The Gospel & Divorce

Introductory questions:

Should a believer divorce his/her believing spouse?

Should a believer divorce his/her unbelieving spouse?

Introductory truths:

The wisdom of the cross has already been established.

The gospel (how God has acted towards us in Christ) has implications for every area of life, and this includes marriage and divorce.

Before we begin, we must understand the clear command of Jesus Christ concerning marriage & divorce.

,

Marital divorce was never God’s original intention

ILLUSTRATION: My brother and I were at a friend’s home one time playing baseball in his back yard.... by accident, a foul ball left the bat and screamed its’ way through the kitchen window....in that moment of trouble, a lot of thoughts flooded my mind: run away and go home, I’m in big trouble, who will get the blame…etc…as sin ravaged relationships of men, divorce seemed to become the chosen response; but it was never God’s intention.

Marital infidelity was the cause given by Christ for divorce

Some glaring omissions that the gospel confronts as it moves from a Jewish culture to a Gentile world:

How does this principle apply when one person of the marriage becomes a believer and the other does not?

What about the offspring of this kind of marriage - are they unholy?

Remembering that this text is founded upon the wisdom of the cross...

Proposition:

We must see how the gospel teaches believers to remain in their marriages, whether they are both believers or not.

(1) The command of Christ applied to believers in marriage (v. 10 - 11)

Explanation:

(a) Jesus spoke explicitly about divorce (v. 10)

(b) There were possibly women instigators in this (v. 10)

There are a couple of reasons for this thought. First, Paul clearly begins here by addressed the women first and more explicitly than he does the men. Notice how it appears that the men are just a passing thought.

In the Gentile, Corinthian culture it was alright for a woman to initiate divorce proceedings though this was not acceptable in Jewish culture. This led to the belief that possibly Paul had received information that in Corinth, this was happening.

(c) Personal reconciliation to their believing husbands was commanded (v. 11)

Notice also how Paul urged the matter to be addressed. He called for reconciliation. In other words, Paul does not condone divorce; and he does uphold the instruction of Jesus Christ. It is important to note here that it was a personal reconciliation that was to be accomplished. There was not “well, the marriage just failed” as if the marriage is living and breathing apart from the individuals in the marriage.

(d) Note the command to the husband - amidst a misogynistic culture (v. 11)

Lastly, it should be noted that Paul does address the husbands as well. This shows that he was not promoting some kind of misogyny. The husband is not to put away and the wife is not to depart.

Principle:

For two people who have professed belief in Jesus as their Lord, the scripture is clear they have been enabled to reconcile with each other and NOT to divorce.

Reconciliation is not the easy way, but it is the way that reflects the glory of the gospel of God.

Illustration:

Shawna Pilat’s husband still wasn’t home from his Saturday night partying. “It was very common for Rick to be out all night. I always knew there was unfaithfulness,” said Shawna, who was home with her three-year-old son. “That bothered me, naturally, but I was also worried that Rick was going to turn up some place dead. And that morning I was at the end of my rope.”

As Shawna angrily washed dishes in the kitchen, she noticed a man speaking on television. He was funny and warm, and seemed to be speaking to her. “I felt something come over me that I can’t explain,” she remembers. “I couldn’t quit crying. At the end of the program, it said, ‘Join us,’ and it gave the name of a church in Winnipeg. I couldn’t get my son dressed fast enough.”

On the way to the church, Shawna had one purpose in mind: getting emotionally strong enough to kick Rick out. But God had a surprise for her.

At the end of the message, the pastor invited people to give their lives to Christ. Shawna raised her hand. Three weeks later, Rick asked if he could join her at church.

After four or five weeks of attending church with his wife, Rick recognized his need for Christ. Still, the following months weren’t easy. “I was going to church and wanting to do right, but I kept doing wrong,” he said.

Larson, C. B., & Ten Elshof, P. (2008). 1001 illustrations that connect (pp. 258–259). Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan Publishing House.

