When the Walls Come Down
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1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”
I’ve titled the message this morning
When The Walls Come Down
Pray
Most of you probably know Alyssa and I were on vacation last week…
We went to Miami.
We had an amazing time.
But if I’m being honest…my favorite part of the trip wasn’t the beach.
It was waking everybody up at 5:30 in the morning…and driving three hours to Cape Canaveral to visit NASA’s Kennedy Space Center.
And at this point…my family is tired of hearing me talk about space…
…and honestly, some of y’all probably are too.
Every sermon somehow becomes: “and this reminds me of orbital mechanics…
But the cool thing about being the pastor is I have the microphone…
One of the things that really moved me at Kennedy Space Center though was the Apollo exhibit.
It is absolutely mind-blowing to me that humanity literally sent people into space…and specifically to the moon.
Like, think about that for a second.
People built machines powerful enough to escape Earth’s gravity…cross the vacuum of space…land on another world…and then come back home.
That’s insane.
But while I was there, I started thinking about one of the darker moments in NASA’s history: Apollo 1.
Three astronauts died before the mission ever even launched.
And after that tragedy, NASA had a decision to make:
Do we abandon the mission entirely…
or do we rebuild what failed and move forward differently?
And honestly, I think that’s how a lot of people feel after relational collapse.
Because when something breaks…
when trust collapses…
when covenant falls apart…
people start asking: “Is this even worth trying anymore?”
Maybe you’re in this room today…or watching online…
and you’ve thought:
“The love isn’t there anymore.”
“The feelings aren’t there anymore.”
“This isn’t what it used to be.”
Maybe for some of you…
the walls haven’t fully come down yet…
but there are cracks forming.
The distance is growing.
The conversations are shorter.
The tension is heavier.
The connection feels weaker.
Maybe you’re more roommates now than marriage partners.
I want to help you this morning.
Let’s go back to Matthew and walk through it…
1 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan.
2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.
3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”
One of the first things I notice in this passage is what the Pharisees are and are not doing.
They do not come asking: “Jesus, how do we heal broken marriages?”
That’s not the goal.
They don’t ask:
“How do we reconcile?”
“How do we forgive?”
“How do we restore covenant?”
Instead, they want to know: “When is it acceptable to leave?”
They are looking for loopholes.
See, there was an ongoing debate among the Pharisees surrounding Book of Deuteronomy 24, where God gives Moses regulations concerning divorce.
One group was very strict.
Another group allowed divorce for almost any reason.
So this wasn’t just a random question.
This was a theological debate.
They’re trying to pull Jesus into the argument.
But honestly…this is what humanity has always done with the things God says.
We look for loopholes.
We ask:
“What’s the minimum requirement?”
“How far can I go?”
“What technically counts?”
“What can I get away with?”
Because sin naturally looks for exits instead of surrender.
And I think that’s important because Jesus is about to completely redirect the conversation.
The Pharisees want to debate acceptable reasons for divorce.
Jesus wants to talk about God’s design for covenant.
Look at His response:
4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female,
5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
“Have you not read…”
Now obviously, Jesus is not suggesting the Pharisees had never physically read the passage.
These are religious leaders.
They knew the text.
But what Jesus is exposing is the difference between:
reading God’s Word
and actually surrendering to it.
Because it is possible to know Scripture intellectually…
while resisting it spiritually.
The Pharisees knew the verses…
but they were looking for loopholes around the heart of what God intended.
And honestly, we do the same thing.
We don’t usually ask:
“How do I honor God most?”
We ask:
“What’s the line?”
“What technically counts?”
“How far can I go without fully disobeying?”
But Jesus redirects them back to the beginning.
Back to God’s design.
Back to covenant.
Back to “one flesh.”
GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE AS COVENANT
It’s so much more than just too people in love…
It’s deeper than that.
The bible literally tells us in Genesis that the two become one….
When you get married you are no longer two people.
You are one.
And not joined together simply by a wedding ceremony.
You are joined together by God.
Because God created marriage.
And because He created it…
He is the only One who gets to define it.
Culture does not define marriage.
Feelings do not define marriage.
The government did not invent marriage.
God did.
Which means marriage was never ultimately our idea to reshape however we want.
