Building The Home God Designed

I. The Effect of the Family On The Church

A. The Church Is Only As Strong As The Homes Within It

If Families Are Strong → The Church Is Strong

If Families Are Weak → The Church Is Weak

B. Family Life Effects Spiritual Life

Scriptures:

1 Peter 3:7 NKJV

7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Ephesians 5:22–6:4 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

1 Timothy 5:8 NKJV

8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

My Family Life Affects My Spiritual Life

What I am spiritually is related to what I am in my family role

It affects me as:

A husband

A wife

A father

A mother

A child

1. A Husband’s Conduct Affects His Prayers — 1 Peter 3:7

1 Peter 3:7 NKJV

7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

Dwell with understanding

Give honor to the wife

“That your prayers may not be hindered”

Implications:

God may not listen because sin separates us

Family turmoil makes prayer difficult

👉 My spiritual life is affected by my family life

2. Walking Worthy Includes Being Right in the Family — Ephesians 5:22–6:4

Ephesians 5:22–6:4 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord

Wives submit to husbands

Husbands love wives as Christ

Children obey parents

Fathers train children

👉 Being the proper kind of family person is part of being a faithful Christian

3. A Bad Family Life Can Make One Worse Than an Unbeliever — 1 Timothy 5:8

1 Timothy 5:8 NKJV

8 But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Failure to provide = denied the faith

Worse than an unbeliever

👉 Cannot be a good Christian and a lousy family person

C. Without Strong Families, The Church Cannot Function

No Qualified Elders — 1 Tim. 3:2–5; Tit. 1:5–6

1 Timothy 3:2–5 NKJV

2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach; 3 not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous; 4 one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence 5 (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?);

Titus 1:5–6 NKJV

5 For this reason I left you in Crete, that you should set in order the things that are lacking, and appoint elders in every city as I commanded you— 6 if a man is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of dissipation or insubordination.

No Qualified Deacons — 1 Tim. 3:11–12

1 Timothy 3:11–12 NKJV

11 Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.

No Qualified Teachers — Tit. 2:3–5

Titus 2:3–5 NKJV

3 the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

The Next Generation Is Lost — Judg. 2:10

Judges 2:10 NKJV

10 When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel.

1. Without Good Families, No Elders

Husband of one wife

Rules house well

Faithful children

2. Without Good Families, No Qualified Women Teachers

Teach love for husbands and children

Must practice what they teach

3. Without Good Families, The Next Generation Will Not Know God — Judges 2:10

Judges 2:10 NKJV

10 When all that generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation arose after them who did not know the Lord nor the work which He had done for Israel.

Parents primarily responsible

Church helps but cannot replace home

👉 The next generation depends on the home

D. Family Troubles Affect the Church

1. Corinth — 1 Corinthians 5

1 Corinthians 5 NKJV

1 It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife! 2 And you are puffed up, and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you. 3 For I indeed, as absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged (as though I were present) him who has so done this deed. 4 In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, along with my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, 5 deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus. 6 Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump? 7 Therefore purge out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, since you truly are unleavened. For indeed Christ, our Passover, was sacrificed for us. 8 Therefore let us keep the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. 9 I wrote to you in my epistle not to keep company with sexually immoral people. 10 Yet I certainly did not mean with the sexually immoral people of this world, or with the covetous, or extortioners, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. 11 But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person. 12 For what have I to do with judging those also who are outside? Do you not judge those who are inside? 13 But those who are outside God judges. Therefore “put away from yourselves the evil person.”

Man had his father’s wife

Affected entire church

Church had to respond

2. Family Problems Can Divide the Church

Adultery

Divorce

Family turmoil

👉 What begins as a family problem becomes a church problem

II. Challenges To Godly Homes

A. God Does Not Rule In Our Hearts

Scriptures:

Luke 17:20–21 NKJV

20 Now when He was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; 21 nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.”

Matthew 6:33 NKJV

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Luke 6:46 NKJV

46 “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?

Psalm 55:19 NKJV

19 God will hear, and afflict them, Even He who abides from of old. Selah Because they do not change, Therefore they do not fear God.

Key Ideas:

Kingdom must be within us

Seek first God’s rule

“Lord” means ruler

No fear → no change

B. God’s Order Is Not Respected

Leadership — 1 Peter 3:1, 5–6

1 Peter 3:1 NKJV

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives,

1 Peter 3:5–6 NKJV

5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.

Parental Authority — Eph. 6:1–4

Ephesians 6:1–4 NKJV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Discipline — Prov. 22:15

Proverbs 22:15 NKJV

15 Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.

Intimacy — Heb. 13:4; 1 Cor. 7

Hebrews 13:4 NKJV

4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Love — Eph. 5

God’s Order Includes:

Leadership

Parental authority

Discipline

Intimacy

Love

👉 When ignored, homes become weak

C. God’s Design For The Home Is Forfeited

Children born out of wedlock

Many raised without a father

Same-sex marriages

Living together without marriage

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:18–25 NKJV

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

Ephesians 5:22–6:4 NKJV

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: 3 “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” 4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

1 Timothy 5:14 NKJV

14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

D. Children Are Not Properly Instructed

Scriptures:

Proverbs 22:6 NKJV

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Ephesians 6:4 NKJV

4 And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

Genesis 18:19 NKJV

19 For I have known him, in order that he may command his children and his household after him, that they keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice, that the Lord may bring to Abraham what He has spoken to him.”

