Untamed: When anger takes control
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Week 3: The War Within
Week 3: The War Within
Text: James 4:1–3
“Have you ever noticed that the same things keep making you angry?
Not just once…
but over and over again.
The same arguments.
The same frustrations.
The same reactions.
Different situations… same response.
And if we’re honest, it’s exhausting.
ANYONE KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT?
WE SAY TO OURSELVES....
WOW.....‘I’m not going to react like that EVER again.’
And then you do.
Why IS THIS????
Why does anger keep coming back?”
THIS IS THE QUESTION I WANT TO DIVE IN TO TODAY......BUT FIRST
RECAP......BEGINNING OF MARCH, LOL
“ALMOST A MONTH AGO NOW...
we talked about anger in this series Untamed.
And if you WEREN’T HERE FOR THAT....
let me bring you back into the conversation
because I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT.
In Week 1, WE TALKED ABOUT HOW...
Anger is not automatically sinful.
WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT.....HOW
Anger is like fire.
When it’s controlled—
it can serve a purpose.
But when it’s untamed—
it destroys everything in its path.
Then in Week 2, JAMES TAUGHT US THAT:
20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
we learned THAT:
Anger feels right…
but it rarely produces what is right.
And then we uncovered something deeper:
Anger is not just a reaction—
it’s a revelation.
ANGER reveals what’s happening in our hearts.
OH COME ON....
“You don’t get angry over things you’ve surrendered…
you get angry over things you’re trying to protect.”
So IN THE 6TH WEEK OF OUR 4 WEEK SERIES ....
I WANT TO TACKLE THIS QUESTION......
If anger keeps showing up…
what’s really going on inside of us?
Historical Context
Historical Context
Before we read this, I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT THAT WE understand what James is dealing with.
James is writing to early believers—
CHRISTIANS WHO WERE scattered because of persecution.
They’re under pressure:
economic stress
social tension
uncertainty
And in the middle of all that…
they’re fighting each other.
Division.
Conflict.
Relational tension.
And James ADRESSES THIS PROBLEM NOT BY SAYING:
“Your problem is.... your circumstances.”
INSTEAD He says:
“Your problem is.... what’s happening inside of you.”
SOMEBODY HAS GOT TO SAY AMEN....BECAUSE
I KNOW IT’S HARD FOR US TO ADMIT BUT
MOST OF THE TIME OUR ANGER IS....OUR PROBLEM
IT’S NOT SOMEONE ELSES PROBLEM
IT’S NOT BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE DID SOMETHING OR SAID SOMETHING
THE TRUE PROBLEM IS.... WITHIN US
That’s important.
Because we blame what’s around us…
AND WE HAVE TO CONFRONT THIS
BECAUSE God points to what IS within us.
LETS LOOK AT IT....
1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
1. There Is a War Inside You
1. There Is a War Inside You
James says:
“Your desires… battle within you.”
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS....
This is war language.
There are competing desires inside you:
control
comfort
approval
security
They don’t sit quietly.
They fight.
WATCH THIS....
17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.
9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?
OH COME ON SOMEBODY.....
You’ve felt it BEFORE: THE BATTLE WITH IN YOU
“I should stay calm…”
“I want to say something right now…”
That’s the war.
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THIS....WRITE IT DOWN
“Your greatest conflict is not around you…
it’s within you.”
2. Unmet Desires Produce Anger
2. Unmet Desires Produce Anger
WHAT DID JAMES 4:2 SAY.......
2 You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God.
Anger follows a pattern:
FIRST COMES Desire →
WHEN UNMET....frustration →
THEN anger IS CONCIEVED →
AND THEN reaction
AND FOR SOME OF YOU....ALL IT TAKES IS A SPARK
I’LL BE HONEST WITH YOU...
I HAVE NEVER IN MY LIFE STRUGGLED SO HARD TO CONTROL MY ANGER AND FRUSTRATION THAN OVER THE LAST 2 MONTHS.
