Untitled Sermon
communication
Peace cannot be kept by force, it can only be achieved by understanding.
—Albert Einstein
The key to marital peace is communication.
Most ministry couples would agree that the greatest enemy of marital peace is conflict, and the most common source of conflict is communication. True, some conflict occurs because of differences in temperament and viewpoint, but the impact of these can be greatly reduced by calm, rational communication.
Communication means more than mere conversing. It’s talking with a listening heart. It’s delving into the intent and thoughts of the other person. It’s seeing beyond the words and into the soul. Communication is frequently mentioned as one of the vital components of a healthy relationship. There is good cause for it.
Make every effort to do what leads to peace.
—Romans 14:19
Communication says, what do you really mean by that? What hurt from the past is fueling your attitude? Help me understand why you feel so strongly about this. Or, I know if we just talk about this, we can come to a mutual understanding.
Many couples know the theory of good communication but find it difficult to put it into practice in the midst of conflict. Remember that communication is cumulative. How you respond today in a conversation with your spouse will affect how you respond tomorrow. The skills you employ today can be improved tomorrow.
Communication is about words, tone, eye contact, and body language. Study the art of all four. Learn to keep peace by assuming a manner that is non-threatening and a tone that is gentle. Taking your spouse’s hand while discussing an issue may remind both of you that the person facing you is the one you love.
Relationships live or die as a result of the communication involved. Invest in yours with healthy communication.
faith into action
Practice the art of good communication with your spouse by choosing a hot topic and discussing the pros and cons.
conflict
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
—Golda Meir
A husband once said that he and his wife never went to sleep angry with each other … but some nights they never went to bed. There has to be a better way!
In the Garden of Eden, conflict was foreign. But today, living, thinking adults have disagreements. Marriage is the arena where many of these dueling matches are staged. You can’t prevent conflict from occurring in your marriage, but you can manage it. Keep proper perspective: it’s only one disagreement, not the end-all of your life.
Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
—Ephesians 4:26
How you respond makes the difference. Avoid interrupting your spouse. Listen with your intellect, not just your emotions. Look for the facts in what the other is saying instead of pouncing on what you think you hear. Acknowledge that your spouse has the right to have a different viewpoint. Don’t leave the room in anger; if you can’t reach an understanding, arrange to discuss the issue later. In the meantime, act like it didn’t happen.
Pray for gentleness and longsuffering. Couples in ministry struggle with relationships just like everyone else. Feeling excess guilt because you and your spouse had an argument right before the church service is wasted emotional energy. It’s life. If, however, you were unkind to your husband or wife, you owe an apology and some loving words.
Be proactive. Expect normal conflict, and choose to prevent it from taking a toll on your relationship.
faith into action
Together, write a list of rules to observe during conflict.
romance
Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.
—C. S. Lewis
Romance is the sparkle in living. And most ministry couples could use a little more sparkle in their routine. Romance is one of those non-vital, but enriching things in life. In other words, you can live without it, but it sure makes life a lot more pleasant if you have it.
A couple can share a home, raise a family, and partner in ministry successfully without having the added dimension of romance. It’s extra trimming, to be sure, but it adds a lot of zing to living. Romance is not just about physical intimacy. It’s not just about passion. It’s more than affection. It’s flirtatious, positive, complimentary—it’s love with flair.
Your love is more delightful than wine.
—Song of Solomon 1:2
Traditional overtures of romantic feelings have been picnics and poetry, walks in the rain with a shared umbrella, and candlelit dinners. Symphony concerts, porch swings at night, and evenings by the fireplace are iconic venues for romance.
Romance is about whispers and long glances, seductive winks and slight caresses. It’s the stuff of satin and moonlight, fragrance and roses. Yes, it’s traditionally wives that dream about it, but husbands benefit as well. Men don’t often wish specifically for romance, but when it’s there, they enjoy the added shimmer it brings to their love life.
For a ministry couple, romance keeps a sweet secret alive that not only makes the marriage better, but enhances the ministry as well. Two happy people are much more productive in their work, especially if it’s in church ministry.
faith into action
Buy some CDs or download some love songs. Play the music after dinner tonight.
goals
The person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore.
—Dale Carnegie
Every couple in ministry has goals, whether or not they have verbalized them. Some are more ambitious than others, and perhaps some are more appropriate than others. A healthy marriage and ministry seeks goals that honor God and builds his kingdom.
Goals are important because they help people make and measure their progress. Ministry operates on the principle of betterment—helping people achieve personal and spiritual improvement through the grace of God.
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.
—Philippians 3:13
Ministry couples can benefit from verbalizing and clarifying both their personal and professional goals. Putting into words those deep yearnings of the spirit helps to further their actualization.
Believe it or not, goal-setting makes for an awesome date. Set aside an evening or a weekend and dream together. Talk about what you want to accomplish together in your life and in your ministry. According to C. S. Lewis, “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” Reach for the stars, daydream, and then put on paper the goals you want to work toward accomplishing.
Use questions like these to make your goals: Is there any level of education I still want to achieve? Where do we want to be financially at retirement? Is our present area of ministry a long-term position? What do we want our ministry to look like in five years? Ten years? What goals do we have for our children—educationally, emotionally, and spiritually? What is a dream that we would like to make happen?
Now, set milestones to help you achieve these goals—bite-size actions you can do on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. Keep the list handy and review it regularly. It will help you stay focused.
faith into action
Set a date to dream about and plan your goals with your spouse.