Jesus says:
“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
That means marriage is not just a legal agreement.
It is a covenant union established by God Himself.
And this is why Jesus treats it with such weight.
Because when covenant is broken…something sacred has been damaged.
Marriage is not just emotional or Physical compatibility.
A contract will protect interest.
a covenant binds lives together.
31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Paul is saying that your marriage is not merely a reflection of your love but a reflection of Christ and His church…
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Marriage is to be held in high regard.
However…
Culture has taught us something different…
Culture as normalized intimacy without covenant.
Paul says in Ephesians 5 that a husband and wife become one flesh, and then he says something incredible:
“This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Paul is saying your marriage is not merely a reflection of your love.
It is meant to reflect Christ and His Church.
Marriage is bigger than romance.
Bigger than compatibility.
Bigger than emotions.
It is covenant.
Then Hebrews 13 tells us:
“Let marriage be held in honor among all.”
Marriage is meant to be treated as sacred.
As valuable.
As weighty.
However, culture has taught us something very different.
Culture has normalized intimacy without covenant.
Too many people are practicing the closeness of covenant without actually entering one.
Living together.
Sharing intimacy.
Building a life together.
Acting married.
Without actually stepping into the covenant God designed.
And honestly, I don’t say that to shame anybody.
Because for many people it’s not rebellion as much as: fear, hurt, financial pressure, commitment anxiety, or simply following the culture around them.
But eventually we have to ask: if marriage is God’s design…why are we so afraid to covenant what we’re already living?
Listen, neither I nor the church benefits from people getting married.
I don’t get paid to do weddings.
This is not about: checking a religious box, having a fancy ceremony, or making your relationship look more spiritual.
This is about honoring what God created.
Because covenant matters.
And honestly, I think our culture has become deeply uncomfortable with covenant.
We like flexibility.
We like escape routes.
We like keeping one foot out the door in case things get hard.
But covenant says: “I’m not building this relationship on convenience.
I’m building it on commitment.”
And I know for some people that word commitment feels terrifying.
Because maybe you watched marriage fail growing up.
Maybe you’ve already been hurt.
Maybe trust feels dangerous.
Maybe your picture of marriage has been shaped more by pain than by God’s design.
But broken examples do not erase God’s design.
And one of the enemy’s greatest lies is convincing people that avoiding covenant protects them from pain.
It doesn’t.
It usually just keeps people from experiencing the security, depth, and beauty covenant was designed to create.
Because God did not create covenant to restrict love.
He created covenant to protect it.
Think about it…
Real intimacy can only fully exist where there is security.
Where someone knows:
“I’m not disposable.”
“I’m not temporary.”
“I’m not loved only when things are easy.”
Covenant creates safety for love to deepen.
And honestly, that’s part of why our culture struggles relationally so much.
We want deep intimacy…without deep surrender.
We want the closeness of covenant…without the weight of commitment.
But love grows deepest where commitment exists strongest.
And this is where the Pharisees push back on Jesus.
7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”
8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.
Notice what Jesus says.
Moses allowed it…
because of the hardness of human hearts.
In other words: divorce was never presented as God’s original design.
It was a concession in a broken world filled with broken people.
Because:
SIN HARDENS HEARTS AND BREAKS WHAT GOD DESIGNED
Pride hardens hearts.
Bitterness hardens hearts.
Selfishness hardens hearts.
Unforgiveness hardens hearts.
And hardened hearts damage covenant.
That’s why this conversation is bigger than paperwork.
Bigger than legal categories.
Bigger than technicalities.
Jesus is getting to the heart underneath it all.
And this same idea shows up in Book of Malachi 2.
13 And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand.
14 But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.
15 Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth.
16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”
This passage is heavy.
Because God is confronting people who were being faithless to their spouses while still trying to act spiritually devoted outwardly.
They were showing up to worship…
bringing offerings…
crying at the altar…
while simultaneously breaking covenant at home.
And God says: “I was witness to that covenant.”
That matters.
Because marriage is not just witnessed by family and friends.
God Himself witnesses covenant.
And the emotional weight of this passage is important.
This is not God coldly yelling rules from heaven.
This is God grieving what covenant-breaking does to people.
