Better Together When We Prefer One Another

Romans 12:9–13  &  Philippians 2:1–4

Series: Better Together – Sermon 2

Target: 25–30 minutes

Big Idea:  Real Love Turns Outward – Something Only God’s Grace Can Do Within Us

Introduction  —  3–4 min.

Read both texts.

Romans 12:9–13 KJV 1900

9 Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. 10 Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another; 11 Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; 12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; 13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.

Ask the congregation to note the word “preferring” before reading Phil. 2.

Philippians 2:1–4 KJV 1900

1 If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, 2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.

• Open on the word “preferring” — a word that is overlooked, but bears the load of these verses

• To prefer = “You go first. Your need matters more. Your honor before my own.”

• Nobody is born preferring others — toddlers prove it, and so do adults

• Name the FCF: we all come into this world with an inward bent — a deep, persistent pull of the sinful flesh toward our own interests, honor, comfort

• Key line: “It is not merely a habit we need to break. It is a condition we cannot cure.”

• This bent does not check itself at the church door — it follows us in

• Why every person needs this word — not because of unusual failure, but because this love does not come naturally to any of us

• Key line: “This is not a message about other people. It is a message about you and who are really are on the inside.”

• State the proposition: “Real love turns outward — and that is something only God’s grace can do within us.”

• Introduce both passages — Phil. 2 gives the root; Rom. 12 shows the fruit

Big Idea Stated  —  2–3 min.

“Real Love Turns Outward — Something Only God’s Grace Can Do Within Us”

• Anchor in Romans 3:23 “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” — the inward bent is universal, not occasional

• The bent does not check itself at the church door — it takes a seat within us

• God’s grace stands in contrast: not merely an external standard to imitate — it is actively working within to change us

• Grace does not leave us where it finds us — it begins working the moment we place faith in Christ

• Key line: “This love is not a ladder to climb. It is fruit. And fruit grows from a living root — and the root is God’s grace, already planted within every genuine believer.”

• Transition: “So let us go to the text and see whether it bears this out.”

Big Idea Authenticated  —  4–5 min.

“This Is What the Text Actually Says”

Philippians 2:1 — Four Foundations, Already Received

“If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies,”  — Phil. 2:1

• Four “if” phrases = four foundations already present in every believer

• The condition is not about having them — it is about using them

• Key point: God’s grace has already acted long before the command arrives

Philippians 2:2–4 — The Command and Its Two Obstacles

“Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  — Phil. 2:2–4

• Two obstacles named: strife (eritheia = selfish ambition, elbowing for position) and vainglory (kenodoxia= empty glory, craving hollow recognition)

• The cure: lowliness of mind — esteeming others better — looking to the things of others

• God’s grace transforms us into people who prefer one another

Romans 12:9–10 — The Portrait of Love: Character

“Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;”  — Rom. 12:9–10

• Unmasked love — no performance, no pretense

• Love that hates evil and clings to good

• Family warmth — racing to honor others first

Romans 12:11–13 — The Portrait of Love: Energy and Reach

“Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord; Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer; Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.”  — Rom. 12:11–13

• Boiling over — not simmering, not lukewarm, at full heat

• Anchored in joy, persistent in prayer, open-handed towards the needs of others

• Does not wait for the stranger to knock — goes looking

• Landing line: “That is the portrait of a self that God’s grace has turned outward.”

Big Idea Validated  —  3 min.

“This Is Why It Cannot Be Ignored”

Make the point with force and move. Do not linger.

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”  — John 13:35

• The watching world does not have access to our theology — it has access to how we treat one another

• A church where God’s love has grown cold is dying from the inside regardless of the soundness of its preaching

“If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar…”  — 1 John 4:20

• The love of God received and the love of God expressed are not two separate things

• A Christianity that does not produce love for others is not the real thing — God’s grace always works within, and what it works within always flows outward

• Closing with force: “The health of this body, the witness of this church, and the evidence of genuine salvation in every one of our lives — all of it is bound up in this love. You cannot separate them. This is not optional. This is not the advanced course for mature believers. This is the mark of the real thing.”

Big Idea Explained  —  4 min.

“This Is What It Really Means”

Clarification #1: Real love turned outward does not mean the self is erased

“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”  — Phil. 2:4

• The word also is bearing the load of this verse — The Holy Spirit is not commanding self-destruction

• God’s grace does not destroy who you are — it reorients you toward others

• The word esteem = deliberate judgment, not spontaneous feeling — humility is deciding, not waiting to feel like it

• Key line: “Grace does not wait for the feeling to arrive. It produces the judgment first, and the feeling often follows.”

