Family Dynamics
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It’s a special day as we look at celebrating our young people stepping from childhood to adulthood. That transition sometimes in our minds and hearts creates a dynamic in the home that tends to become less clear. They remain our children yet they have now grown into adulthood.
What does this dynamic in the family look like?
How do we function biblically as children, parents, grandparents
How does this dynamic fit into the Household of God (which Ephesians has emphasized in depth!)
We continue our study through Ephesians and specifically in the section many have labeled “the household texts”.
Similar to what we realized as we looked at marriage, Paul finds his grounding both in the Old Testament and in verse 5:21 speaking to our being Spirit filled & submitting to one another and God’s order.
How many mothers are represented here today? ...it’s for you
How many fathers are represented here today? ...it’s for you
How many of us are children...? ...it’s for you!
There may be a distinction in our ages, BUT NOT OUR RESPONSIBILITY!
Our passage today is brief, direct, and clear… YET! it holds some deep implications for each and every one of us in our christian walk. Ephesians 6:1-4
The Sufficiency of Scripture
The Sufficiency of Scripture
I love that as we look over scripture we see a God who is consistent and a God who is practical…
In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 we read…
As Paul addressed marriage he took us to the old testament in Genesis:
Genesis 2 describes how God designed marriage… “one would leave thier father and mother, and become one with his wife!”
This new couple who are now one would also have children… they grow and they leave and so forth.
Our passage today points us to two sections of Old Testament scriptures specifically… Deuteronomy and Proverbs:
As we see these two areas of OT scripture in light of our passage in Ephesians it demonstrates God’s consistent heart in this area of parenting and children honoring thier parents.
Deuteronomy
Deuteronomy
In Deuteronomy we are given the (10 Commandments) as God lays out His law to His people
This is the first command concerning our relationships with others
The previous commands deal with our relationship with God
Consider the command given… God the FATHER to His people in Deuteronomy 5:16 commands:
“Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Right away we notice here that we see the word “honor” versus “obey” as in Ephesians we see both… you also see that Paul does not mention the land God has given. (That is for Israel specifically)
To “honor” one’s parents indicates giving great weight great respect to someone… it implies submission and an obedience, respect
When we read in Ephesians Paul has already discussed our submitting to God’s order of things, His design, and the humble heart of submission to each other.
The Spirit filled individual is already with a humble heart behaving in a submissive mindset, so Paul uses the word “obey” in Ephesians.
The idea or concept of “obey” is:
To pay attention, Give ear to or Listen to
The literal concept of obey is to “give a correct response to”
So Ephesians 6:1 could be understood as: “Children, pay attention and give a correct response to your parents...” AMEN!
Consider this with OBEDIENCE as children…
Parents we teach this obedience because as adults we also have to “obey” our Heavenly Father
Obedience is a life skill for ALL… Deuteronomy would go on to express this:
Deuteronomy 5:33 “Stay on the path that the Lord your God has commanded you to follow. Then you will live long and prosperous lives in the land you are about to enter and occupy.”
Deuteronomy 6:2 “and you and your children and grandchildren must fear the Lord your God as long as you live. If you obey all his decrees and commands, you will enjoy a long life.”
Deuteronomy 11:8–9 ““Therefore, be careful to obey every command I am giving you today, so you may have strength to go in and take over the land you are about to enter. If you obey, you will enjoy a long life in the land the Lord swore to give to your ancestors and to you, their descendants—a land flowing with milk and honey!” ““Therefore, be careful to obey every command I am giving you today, so you may have strength to go in and take over the land you are about to enter. If you obey, you will enjoy a long life in the land the Lord swore to give to your ancestors and to you, their descendants—a land flowing with milk and honey!”
I find it interesting that obedience (correct response to or paying attention) to our Heavenly Father also comes with long life… GOD WANTS WHAT IS BEST!
I will tie this into our passage today after we look at some wisdom literature in the book of Proverbs...
Proverbs
Proverbs
One very familiar passage to the parents listening is Proverbs 22:6…
Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.
Or as the NASB states it:
Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
One commentator summed up this passage as… “as the twig is bent, so grows the tree.”
The opening of the book begins this way in Proverbs 1:8
My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction.
As you read through his great wisdom literature you read pleadings, warnings, cations of what will happen if you do not heed a parents instruction…
Proverbs 20:20 warns us:
If you insult your father or mother, your light will be snuffed out in total darkness.
It follows in line with God’s law given in Exodus 21:17 which states: “Anyone who dishonors father or mother must be put to death.”
Looking at God’s Word we see His commands, we can observe and apply His Wisdom… so how does this practically play out in our passage today?
Why Obey?
Why Obey?
BECAUSE… “you belong to the Lord” or “in the Lord”…
As ones who belong to God as those in His family there is an expectation!\
God in our passage gives us the REASON to “obey or honor our parents”…
First because we “submit” to His ordered design and submit to one another
As our Heavenly Father He is telling us to
Because it is the right things to do!
NOTICE: there is not the disclaimer only if your parents are “Christians” or only if they are really good parents.
The reasoning is placed and focused on WHO YOU ARE… “those in the Lord” do this.
The obeying and the honoring looks different at various stages of life
God is calling those of us who belong to the Lord to:
Correct response to or paying attention, listening to our parents
We follow God foremost, if there is opposition to God we discern this
I understand having parents that you do not follow in all areas
This is addressing your conduct
EVEN JESUS OBEYED HIS PARENTS!!!
Paul wraps obey and honor into the parent child relationship and then… points to the reward or blessing!
LONG LIFE!
As a general rule listening to our parents brings longer life
As a general rule parents who have lived longer than thier children are wiser
As a general rule listening and obeying bring longer life!
God has given children parents to oversee, guide, direct, and train thier children… as Godly children there is an obedience given to the parents not begrudgingly, or with malice, but rather from respect and love with humility and a submissive heart.
Parenting
Parenting
Paul shifts his attention now to the responsibility of parenting of training a child in the way they should go…
Our children’s command to “obey” us as parents does not give us a right to be:
Harsh, tyrannical, abusive, unrealistic, or unloving
Having just stated in prior verses the man’s headship in the home, Paul turns his attention to us FATHERS...
DO NOT PROVOKE… (Pro-Voice… or stirring to anger… one by words, or approach incites anger in another)
By the way we treat them… our tone, words, actions
unreasonable demands / perfection
harsh words that hurt thier soul
embarrassment
verbal or physical abuse
harsh discipline
tearing them down, belittling them
RATHER… here is the contrast parents, and dads we need to be the leaders in this!
Instruction and discipline of the Lord!
Proverbs has all sorts of wisdom you can teach your child
Paul says to Timothy “ALL SCRIPTURE is profitable!”
Deuteronomy 6:4-9 says this:
Instead of PROVOKING THEM TO ANGER consider what the writer of
Hebrews 10:24-25 says...
We don’t parent alone… we do it together! When we do we are reminded that we need to MOTIVATE to love and good works! We teach them the Word of God!
We do this in our homes
We do this when we eat
We do this during activities
We do this when we gather together to worship…
Did you know that there was a song in the book of Psalms that the people would sing together about this very thing?
I want to close today with this song but let me say this first
How you were parented as a child does not dictate how you will parent leaving here today
How you have or have not obeyed as a child or honored your parents as you aged prior to today does not mean you cannot do so moving forward today
Proper application of this rather clear passage is ONLY possible as we are filled with the Spirt, submit to one another and God’s design in the family
Oh if only we had the melody for this closing song Psalm 78:1-8…
