earnestly for you, asking God to make you strong and perfect, fully confident that you are following the whole will of God. 13 I can assure you that he prays hard for you and also for the believers in Laodicea and Hierapolis. 14 Luke, the beloved doctor, sends his greetings, and so does Demas. 15 Please give my greetings to our brothers and sisters at Laodicea, and to Nympha and the church that meets in her house. 16 After you have read this letter, pass it on to the church at Laodicea so they can read it, too. And you should read the letter I wrote to them. 17 And say to Archippus, “Be sure to carry out the ministry the Lord gave you.” 18 Here is my greeting in my own handwriting—Paul. Remember my chains. May God’s grace be with you.

Paul is talking about fellowship.

Paul is telling us what real fellowship is here.

Tychicus - In the New Testament there’s references to over 100 fellow Christians in Paul’s letters, 26 named in Romans 16 alone.  But this guy, Tychicus is right up to the top.  He is the mailman and the secretary.  He helped to write a lot of Paul’s letters.  He took dictation and then he carried them to the people.

Look at what Paul says about him.  He gives three descriptions.  He is a dear brother, a faithful minister and a fellow servant in the Lord.  Those are three descriptions that talk about what kind of relationship we have. 

Tychicus shows Fellowship means a relationship, working together for the Gospel, and a spiritual relationship

What kind of relationship?  Paul says it’s a family relationship. He calls Tychicus a brother.

Paul called him a faithful minister.

He calls him a fellow servant.

Onesimus shows us that fellowship is all inclusive.

He was a former slave.

John Mark shows us fellowship is about forgiving.

Paul and John Mark split in the book of Acts. Something didn’t work between them. Here years later he is praising John mark for the way he ministers.

Aristarcus and Luke show us fellowship means lasting

If I really have a fellowship with other believers I can last a long time in the faith.  Here’s a guy Aristarcus.  Paul was involved in a lot of things with him.  From the mob scene in a town called Ephesus where he was arrested to deciding to join up with Paul and go on a trip to Rome.  They went on a ship together on this trip.  Those of you who are experts on the book of Acts know that ship was shipwrecked on the way to Rome.  So he was on that shipwreck.  Now he’s imprisoned alongside of Paul because of his faithfulness to the Lord.  Through thick and thin he was faithful. 

I read these stories and it makes me feel really dumb at some of the things I get discouraged by.  I look at the things that discourage me and I look at what they went through.  I haven’t had a shipwreck this week.  But they just kept going, kept lasting through all of these things in their lives.  They show us the real power of a lasting fellowship of believers.

Luke – 2 Timothy 4:18 Paul writes and says, “Here I am.  It’s near the end.  Only Luke is with me.”  Talk about a guy who lasted till the end!  Yet when you last to the end God’s able to do some great things in your life.  Luke wrote a gospel by the name of Luke and he wrote the book of Acts.  Look at what God used him to do.  There’s great things that happen when you last till the end.  The power to last to the end comes from the fellowship of believers.  You can’t last by yourself.  It’s impossible by yourself.

Demas show that fellowship can be disappointing

Here Paul just mentions his name. But later in a letter to Timothy, he says 2 Timothy 4:10 “Demas has deserted me because he loves the things of this life and has gone to Thessalonica. Crescens has gone to Galatia, and Titus has gone to Dalmatia.” Demas had to decide to stay with Paul or go back. Demas abandoned Paul because he loved the things of the world.

Next we see

Epaphras shows us that fellowship means sacrifice.

Colossians 4:12 NLT

12 Epaphras, a member of your own fellowship and a servant of Christ Jesus, sends you his greetings. He always prays earnestly for you, asking God to make you strong and perfect, fully confident that you are following the whole will of God.

We met him at the beginning of the book and he is here at the end.

Epaphras is one of those guys who models for us what sacrificial service is all about.  Two things are talked about here.  He’s wrestling in prayer for you.  He’s working hard for you. 

What does it mean to “wrestle in prayer”?  You’ve seen wrestling matches.  Wrestling is more than just effort.  You can put a lot of effort into it and lose every time.  Wrestling is effort and I  think when we hear this word we think it just means a lot of effort.  But wrestling is more than just effort.  It also knowing how to make the right moves.  You’ve got to learn the right moves. 

And he teaches us some of the right things to do in prayer.  “He prays for you.”  He agonizes.  A heartfelt concern is one of the right moves in prayer.  A genuine concern for people.  He centers on God’s will.  He prays that God’s will would happen in people’s lives.  Not his will but God’s will will happen.  That’s one of the right moves.  “And he works hard for you.”  Epapras had to travel over 1000 miles on foot to make this visit with Paul. 

The challenge for me is where am I wrestling in prayer.  Where am I working hard? 

These verses, there’s something exciting about them.  They’re real fellowship, they’re what the real church is like.  They show us what can happen when a group of people get together and fellowship in Christ and grow together in Christ. 

The names of the nine writers of the New Testament.  There may have been eight.  Some people think Paul wrote Hebrews but we don’t know who wrote Hebrews.  Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Paul, the writer of Hebrews, James, Peter and Jude. 

As we read through these short verses, Paul talking about his friends, people he had a relationship with, three of those nine writers are right here in this fellowship of believers – Mark, Luke, Paul.  That’s Pretty good fellowship – a nice writer’s club.  They changed the world.  A lot of these guys knew each other.  They had a fellowship with each other and it was out of this fellowship that all these incredible things happened.  Paul and Mark and Luke weren’t guys off by their own in a little chapel trying to write things for God.  They had relationships with each other out of which the world was changed.  That’s what it means to be a part of His church. 

It’s about relationships.  What am I going to do in my relationship with my family?  What am I going to do this week in my relationship with the Lord?  What am I going to do this week in my relationship with unbelievers?