Why Can’t I Stop?

Titus 2:11-14

We come today to the fifth message in our series, Ever Wonder Why?

So far, we have dealt with questions about suffering, hell, prayer, and trusting God.

This morning we come to a question that is painfully personal.

Why can’t I stop?

There are many people who know exactly what that question feels like.

They have something in their life they wish were not there.

A habit.

A pattern.

A sin.

A struggle.

A cycle they keep repeating.

They have prayed about it.

They have promised God that they would stop.

They have determined in their own heart that this time will be different.

Maybe for a few days it is.

Maybe for a little while they seem to make progress.

Then suddenly they find themselves back in the same place again.

They lose their temper again.

They look at what they should not look at again.

They say what they should not say again.

They eat what they should not eat again.

They scroll where they should not scroll again.

They spend what they should not spend again.

They return to the same fear, the same bitterness, the same weakness, the same shame.

And after a while, the question changes.

It is no longer merely, “Why did I do that?”

It becomes, “Why can’t I stop?”

That question carries frustration.

It carries guilt.

It carries discouragement.

It carries the fear that maybe real change is impossible.

But the Word of God gives us hope this morning.

Titus 2 does not merely tell us that grace forgives sinners.

It tells us that grace teaches sinners.

It tells us that the same grace that saves also sanctifies.

It tells us that the same grace that rescues also reshapes.

Lasting change does not come merely by trying harder on the outside, but by the grace of God transforming the heart from the inside out.

I. The Struggle Is Often More Than Behavior

Before we talk about how God changes us, we need to understand that our struggles are often deeper than the outward behavior alone.

A. The Problem Can Have Many Layers

When people ask, “Why can’t I stop?” the answer is not always simple.

Sometimes there are practical issues involved.

A person keeps eating poorly because the wrong things are always in the house.

A person keeps oversleeping because he will not go to bed on time.

A person keeps falling into temptation because he will not stay away from the places and people that pull him down.

Sometimes there are emotional issues involved.

There may be wounds from the past.

There may be loneliness.

There may be fear.

There may be discouragement.

There may be unresolved hurt that keeps pushing a person toward unhealthy coping.

Sometimes there are relational issues involved.

It is hard to become spiritually healthy while staying closely tied to influences that keep feeding the flesh.

First Corinthians 15:33 says,

1 Corinthians 15:33 KJV

33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Sometimes there may even be physical factors involved.

The body matters.

Fatigue matters.

Patterns matter.

Access matters.

Temptation often gets stronger when the body is weak and the guard is down.

Even though there can be many layers, the deepest problem is often still spiritual.

B. The Heart of the Battle Is Spiritual

At the root of many repeated struggles is this reality.

We are trying to meet a spiritual need with something besides God.

That is what makes sin so deceptive.

It promises comfort.

It promises relief.

It promises escape.

It promises control.

It promises pleasure.

But it cannot satisfy the soul.

Only God can do that.

Jeremiah 2:13 KJV

13 For my people have committed two evils; they have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water.

That is what sin does.

It offers a broken cistern.

It offers something that cannot hold what the soul is looking for.

A person may be reaching for food, lust, anger, spending, distraction, or control.

But underneath it all, the heart is often empty, fearful, hurt, restless, or unbelieving.

The outward action may be visible, but the deeper need is hidden in the heart.

There is another step we must take here.

If the struggle is deeper than behavior, then behavior modification alone will never be enough.

So it is important to understand that:

C. The Wrong Strategy Leads to Repeated Failure

Many sincere believers have the right desire, but the wrong strategy.

They truly want to change.

But they try to change mainly through self-effort.

They say, “I need to do better.”

“I need to try harder.”

“I need more willpower.”

“I need to grip tighter.”

That sounds noble, but if the strategy is only external, it will not last.

You can change outward behavior for a little while without changing the heart.

You can suppress something temporarily without dealing with it spiritually.

You can frighten yourself into short-term reform without ever finding lasting transformation.

And that is why so many people live in a cycle.

They Resolve

The experience Failure

Then comes the Guilt

Then they Resolve again.

Then Failure again.

The outside shifts for a while, but the inside remains untouched.

And that brings us to the central contrast of the message.

If behavior alone cannot solve the problem, then what does?

II. Religion Cannot Produce Lasting Change

The Word of God shows us that one of the great enemies of true change is religion without grace.

