GOD'S DESIGN FOR MARRIAGE

INTRODUCTION

Bill and Nancy met when they were young.

They were high school sweet-hearts and their romance lasted through college where they decided that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.

So, they were married.

Bill became a budding young executive.

Aggressive and ambitious, he wanted the best for his new wife.

Loving his work and the material rewards it brought, he spent hours away from Nancy and a baby son their love had brought into the world.

Nancy, on the other hand, didn't mind the long hours at first.

After all, she knew she had to sacrifice something to live in the nice home they had purchased and to have the kind of car she had always wanted to drive.

Besides, she had the baby and he required a lot of time

But they didn't talk any more.

And when they did, it seemed like they were always arguing.

And the arguing grew worse and worse.

It wasn't long before Bill stayed at work, not because he loved his job, but to escape the pressure at home.

And, truthfully, Nancy was glad he did.

Friend, you don't have to have the wisdom of Solomon to figure out "the rest of the story" (as Paul Harvey says).

In America, our civil judges drop their gavels over 4,500 times per day granting divorces (9.5 times each minute).

The breakup of the family by divorce has easily become the number one moral problem of our generation...both as a country and in the church of our Lord...

Every moral problem that we see in our country can be traced back to the deterioration of the home... abortion, homosexuality and crime.

Even among God's people, the sin of divorce has led some to compromise with the world both in their practice and in their preaching.

Why are so many homes breaking apart? Why are there so many divorces?

Perhaps there are as many "reasons" as there are divorces.

Every divorce situation seems to be a different refrain to the same old song.

The main reason is because we have lost sight of what God wants the home to be.

We need to go back to the Biblical model of marriage.

Marriage, as God designed it, is the most intimate relationship which two people can share.

When God is allowed to rule in our lives, marriage is the most fulfilling relationship two people can experience this side of heaven.

So, let's begin our seminar with a look at God’s design for marriage.

There is no better place to begin than "in the beginning" with Adam and Eve, the very first married couple...

Genesis 2:18–25 ASV

18 And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. 19 And out of the ground Jehovah God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the heavens; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them: and whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field; but for man there was not found a help meet for him. 21 And Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof: 22 and the rib, which Jehovah God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

DISCUSSION

"It is not good that man should be alone"

Genesis 2:18 ASV

18 And Jehovah God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.

Everything which God had made He declared to be "good" until He got to the man alone... v. 18

Picture man, if you can, in a perfect environment but alone...NOT GOOD!

Then God declared, “I will make him a help meet for him”

This brings me to my first observation about the marriage relationship...

Marriage was designed to solve the very first problem of the human race...

The institution of marriage was designed to meet man's need for a companion.

Before God made Eve, he showed man the beasts of the field and allowed him to name them as if to point out to man that he was alone...

Genesis 2:19–20 ASV

19 And out of the ground Jehovah God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the heavens; and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them: and whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. 20 And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field; but for man there was not found a help meet for him.

No one is prepared for marriage unless they first feel the sting of loneliness...

To the degree that your mate does not meet your needs (spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically)…

And to the degree that you don't meet your mate's needs...

The two of you are still alone AND THAT IS NOT GOOD!

Adam's companion was to be a “help meet” (helper suitable, or fit, corresponding) to him...

A helper is an ally, a friend, or a companion.

It DOES NOT IMPLY that the woman is some sort of second class citizen... cf.

Psalm 46:1 ASV

1 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.

That she was “meet” or “suitable" to man indicates that she was to be perfectly compatible to him.

A woman uniquely fills that role and provides for her husband that which he doesn't have in himself...

God could have made woman from the dust of the ground in the same way He had formed man.

He chose instead to begin with a “rib” (צֵלָע - ṣē·lāʿ ; a supporting beam) from Adam's side to show the unique closeness of this relationship.

One man, in emphasizing the closeness God intended to be between husband and wife, said...

"God chose a rib from Adam's side, not a bone from Adam's head that she would be over him,

or a bone from his foot that she would be under him,

but from his side that she would be next to him,

from under his arm that he might protect her,

and from next to his heart that he might love her"

MARRIAGE WAS PLANNED TO BRING HAPPINESS, NOT MISERY

Genesis 2:21–23 ASV

21 And Jehovah God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof: 22 and the rib, which Jehovah God had taken from the man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And the man said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Hebrew experts tell us that there is something lost in the translation of v. 23. There is an expression of tremendous excitement and joy not carried over into our language...

"At last, I have someone corresponding to me, bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh."

"I have finally found the one who can complete me, who takes away my loneliness, who will be as dear to me as my own flesh."

Imagine Adam's emotion as he stands before what has to be the most beautiful of all God's creation..."Wow! Now this is life!"

That was the way marriage was designed to be in the beginning...

A happy, caring, content, secure, and loving relationship...

Not an Archie Bunker / Andy Capp type relationship wherein it is portrayed that a wife's only purpose is to bring misery...

MARRIAGE WAS PLANNED BY GOD TO BE AN EXCLUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Genesis 2:24 ASV

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

By design, God intended for all other human relationships to be secondary to this one (notice that in English there are mostly one syllable words...plain, easy to understand)...

