Nobody Wins When The Family Feuds Pt. 3

Sermon Title: Nobody Wins When The Family Feuds Pt. 3

Main Text: Genesis 27:18-29

Genesis 27:18–29 ESV

18 So he went in to his father and said, “My father.” And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son?” 19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me; now sit up and eat of my game, that your soul may bless me.” 20 But Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?” He answered, “Because the Lord your God granted me success.” 21 Then Isaac said to Jacob, “Please come near, that I may feel you, my son, to know whether you are really my son Esau or not.” 22 So Jacob went near to Isaac his father, who felt him and said, “The voice is Jacob’s voice, but the hands are the hands of Esau.” 23 And he did not recognize him, because his hands were hairy like his brother Esau’s hands. So he blessed him. 24 He said, “Are you really my son Esau?” He answered, “I am.” 25 Then he said, “Bring it near to me, that I may eat of my son’s game and bless you.” So he brought it near to him, and he ate; and he brought him wine, and he drank. 26 Then his father Isaac said to him, “Come near and kiss me, my son.” 27 So he came near and kissed him. And Isaac smelled the smell of his garments and blessed him and said, “See, the smell of my son is as the smell of a field that the Lord has blessed! 28 May God give you of the dew of heaven and of the fatness of the earth and plenty of grain and wine. 29 Let peoples serve you, and nations bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, and may your mother’s sons bow down to you. Cursed be everyone who curses you, and blessed be everyone who blesses you!”

For the next few moments I want to speak under the subject entitled:

Nobody Wins When The Family Feuds Pt. 3

Prayer

Father, we need a word from the Lord. Just one word from the Lord, will move all doubts

And cause the sun to shine And give peace of mind Speak Lord.

Open up our ears that we may hear your word,

Open up our eyes that we may see your word,

Open up our minds that we may understand your word,

And open up our hearts that we may receive your word.

It’s your time father, do what you do, in Jesus name, Amen.

Introduction

Here in our text we are airlifted from the battle grounds of a dysfunctional family. The story begins, back in Genesis 25 where we find that Isaac and Rebekah are married, but for years they cannot have children.

Isaac prays, and eventually God blesses them with twins. But even before the boys are born, there is conflict in the womb.

Rebekah feels the struggle inside of her and cries out to God, and God tells her something unusual… He says, “Two nations are in your womb… and the older shall serve the younger.” From the onset, tension surrounds this family.

Then the boys are born and the first born is named Esau. He was rugged, hairy, strong, and made for the outdoors if you will. He was the hunter, the man’s man… the one who lived outside in the fields.

Then the second born is Jacob. Jacob was more of your quieter, calculated, more reserved individual. The bible says he dwelled among the tents.

And then church family, Genesis reveals to us a heartbroken reality. For in Genesis 25:28 it says, “Isaac loved Esau… but Rebekah loved Jacob.”

Notice what the text didn’t say. It didn’t say Isaac and Rebekah loved their boys equally. The father is emotionally connected to one son, and the mother is emotionally connected to the other.

This family has divided loyalties. And as the boys grow older, the dysfunction deepens.

One day Esau comes home exhausted from the field, desperate for food, and Jacob manipulates his brother into trading away his birthright for a bowl of stew.

You would think that this moment would allow for the brotherhood to be strengthen and protected, but instead the moment is used for exploitation.

Just stick with me, I’m going somewhere…

And instead of the family addressing the brokenness, what we find is the dysfunction keeps growing underground. There are no honest conversations, nobody confronts the division and there is no healing from the wounds.

In other words, this family learns how to function without becoming healthy. And by the time we arrive at Genesis 27, the home is emotionally fractured even though everyone is still physically together.

And it is here in Genesis 27 where we learn that Isaac is now old, and nearly blind. Believing death may be near, he privately calls for Esau, his favored son… because he wants to give him the family blessing.

But church family, something isn’t right here. Isaac is attempting to do privately what God had already spoken publicly. But it doesn’t stop there.

Rebekah overhears the conversation, and she strategizes a plan for Jacob to deceive his father and steal the blessing from his brother. And this is where this family shifts into an episode of survivor.

See here is where our sermonic text begins. Not with a healthy family that suddenly breaks apart… but with a family that ignored unhealthy patterns until those patterns finally produced open pain.

Transition

Church family, over the past few weeks we have been discussing and diving into the real truth and experiences that you and I are facing when it comes to developing happy and healthy families.

