The Lifestyle of a Virtuous Woman

Introduction:

Who is the most virtuous woman you know? I don’t want you to answer that out loud in case she is not sitting right next to you.

Throughout your life, you have probably had several women that fit the bill.

I am blessed to be married to a virtuous woman and I remember preaching this particular passage of Scripture that we are going to look at this morning at my wife’s grandmother’s funeral. I believe she was a great example of what this passage teaches.

I also know that this morning there may be an audible sigh in the room as you turn to Proverbs 31 and anticipate what is coming.

Did you know that in the Hebrew Bible the books of the Bible are in a different order than our English Bibles and that the Book of Ruth follows Proverbs 31? This has led many scholars to conclude that Ruth is a model of the Proverbs 31 woman.

The Proverbs 31 woman might be the most revered of women and the most hated of women at the same time. She is an example of an ideal and a woman that many women wish they could punch in the face!

Well, don’t do that to her this morning, but let’s look at the example she sets for us in Scripture and I will give you a little relief at the end of the message.

Men this morning you might be tempted to tune out. Don’t do that because you should be praying for your wives and daughters and any other women in your life to measure up to the standard she sets. You should strive to help them become a virtuous woman.

Young men, you should seek to marry a woman that resembles the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 as much as possible so that you can have a blessed marriage union.

Young ladies, you are in training and the sooner you will learn from the virtuous woman and humble yourselves to her ideals, the faster you will be on your way to becoming a virtuous woman yourself.

To be clear, you can become a virtuous woman without being perfect, so let’s look at the “Lifestyle of a Virtuous Woman” this morning as we examine Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31:10–31 ESV

10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. 15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. 26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

Pray

We are going to take a moment and walk through this list of virtues that the Proverbs 31 woman possesses.

The word virtue means to have moral excellence and righteousness.

I know that this morning there are many of you that have been influenced by the lifestyle of a godly woman, be it your mother or your wife.

And, by the way, it is not too late to become a virtuous woman, no matter what age you are and no matter whether or not your children have left the nest.

Some of you may not have trained them well and when you pushed them out of the nest, they hit every branch on the way down and what might seem like permanent damage.

Well there is hope because there is grace, but we have to own up to how we’ve lived so far and seek to change our ways.

All of us this morning, no matter how virtuous the women in our lives might be, can be influenced by the mother of Scripture - the Proverbs 31 woman.

Let’s take a look at a few of her virtues.

1. She is Trustworthy (vv. 11-12)

Proverbs 31:11–12 ESV

11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

2. She is Hardworking (vv.13-14)

Proverbs 31:13–14 ESV

13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.

We live in a lazy culture!

We are as busy as ever, but we are often busy at nothing.

The virtuous woman is a woman that doesn’t have to be told what to do. She isn’t waiting around for step-by-step instructions.

She is hard at work, finding things to do that bless and create.

Did you know that work is not a curse? Hard work because of the “thorns” of life is the curse, but God gave Adam and Eve jobs to do before the curse.

We have certain jobs that exist, both inside the home and outside, that God wants us to fulfill. He want us to resemble Him in His creative work by working hard and being proud of what we have accomplished.

3. She Manages Her Home (vv. 15-21)

Proverbs 31:15–21 ESV

15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. 16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. 20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. 21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

This brings us to another aspect of her hard work - she manages her home.

The virtuous woman understands that there are certain roles that have been given to women by God in the home, just as there are with men, that God expects a virtuous woman to fulfill.

In fact, part of the reason men and women are different is because God has given us different roles.

These roles are not constructed by society but given by God.

Look with me at Titus 2:3-6 for a moment.

Titus 2:3–6 ESV

3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.

Now, I know that our culture tends to scream the opposite of what Scripture teaches, but God has said in a number of places that there are certain things a woman is permitted to do and certain things she is not permitted to do and the same is true of men.