A. Religion Focuses on Earning

For many people, religion means trying to earn God’s approval by following the rules.

It is an attempt to please God without resting in God.

It is an attempt to become acceptable by effort.

It is a mindset that says, “If I perform better, God will receive me.”

That kind of thinking is poisonous to the soul.

It turns the Christian life into a performance.

It turns obedience into panic.

It turns failure into despair.

It produces people who are always trying but never resting.

And once a person falls, religion has nothing to offer but more pressure.

“Do better.”

“Try harder.”

“Be stronger.”

But the gospel does not tell sinners to save themselves.

The gospel tells sinners that grace has appeared.

11 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men,

We are not saved by our efforts.

We are saved by grace.

And if grace is the way in, grace is also the way forward.

Not only does religion focus on earning, but we also see…

B. Religion Focuses on Appearances

Matthew 23:25-26 is one of the clearest passages on this.

Matthew 23:25–26 KJV

25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. 26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.

Jesus said, “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!”

Then He said, “Ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.”

That’s the problem with religion.

It’s satisfied when the outside looks better.

It wants the cup polished without the heart cleansed.

It wants the action restrained without the desire transformed.

It wants to manage appearances.

It wants to look spiritual.

It wants to appear cleaned up.

But Jesus said the inside matters first.

“Cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.”

The Pharisees were experts at outer reform.

But the Lord exposed the emptiness that was underneath.

This is a needed warning for us too.

A person can stop one outward behavior and still be full of pride.

A person can look disciplined outwardly and still be cold toward God inwardly.

A person can clean up in one area and become self-righteous in another.

External polish is not the same thing as spiritual transformation.

But religion not only focuses on earning and appearances.

Religion also leaves the struggler crushed under self-effort.

C. Religion Says Try Harder

That is what religion always says.

“Try harder.”

“Do better.”

“Pull yourself together.”

“Get it right.”

“Stop it.”

But self-effort cannot change the heart.

It can manage the outside for a while.

It can restrain a behavior for a season.

It can create a temporary appearance of success.

But it cannot produce spiritual life.

It cannot cleanse the conscience.

It cannot satisfy the soul.

It cannot empower holiness.

That is why Romans 7 is so painful.

Romans 7:18–19 KJV

18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. 19 For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

The law can expose sin, but it cannot free from sin.

Rules can diagnose, but they cannot deliver.

The flesh cannot cure the flesh.

And if all a struggler hears is “try harder,” he will either become proud for a moment or crushed in the long run.

That leads us to the wonderful truth of Titus 2.

Even though religion cannot produce lasting change, grace can.

III. Grace Changes Us from the Inside Out

Titus 2 is one of the sweetest passages in the New Testament on real transformation.

A. Grace Does More Than Forgive

Titus 2:11 says, “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men.”

That is wonderful news.

Grace brings salvation.

Grace means unearned favor.

Grace means God’s kindness to the undeserving.

Grace means we are received, not because we are worthy, but because Christ is worthy.

But verse 12 goes farther.

“Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world.”

Grace is not only the doorway into the Christian life.

Grace is the power for the Christian life.

The same grace that saves you is also the grace that sustains you.

The same grace that forgives you is the grace that teaches you to say no to sin and yes to godliness.

If grace teaches us, then the focus of grace must be deeper than the focus of religion.

B. Grace Works Inwardly

Religion is outward.

Grace is inward.

Ephesians 3:16 KJV

16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;

That is where real change happens.

Not merely in the visible habits, but in the inner man.

This is why outward behavior often returns when the heart has not changed.

If you only remove the visible action without addressing the inward hunger, the behavior may disappear for a moment and come roaring back later.

But when grace gets to the heart, something deeper begins to happen.

The person begins not only to resist sin, but to see it differently.

He begins not only to modify conduct, but to hunger for God.

He begins not only to say, “I must stop,” but “Lord, change what I want.”

There is something else we need to see here.

Grace not only works inwardly.

Grace also changes the entire motive for obedience.

C. Grace Turns Duty into Devotion

One of the great differences between religion and grace is motive.

Religion says, “I obey so that God will accept me.”

Grace says, “I obey because in Christ I am already loved.”

That changes everything.

A man may stop one behavior because he is terrified of looking bad.

Another man may stop the same behavior because he wants to please the Lord who loved him and gave Himself for him.

That is why grace is so powerful.

Grace does not merely force the hand.

Grace wins the heart.

Titus 2:14 says Christ “gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.”

