When They Are a Bother

Bridge Building

An 8 Week Series On Tactical Evangelism

Every Christian is called to participate in the mission of God to redeem the world. To do this well, we must live as ambassadors of the God who sends the church into the world through the authority of Christ and the power of the Spirit. But don’t go out aimlessly, have a plan! In this series, we’ll seek to train ourselves to communicate the Gospel wisely, clearly, and graciously using a tactical approach. With the support of a strong biblical foundation, the empowerment of the Spirit, and a personal conviction, our plan might actually build a bridge for someone to come back to God.

Across eight weeks, we will examine things like what evangelism truly is (and is not), how our character shapes our witness, how to begin spiritual conversations using tactical questions, and how to respond when obstacles arise. By the end, we should all have a plan of (1) how to build our bridge, and (2) where we plan to build our bridge.

(5) When They Are a Bother — Potential Obstacles

Verse: Proverbs 15:1–7; 2 Timothy 2:24–26

Big Idea: Sometimes you have the right message and the right character, and they still won't listen. Knowing what kind of obstacle you're facing — and knowing your role isn't to win — keeps you building even when the conversation gets hard.

Introduction

Series Summary

This series is about becoming bridge-builders, people who prepare the way for the Lord by creating pathways for God's glory to be revealed in everyday life (Isa. 40:1–5).

Evangelism is a conversational and relational work that ambassadors need to work on in order to help others encounter Jesus.

Where We’ve Been

We started by establishing the image: evangelism is not warfare, it's construction. We are bridge-builders, clearing paths so the glory of God can be revealed.

From there we grounded our identity — we are ambassadors for Christ, representatives of another Kingdom sent to reconcile people to God.

Then we got practical. We introduced the constructive conversation approach: get clarification, shift the burden, see where it leads. And in week four, we put it into practice.

Where We’re Going

This week we're staying practical, but shifting focus.

So far we've talked about what to do when conversations go well. Today we talk about what happens when they don't — and who you need to be when the conversation gets hard.

Opening Reading :: Proverbs 15:1-7

Proverbs 15 sits at the center of the book's teaching on wisdom. What it puts on the table is this: the wise and the foolish are not separated by intelligence. They are separated by what they do with instruction, and what comes out of their mouths.

Introductory Questions

Let's go back to something we established a few weeks ago.

We are ambassadors. Not just people who happen to believe something — official representatives of another Kingdom, sent into this world to make an appeal on behalf of the King.

Q | What does it mean for your witness if you don't actually act like you believe what you're representing?

Q | If you aren't a good ambassador, what does that say about your kingdom?

Q | What makes someone worth listening to when they talk about their faith?

Your character is part of the message. You won't be heard unless you're worth hearing.

But here's what we don’t often here: sometimes you do all of that right, and they still don't listen.

That's not a failure of your message. That's not a failure of your character. Sometimes, they are the problem.

Two Types of Problem People

Read 2 Timothy 2:24 “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil,”

In your life, you’ll encounter all different kinds of people. Especially if you have an evangelism mindset. Wisdom is always required for how to handle them… but let me talk through two common ones, and what to do next.

Type One — The Steamroller

The Steamroller doesn't overpower you with arguments — they overpower you with personality, using interruption and aggression to keep you from ever finishing a thought. Says things like... "Yeah but—", "That's not even—", "Okay but what about—" before you've finished your sentence.

Q | Why do you think some people argue that way? What are they actually trying to accomplish?

Q | Does this kind of person make you feel like you need to get the last word? Why?

The Steamroller doesn't overpower you with facts or arguments. They overpower you with personality.

The defining characteristic is constant interruption. As soon as you begin to answer, they hear something they don't like, cut you off, and pile on another challenge.

They're not interested in your answer. They're interested in winning — through volume, through speed, through keeping you off balance.

This is not a logic problem. It's a manner problem.

Theres a number of reasons why people resist even good arguments: emotional reasons, prejudice, rebellion, or plain stubbornness. If someone isn't responding to a reasonable point, the argument probably isn't the issue. Something else is in the way.

So what do you do?

Step One — Stop him. Calmly, not aggressively.

Hold up a hand. "I'm not quite finished."

Or negotiate a simple agreement: "Is it okay if I respond to your first question before you ask another?" You're not fighting back. You're asking for the floor.