IF IT NOT FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT CORRECTING ME AND LEADING ME
I WOULD HAVE DAMAGED MANY RELATIONSHIPS
I REFUSE TO LIVE THIS WAY
I REFUSE TO BE CONTROLLED BY ANGER
THE DEVIL IS A LIAR
AND GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN ME THAN THE LYING DEVIL THAT IS IN THE WORLD
IS THERE ANYONE ELSE WHO HAS NOT GIVEN UP
BUT WILL CONTINUE TO WORK AND TO SURRENDER THE ANGER TO GOD
14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed.
Everyday Examples
Everyday Examples
WE want respect → INSTEAD WE FEEL dismissed → AND IT LEADS TO anger
WE want control → BUT THEN things CHANGED AND PLANS CHANGED → AND IT LEADS TO anger
I want comfort → WHEN I’M INCOMVENIENCED → anger TENDS TO SHOW UP
OH COME ON .....THESE ARE PROBLEMS
WE LAUGH AND WE SAY THINGS LIKE
“YEP....THAT’S ME”
BUT THE TRUTH IS, THIS IS A PROBLEM THAT NEED ATTENTION
“Anger is what happens when desire meets resistance.”
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHEN ANGER BECOMES DANGEROUS???? NUMBER 3
3. When Desire Becomes Demand
3. When Desire Becomes Demand
Desire says:
“I would like this.”
Demand says:
“I must have this.”
21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
“Desires whisper.
Demands shout.”
And when those demands aren’t met… anger rises.
Let me show you how this works.
Timothy Keller said it this way:
‘When something in your life is an absolute requirement for your happiness and self-worth, it is essentially an idol—and anger is your response when it is threatened.’ - Timothy Keller
In other words…
when something moves from:
‘I would like this…’
to:
‘I have to have this…’
it’s no longer just a desire.
It’s something you’re depending on.
Something you’re building your life on.
you’re saying:
‘I need this to be okay.’”
“ And when that thing is threatened…
anger shows up to defend it.”
OH COME ON.....
OH COME ON.....
“You see this in everyday life.
You want your day to go smoothly…
but when it doesn’t…
anger rises.
Why?
Because it wasn’t just a preference anymore.
It became:
‘This has to go my way.’”
WRITE THIS DOWN.....
“Anger doesn’t just reveal what you want…
it reveals what you’ve decided you need.”
“And when something becomes something you feel like you need…
the Bible has a word for that.”
(Pause)
“An idol.”
4. Idols Always Lead to Anger
4. Idols Always Lead to Anger
When something becomes a demand…
it becomes a god.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS HOW MANY gods WE HAVE ???
WE DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT OR TALK ABOUT IT
BUT I’M CONVINCED THAT THIS WILL BE THE BIGGEST REASON FOR MATTHEW 7:21-23
21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’ 23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’
THINK ABOUT IT.....
When Jesus says:
“I never knew you… you who practice lawlessness”
He’s pointing to people who:
Did religious actions
Claimed His name
But didn’t actually live under God’s authority
🔑 The Core Link
🔑 The Core Link
An idol is anything that takes God’s rightful place in your heart.
So THIS TELLS US THAT...a person can:
Preach
Serve
Do “Christian” things
…but still have IDOLS......:
Self (pride, control)
Approval of others
Money or success
Comfort or sin they won’t give up
In THIS case, they’re not truly following God
they’re serving something else
while using His name.
OH COME ON....IDOLS ARE A HUGE PROBLEM AMONG CHRISTIANS RIGHT NOW.
“I WANT TO go A LITTLE deeper for a moment.
When the Bible talks about idols…
it’s not just talking about statues or images.
It’s talking about anything you look to and say:
‘I need this to be okay.’
‘I need this to feel secure.’
‘I need this to feel valuable.’
That’s why scripture says:
COVETOUSNESS....IS IDOLATRY
5 Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.
Because it’s not just wanting something…
It’s needing something more than God.”
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT....
“An idol is not always something bad.
Often…
it’s something good…that we’ve made ultimate.”