And I hope that you aren’t taking this series for granted because I truly believe God wants each and everyone of our families in this church to find healing from the unspoken but heavily felt brokenness we are experiencing at Cap City.

See if many of us would be more honest, there are a whole lot of us in here who are living in family dysfunction. And what God intends for our families are not what you and I are often experiencing at home.

See many of us know what it feels like to grow up in homes where things looked functional publicly, while privately there were wounds nobody addressed.

Many of us know what it feels like to grow up in homes where people lived together, but were emotionally disconnected.

Ok, let me come a little closer to your pew.

Many of us know what it feels like currently where love in the home is conditional, silence is normal, survival is the default and no one feels emotionally and in some cases physically safe.

See church family, as I told you last week, we can’t heal what we are unwilling to reveal.

Imma say that one more time…

We can’t heal what we are unwilling to reveal. And here in our sermonic text in Genesis 27, starting with verse 14, we are about to watch what happens when a family’s unhealed dysfunction finally reaches its breaking point.

And church family, here is the central truth or the whole sermon in a sentence… Don’t miss this…

Central Truth:

When trust in God breaks down, families often turn to deception, control, and performance to secure love and blessing.

Imma say it again…

When trust in God breaks down, families often turn to deception, control, and performance to secure love and blessing.

Subject

So church family, the question today must be asked. What can we learn from this family’s dysfunction that we should evaluate in our own families that stops us from being healthy families?

One more time…

What can we learn from this family’s dysfunction that we should evaluate in our own families that stops us from being healthy families?

The first thing we can learn that stops us from being healthy families is…

Complement(s)

Point One: Identity Deception

One of the major things we must understand about Genesis is that God did not allow the hero’s to be sanitize. When you read through the family drama and dysfunction in this book, you see that broken families are not rare but unfortunately normal after sin comes into place.

And here in Genesis 27 we are hanging out with a family that is dealing with an interesting extension of dysfunction that we see in the other families prior to them. See a key text when looking at what unfolds in Genesis 27, is found in Genesis 25:28. look at your bibles. It says…

Genesis 25:28 ESV

28 Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

Now this text is vital because it sets the stage for the nurtured dysfunction that will proceed moving forward.

See here we learn that each parent has their favorite. Isaac and Rebekah emotionally splits the household up from the beginning.

The writer by the name Ellen White points out in the book Patriarchs and Prophets, that Isaac and Rebekah’s divided affections helped create the fractured household dynamic.

Pause…

Now don’t miss where we are going here… because when we look at our sermonic text in Genesis 27 this is years later and look at what is happening. Look at Genesis 27:14-17

Genesis 27:14–17 ESV

14 So he went and took them and brought them to his mother, and his mother prepared delicious food, such as his father loved. 15 Then Rebekah took the best garments of Esau her older son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck. 17 And she put the delicious food and the bread, which she had prepared, into the hand of her son Jacob.

Remember I broke down to you that Isaac is planning to bless his son Esau, but Rebekah overhears it and develops a plan to get Jacob in position to receive that blessing.

So look at what the plan is. Rebekah, is dressing Jacob up to get him to act like and look like Esau.

Please don’t overlook that. Issac is privately trying to bless Esau, and Rebekah is privately trying to get Jacob to steal that blessing. I mean, I don’t know about you but this family is a mess.

But as I looking through this text, church family I was alarmed by what God showed me. See Rebekah here does something dangerous that many of us have done in our family systems.

What you talking about preacher?

Look at your bibles again… read Genesis 27:14-16 real quick… It says again,

Genesis 27:14–16 ESV

14 So he went and took them and brought them to his mother, and his mother prepared delicious food, such as his father loved. 15 Then Rebekah took the best garments of Esau her older son, which were with her in the house, and put them on Jacob her younger son. 16 And the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck.

The first thing I want you to notice is the phrase, “he went and took and brought them to his mother.” See this is important because in the Hebrew the picture that this phrase is painting is that they are doing all of this with urgency.

See what happens here is that their plans of deception creates an environment of anxiousness. There is a vibe of panic and rush in the home that is rooted in a lack of emotional safety.

Don’t miss this church family…

See too many of us don’t realize how relevant the Bible speaks to our current realities. But you must understand here that the picture reveals to us how when we are doing things in unhealthy ways we live lives that escort anxiousness, worry and stress in our lives.

Catch this, the root to the stress presented here is that they are trying to handle something on their own and lean on their own plans through deception.

