Courteous in Grace

2 Kings 4:9-10

Romans 12:13

Courteous: Yielding my rights and privileges so the grace of God may flow through me for the benefit of others

We live in a rude world.

People interrupt one another.

People demand their own way.

People treat others as inconveniences.

People speak quickly, assume the worst, and rarely stop to think about how their choices affect someone else.

But courtesy is not just good manners.

It is not merely polished behavior.

It is not simply knowing which fork to use or how to word a thank-you note.

Biblical courtesy is much deeper than that.

It is a heart attitude that gladly yields its rights and privileges so the grace of God may flow through us for the benefit of others.

That is the definition before us tonight.

Courteous means yielding my rights and privileges so the grace of God may flow through me for the benefit of others.

When we think about that definition, our minds ought to go to Christ.

No one was ever more courteous than our Lord.

He welcomed little children when others brushed them aside.

He made time for blind beggars when crowds tried to silence them.

He touched lepers.

He spoke kindly to the broken.

He washed His disciples’ feet.

He never used His position for selfish advantage.

Again and again, He yielded what He had every right to claim so that grace could flow to others.

Philippians 2:5–7 KJV

5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:

That is courtesy at its highest level.

It is grace wearing work clothes.

It is love making room for somebody else.

We see a beautiful Old Testament picture of that spirit in 2 Kings 4.

Elisha often passed through Shunem.

There was a great woman there who recognized him as a holy man of God.

She did not merely admire him from a distance.

She did something for him.

She said to her husband, “Let us make a little chamber.”

She wanted to prepare a place where the servant of God could rest.

That small room said something big.

It said, “You matter.”

It said, “You are welcome here.”

It said, “We are willing to rearrange our lives so that you may be helped.”

That woman yielded space, time, resources, and convenience.

Why?

So the grace of God could flow through her household for the benefit of another.

That is biblical courtesy.

And Romans 12:13 brings the same truth into New Testament living.

13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

Paul is not describing a fancy lifestyle.

He is describing a gracious lifestyle.

He is describing believers who do not cling tightly to what is theirs, but gladly open their lives for the good of others.

Tonight, I want us to see what courteous Christlike character really looks like.

I. Courteous People Notice The Needs Of Others

If courtesy is going to live in our lives, it has to begin with seeing beyond ourselves.

A self-absorbed heart will never be a courteous heart.

Before we can minister to people, we have to notice people.

A. They Pay Attention To People Around Them

In 2 Kings 4:9, the Shunammite woman said, “Behold now, I perceive that this is an holy man of God, which passeth by us continually.”

That is a wonderful statement.

She perceived.

She noticed.

She paid attention.

Elisha had likely passed by many times.

Many people may have known he was around.

But this woman did more than observe his presence.

She discerned his need.

She realized that this servant of God would be blessed by having a place of rest.

Courtesy begins with awareness.

It begins when we stop rushing through life blind to the people God has placed around us.

Philippians 2:4 KJV

4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

That does not mean we neglect our own responsibilities.

It means we do not become trapped in selfish tunnel vision.

Some people never show courtesy because they never slow down enough to see what others need.

They see the elderly person struggling, but never move.

They see the visitor standing alone, but never speak.

They see the overworked servant, but never offer help.

They see the discouraged saint, but never send a word of comfort.

But courtesy pays attention.

Courtesy notices the tired look in someone’s face.

It notices the person who has been left out.

It notices the new family that is unsure where to go.

It notices when someone else might need encouragement, relief, or help.

Our Lord lived like that.

He noticed Zacchaeus in the tree.

He noticed the widow of Nain in her sorrow.

He noticed the disciples when they were weary.

He noticed the woman with the issue of blood in the pressing crowd.

Others saw masses.

Jesus saw individuals.

That is one reason His ministry was so full of grace.

He was never too busy to notice a person.

B. They Perceive Opportunities To Show Grace

There is a difference between seeing a person and seeing an opportunity.

Many people see the need, but move on.