“Idolatry is not just bowing to statues—it’s trusting something other than God to give you what only God can give.” — Timothy Keller
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN PASTOR AND HOW DOES IT APPLY TO ME....
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN PASTOR AND HOW DOES IT APPLY TO ME....
“A relationship can be a good thing…
until it becomes:
‘I can’t be okay without this person.’
Success can be a good thing…
until it becomes:
‘I need this to feel like I matter.’
Control can feel responsible…
until it becomes:
‘I have to BE IN CONTROL to feel safe.’”
CHURCH.....
CHURCH.....
“Idols don’t just capture your attention…
they capture your trust.”
“And here’s why this matters for anger.
Because when something you trust is threatened…
you react.”
“You don’t just get angry because something went wrong…
You get angry because something you were relying on is being shaken.”
1 But to Jonah this seemed very wrong, and he became angry. 2 He prayed to the Lord, “Isn’t this what I said, Lord, when I was still at home? That is what I tried to forestall by fleeing to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity. 3 Now, Lord, take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.”
4 But the Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry?”
“Jonah isn’t just angry.
He’s angry because God didn’t do what he expected.
Jonah had built a picture of how things should go.
And WHEN THAT DIDN’T GO LIKE JONAH HAD PLANNED…
Jonah got angry.
And if we’re honest…
we do the same thing.
OH COME ON....
We build expectations.
We build plans.
We build outcomes in our minds.
And when life doesn’t go the way we think it should…
anger rises.”
“Anger often reveals the gap between what you expected…
and what God allowed.”
“And in that moment…
anger is not just about the situation.
It’s about this:
‘God… I don’t trust what you’re doing.’”
OH COME ON....I KNOW IT’S NOT GOOD TO THINK ABOUT.....BUT IT’S TRUE
“Every time anger rises…
it’s worth asking:
‘What am I trusting right now… besides God?’”
“If losing "IT”.... feels like losing everything…
it was never just a thing…
it was a god.”
LORD HELP US RIGHT NOW....TO RECIEVE THIS WORD WITHOUT TRYING TO JUSTIFY OUR ANGER
HELP US TO OPEN OUR HEARTS FOR YOU TO CLEANSE WHAT IS KEEPING US FROM YOU.
JONAH IS....
angry because God didn’t do what he wanted.
“Your anger often says:
‘God, I would run this better than you.’”
THINK ABOUT IT....
WHEN WE GET ANGRY MOST OF THE TIME....
IT’S BECAUSE WE DON’T TRUST THAT GOD WILL OR...
EVEN CARES ABOUT WHAT SEEMS UNFARE.....
I’M TELLING TODAY.....IN YOUR LIFE
I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE OR WHAT YOUR DEALING WITH
THE ONLY WAY TO WIN THE BATTLE WITHIN YOU.....
IS #5
5. The Only Way to Win Is Surrender
5. The Only Way to Win Is Surrender
7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
You don’t fix anger by behavior change.
You fix it by surrender.
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
“You don’t defeat anger by suppressing it…
you defeat it by surrendering what’s underneath it.”
if we’re honest…
anger often feels easier than surrender.”
“Anger feels strong.
Surrender feels vulnerable.”
“What in your life have you said…
‘God, I trust you… but not with this’?”
“Anger often shows up…
where trust is missing.”
(MONKEY AND THE COCONUT EXAMPLE)
“Let me leave you with a picture.
In some parts of the world, hunters have a simple way of trapping monkeys.
They take a coconut… hollow it out… and cut a small hole in it—just big enough for a monkey’s hand to fit through.
Then they put something sweet inside—fruit, nuts—something the monkey wants.
And they tie the coconut to a tree.
When the monkey comes along, it smells what’s inside.
It reaches its hand in…
grabs the food…
but now there’s a problem.
Because the hole is only big enough for an open hand.
When the monkey makes a fist to hold onto what it wants…
it can’t pull its hand back out.
And here’s what’s fascinating.
The monkey is not trapped because it’s overpowered.
The monkey is trapped because it won’t let go.
Even when danger comes…
even when the hunter approaches…
the monkey still won’t release what it’s holding.
