Deferent to Others
The Character of Christ: Transforming Our Lives • Sermon • Submitted • Presented • 44:04
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Genesis 13:8-9
1 Corinthians 10:33
Deference: Controlling my privileges and preferences in order not to offend those God has called me to serve.
Most of us do not naturally like to give up our rights.
We like our way.
We like our seat.
We like our schedule.
We like our opinion to be heard.
We like things done the way we think they ought to be done.
That is not always sinful by itself.
There are times when a preference is harmless.
There are times when a privilege is legitimate.
There are times when a right truly belongs to us.
But the character of Christ is not seen only in what we have a right to do.
The character of Christ is often seen in what we willingly give up for the good of someone else.
That is what we mean by being deferent.
Deferent does not mean being weak.
It does not mean having no convictions.
It does not mean letting people bully you into sin.
It means controlling my privileges and preferences in order not to offend those God has called me to serve.
It means I am willing to put someone else’s wishes or opinions before mine when no Bible truth is being compromised.
Genesis 13 gives us a beautiful Old Testament example of this spirit in Abram.
Abram was the older man.
Abram was the one God had called.
Abram was the one to whom God had promised the land.
Abram could have said, “Lot, I get first choice.”
But he didn’t.
Genesis 13:8-9 says, “And Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee...for we be brethren. Is not the whole land before thee? separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take the left hand, then I will go to the right.”
Abram had rights, but he cared more about peace than preference.
Abram had position, but he cared more about testimony than territory.
Abram had privilege, but he was willing to defer for the sake of his brother.
Paul shows the same kind of heart in 1 Corinthians 10:33.
He says, “Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.”
Paul was not talking about compromising truth.
He was talking about yielding preference for the sake of people.
That kind of spirit points us to Christ.
Jesus never compromised truth, but He constantly gave Himself for others.
3 For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me.
That one statement could summarize the whole heart of deference.
Christ did not live to please Himself.
Christ did not come to demand service, but to give service.
Christ did not hold tightly to His privileges, but humbled Himself to save sinners.
Tonight, we need to ask the Lord to make us more like Christ in this area.
We need to learn when to stand firm on truth and when to yield lovingly in preference.
We need to learn that there are some battles worth fighting, and there are some battles pride wants us to fight.
I. Choose Peace Over Preference
I. Choose Peace Over Preference
Genesis 13:8 says, “Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee...for we be brethren.”
Abram understood that peace between brethren mattered more than getting his own way.
A deferent spirit begins when I value people more than preferences.
A. Remember The Relationship
A. Remember The Relationship
Abram said, “for we be brethren.”
That statement is very important.
Abram didn’t look at Lot as an inconvenience.
He didn’t look at Lot as competition.
He looked at him as family.
That changed the way Abram handled the problem.
There was a real issue between them.
Genesis 13:6 says, “And the land was not able to bear them, that they might dwell together.”
Their possessions had grown.
Their herds had grown.
Their space had become limited.
Then Genesis 13:7 says, “And there was a strife between the herdmen of Abram’s cattle and the herdmen of Lot’s cattle.”
This was not imaginary tension.
This was not just Abram being sensitive.
There was an actual problem that had to be handled.
But Abram chose to handle it through the lens of relationship.
He was not willing to let cattle divide brethren.
He was not willing to let possessions destroy peace.
He was not willing to let land become more important than love.
This is important in our homes, and our churches.
Sometimes the thing we are arguing about is not nearly as important as the person we are arguing with.
14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: Therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.
Once strife starts flowing, it can become hard to stop.
A deferent person is willing to stop strife early because he values the relationship.
That does not mean every disagreement is wrong.
It does mean pride should not be allowed to drive the disagreement.
There are times when the most spiritual thing you can do is say, “This is not worth damaging our spirit over.”
There are times when the most Christlike thing you can do is quietly give way.
B. Refuse The Rivalry
B. Refuse The Rivalry
Abram could have turned this into a competition.
He could have said, “Lot, don’t forget who brought you here.”
He could have reminded Lot that God had called him first.
He could have demanded the better land.
But Abram refused to turn a practical problem into a personal rivalry.
That is important because strife often grows when practical problems become personal battles.
We start with a schedule issue, and then we make it about respect.
We start with a preference issue, and then we make it about loyalty.
We start with a ministry issue, and then we make it about control.
Abram refused that spirit.
He stepped in before the conflict grew.
He did not wait for the herdmen’s strife to become family bitterness.
He chose peace before pride could take over.
James 3:16 says,
16 For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
Strife never stays small for long.
It spreads.
It confuses.
It opens the door to things that do not honor God.
A deferent spirit says, “I do not have to win every preference battle.”
That is not natural.
That is Christlike.
C. Reflect The Redeemer
C. Reflect The Redeemer
Abram’s response gives us a glimpse of the spirit we see perfectly in Jesus Christ.
Jesus had every right to be served, but He served.
Jesus had every right to be honored, but He humbled Himself.
Jesus had every right to call twelve legions of angels, but He went to the cross.
5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
Then that passage goes on to tells us that Christ “made himself of no reputation.”
He did not stop being God.