This woman saw a need and recognized that God had placed an opportunity in her path.

She said, “Let us make a little chamber.”

She didn’t say, “Someone ought to do something.”

She didn’t say, “That is unfortunate.”

She didn’t say, “I hope things work out for him.”

She turned perception into action.

Romans 12:13 says, “Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.”

That phrase “given to hospitality” carries the idea of pursuing it.

It is not passive.

It is not accidental.

It is intentional.

Courtesy does not wait until service is easy.

It looks for ways to make life easier for someone else.

It asks, “How can I make room for grace here?”

It asks, “What can I do that would lighten another person’s load?”

It asks, “How can I use what God has given me for the good of someone else?”

The priest and Levite in Luke 10 both saw the wounded man.

The good Samaritan saw him too, but he also saw the opportunity to show mercy.

That is the difference.

One can notice trouble and keep walking.

The other notices trouble and lets compassion move him.

Sometimes the greatest opportunities for courtesy are very ordinary.

Holding back a harsh word is courtesy.

Letting someone else speak is courtesy.

Making room in your schedule for a hurting person is courtesy.

Offering your seat, your time, your help, your ear, your home, or your patience is courtesy.

If we are going to become more courteous, we must ask God to open our eyes.

It is hard for grace to flow through a person who never notices where grace is needed.

II. Courteous People Make Room For Others

Once courtesy sees the need, it does something else.

It loosens its grip.

It stops clutching our rights, our comforts, and our privileges as though they must always be protected.

A courteous person is willing to yield something so another person may be helped.

A. They Surrender Convenience

The Shunammite woman said in 2 Kings 4:10, “Let us make a little chamber, I pray thee, on the wall.”

That was no small suggestion.

She was volunteering family space.

She was rearranging the household.

She was making room for another person’s comfort.

That is courtesy.

Courtesy often costs convenience.

Our flesh does not like that.

Our flesh says, “This is my time.”

“This is my space.”

“These are my plans.”

“This is my comfort.”

But grace says, “How can I use what I have for the blessing of someone else?”

Christ did that continually.

Mark 6:31 Jesus and His disciples were exhausted

Mark 6:31–34 KJV

31 And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat. 32 And they departed into a desert place by ship privately. 33 And the people saw them departing, and many knew him, and ran afoot thither out of all cities, and outwent them, and came together unto him. 34 And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and he began to teach them many things.

When the multitudes came, Jesus did not push them away in irritation.

He was moved with compassion toward them.

Again and again, Christ yielded personal ease to minister grace to others.

Now courtesy does not mean there are never proper boundaries.

It does not mean we neglect our primary responsibilities.

But it does mean we stop acting as though our comfort is sacred.

Sometimes the most Christlike thing you can do is to be inconvenienced without complaint.

A courteous husband yields convenience to bless his wife.

A courteous wife yields convenience to encourage her husband.

A courteous parent yields convenience to train and help a child.

A courteous church member yields convenience to welcome, serve, and strengthen others.

A courteous Christian does not make life all about personal ease.

B. They Share Their Resources

This woman did not merely offer words.

She provided a chamber, a bed, a table, a stool, and a candlestick.

She used what she had.

Her courtesy became tangible.

13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

That means what God has entrusted to us is not meant to terminate on us.

It is to be used for His glory and for the blessing of His people.

Courtesy is not limited to a smile and a handshake.

Sometimes it is expressed through meals, a ride, through money, a room in your house, tools lent to a neighbor, help with a project, maybe just sharing knowledge or experience.

1 Peter 4:9–10 KJV

9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging. 10 As every man hath received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.

That means whatever God has placed in your hand can become a channel of grace.

The question is not merely, “What do I own?”

The question is, “How can this serve others?”

That is what made the early church such a powerful testimony.

Acts 2:44-45 shows believers sharing with one another as needs arose.

Acts 2:44–45 KJV

44 And all that believed were together, and had all things common; 45 And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.

Their love was visible.

Their concern was practical.