Step Two — Shame him. If he breaks the agreement or the first step doesn't land, address the behavior directly.

Look him in the eye: "I'd love to respond, but you keep interrupting.

Could I have a few moments without being cut off?" You're naming what's happening, not matching the energy.

Step Three — Leave. If nothing works, let it go.

Walk away. Not everyone deserves an answer.

Jesus says, don't throw pearls before swine.

But here's the thing he adds that matters for us as bridge-builders: sometimes the real audience isn't the person you're talking to. Someone else might be watching. A word that bounces off a hard heart can hit a soft one. Think about it like ricochet evangelism.

If you do walk away, this is the most important thing to remember — give them the last word.

Not because you lost. Because it takes more confidence to give it away than to fight for it.

Type Two — The Rhodes Scholar

The Rhodes Scholar shuts down conversation not with volume but with authority, dropping credentials and academic consensus as if the discussion is already over. Says things like... "Well, scientists agree that—", "Scholars have pretty much proven—", "Most educated people don't think—"

Q | Is it possible to sound confident and still be wrong?

The Rhodes Scholar is a different problem. Not aggression — authority.

This is the person who cites scholars, credentials, or academic consensus to shut down a conversation before it starts. The move is: smart people agree with me, so you should too.

There is a big difference though between being informed and being educated.

If someone tells you what a scholar believes, you've been informed. If they tell you why he believes it, you've been educated. Popular articles, social media posts, and confident-sounding people inform constantly. They almost never educate.

Which means when someone drops a credential on you, you actually have no way to evaluate the claim. You're just supposed to take it on authority.

Don't.

What do we do then?

The move is simple: ask for the reasons, not just the opinion. "How did he come to that conclusion? What's the actual argument? What are the facts?" Even in a courtroom, the expert witness gets cross-examined. Credentials alone don't certify anything.

Some scholars begin their investigation already committed to the conclusion. If a historian assumes miracles can't happen, he's not going to conclude that one did — regardless of the evidence. That's not scholarship.

And here's something that might surprise you: the charge of bias applies to Christians too, and that's fair. But not all bias works the same way. A materialist's bias eliminates supernatural answers before the evidence is even on the table. A Christian's bias doesn't do that — she can follow the evidence wherever it leads.

In that sense, the Christian can actually be the more open-minded person in the room.

The Rhodes Scholar move doesn't require you to out-argue anyone. It just requires you to ask one honest question: why should I believe this person's opinion?

These kinds of people are maybe harder to win over than the steamrollers… however, there are some ways you can still plant seeds in this kind of rocky soil.

We’ll talk more about that next week.

Conclusion

Sometimes, when you’re evangelizing, you have to pivot. And that’s okay.

Take Paul for example. In Acts 19:8… we see him hit a wall.

Paul taught in the synagogue for three months. He was bold. He was persuasive. He reasoned about the Kingdom of God.

And some of them still hardened.

So he left. He didn't collapse, and he didn't quit. He found another room and kept going.

That's not failure. That's wisdom. Paul knew the difference between a door that's closed and a bridge that still needs to be built somewhere else.

The hall of Tyrannus was a lecture hall — the kind of place philosophers and teachers used. Paul probably worked his tent-making job in the mornings, then used the hall in the afternoons when it was free. He adapted. He kept building.

The goal was never to win the synagogue. The goal was the Kingdom of God going out from Ephesus into the whole region. And it did.

If someone completely shuts you down — steamrolls you, throws credentials at you, refuses to engage — does that mean the conversation was a loss? Absolutely not.

You are not responsible for what they do with the message. You are responsible for how you carry it.

Proverbs said it plainly: the lips of the wise spread knowledge. The gentle tongue is a tree of life. That's the kind of person worth listening to. That's the kind of ambassador who keeps doors open even when a conversation goes sideways.

And here's the thing that underlies all of it: you cannot share what you don't believe.

The Steamroller doesn't rattle you if you're settled in what you know. The Rhodes Scholar doesn't intimidate you if you've done the work. Paul didn't quit Ephesus because he believed the gospel was actually going somewhere.

Your conviction is your foundation. Keep building it. Keep building the bridge.

Every day, ask: even when the conversation gets hard — am I the kind of person whose faith is worth listening to?