Relational Righteousness

May 3 | Relational Righteousness | James 1:19-27 

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Open your bible, if you have one, to James 1:19-27. 

Have you ever walked away from a conversation and thought,  ‘Why did I say that?’ You start beating yourself up for it. You’re like “man that was dumb.” Or may be you left feeling like “man I didn’t listen very well. I let my emotions have the best of me” 

Here's a real question:  How much do you think God cares about the way you talk to people? 

How much do you think God cares about how you speak, how you listen, and how you handle anger? 

*pause* 

In my years of being in church and around people who say they are Christians, I have noticed that there is sometimes less attention paid to the way we engage with people.  

Let me tell you what I mean: we are sometimes quick to use our words in ways that are destructive rather than constructive. It is as though we put more premium on the big sins of the bible while we ignore the relational damage our words and actions produces.  

We might be quick to point out sexual promiscuity, and injustice, and homosexuality and abortion and we should because they are counter to God's design but we might do so while talking less about the damage that comes from how we treat people that are close to us.  

What happens, church, when we are filled with passion against moral issues but don't think our relational conduct toward others is also a moral issue? 

On a scale of 1-10, how much do you think God is invested in how you speak, how you listen, and how you handle anger? These are three things that we do every single day. There isn't a day where you don’t have to listen, where you don't have to speak, or where you are not inclined to get mad.  

And the question is how does your faith in Jesus influence those three areas of your life? 

If you’ve never considered that, i enourage you to lean in right now because Jesus has an encouraging word for you.  

We're going to learn this morning that faith that works is invested in relational righteousness.  

What is relational righteousness? Let me start there before we get into the text. It is righteousness that is present in our relationship with people. The righteousness that comes from how we engage with those around us. 

James, the brother of Jesus, says in 1:19, "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”  

This is the heart of the message. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Not some people; but everyone. 

This is not just good advice—this is what God expects from those who believe in him. And if we’re honest, this exposes something in us.  We’re not naturally wired this way. 

Some of you would be Olympic champions if snapback was a sport. You know what snapback is? It’s when you snapback when someone mess around and find out. 

Here’s what this instruction calls for: it calls for a disposition of humility; a disposition of patience; a disposition of perseverance. It requires a disposition that communicates that I want to understand more than I want to react.  

This is a challenging disposition to have for all us but for some of us it is especially challenging. Maybe you grew up in an environment where it felt like you were always blamed for everything. So, now your disposition is “I've gotta defend myself.” 

That's something I've had to work through in my marriage of 10 years. My wife comes to me with an observation and my instinct is not to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry. It is to be slow to listen, quick to speak, and quick to be angry. I had a need to defend myself.  

But church no healthy relationship, no godly relationship can stay godly and healthy on that disposition for any amount of time. Something has to change. 

What if you approach all of your relationships with this mindset? Your relationship with your spouse, with your friends, with your siblings, with your parents, with your kids, with your co-workers, and with  God? 

What if you decide to take God's word seriously and apply it to not just the needs you have but to the relationships you have? We don’t want to be Christians who care only about what God can do for us and not about what he wants us to do for other people.  

That's why James said in 1:22-25 that we shouldn't be like the person who looks in the mirror and soon forgets what they look like. “22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” 

This is an encouragement to lean into what God wants for you in your engagement with his word. God wants to transform you when you come in contact with his word; he wants you to leave changed, he wants you to experience new life. Whether it is heard in a sermon, read in the bible, listened to in a podcast, change is the goal. 

Imagine looking in the mirror and seeing your hair all messed up, crust in your eyes, lips chapped but as soon as you take your eyes off the mirror you forget those things were there. That's what it can be like when we come to church, hear a good word about relationship righteousness, go home and act in opposite to what you've heard. Or you listen to an hour-long podcast and when it ends, it’s like you didn’t listen to the podcast at all because you’re not applying what you’ve learned.  

It's easy to forget what God expects of you in the heat of a moment, I know because I've been there. But man if you can get a hold of this truth – that God is invested in your relational righteousness and that how you listen, how you speak and how you show anger very important, it'll save you from a lot of sin and conflict and things you'll regret doing and saying.  

You know what I'm talking about. You've been in those moments where if only you held your tongue a little bit longer, if only you actively listened to understand, if only you were patient in responding, things might have turned out a bit better.  

That's why James says in 1:20, that "human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."  

God has expectations of you and me for how we conduct ourselves. God cares about how you behave toward other people. And when you don't care about how your anger affects other people, God is not pleased with that. When you don't care about how your lack of listening affects other people, God is not pleased with. When you don’t care about how you speak affects other people, God is not pleased with that. 

This does not mean that there aren't moments that require you to quickly speak up and quickly express your displeasure.   

It does not mean you can't tell it like it is. Some of you have a PhD in telling it like it is. And some of us need to get a bachelos degree in telling it like it is. It does not mean you have to couch your words in pleasantries and avoid making people mad, it does not mean that you cannot speak up or be angry.  

But what it is asking of you is to consider the other person; it is to prioritize relational righteousness. It is take the path that is less likely to lead to offense and sin.  

Here’s a simple question to ask yourself to figure out what the moment calls for: Will being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry do more harm than good? 

99% of the time the answer will be no.  

And here’s what happens when you live out God’s word in this way, it saves you embarrassment, it you allows you to give grace, it gives you time for understanding, it helps you to be patient, it allows you to love better. (bullet points one by one. Don’t show all at once) 

And it's not just with people it is also with God. Sometimes we just need to come to God not in a rush to speak but to listen. Sometimes the best thing you can do is come before God and sit in silence while he speaks to your heart. Sometimes the best thing you can do is come before God with an open Bible while you let him speak to you as you read words on the pages.  

 *As we wrap up*

Relational righteousness is so important that James says in 1:26 that "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless."  

If you consider yourself to be a person of faith but your faith doesn't show up in how you speak to people, the bible says your faith has no value. If we're honest, that is a tough thing to say. It's a tough thing to hear. But the point is to get us to understand how big of a deal relational righteousness is.   

Real faith, faith that works cares about people and cares about doing what is right in God's eyes.   

Walking with Jesus requires us to engage in relational righteousness and not neglect how we listen, how we speak, and how we show anger. And the closer you walk with God, the more His righteousness begins to show up in how you relate to people. 

But the truth is if were easy as ABC, everyone would be doing it. We need God's help. It is for this very reason that Jesus died and rose from the dead so we can be filled with the Spirit of God to do the things of God.  

 So, where in your day to day can you ask God for his help to be quick to listen, slow to speak, an slow to anger? Where can you ask God to help you priortize relational righteousness?

If you're here this morning and you don't know whether you have the spirit of God or not, because you need his Spirit to do this. If you're here this morning and you're not sure whether you and Jesus are on the same page, you can leave this morning with a confidence that Jesus is yours and his Spirit is with you. All you need to do is come before God and confess your need of him, all you need to do is come before God and confess you need his salvation. If that's you, I want you to do that right now and I want to pray for you.  

And if you know you walk with Jesus and you need his help to live out the relational righteousness that he desires, I want to pray for you too.   

Close your eyes and open the palm of your hand as though you're physically receiving this prayer.  

Salvation Prayer 

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Closing Prayer