He did not give up His deity.
But He willingly laid aside the display of His heavenly glory and took upon Him the form of a servant.
That is deference at the highest level.
The Lord Jesus controlled His privileges in order to serve those He came to save.
45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.
That is the pattern for us.
We’re not here merely to be pleased.
We’re not here merely to be recognized.
We’re not here merely to get our way.
We’re here to serve God by serving people.
When peace is threatened by preference, the Christlike response is to ask, “What would love do here?”
“What would Jesus do here?”
That leads us to the second truth.
If I am going to choose peace over preference, I must also learn to control what I am free to claim.
II. Limit Liberty For Love
II. Limit Liberty For Love
23 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.
Paul teaches us that Christian liberty must be governed by Christian love.
A deferent spirit does not ask only, “Can I do this?”
It also asks, “Will this help the people God has called me to serve?”
A. Consider What Is Helpful
A. Consider What Is Helpful
Paul says some things may be lawful, but not expedient.
That means something may be allowed and still not be helpful.
That is a major mark of spiritual maturity.
Immaturity says, “I have a right.”
Maturity says, “Will this edify?”
Immaturity says, “I can do what I want.”
Maturity says, “Will this help my brother?”
Paul continues in 1 Corinthians 10:24
24 Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth.
The word “wealth” here carries the idea of another’s good or benefit.
The word is actually italicized showing it is not in the original Greek, it was added for clarity.
Paul is saying, “Do not live only for what benefits you.”
That cuts against our flesh.
Our flesh naturally asks, “What do I like?”
Our flesh naturally asks, “What do I prefer?”
Our flesh naturally asks, “What do I get out of this?”
The Spirit of God teaches us to ask a different question.
He teaches us to ask, “What will help them?”
19 Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.
That verse gives us two good filters.
Will this make for peace?
Will this edify another?
If the answer is no, then my liberty may need to be limited by love.
That does not mean we live in fear of every opinion.
It does mean we do not flaunt our liberty carelessly in front of people we are called to love.
B. Control What Is Personal
B. Control What Is Personal
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 10:31
31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
In the context, Paul is dealing with food, conscience, liberty, and testimony.
Food is personal.
Eating and drinking are everyday matters.
Yet Paul says even those everyday choices should be brought under the glory of God.
That means there is no part of life where I get to say, “This is just about me, and God has nothing to say about it.”
My preferences belong under the lordship of Christ.
My habits belong under the lordship of Christ.
My opinions belong under the lordship of Christ.
My comforts belong under the lordship of Christ.
A deferent Christian does not make personal preference the highest authority.
He lets the glory of God rule over what he wants.
This matters in the home.
A husband may have a preference, but love asks what blesses his wife.
A wife may have a preference, but love asks what strengthens her husband.
Parents may have a preference, but love asks what helps the children grow in grace.
Children may have a preference, but obedience and honor teach them to consider others.
This so important in the church.
A church member may have a preference about music, about the schedule, about decorations, or temperature, or where you sit, or activities, or how something is organized.
Some of those things matter in practical ways.
But many of them are not matters of Bible conviction.
They are matters of preference.
If I treat every preference like a conviction, I will become very hard to serve with.
If I treat every opinion like a commandment, I will become very hard to shepherd.
If I treat every wish like a right, I will struggle to show the spirit of Christ in my relationships.
13 Wherefore, if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend.
Paul was not saying meat was sinful in itself.
He was saying love was more important than meat.
That is a powerful thought.
Love is more important than my menu.
Love is more important than my comfort.
Love is more important than my preference.
Love is more important than my personal way of doing things.
C. Care About The Conscience
C. Care About The Conscience
32 Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God:
Paul is not telling us to become people-pleasers in a sinful way.
He is not saying we can make everyone happy all the time.
That would be impossible.
He is saying we should not needlessly put stumblingblocks in front of people.
There is a difference between offending someone because we obeyed truth and offending someone because we insisted on self.
Jesus offended people with truth.
He did not offend people with selfishness, and boy does that distinction matter.
If someone is offended because we preach the gospel, we must continue to take a stand.
If someone is offended because we obey Scripture, we must keep standing.
If someone is offended because we refuse sin, we must take a stand.
But if someone is offended because we were careless, harsh, stubborn, or selfish, that is not persecution.
That is poor character.
Matthew 17 gives us a helpful picture from the life of Christ.
When the tribute money question came up, Jesus made it clear that He was not obligated in the ordinary sense.
27 Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto them for me and thee.
Jesus had liberty.
Jesus had authority.
Jesus had a rightful explanation.
Yet He chose to pay “lest we should offend them.”
That is not weakness.
That is controlled strength.
That is not compromise.
That is wisdom.
Jesus did not yield truth.
He yielded preference and privilege.
That is what we need.
We need convictions strong enough to stand when truth is at stake.
We need humility soft enough to yield when only preference is at stake.
That leads naturally to the final truth.
A deferent spirit does not merely keep peace or limit liberty.
It aims at something higher than self.
III. Seek Souls Over Self
III. Seek Souls Over Self
1 Corinthians 10:33 says, “Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.”
Paul’s goal was not popularity.
His goal was souls.