Notice that I used the phrase “permitted.” That was on purpose because we are not talking about capability, but what is permissible according to God.

This is because when we try to do everything under the sun there is to do, we will inevitably neglect some of the weightier things that must be done.

God is not forbidding women from working in the marketplace, but we also must not pursue career to the neglect of family.

The same holds true for men who argue that they need to work all of the time to provide the best life for their families. If you are never there to be Dad, then you are also in sin.

The point to be made here is that a virtuous woman does not neglect her godly duties over her household.

4. She is Generous (v.20)

Proverbs 31:20 ESV

20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.

Go back to verse 20 for a moment.

Notice that she has worked hard and is now able to be generous to others.

The virtuous woman gives to her own household but also to those outside of her house.

5. She Has Dignity (vv. 21-25)

Proverbs 31:21–25 ESV

21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. 22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. 24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. 25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

Notice that she has clothed her family, but she has also clothed herself.

The text says taht she is clothed in purple and fine linen.

These things come from hard work. She has been industrious and has been able to attain wealth to be generous, but also to clothe herself.

Purple was considered the color of the wealthy, because it was attained by a dye derived from Mediterranean shellfish.

Fine linen is not a basic cloth you would wash your dishes with, but is a linen that she has woven with her own hands and having grown her own flax.

When you put all of these things together, you don’t just have a picture of a woman that has wealth and is wearing designer fashions. You instead have the outward appearance of a woman who has dignity and respect and honor and reward from her hard work and virtuous life. The outside is a picture of what is on the inside.

The New Testament has a lot to say about this as well.

Peter said,

1 Peter 3:1–4 ESV

1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

I think it is appropriate to address a problem in our culture today that is a result of both men and women lowering the standard.

Women today have become sex objects and this is partly due to the lust of men and the prevalence of pornography.

Men have encouraged it and women have complied with it by wearing the most skimpy garments that they can find.

Some argue that it is what is in style or it is what is comfortable, etc. Men get googley-eyed over the most skin being shown.

This is not respectable apparel. Modesty is a virtue, not an Amish thing!

And men, let me take an opportunity to let you get mad at me too over this. You need to dress the part as well. We need to stop being so sloppily dressed and start having dignity and honor as well.

Now hear me clearly on this. I am not saying that we need to have full head to toe burkahs or we need to only wear pants and skirts.

There is an ability for us as rational, thinking Christians to easily determine what is appropriate dress or not.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

What is my intent in wearing this outfit?

Am I trying to draw attention to my self or to my Lord?

What is the purpose of my outfit?

Am I playing a sport where this is needed and appropriate?

Is this an outfit that makes sense. Bathing suits at the beach make sense, but bathing suits at school do not.

What is the occasion of the event that I am wearing this to? (pajamas are for sleeping in, not for Walmart)

Am I going to a movie or an event?

Am I going to church?

I’m sure there are more, but the most important two questions to ask yourself, male or female, are these:

Am I honoring Christ with what I am wearing?

Am I honoring my body, which is the temple of the Lord, with what I am wearing?

And a bonus question, if you haven’t gotten enough already, that fits the occasion of our text is this:

“Does this outfit match my character?”

6. She Trains Up Her Children to Love the Lord (vv.26-28)

Proverbs 31:26–28 ESV

26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

Timothy’s mother and grandmother are an excellent example of the impact of a virtuous woman in her home.

7. She Loves the Lord (v.28-31)

Proverbs 31:28–31 ESV

28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

The final trait that surpasses and governs all the others is this: She Loves Jesus with all her heart.

That is what will motivate the virtues of a godly woman.

She is praised by her family - her husband and her children.

Notice that she is given praise in the congregation of the people.

She has done excellently and surpassed all others.

She is deserving of her reward and her accolaids.

Conclusion

As I have said before, many people hate this passage of Scripture right up there along with:

“Love your enemies and pray for them,” or,

“Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the Church,” or,

“Wives submit to your husbands as unto the Lord,” etc.