And the very thing it grabbed…
becomes the very thing that traps it.”
UNMET DESIRES LEADS TO UNTAMED ANGER
The tighter you grip it…
the more it controls you.”
(Open hand)
“Freedom comes when you release it.”
“Some of us are living that way spiritually.
We’re holding onto:
Control.
A relationship.
Being right.
An expectation.
A version of how life is supposed to go.
And HERE IS THE THING....
WE HAVE GRIPPED it so tightly…
that when it’s threatened…
anger rises.
PASTOR CHRIS I JUST CAN’T SEEM TO LET IT GO
I AM AFRAID OF WHAT LIFE LOOKS LIKE
FOR AND MY FAMILY AND MY KIDS IF I JUST GIVE IT UP
IM UNCONFORTABLE....
AND ACTUALLY I THINK WHAT I’M DOING IS A GOOD THING ANYWAY
I MEAN IF I CAN STILL REACH PEOPLE FOR JESUS AND CONTINUE WHAT I’M DOING
IT MUST BE OK AND BLESSED BY GOD....RIGHT?
I DON’T KNOW...ALL I KNOW IS WHAT MATTHEW 7:21-23 SAYS...
IT SAYS....YOU CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS THAT LOOK AND SEEM GOOD AND “OF GOD”
AND STILL NOT BE IN RIGHT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM
WHEN I HEAR SOMEONE TRYING TO JUSTIFY THERE ACTION BY USING SCRIPTURE OUT OF CONTEXT
OR BY BRINGING JESUS INTO THE EQUATION
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS???
THIS IS WHAT A VERY TIGHT GRIP LOOKS LIKE
HERE IS the truth…
you’re not trapped because you’re overpowered.
You’re trapped because you won’t let go.”
“Think about the thing that makes you most angry…”
“What are you really afraid of losing?”
whatever you FEEL LIKE YOU can’t lose…
has become your master.”
🔥 ALTAR CALL
🔥 ALTAR CALL
“Some of you don’t have anger problems…
you have surrender problems.”
“What are you holding onto so tightly…that anger keeps rising?”
PASTOR CHRIS I’M TRYING SO HARD, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND...IT’S A PROCESS AND I CAN’T JUST GIVE THIS UP.....
LISTEN TO ME....
“God is not asking you to try harder.
He’s asking you to release what you’ve been holding onto.
Because freedom doesn’t come from gripping tighter…
it comes from letting go.” AMEN
....STAND TO YOUR FEET......
Surrender is not measured by perfection…
It’s revealed by direction and response.
BUT PASTOR......
‘How do I know if I’ve really surrendered this?’
THIS IS a good question.
Because surrender doesn’t mean you never feel anger again.
Surrender doesn’t mean you never struggle again.
Surrender doesn’t mean you get it right every time.
5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.
“It’s not about whether you struggle…
it’s about what direction your heart is moving.”
“Surrendered people still fall…
but they don’t stay there.
They come back to God.
They soften.
They respond.”
......EVERY HEAD BOWED AND EYE CLOSED.....
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
“SO......How do you know you’re surrendering?
Not perfectly—but genuinely?”
You’re moving toward surrender if:
You’re moving toward surrender if:
you BECOME aware of THE UNTAMED ANGER AND SUTTLE IDOLS THAT CREEP IN... MORE QUICKLY
you’re convicted instead of justified
you’re willing to release it (even if it’s hard)
you keep bringing it back to God
“If you’re asking the question:
‘Have I really surrendered this?’
That’s actually a good sign.
Because surrendered hearts are sensitive.
Hard hearts don’t ask that question.”
“Surrender is not a one-time moment…
It’s a daily posture.”
TODAY....
“If you’re ready to release it…
to trust God…
to surrender what you’ve been protecting…
WOULD YOU COME
ALTARS ARE OPEN....LETS WORSHIP
“Peace doesn’t come from controlling your life…
it comes from trusting the One who holds it.”
CLOSING PRAYER
“Lord… we release what we’ve been gripping for far too long.......”