Application:

Believers should be characterized by reconciliation, not by division; but what does reconciliation mean; and why would Paul use this word here? Reconciliation means to change or exchange. It means to change from enmity to friendship. With regards to God and men, we see this accomplished in Jesus Christ - . shows our prior enemy status that was overcome by Christ.

To overcome our separation from God, we needed someone to provide reconciliation and thereby bring us back into fellowship with God. Paul says that God “through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself” ().

To overcome our separation from God, we needed someone to provide reconciliation and thereby bring us back into fellowship with God. Paul says that God “through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself” (2 Cor. 5:18–19).

Grudem, W. A. (2004). Systematic theology: an introduction to biblical doctrine (p. 580). Leicester, England; Grand Rapids, MI: Inter-Varsity Press; Zondervan Pub. House.To overcome our separation from God, we needed someone to provide reconciliation and thereby bring us back into fellowship with God. Paul says that God “through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself” ().

Grudem, W. A. (2004). Systematic theology: an introduction to biblical doctrine (p. 580). Leicester, England; Grand Rapids, MI: Inter-Varsity Press; Zondervan Pub. House.

It is not only the removal of enemy status; but it is a restoration of fellowship between two parties. In the first part of reconciliation, we recognize our enmity removed; but here we note a fellowship restored.

Husbands & Wives: “Irreconcilable Differences”?

The fall-back option of “irreconcilable differences” in the believer’s life should be equated to “the gospel is not powerful enough to bring about unity.” In consideration that both individuals have had insurmountable odds overcome to be reconciled to God, it would seem unthinkable that the gospel they’ve received is impotent in helping them overcome differences they have with each other.

This means that husbands and wives display the wisdom of the cross in their marriages when they reconcile rather than divide. This means that when the husband does not meet your cleanliness standard, take time to remember how filthy and dirty you were before the Lord. This means that when wives purposely and vindictively behave towards you husbands - you must take time to remember how purposely and vindictive your sin against Christ was.

All Believer’s Relationships:

This means that all relationships among believers should be characterized by continual reconciliation. Children/Teens should make it a regular practice that when you have offended your parents through disobedience, you reconcile through seeking their forgiveness. Adults who rub shoulders weekly at church should be reconciled together as a reflection of the gospel reconciliation they have received. When an individual says, “I just can’t forgive them,” this is evidence of one or two things: (1) They have never received the enabling forgiveness of the Lord in salvation (2) They’ve such a high view of themselves that the other individual is less forgivable than they themselves ever were before God.

Unbeliever:

To the unbeliever, the application is quite clear. You must be taken from your enemy status against God to part of His kingdom. If you will live out this type of reconciliation, you must know the One who first extended an offer to be reconciled to you. Otherwise, you are relegated to temporal things to produces temporal results. You can go on binges, but there are tremendous and regretful side affects. You could come to the Lord, be reconciled, and then be able to live in relationships that reflect reconciliation.

So, this was a message to the believers who were married to believers in marriage. What about a marriage where one person becomes a believer but the other remains as an unbeliever?

(2) The command of Christ applied to believers in “mixed” marriages (v. 12 - 16)

Explanation:

(a) A mixed marriage is not cause for divorce (v. 12 - 13)

Paul gives two primary reasons for not divorcing an unbeliever: Sanctification & Peace - . He elaborates on these two thoughts over the next few verses.

Is this Inspired?

Without understanding the context, some would see the opening phrase as showing that it is not inspired. A lack of inspiration is the wrong understanding of this. Paul, having affirmed what Christ explicitly stated while he was on the earth, now turns to apply this principle to those in mixed marriages.

The phrase “put away” which is used also in means to divorce. Paul is quite clear that just because there is a mixed marriage (meaning saved and unsaved) there is no cause for divorce here. The cultural understanding for the Corinthian believers seems to imply that maybe some believers thought they could be more spiritual by detaching themselves from what they perceived to be a contamination (an unbelieving spouse).