A deferent spirit is willing to be inconvenienced because people matter eternally.
A. Surrender Selfish Profit
A. Surrender Selfish Profit
Paul said he was “not seeking mine own profit.”
That is a searching phrase.
So much conflict begins because someone is seeking his own profit.
The profit may not be money.
It may be comfort.
It may be recognition.
It may be control.
It may be convenience.
It may be the satisfaction of having the final word.
Paul said, “That is not how I want to live.”
He was willing to lay aside personal advantage for gospel opportunity.
This fits what he said earlier in 1 Corinthians 9:22
22 To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.
Paul did not change the gospel.
He changed himself where he could.
He adjusted his approach.
He considered his audience.
He cared about the person in front of him.
That is deference.
He controlled his privileges and preferences so that he would not become a needless barrier to the gospel.
The same principle applies to us.
There may be things I like that do not help me reach someone else.
There may be ways I say things that are technically true but unnecessarily sharp.
There may be preferences I enjoy that make it harder for me to minister to a weaker brother.
There may be habits I can defend but should still be willing to surrender.
The mature Christian asks, “Am I helping people see Christ, or am I making them deal with me first?”
John the Baptist said in John 3:30,
30 He must increase, but I must decrease.
That is the spirit of a servant.
That is the spirit that says Christ must be more visible than my personality.
Christ must be more visible than my opinions.
Christ must be more visible than my preferences.
Christ must be more visible than my rights.
B. Serve Spiritual Profit
B. Serve Spiritual Profit
Paul said he sought “the profit of many.”
That means he wanted what was spiritually good for others.
He was not asking, “How do I get ahead?”
He was asking, “How can they be helped?”
That is the heart of ministry.
That is the heart of family.
That is the heart of Christian service.
We are not called to use people to build our lives.
We are called to use our lives to help people come to Christ and grow in Christ.
13 For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
Christian liberty is not freedom to be selfish.
It is freedom to serve.
The more Christlike I become, the more willing I am to ask, “What will strengthen them?”
This is especially important when dealing with new believers, young believers, hurting believers, and weaker believers.
A mature Christian should not demand that everyone else adjust to him.
A mature Christian should be willing to adjust in order to help others grow.
1 We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves.
2 Let every one of us please his neighbour for his good to edification.
3 For even Christ pleased not himself; but, as it is written, The reproaches of them that reproached thee fell on me.
That is the pattern.
The strong bear with the weak.
The mature consider the immature.
The servant seeks another’s edification.
And the reason is Christ.
Christ pleased not Himself.
C. Show The Saviour
C. Show The Saviour
Paul’s final goal was “that they may be saved.”
He did not want his preferences to get in the way of someone hearing the gospel.
He did not want his liberties to become a stumblingblock.
He did not want his personal profit to matter more than someone’s eternal soul.
That is convicting.
Sometimes we are more careful about protecting our comfort than we are about protecting our testimony.
Sometimes we are more concerned about being understood than about being useful.
Sometimes we are more bothered by inconvenience than by lost souls.
But Jesus showed us a better way.
9 For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.
Why did He do that?
The verse ends with, “that ye through his poverty might be rich.”
Christ laid aside heavenly glory to bring spiritual riches to sinners.
Christ humbled Himself so we could be lifted.
Christ became poor so we could be made rich in grace.
Christ gave Himself so we could be saved.
That is the greatest example of deference the world has ever known.
He did not control His privileges merely to avoid awkwardness.
He controlled His privileges to redeem sinners.
If Christ did that for us, surely we can give up a preference for someone else.
Conclusion
Conclusion
Deference is not weakness.
It is Christlike strength under control.
It is the grace to say, “I do not have to have my way here.”
Abram had the right to choose first, but he chose peace.
Paul had liberty, but he limited liberty for love.
Jesus had every privilege of deity, yet He humbled Himself to save us.
That leaves us with some honest questions tonight.
Where am I insisting on my preference when I should be pursuing peace?
Where am I using my liberty in a way that may not be helping others?
Where am I seeking my own profit instead of the spiritual profit of many?
Where do I need to say, “Lord, make me more like Christ?”
A missionary once told of learning that the hardest part of service was not always danger, sacrifice, or poverty.
Sometimes the hardest part was giving up the little preferences that made him feel in control.
He had to learn to eat food he did not enjoy.
He had to learn to live by schedules that were not convenient.
He had to learn to listen before speaking.
He had to learn that loving people often meant laying aside what felt normal and comfortable to him.
Over time, he realized that those small acts of deference opened doors for ministry.
People saw that he was not there to use them.
They saw that he was willing to love them where they were.
They saw something of Christ through a servant willing to give up his way.
That is what our homes need.
That is what our church needs.
That is what our testimony needs.
We do not need Christians with weaker convictions.
We need Christians with stronger love.
We do not need people who compromise truth.
We need people who can control preference.
We do not need servants who demand their privileges.
We need servants who reflect Christ.
May God help us to choose peace over preference.
May God help us to limit liberty for love.
May God help us to seek souls over self.
And may others see in us the spirit of the Saviour, who “pleased not himself,” but gave Himself for us.