Their grace was not just spoken.

It was demonstrated.

Sometimes people say, “I wish our church were more loving.”

One of the best ways for that to happen is for God’s people to practice this kind of courtesy.

Love becomes believable when it makes room, bears burdens, and meets needs.

C. They Set Aside Personal Rights

At the heart of courtesy is yieldedness.

The courteous person does not insist on always being first, always being heard, always being served, or always having his own preferences honored.

Romans 15:2 KJV

2 Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification.

That does not mean we become man-pleasers in a sinful sense.

It means we are willing to yield personal preference when doing so helps someone else spiritually and practically.

Matthew 20:28 KJV

28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

If anyone ever had rights, it was Christ.

Yet He yielded Himself again and again for the good of others.

Many conflicts in homes and churches do not come from major doctrinal issues.

They come from small selfishnesses.

Someone has to have the last word.

Someone has to get their way.

Someone has to protect their preference.

Someone has to be recognized.

But courtesy says, “I do not have to win this moment.”

Courtesy says, “I can yield here.”

III. Courteous People Serve Graciously

Courtesy is not cold politeness.

It is warm-hearted grace.

It opens the life, not just the lips.

That is why Scripture joins this matter so closely to hospitality.

A. They Welcome Others Gladly

Romans 12:13 says, “given to hospitality.”

That means hospitality is not a burden reluctantly endured.

It is a grace actively pursued.

The Shunammite woman did not create that little room with resentment.

There is nothing in the text that suggests a grudging spirit.

She seemed glad to provide for Elisha.

That matters because it is possible to do the right thing with the wrong spirit.

A person can open a door while inwardly irritated.

A person can host a meal while complaining the whole time.

A person can help someone while making sure the other person feels like a burden.

That is not biblical courtesy.

Biblical courtesy has warmth in it.

It makes others feel received, not tolerated.

It makes them feel helped, not like a nuisance.

Our Lord was like that.

Sinners drew near to hear Him.

Little children felt safe with Him.

Broken people were not repelled by Him.

There was holiness in Christ, but there was also a graciousness that welcomed the weary and the burdened.

When people come into our homes, our church, or our conversations, do they feel welcomed?

Do they sense graciousness?

Do they sense that we are glad to see them?

Or do they feel like they are intruding into our private kingdom?

A courteous Christian has a way of making room in both heart and life

B. They Help Without Grudging

1 Peter 4:9 KJV

9 Use hospitality one to another without grudging.

That verse is so needed because the flesh will often do the deed while resisting the spirit of the deed.

God is not only concerned with whether we serve.

He is concerned with how we serve.

He cares about the spirit in which grace is extended.

The older brother in Luke 15 is a warning to us here.

He stayed in the father’s house, but his spirit was sour.

He had proximity without graciousness.

He had position without tenderness.

Courtesy does not merely ask, “Did I do something kind?”

It asks, “Did I do it with a Christlike spirit?”

Was there joy in it?

Was there love in it?

Was there kindness in my tone?

Was there generosity in my attitude?

A mother can care for her family in a grudging spirit.

A father can provide in a hard spirit.

A church member can serve in a sour spirit.

But biblical courtesy reflects Christ.

It serves with sweetness, not sharpness.

It serves with joy, not irritation.

This is where the inner life matters so much.

A courteous life does not grow from social polish.

It grows from a heart softened by grace.

When you are freshly aware of how patient Christ has been with you, you find it easier to be patient with others.

When you remember how freely God has given to you, you find it easier to give freely to others.

C. They Make Their Lives Channels Of Grace

The definition says, “Yielding my rights and privileges so the grace of God may flow through me for the benefit of others.”

That phrase is beautiful.

Courtesy is not the end.

Grace is the end.

Courtesy is one of the ways grace flows.

The Shunammite woman’s little chamber became a channel of grace.

Elisha was refreshed there.

He was helped there.

Her home became useful to the work of God.

That is what God desires for us.

Ephesians 4:32 KJV

32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

Grace does not flow well through a hard heart.