But it gets deeper, church family…

Notice that in verse 15 and 16 Rebekah does something interesting. The text says, She “took the best garments of Esau her older son and put them on Jacob her younger son. And the skins of the young goats she put on his hands and on the smooth part of his neck.”

Don’t read it so fast that you miss the power in the text.

See notice the text does not just say Rebekah took the garments of Esau, the text says she took the best garments of Esau.

The Hebrew word for this phrase is (ha-cha-mu-dot.) It means precious, desirable and treasured garments. In other words, this is not random clothing. These are likely special garments associated with identity, status, and firstborn significance.

Ok ok, here it is church family… Jacob is literally clothed in another identity.

Rebekah is communicating to her son that in order to be blessed, you must wear someone else’s identity.

Oh yall not hearing me in this place…

Jacob is in an environment that is telling him that who I am is insufficient to receive blessing.

See unhealthy families create unhealthy patterns even when they are trying to do thing for us. And I don’t want you to miss this becaue too often we don’t catch how idiotic we become when we are trying to control our lives without God.

Because the truth of the matter is that people still wear Esau’s garments today.

There are so many of us in this place today and watching online who are covered in Esau’s garments! We’re so focus on success, performance, image management, perfectionism, emotional masking and a whole lot more because we’ve been taught to wear Esau’s garment in order to be accepted.

Too many of us in our families and in society believes that if people encounter the real me, I won’t not be accepted. so, let me put on Esau’s garments!

But that’s not it… Look who’s pushing him to do it? His mother!

And here’s what we have to realize church family, when we do our own thing we carry unhealthy abilities due to sin that causes fracture rather than wholeness in our lives and families.

And there are so many of us doing this in our homes, relationships, communities, job and in the church. We have created environments where we tell people to wear Esau’s garment so that you can be blessed.

That’s why church attendance is more important than relationship with God,

That’s why quoting scripture is more important than living scripture,

That’s why acting like a Christian is more important than being a Christian,

That’s why acting like you are all well is more important then actually being well,

That’s why you can quote all of Ellen White’s writing but you are the most rude, and evil person on the planet,

That’s why you would pay your bills before you think about returning your tithe and giving your offering,

That’s why you can lead in the church, but your kids don’t even like you and dare not step foot in the church

Because church family, we’ve been taught to cover ourselves in Esau’s garments!

Pause...

The family here is divided and they are willing to deceive their way into a blessing.

See church family, all I’m truing to say is that when we put matters into our own hands not only will we struggle but our entire families will struggle as a result of self-management.

See our families are not directly broken because of money brackets, our families are not directly broken because of the jobs, our families are not directly broken because of personalities. These and other struggles are symptoms to the root that reveals that our families are primarily broken because we don’t trust God.

I know it’s hard to believe, but please don’t tune me out. If you don’t learn anything else, please learn this, God has to be the direct source to becoming a completely whole and healthy family.

So, the first thing we can learn that stops us from being healthy families is… Identity deception.

But secondly, what we can learn that stops us from being healthy families is…

Point Two: Spiritual Disconnection

Lord help me today…

Church family, look at your bibles… I’m in Genesis 27:18-20. It says...

Genesis 27:18–20 ESV

18 So he went in to his father and said, “My father.” And he said, “Here I am. Who are you, my son?” 19 Jacob said to his father, “I am Esau your firstborn. I have done as you told me; now sit up and eat of my game, that your soul may bless me.” 20 But Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?” He answered, “Because the Lord your God granted me success.”

Notice here the question that is asked by Isaac. Once again, don’t read so fast that you miss the power of the text.

Isaac says, Who are you, my son? Notice he doesn’t ask merely “what is your name, but who are you?” Here the writer of Genesis calls us to understanding the nuance here. Because this question is about identity.

And look at what Jacob says. I am Esau your firstborn.

Don’t miss this… Because once again a broken family system has created a son who feels he must hide himself to receive blessing.

Notice Jacob lies directly to his father and the lie is larger than just words. Jacob is attempting to occupy another person’s place relationally. He is losing himself trying to earn approval, secure peace and avoid rejection.

Now it gets worst church family, because Isaac asks a question that seems to reveal to us that he doesn’t feel right. He says, “How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?”

Remember Isaac asked Esau to go out and catch game. Game just refers to a hunted wild animal. In other words, Isaac asked Esau to hunt and prepare a meal. Instead Rebekah prepares a meal and gives it to Jacob to give to Isaac.