Zealous.

Not merely compliant.

Not merely pressured.

Zealous - eagerly desirous of something

Grace produces a heart that increasingly wants what pleases God.

Now this brings us to the very practical question.

If grace changes us from the inside out, what does that look like in real life when someone is struggling?

IV. Grace Leads Us into Honest Dependence

One of the greatest fruits of grace is that it frees us to stop pretending.

A. Grace Lets Us Be Honest before God

When a believer understands grace, he no longer has to hide behind performance.

He no longer has to pretend he is fine when he is not.

He no longer has to clean himself up before coming to God.

He can come honestly.

He can say, “Lord, I have a problem.”

“Lord, I need help.”

“Lord, I am weak.”

That kind of honesty is not weakness, it’s wisdom.

Religion hates that kind of honesty because religion survives on appearances.

Grace welcomes that kind of honesty because grace already knows the truth and still invites the sinner near.

1 John 1:9 KJV

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Confession is the language of grace.

When grace lets us be honest before God, it also teaches us to be honest enough to seek help from others.

B. Grace Moves Us To Bring Sin Into The Light

So many people stay trapped because they keep everything in the dark.

They tell themselves they can handle it alone.

But sin grows best in the dark.

What is hidden tends to harden.

What is concealed tends to grow stronger.

Grace gives courage to step into the light.

James 5:16 KJV

16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

That does not mean careless exposure.

It means humble honesty.

It means there are moments when real change begins because a person stops pretending and finally says, “I need help.”

That may mean talking to a pastor.

That may mean going to a godly friend.

That may mean confessing to a spouse.

That may mean asking someone to pray, check in, and help bear the burden.

Asking for help is never a sign of weakness.

It is often the first sign that grace is really at work.

There is one more progression here.

Grace lets us be honest before God.

Grace moves us to bring sin into the light.

And grace teaches us how change actually happens.

C. Grace Teaches Us To Trust More, Not Merely Try More

Religion says, “Try harder.”

Grace says, “Trust more.”

That does not mean effort disappears.

It means effort is no longer self-generated and self-glorifying.

It becomes dependent effort.

It becomes obedience empowered by the Spirit.

It becomes striving in the strength that God supplies.

2 Corinthians 12:9 KJV

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Paul learned that the answer to weakness was not self-confidence.

It was divine sufficiency.

The same is true for us.

You do not beat sin by self-glory.

You beat sin by depending on Christ.

You do not overcome temptation by believing in your own grit.

You overcome temptation by walking in the Spirit and resting in grace.

You do not conquer the flesh by exalting the flesh.

You conquer the flesh by crucifying it and living in union with Christ.

That is why Romans 5:20 is so hopeful:

Romans 5:20 KJV

20 Moreover the law entered, that the offence might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:

Grace is greater than your struggle.

Grace is deeper than your shame.

Grace is stronger than your pattern.

Grace is not an excuse for sin.

Grace is the power that frees from sin.

Conclusion

So why can’t I stop?

The answer may involve practical, emotional, relational, and even physical factors.

But beneath all of that, the deepest battle is often spiritual.

We are trying to solve a heart problem with outward effort.

We are trying to satisfy a soul need with something besides God.

We are trying to overcome by religion what can only be overcome by grace.

That is why mere behavior modification will never be enough.

That is why religious pressure will never be enough.

That is why shame by itself will never be enough.

What we need is the grace of God.

The grace that saves.

The grace that teaches.

The grace that sustains.

The grace that transforms.

And please hear this clearly.

Real change IS possible.

Not because you are strong enough.

Not because you are clever enough.

Not because you are disciplined enough.

But because the grace of God has appeared.

If you belong to Christ, you are not left alone in your struggle.

The Spirit of God is at work in you.

The Word of God is before you.

The grace of God is sufficient for you.

Come honestly.

Bring your struggle into the light.

Ask for help.

Trust the Lord.

And let grace do what your self-effort never could.

Perhaps there is someone here today who does not know Christ.

You may hear all this talk about change and think, “I have tried to make myself better.”

But the gospel is not that you make yourself acceptable to God.

The gospel is that Jesus Christ died for sinners and rose again.

He offers forgiveness and new life by grace.

If you will repent and trust Him, He will save you.

And the same grace that saves you will begin changing you from the inside out.

That is the hope of the gospel.

Grace does not just forgive from sin.

Grace also frees from sin.