Clarification #2: This love cannot be manufactured by trying harder

“If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love…”  — Phil. 2:1

• The foundation precedes the command — God does not issue the demand and leave us without resources

• Grace performs a fundamental reorientation within us: the person scanning the room for what it offers becomes the person scanning for who needs to be served

The reorientation is:

• Real — the Spirit of God working in you, producing what you cannot produce alone

• Progressive — the flesh still pulls inward; we must continually yield to the Spirit

• Costly — preferring others means accepting less honor for yourself

• Promising — a church of genuine preferrers becomes something this community cannot explain and cannot ignore

Scripture Illustration  —  3–4 min.

“This Is What It Looks Like”

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant… he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.”  — Phil. 2:5–8

• Christ: the only person who ever lived with no inward bent — nothing in him for it to work upon

• Equal with God — yet He made himself of no reputation and took the form of a servant

• His entire focus was on our things, not His own — all the way to the cross

• God’s grace moving within human flesh carried Him all the way to Calvary

• Key point: “Let this mind be in you” — not admired from a distance, not celebrated in a hymn alone — in you

The ripple — build the anaphora slowly:

• Every time a believer races to honor someone before himself — that is a ripple from Calvary

• Every time an open hand meets a genuine need — that is a ripple from Calvary

• Every time this church pursues a stranger with welcome — that is a ripple from Calvary

• Closing line: “What Christ did is not merely an illustration to motivate us. It defines us.”

Application  —  3–4 min.

“This Is What It Demands of Us”

Opening: “The word landing on every believer this morning is not try harder. It is turn outward — and keep turning — because God’s grace is already at work within you to make it possible.”

For Believers  —  ~2.5–3 min.

• In how you regard others: Reckon others as more deserving of honor — not a feeling to wait for, but a deliberate choice of the mind. Stop the internal accounting. Begin esteeming.

• In how you serve: Bring full zeal — not the leftovers. God’s grace produces a boiling love, not a simmering token.

• In how you sustain love under pressure: Anchor joy in hope, not in how people respond. Some you prefer will not prefer you back. Love anyway.

• In how you use your hands and your home: Enter into the necessity of the saints. Pursue the stranger. Come through the doors looking for who to love, not for what satisfies you.

For the Unbeliever  —  ~1 min.

• You know what it feels like to receive love that was really self-interest wearing a mask

• You are right — no one produces this love on their own; the inward bent is real, universal, and insurmountable by human effort

• But Christ met this standard — for you — and the offer of the gospel is this: receive what He has done by faith — not a transaction completed by being good enough, but a gift received by simply crying out to Him

• The same grace that turned Him outward toward you will begin to turn you outward toward others

Conclusion  —  3–4 min.

Summary  —  ~1 min.

• One word brought us here: preferring

• We all came in with an inward bent — it followed us through the door

• God’s grace entered the picture — not only forgiving the bent but working within us to correct it

• Phil. 2 gave us the root — Rom. 12 showed us the fruit

• Real, Biblical love turns outward toward others — and that is something only God’s grace can do within us.

Final Application  —  ~1 min.

• Right now, in your own heart: name one person you can prefer this week — one person in this church

• Decide, by the grace already within you, to go to them, to serve them, to give them honor before yourself

• Older → consider a young person; younger → consider an older person

Climax  —  ~1–1.5 min.

• Christ did not wait for us to deserve His preference

• He looked at us — sinful, self-obsessed, at enmity with Him — and He preferred us anyway

• He fixed His gaze not on His own things but on ours — and walked straight to the cross

• The same grace is now at work within you — it is the love this church is being called to display to a watching community hungry for something real

Closing sentence — pause before delivering:

“The world already knows how to love itself.  What it has never been able to explain — is a church that doesn’t.”

Altar Call

Every head bowed, every eye closed.

This morning we have seen that real love turns outward — and that is something only God's grace can do within us. That grace is available to every person in this room.

If you have never received what Christ has done for you — if you have never trusted Him as your Saviour — I want you to know that the same love that drove Him to that cross is the love He is extending to you right now. He has already preferred you. He fixed His gaze on your things, not His own, and He went to the cross for you.

If you would like to receive that gift this morning — if you want God's grace to begin its work within you — I simply ask you to slip up your hand where you are. No one is looking but me.