Men Need Friends Too!

Defining “Friends”

Table Discussion

Who are/have been some of your best friends? Why were they such good friends?

Based on your answer, list some traits you see in common

Put the responses on the board

Compare to Proverbs 27:5–10

What are some common traits we see between this passage and the list we made? Some differences?

Honesty (v. 5–6)

Good advice (v. 9)

Like family (v. 10)

Reliable/Trustworthy (v. 10)

Reciprocity (v. 10a)

Based on those traits, anyone you might add to your list of friends?

Good Friends

“Speak the Truth in Love” (v. 5–6)

Has the other person’s best interests at heart

“Hiiden love” = unwillingness to tell them what they need to hear

Ultimate goal is to build them up and not tear them down

Resists complacency or “telling him what he wants to hear”

In fact, this is the work of an “enemy”

If you’re not speaking the truth in love you are not a true friend

If your friend is unwilling to tell you what you might not want to hear—but need to hear—maybe they aren’t a true friend

[Brief Aside: Emotional connections with ChatBots]

“the man who strays from home” = the lonely (v. 8)

Give Good Advice (v. 9)

On scents: walking into a house that smells like fresh baked apple pie vs. a backed up sewer (e.g.)

One translator has for v. 9b “the counsel of a friend is sweeter than one’s own advice”

In other words, good friends make great “sounding boards” and offer a different perspective from our own

Are Like Family

Or, are as good as or better than family

Esp. when family is “far away” geographically or relationally

In fact, the Proverb says we should prefer the close friend over the distant family

Sometimes family doesn’t have our best interests at heart (esp. if they gain something from our distress/downfall)

Because they are reliable/trustworthy

This is built upon the previous 2 things

Because they are honest and give good advice, we can count on them in a pinch

A Story of Friendship

Earl C. Willer tells the story of two men who grew up best friends:

Though Jim was just a little older than Phillip and often assumed the role of leader, they did everything together. They even went to high school and college together.

After college they decided to join the Marines. By a unique series of circumstances they were sent to Germany together where they fought side by side in one of history’s ugliest wars.

One sweltering day during a fierce battle, amid heavy gunfire, bombing, and close-quarters combat, they were given the command to retreat. As the men were running back, Jim noticed that Phillip had not returned with the others. Panic gripped his heart. Jim knew if Phillip was not back in another minute or two, then he wouldn’t make it.

Jim begged his commanding officer to let him go after his friend, but the officer forbade the request, saying it would be suicide.

Risking his own life, Jim disobeyed and went after Phillip. His heart pounding, he ran into the gunfire, calling out for Phillip. A short time later, his platoon saw him hobbling across the field carrying a limp body in his arms.

Jim’s commanding officer upbraided him, shouting that it was a foolish waste of time and an outrageous risk. “Your friend is dead,” he added, “and there was nothing you could do.”

“No sir, you’re wrong,” Jim replied. “I got there just in time. Before he died, his last words were ‘I knew you would come.’ ”

Good Friends Reciprocate

v. 10a says “do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father”

Don’t turn your back on them / leave them behind

v. 10c says “better a neighbour nearby than a brother far away”

Turn to them when you are in need and they will help

One of the key biblical attiributes of friendship is reciprocity

cf. David and Jonathan

Jesus calls his disciples “friends”

How Many Friends Should / Can We Have?

Dunbar’s number (150)

Close Friends = 5 / Best Friends = 15 / Good Friends = 50 / Friends = 150

60% of our time naturally goes to the inner 15

If we take just these traits considered this morning—probably the inner 5

Now do the mental math:

Who is already part of that inner 5?

Who could/should be?

Who can’t be?

Illustrate: If 10 people in this room would count the same person in that inner 5, is that actually possible?

To Have a Friend, You Must Also Be a Friend

Prayer