Notice also that in the will of the unbelieving spouse is in consideration. If the unbelieving spouse wants to stay in covenant, the believing partner should NOT divorce.

(b) A mixed marriage and its’ offspring are holy (v. 14)

Paul uses the perfect tense, “has been made holy” (ἡγίασται, hēgiastai), which implies a present condition established by some past event.[Garland, David E.] Paul is not saying that in some way the husband is saved because he is married to the wife. The argument here is one against divorce. As Garland points out, “His basic argument is this: Mixed marriages have the same status as Christian marriages and should not be abandoned.

Paul uses the perfect tense, “has been made holy” (ἡγίασται, hēgiastai), which implies a present condition established by some past event.[

Garland, David E.

What about the children of this marriage?

In addition to this belief that maybe an individual would be more spiritual by divorcing an unsaved spouse, there seems to be the teaching that the offspring of this mixed marriage was unholy, dirty, or contaminated.

Contamination was a Jewish Understanding/Belief

As Paul addresses this, he does so by pointing out that the marriage covenant is sacred because of the believing spouse. This means that God still views this union as holy and divine. This belief that contamination took place was common in Jewish teachings. Note:

This perspective is characteristically Jewish:

“Whoever touches pitch gets dirty” (). In Jos. As. 8: 5– 7, Joseph refuses to kiss Aseneth while she is still an idolater and responds:

It is not fitting for a man who worships God, who will bless with his mouth the living God and eat blessed bread of life and drink a blessed cup of immortality . . . to kiss a strange woman who will bless with her mouth dead and dumb idols and eat from their table bread of strangulation and drink from their libation a cup of insidiousness. . . . Likewise, for a woman who worships God it is not fitting to kiss a strange man, because this is an abomination before the Lord God.

Garland, David E. (2003-11-01). 1 Corinthians (Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament) (Kindle Locations 6795-6802). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

(c) A mixed marriage can end in peaceful freedom of divorce (v. 15)

Slavery Talk?

In the event that the unbelieving partner wants to depart, they are at liberty to do so. Paul uses words that would cause people to think of slavery. The believer is not “under bondage” in such cases. The purpose of this usage is to point to the significance of marriage. This strong terminology would have done this rather than considered marriage to be frivolous.

God’s call to peace

The reason that Paul gives for this allowance is because of God’s call to peace. There are several aspects to consider here. First, Paul is implying that the marriage was peaceful prior to salvation and that receiving Christ is not an excuse to upset the harmony of the marriage. There are historical indications though that unbelieving spouses were not happy about their spouses converting. Note:

Plutarch’s (Mor. 140D) “Advice to Bride and Groom” is often cited: A wife ought not to make friends of her own, but to enjoy her husband’s friends in common with him. The gods are the first and most important friends. Wherefore it is becoming for a wife to worship and to know only the gods that her husband believes in, and to shut the front door tight upon all queer rituals and outlandish superstitions. For with no god do stealthy and secret rites performed by a woman find any favor.

Garland, David E. (2003-11-01). 1 Corinthians (Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament) (Kindle Locations 6783-6787). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

The second and most important note about peace here is that now Paul has attached this to reconciliation. With this consideration, you cannot overlook the fact that reconciliation is how we are brought into peace with God. See ; .

It is because of this peace with God that we are to be characterized as people who maintain peace. See . is clear that we are to live at peace with everyone. The believers are to be the peacemakers.

(d) A mixed marriage is opportunity for the unsaved spouse to have a new life (v. 16)

Lastly, Paul points to the fact that the right kind of response could lead to the salvation of the unbelieving spouse. This is consistent with Peter’s teaching in . The behavior of the spouse could be used of the Lord to bring about the salvation of the unbeliever. This is no less consistent with the behavior of the Savior, who though mistreated behaved in a submissive manner, and He is Christianity and His life the most convincing argument to believe.

Principle:

Believers in mixed marriages should trust the gospel and remain in the marriage with their unbelieving spouse.