A woman several years on a talk show hosted by Sally Jesse Raphael complaining that her husband was jealous of her old boy friend/lover (with whom she talked to, confided in, and exchanged gifts regularly)..

Your mate and his/her needs must come before your family, friends, business, and even the kids!

MARRIAGE REQUIRES A CLEAVING OF HUSBAND AND WIFE FOR LIFE

It's not enough just to "leave" other relationships. You must "cleave" to each other.

The Hebrew word "cleave" (דָּבַק‎ - dā·ḇǎq) means “to cling to or adhere to, abide fast, follow close or hard after, be joined together, keep fast, overtake, pursue hard, stick to, take, catch by pursuit"

The word, used in other passages, helps us to understand its meaning...

Deuteronomy 10:20 ASV

20 Thou shalt fear Jehovah thy God; him shalt thou serve; and to him shalt thou cleave, and by his name shalt thou swear.

Deuteronomy 11:22 ASV

22 For if ye shall diligently keep all this commandment which I command you, to do it, to love Jehovah your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him;

Deuteronomy 13:4 ASV

4 Ye shall walk after Jehovah your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him.

Deuteronomy 30:20 ASV

20 to love Jehovah thy God, to obey his voice, and to cleave unto him; for he is thy life, and the length of thy days; that thou mayest dwell in the land which Jehovah sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.

Cleaving to your mate requires a wholehearted commitment...

First spiritually

Then intellectually

Emotionally

And physically.

Cleaving requires two things:

An unswerving loyalty to one another

And a pursuing love that will not let go

The husband is given the primary responsibility to do everything possible to be all he should be in order to form ties with his wife that will make them inseparable.

And the wife must respond in like manner.

Anything that draws the two of you closer together and cements your relationship more firmly will be a part of cleaving.

Anything that puts distance between you- mentally or physically- should be avoided because it breaks the divine pattern for marriage!

BECOMING ONE FLESH

Genesis 2:24–25 ASV

24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

God's design for marriage is that two people become so close that they feel as one.

I am quite sure that I don't know all that's involved in the concept of becoming "one flesh", but I do understand this...

It is a monogamous relationship (two married people only)...

Proverbs 6:32 ASV

32 He that committeth adultery with a woman is void of understanding: He doeth it who would destroy his own soul.

Proverbs 5:15–23 ASV

15 Drink waters out of thine own cistern, And running waters out of thine own well. 16 Should thy springs be dispersed abroad, And streams of water in the streets? 17 Let them be for thyself alone, And not for strangers with thee. 18 Let thy fountain be blessed; And rejoice in the wife of thy youth. 19 As a loving hind and a pleasant doe, Let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; And be thou ravished always with her love. 20 For why shouldest thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, And embrace the bosom of a foreigner? 21 For the ways of man are before the eyes of Jehovah; And he maketh level all his paths. 22 His own iniquities shall take the wicked, And he shall be holden with the cords of his sin. 23 He shall die for lack of instruction; And in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

It is a heterosexual relationship.

When Adam needed one to remove his loneliness God made Eve, not Steve...

The Bible is very clear that Homosexuality is a sin - in both the Old and New Testaments

Leviticus 18:22 ASV

22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Leviticus 20:13 ASV

13 And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Romans 1:21–27 ASV

21 because that, knowing God, they glorified him not as God, neither gave thanks; but became vain in their reasonings, and their senseless heart was darkened. 22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, 23 and changed the glory of the incorruptible God for the likeness of an image of corruptible man, and of birds, and four-footed beasts, and creeping things. 24 Wherefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts unto uncleanness, that their bodies should be dishonored among themselves: 25 for that they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen. 26 For this cause God gave them up unto vile passions: for their women changed the natural use into that which is against nature: 27 and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another, men with men working unseemliness, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was due.

1 Corinthians 6:9–10 ASV

9 Or know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with men, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.

Concerning “one flesh” - Though it goes far deeper, it includes the intimate physical union of sexual union, and that without shame...

Hebrews 13:4 ASV

4 Let marriage be had in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

The Biblical expression for sexual intercourse between husband and wife is "to know"...

Genesis 4:1 ASV

1 And the man knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man with the help of Jehovah.

It includes both and intimate physical knowledge and a tender, intimate, personal knowledge...

It is a knowledge so intimate and so deep that two individuals merge into one...one in mind, heart, body, and spirit.

This is why divorce has such a devastating effect...

Not two people are left…

But two fractions of one

In the New Testament, Paul used this physical union to typify the closeness of Christ to the church...

Ephesians 5:31–32 ASV

31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great: but I speak in regard of Christ and of the church.

Christ knows His people; and He knows them like no one else can...

Likewise, in marriage a husband should know his wife...

CONCLUSION

God's original blueprint for marriage is still valid...

Matthew 19:3–6 ASV

3 And there came unto him Pharisees, trying him, and saying, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? 4 And he answered and said, Have ye not read, that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh? 6 So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

You can have a healthy, happy, fulfilling marriage if you are willing to commit your life to following the principles God has outlined for this relationship...