Deuteronomy 6:7 NKJV

7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

Parents Must Teach:

Morals

Work ethic

Bible stories

Bible doctrine

Family roles

E. Influence From The World — Gen. 13:12

Genesis 13:12 NKJV

12 Abram dwelt in the land of Canaan, and Lot dwelt in the cities of the plain and pitched his tent even as far as Sodom.

Ways We Pitch Toward Sodom:

TV

Music

Movies

Friends

School

Work

👉 World weakens the home

F. Family Togetherness Is Vanishing

Home not center of activity

Little bonding

Little conversation

G. Divorce

Fewer marriages, not fewer problems

Scriptural vs unscriptural divorce

III. Building The Home God Designed

A. Develop A True Fear of God

Two Sides:

Awe of God — Deut. 28:58

Deuteronomy 28:58 NKJV

58 “If you do not carefully observe all the words of this law that are written in this book, that you may fear this glorious and awesome name, THE LORD YOUR GOD,

Fear of displeasing God — Ps. 119:120

Psalm 119:120 NKJV

120 My flesh trembles for fear of You, And I am afraid of Your judgments.

Fear Produces:

Obedience — Deut. 13:4

Deuteronomy 13:4 NKJV

4 You shall walk after the Lord your God and fear Him, and keep His commandments and obey His voice; you shall serve Him and hold fast to Him.

Doing hard things — Gen. 22

Dedication — Deut. 10:12, 20

Deuteronomy 10:12 NKJV

12 “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

Deuteronomy 10:20 NKJV

20 You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him, and to Him you shall hold fast, and take oaths in His name.

Fear Must Be Taught — Deut. 4:9–10

Deuteronomy 4:9–10 NKJV

9 Only take heed to yourself, and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, 10 especially concerning the day you stood before the Lord your God in Horeb, when the Lord said to me, ‘Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, that they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children.’

B. Recognize God Designed & Directs The Home

Genesis 2:18–24 NKJV

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” 19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. 21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. 23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Prov. 2

C. Develop A Strong Husband & Wife Relationship

1. Choose a Mate Carefully

Influence — Gen. 3:6; 1 Kings 21:25; Neh. 13:26–27

Genesis 3:6 NKJV

6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.

1 Kings 21:25 NKJV

25 But there was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do wickedness in the sight of the Lord, because Jezebel his wife stirred him up.

Nehemiah 13:26–27 NKJV

26 Did not Solomon king of Israel sin by these things? Yet among many nations there was no king like him, who was beloved of his God; and God made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless pagan women caused even him to sin. 27 Should we then hear of your doing all this great evil, transgressing against our God by marrying pagan women?”

Marry in the Lord — 1 Cor. 7:39; 9:5

1 Corinthians 7:39 NKJV

39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

1 Corinthians 9:5 NKJV

5 Do we have no right to take along a believing wife, as do also the other apostles, the brothers of the Lord, and Cephas?

2. Husbands Must Be Spiritual Leaders

Ephesians 5:23 NKJV

23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

1 Peter 5:2–3 NKJV

2 Shepherd the flock of God which is among you, serving as overseers, not by compulsion but willingly, not for dishonest gain but eagerly; 3 nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock;

Ephesians 6:1 NKJV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Leadership Includes:

Example

Teaching

Responsibility

3. Wives Emphasize the Inner Person

1 Peter 3:3–5 NKJV

3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— 4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands,

1 Timothy 2:8–15 NKJV

8 I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; 9 in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, 10 but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works. 11 Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. 12 And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression. 15 Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love, and holiness, with self-control.

4. Develop a “One Flesh” Relationship

Matthew 19:4–6 NKJV

4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Romans 16:3 NKJV

3 Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus,

5. Mutual Encouragement — Hebrews 3:13

Hebrews 3:13 NKJV

13 but exhort one another daily, while it is called “Today,” lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.

D. Develop A Good Parent-Child Relationship

1. Lead by Example

Deut. 6

1 Peter 3:1–2 NKJV

1 Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear

2. Put Spiritual Things First

Matthew 6:33 NKJV

33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Matthew 10:37 NKJV

37 He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.

Philippians 3:8 NKJV

8 Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ

3 John 4 NKJV

4 I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.

3. Praise Your Children

2 Timothy 1:4–5 NKJV

4 greatly desiring to see you, being mindful of your tears, that I may be filled with joy, 5 when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also.

4. Study the Bible Together

Deuteronomy 6:6–8 NKJV

6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.

Ephesians 6:1–2 NKJV

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise:

5. Teach Respect for Worship

Psalm 96:9 NKJV

9 Oh, worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness! Tremble before Him, all the earth.

6. Encourage Use of Talents

1 Timothy 4:12–16 NKJV

12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity. 13 Till I come, give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine. 14 Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you by prophecy with the laying on of the hands of the eldership. 15 Meditate on these things; give yourself entirely to them, that your progress may be evident to all. 16 Take heed to yourself and to the doctrine. Continue in them, for in doing this you will save both yourself and those who hear you.

2 Timothy 1:6 NKJV

6 Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you through the laying on of my hands.