These passages should not be dreaded but held in high esteem by us because they are God’s very best for us, even if we do not do our very best to live up to them.

We are not called to measure ourselves by the standard of others, but by the standard God has set.

The standard is not the problem simply because we have a hard time living up to it.

I remember back in the 1990s when I was in elementary school that we had the Presidential Fitness Test. Do any of you remember that?

Well, there were a series of exercises that you were expected to perform at a certain level based on the national health standards. These programs have gone away mostly, but recently President Trump actually reinstated them making them mandatory at 161 schools on military installations.

On these tests were things like pushups and pullups and situps and...you get the picture.

I was always this build quality, and so back then I was what was known as a husky fellow. I wasn’t fat, but I wasn’t thin either and so my clothes had some breathing room in them, if you know what I mean.

I hated the thought of having to pull my heavy body up and do a pull up. I could run, believe it or not, but I could not heave my heavy, gravity-attracting body over the chin up bar for more than a couple of chin ups. The curve of my spine did not want me to sit up once I was laying flat on the mat.

I hated these tests, not because the test was bad, but because I didn’t like the standard.

I’m afraid that there are many standards in the Bible that we don’t like and so we do away with them like the Presidential fitness test.

There is a standard that is presented by the virtuous woman that no one likes because it is a standard of perfection. To be fair, the text never says she is perfect, but many women assume she is and hate her for it.

It’s not that they can’t be virtuous themselves, it is that they never try.

You know, when we aim for perfection, but miss the mark, we still end up on a higher plane than when we started and had we never tried at all.

But the truth is that the Proverbs 31 woman is a perfect woman. She is an ideal that can never fully be accomplished, because she is a reminder of the gospel.

She reminds us that no one can be perfect and yet that is the standard to get into heaven. God is perfect and lets no one imperfect come into His presence.

I want to pause a minute and let that statement sit with you. Let me repeat it for you again.

“God is perfect, and let’s no one dwell with Him that is not perfect.”

Adam and Eve were perfect until they sinned and then were kicked out of the Garden of Eden.

All of mankind has been imperfected by their original sin and the sins that we heap upon our own heads.

That is why another Adam had to come to be perfect for us. He completely kept all of the Law’s requirements.

God took His perfection and when we believe on the Lord Jesus by faith, He heaps it upon you and credits it to your account. There is even a double transaction that happens because God has taken your sins and imperfections and laid them upon Jesus as He hung upon that cross.

This is why you can be in heaven with God even though you miss the mark. We all miss the mark. But because of Jesus we can have virtue. We can be perfect and regain what was lost in paradise in the beginning as we enter into a new paradise.

The only question that you have to ask yourself today is whether or not you have tried to throw out the standards so that you don’t have to measure up.

God doesn’t grade on a curve, He grades on grace. God has given you the means of receiving that grace by faith, but you must take it and receive it.

I wonder this morning if anyone here would like to receive some grace, all of grace? If so, would you call out to Him in faith?

If you are a woman that has not lived up to the standard of the virtuous woman, will you strive to go up to a higher plane looking at her as an example to follow?

If you are a man this morning, have you been inspired to honor women who live a virtuous life? Will you protect the honor of a godly woman by raising your expectations and not demeaning women with lustful thoughts and actions?

Will you encourage the women in your life to want to pursue godliness and will you model what following Christ looks like?

You see the beauty of the gospel is that we have not been given a bunch of character traits to check off of a list that we are supposed to try to follow.

Women, listen closely to me this morning. It might be that the reason you hate the virtuous woman is because you have striving to be just like her. The secret to her virtue is not the things that she does, but what is in her heart.

She has fellowship with the Lord Jesus Christ. When you have this, your heart changes and when your heart changes, your actions change along with it.

Seek to be in the fellowship of Jesus and you will become the virtuous woman and inspire others by being a flesh and blood example for them to follow.

Prayer