It flows through tenderness.

Think about how many people are carrying hidden burdens.

And sometimes the grace of God reaches them through something as simple as a room, a meal, a conversation, a ride, a visit, a note, or a kind word.

Never underestimate what God can do through ordinary courtesy.

A gracious act may seem small to you, but it may be the very thing God uses to strengthen another heart.

IV. Courteous People Reflect Christ’s Heart

Ultimately, this trait is not about becoming more refined.

It is about becoming more like Jesus.

Courtesy in the Christian life is Christlikeness in action.

A. Christ Yielded Himself For Others

2 Corinthians 8:9 KJV

9 For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.

That is the very spirit of courtesy at its highest point.

Christ yielded heavenly glory.

Christ took the form of a servant.

Christ came not to be ministered unto, but to minister.

Christ gave Himself so grace could flow to us.

Every time we choose courtesy over selfishness, we reflect something of Him.

Every time we make room for others, we reflect something of Him.

Every time we surrender convenience, preference, or comfort so another person may be helped, we reflect something of Him.

What the Shunammite woman did in a small room, Christ did on the largest scale imaginable.

He made room for sinners.

He received the unworthy.

He opened mercy to the guilty.

He gave Himself that grace might flow.

B. Christ Calls Us To Live The Same Way

Let this mind be in you.

That is the call.

The servant heart of Christ is not merely something to admire.

It is something to imitate.

Titus 3:2 KJV

2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men.

That is a needed word.

Not to a few men.

Not to easy men.

Not to agreeable men.

Unto all men.

Courtesy shows up in traffic.

Courtesy shows up in business dealings.

Courtesy shows up at the dinner table.

Courtesy shows up in disagreement.

Courtesy shows up after a long day.

Anyone can be courteous when it costs little.

Christlike courtesy appears when it actually requires something.

So where is the Lord speaking to you tonight?

Do you need more courtesy in your speech?

Do you need more courtesy in your home?

Do you need more courtesy in how you treat guests, church members, strangers, or those who serve around you?

Do you need more courtesy in how you respond when your routine gets interrupted?

The measure of our Christlikeness is often revealed in those ordinary moments.

Conclusion

Courteous means yielding my rights and privileges so the grace of God may flow through me for the benefit of others.

That is what the Shunammite woman did.

She saw a need.

She made room.

She gave what she had.

She turned her household into a channel of grace.

That is what Romans 12:13 calls us to do.

To distribute to the necessity of saints.

To be given to hospitality.

To live openhanded, openhearted, and ready to serve.

And above all, that is what Christ has done for us.

He did not hold Himself back.

He came near.

He served.

He gave.

He yielded.

He poured out grace.

An old story is told that Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were once separated from their guards while traveling in the countryside.

As the weather turned cold and darkness came on, they found help at the home of a simple rural family.

That family welcomed them in, fed them, and gave them a place to sleep, never realizing they were serving royalty.

They fed them, warmed them and sacrificed their comfort to give them a place to sleep.

When I think of that story I can’t help but think of the words of Jesus, “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Matthew 25:40

Many times, we think we are doing a small kindness for an ordinary person.

But when grace flows through us for the benefit of others, Christ sees it.

Courtesy is never wasted, because what is done for others in His name is noticed by Him.

Courtesy is not always expensive.

It is not always dramatic.

But it is deeply Christlike.

Maybe tonight the Lord is showing you that selfishness has been ruling too much of your spirit.

Maybe you have been guarding your comfort too closely.

Maybe you have been quick, sharp, or inconsiderate.

Maybe you have seen needs but passed them by.

Then ask the Lord to form this character trait in you.

Ask Him to help you notice others.

Ask Him to help you yield your convenience.

Ask Him to help you open your life.

Ask Him to let His grace flow through you.

And may God help us to be the kind of Christians whose homes, words, schedules, and hearts all say the same thing:

You are welcome here.

There is room here.

May the grace of God flow through me for your good.