That’s why divorce is treated with such seriousness in Scripture.
Because when covenant breaks…people bleed.
Families bleed.
Children bleed.
Trust bleeds.
Hearts bleed.
God hates divorce not because He hates broken people…
but because He loves people and knows what broken covenant destroys.
That changes the tone completely.
Because suddenly this is not: “God versus divorced people.”
This is: God grieving the destruction sin brings into human relationships.
Divorce grieves God....
and what grieves God should not be treated casual.
Not normalized.
Not trivialized.
Because covenant matters to God.
People matter to God.
Listen to me though…
Divorce is not the unforgivable sin…
Divorce doesn’t mean you punched a ticket straight to hell…
And I need some people to really hear that today.
Because there are people who have carried shame for years…
feeling like their failure permanently disqualified them from the love of God.
That is not the gospel.
The gospel is not: “Perfect people are loved by Jesus.”
The gospel is: Jesus saves broken people.
And yes, divorce grieves God.
But so does pride.
So does lust.
So does bitterness.
So does unforgiveness.
So does selfishness.
All sin damages what God intended.
Which means the answer is not pretending sin is no big deal…
but neither is the answer drowning people in condemnation.
The answer is Jesus.
Which is why I love what Paul says in Romans 8:1
1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Not less condemnation.
No condemnation.
That does not mean our choices don’t matter.
It means failure is not final in Christ.
Now, there are a few cases where the Bible gives allowance for divorce.
One of those is sexual immorality.
Jesus Himself mentions this in Matthew 19.
Because sexual sin is not just a mistake against a person…it is a violation of covenant.
It breaks trust.
It damages intimacy.
It wounds deeply.
And Scripture acknowledges the seriousness of that betrayal.
Paul also talks in 1 Corinthians 7 about situations involving abandonment by an unbelieving spouse.
So the Bible does recognize that sin can damage covenant in devastating ways.
But even here, I think it’s important to notice something:
Jesus is not trying to hand people escape routes.
He is acknowledging the tragic reality of human brokenness.
There’s a difference.
Because the heart of Jesus throughout this conversation is not: “How quickly can someone leave?”
The heart of Jesus is: “God designed covenant to be sacred.”
And I think that matters because we live in a culture that often treats divorce casually.
Almost like:
“If the feelings fade, leave.”
“If things get difficult, leave.”
“If it’s not exciting anymore, leave.”
But feelings fluctuate.
A loveless marriage is not a reason for divorce. It’s a reason to find love within that marriage again.
Because love is not merely something you fall into.
It’s something you cultivate.
Through forgiveness.
Through sacrifice.
Through communication.
Through repentance.
Through commitment.
Through grace.
And some marriages are not missing love as much as they’re missing intentionality.
I also want to say something to couples in this room who are living together and already building a life together.
If you know in your heart:
“This is the person I want to covenant my life to…”
then I want to encourage you:
stop waiting forever to honor what God designed.
And I want you to hear me clearly:
I’m not trying to shame you.
I’m trying to pastor you.
Because I think some people have delayed covenant because:
fear
finances
past hurt
family history
anxiety
or the pressure of feeling like weddings have to become some giant expensive production
But covenant matters.
And if you’re sitting there thinking:
“We know we need to get married…”
I want to help you.
Seriously.
We’ll help you walk through premarital counseling.
We’ll help you simplify things if finances are stressful.
You do not need a perfect wedding to honor God.
You just need willingness to covenant before Him.
Because God did not create covenant to restrict love.
He created covenant to protect it.
And if part of the reason you’ve been waiting is because you think you need some giant expensive wedding first…you don’t.
We can marry you right here.
No cost.
No pressure.
No performance.
Just covenant before God.
And honestly…maybe for some of you it’s not even a first wedding.
Maybe what your marriage needs is a recommitment.
Maybe somewhere along the way the distance grew…the love faded…the walls started cracking…
and you know: “We need to rebuild what we stopped protecting.”
Then let’s do that.
Whether it’s a wedding…
or a vow renewal…
or simply the decision to fight for covenant again…
I want to help you take that step.
Because the goal is not pretending brokenness never happened.
The goal is letting God rebuild what matters.