And Isaac is asking how did you do all that so quickly?

And here is family dysfunction goes down to a whole other level. Because Jacob says as a response, “Because the Lord your God granted me success.”

Hold on, wait a minutes, flag on the play…

Church family, Jacob invokes God while lying. In the Hebrew it reads this way… “Yahweh your God caused it to happen for me.” Jacob does not simply lie to Isaac, He uses God-language to support the lie.

Jacob is claiming divine providence. Jacob uses spiritual language to make deception sound righteous.

Don’t miss this church family, because broken systems can often become spiritually manipulative. See too many of us when we are trying to control and manage life on our own, try to bring God into our control system and force Him to sign on our dotted lines.

But God cannot be treated like a genie or a puppet. God is not to be used as a get out of my mess card or as a key card to get whatever you want.

And here it is church family… We become and are spiritually manipulative because our relationship with God is distant.

Ok, let me try that again… We become and are spiritually manipulative because our relationship with God is distant.

Oh yall don’t believe me…

Look at your bibles again… Read Genesis 27:20 again… It says,

Genesis 27:20 ESV

20 But Isaac said to his son, “How is it that you have found it so quickly, my son?” He answered, “Because the Lord your God granted me success.”

Do you not see a deeper issue in the text? There is something intriguing in the text that if we read too fast we will miss entirely.

Does it not bother you that Jacob says, because the Lord your God granted me success?

In the Hebrew Jacob literally says, Yahweh YOUR God. Not my God or our God. He says because yahweh your God granted me success?

What many scholars believe we see here is relational distance from God. Jacob sounds detached. See this is not covenant intimacy language. It sounds functional and performative. Dare I say, almost strategic.

Jacob has now crossed another line. At first he only wore the disguise externally but now the deception has seen to affect him spiritually.

And here it is chruch family, too often you uand I are doing the same thing in our lives. When we are trying to manage our own selves and we do not trust God, we will act like itand say the spiritual things but in reality, if you are not in deep relationship with God, you’re just playing church.

Your family is crumbling before your very eyes and you think playing like you know God will help your family become whole again?

We have to recognize that in order to become healthy families we have to trust and allow God to be our foundation. The beginning of becoming a healthy and whole family starts with you and your relationship with God.

What can happen if your family started to see you take your relationship with God more seriously?

Church family, make God your all and all!

The song writer said,

Christ is all , He’s everything to me,

Christ is all, He rules the land and the sea,

Christ is all, without Him nothing would be,

Christ is all, all in all, this world to me.

So, firstly, what we can learn that stops us from being healthy families is… Identity Deception.

Secondly, what we can learn that stops us from being healthy families is… Spiritual Disconnection.

But lastly, what we can learn that stops us from being healthy families is…

Point Three: Blessing Distortion

Here we find that at the end of the day, blessing is the main character in this movie. Everybody is looking to be blessed.

See what you must understand about this time is that this blessing carried inheritance, authority, covenant destiny, and future direction. See they are fighting over who will carry the future.

See Isaac’s blessing connects back to God’s promise to Abraham in Genesis 12:2–3 where it is explained by God that “I will bless you… and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

So when Isaac blesses Jacob in Genesis 27:28–29, this is not random prosperity language. It echoes the Abrahamic covenant. That means Jacob is not just receiving a family blessing. He is being identified as the covenant carrier.

But don’t miss this, because if you’ve been paying attention and reading your bible, you will see that all of this dysfucntional behavior is unccessary becasue what they are tyring to accomplish has already been decided by God way before all this took place.

What you talking about preacher?

Look at your bibles in Genesis 25:23. We talked about this earlier. It says…

Genesis 25:23 ESV

23 And the Lord said to her, “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you shall be divided; the one shall be stronger than the other, the older shall serve the younger.”

Basically, what you see here is God telling Rebekah from the beginning that Jacob will be the one to carry the covenant blessing.

They didn’t trust God and were trying to get a blessing God already said was his.

Jacob can’t even enjoy the blessing and the family is deeply divided moving forward.

“Jacob and Rebekah succeeded in their purpose, but they gained only trouble and sorrow by their deception. God had declared that Jacob should receive the birthright, and His word would have been fulfilled in His own time had they waited in faith for Him to work for them. But like many who now profess to be children of God, they were unwilling to leave the matter in His hands.”

-Ellen White Patriarchs and Prophets

Closing

TRUST GOD!!

Appeal

Accept Jesus

Special Prayer