Illustration:

Every fall, we would open up the school year with the sport of soccer. The attraction to this sport for most was the fact that you could run around on a field and kick a ball into a net. When the season started, we did not really touch a soccer ball for the first couple of weeks. These weeks were conditioning weeks. It was during those first couple of weeks that you had washouts or people who just were unwilling to stay committed through the difficulty. For some, it was just not worth it. Paul is urging these folks to stay in their mixed marriages for reasons that are beyond themselves.

Application:

Better without my unbelieving spouse?

First, some think that they would be better Christians if they could just get rid of the unbelieving partner. Why doesn’t God just use the same philosophy with you. Could God be a better God, if He did not have to put up with you? This seems illogical and in this light, we would tend to shy away from our arrogant position.

The fact is that the righteousness we have in Christ is sufficient and getting rid of an unbelieving spouse does not commend you to the Lord. This philosophy shows a lack of faith in the gospel and a trust in human philosophy. It shows a works mentality for righteousness as if, now that I have Christ, I could be better by dividing this marriage. This is pure nonsense.

A divine sacrament? Note to the unbeliever:

Second, we want to affirm that marriage is a divine institution; but it is not a divine sacrament. By sacrament here I mean that it redeems people who are unsaved. As noted by the last verse of our text, Paul would not have spoken about the salvation of the unbelieving partner, had the partner been saved by the matrimonial ceremony. If you are married to a believer, but you have not personally repented of your sin and received Jesus as your Lord and Savior; then you are in your sins and need God’s forgiveness.

Do I lose everything when I lose my marriage?

Thirdly, in some parts of our Western culture the idea that, “If I lose my marriage to this unbelieving husband, then I have lost everything” has been believed so deeply that it leads to anger, bitterness, and lashing out for the sake of keeping the marriage going. It becomes the place that lacks peace. We need to consider these cultural beliefs in light of what the scripture has taught; and our counsel should be consistent with the word of God.

“Damaged Goods”

In addition, individuals who have never experienced divorce may have a tendency to look at those who have as “damaged goods.” This is judgmental mindset is evidence that possibly you’ve elevated marriage above scriptural principles. Divorce brings insecurities that only the gospel can suffice, and when believers do not allow the gospel to change how they think, feel, and speak they may be compounding the insecurity that a brother or sister in Christ is experiencing.

God desire for their salvation:

Fourthly, God desires for all peoples to worship Him. This includes your unbelieving spouse. Getting the upper-hand in the argument is not worth their eternal soul. Divorce/division does not show the union you’ve received in the gospel. In fact, that is the exact opposite of what you received. In addition, that vain thought that since your spouse is unsaved, you don’t have to live out the Christian ethic towards him is contrary to the meritless grace that has been extended towards you.

Concluding Thoughts:

The gospel manifests itself in mixed marriages as believers submit to the pleasure of the partner to either stay or even possibly allow them to leave. So:

Don’t look for ways out of the marriage.

Don’t spend time talking with individuals who advise divorce contrary to scripture.

Gospel peace is NOT just controlling what you say. Gospel peace begins with God in your spirit and standing before Him. Gospel peace is the controlling factor in your mind, and is evident by what you say and do.

1001 Illustrations that Connect Illustration 999: Changing Jobs

My wife, Carol, a career counselor, was meeting with a client, George, who said to her in their first session, “I’ve got to get out of the rubber industry.”

She gave him some homework to do before their next session. He came back the next week without having done a lick of homework. My wife asked, “What will happen if you don’t get out of the rubber industry?”

“My wife will divorce me,” George said.

“Do you want that to happen?” Carol asked.

He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. She knew then that he would never change his job till it gave him what he wanted: a divorce, with his wife taking the initiative and the guilt.

Carol named this behavior “the doctrine of the prior agenda.” “You can’t help people change or find their mission when they have a conflicting prior agenda,” she said. People will not change until they want to.

—Daniel H. Pink, “What Happened to Your Parachute?” Fast Company (September 1999)