Who Defines You?

Ephesians 2:1-10

Announcements

Whodunnit mystery night. Friday from 6-9PM

Summer camp meeting next Wednesday night after services in the fellowship Hall

Big Idea: Who you believe you are determines how you approach relationships.

Series statement:

Single, dating, whatever your status — Jesus is enough.

Bottom line:

If I don't know who I am in Christ, I'll ask relationships to do what only Jesus can do.

Introduction

"Imagine you're sitting at lunch at school. You walk in and every table already seems full. You know that feeling—that moment where you're scanning the room thinking, Where do I sit? Who's going to want me over there? Maybe someone waves you over, and immediately you feel relief. But maybe nobody does. And suddenly your mind starts doing strange things:

Did I do something wrong?

Do people not like me?

Am I weird?

Why does everybody else seem to belong except me

What's interesting is this: five minutes before lunch you were still the same person.

Your personality didn't change.

Your worth didn't change.

Your value didn't change.

But suddenly the opinions of people started trying to tell you who you are.

And honestly, that doesn't stop in middle school or high school. We just get older and the questions change.

Why didn't I make the team?

Why didn't I get invited?

Why do they have more friends than I do?

Why does their post get more attention than mine?

Why don't people notice me?

Why didn't they text me back?

Why am I still single?

Why does everybody else seem like they fit in except me?

If we're honest, a lot of us spend our lives letting people answer questions that only God was meant to answer.

We start believing:

If people approve of me, then I'm enough.

If people notice me, then I matter.

If somebody wants me, then I have value.

People ask relationship questions all the time:

Who should I date?

How far is too far?

How do I know if they like me?

Should I even date?

But maybe we're starting with the wrong question.

Maybe before asking Who should I date? we need to ask Who am I? Or Who Defines Me?

Because if you don't know who you are, you'll eventually look to another person to tell you.

We will see who you are in Ephesians 2.

Read Ephesians 2:1–10 “And you were dead in your trespasses and sins in which you previously walked according to the ways of this world, according to the ruler of the power of the air, the spirit now working in the disobedient. We too all previously lived among them in our fleshly desires, carrying out the inclinations of our flesh and thoughts, and we were by nature children under wrath as the others were also. But God, who is rich in mercy, because of his great love that he had for us, made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! He also raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavens in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might display the immeasurable riches of his grace through his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift—not from works, so that no one can boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”

Point 1- Apart from Christ, We look to others for our identity Ephesians 2:1-3.

Verse 1 says, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins…” 

Paul does not say we were wounded, confused, struggling, or simply having a hard season. He says we were dead. Dead people do not revive themselves. Dead people do not fix themselves. Dead people do not improve themselves. Paul wants us to understand that our deepest problem is not external—it is spiritual.

Then Paul continues in verse 2, “…in which you once walked, following the course of this world…” 

The picture Paul gives is that we naturally follow the flow of the world around us. We absorb messages from culture without even realizing it. The world constantly tells us, “Find somebody and you'll be complete,” “You need somebody to want you,” or “Being single means you're missing out.” The world constantly pushes the idea that relationships are the destination.

Then Paul takes us even deeper in verse 2 by saying, “…following the prince of the power of the air…” 

Paul reminds us that underneath what we can see there is a spiritual battle taking place. Satan's strategy has always been deception. One of his most effective lies is this: “If somebody chooses you, then you'll finally matter.”

Verse 3 finishes by saying, “…carrying out the desires of the body and the mind…” 

Without Christ we naturally chase what feels right in the moment. Culture says, “Follow your heart,” but Scripture teaches that our hearts need transformation. Feelings are real, but feelings do not always make good leaders.

Illustration:

 Imagine someone hands you a phone with a dead battery and says, “Call somebody.” You press the power button and nothing happens. You tap the screen—nothing. You change the case, clean the screen, but none of that fixes the real problem. The issue is deeper than the outside. The phone has no power.

Many people approach life that way. They think, “If I looked different... if somebody liked me... if I had a boyfriend or girlfriend... if people noticed me…” then everything would be okay. They keep trying to change things on the outside while ignoring the deeper issue.

Application: Paul's point is bigger than dating, but it directly affects relationships. Some students believe what they need most is for somebody to choose them, text them back, notice them, or want them. But relationships are good gifts from God; but they make terrible saviors.

No boyfriend can give you life. No girlfriend can give you identity. No friend can give you ultimate worth.

Ask students:

Why do I want a relationship?

Am I looking for companionship or validation?

Am I asking another person to do what only Jesus can do?

Your biggest need is not for somebody to choose you. Your biggest need is for Jesus to save you.

Point 2- Christ gives us the identity we are looking for. Ephesians 2:4–9 “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of his great love that he had for us, made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses. You are saved by grace! He also raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavens in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might display the immeasurable riches of his grace through his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God’s gift—not from works, so that no one can boast.”

Exposition

Paul has spent three verses describing our hopeless condition, and then verse 4 begins with two of the most powerful words in Scripture:

“But God…”

Everything changes right there. We were dead, separated, and without hope, but Paul reminds us that God did not leave us there. Verse 4 says, “But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love that He had for us…” Notice that Paul does not say God loved us because we earned it or because we deserved it. He loved us because of who He is.

Then verse 5 says, 

“…made us alive with Christ even though we were dead in trespasses.” Dead people cannot make themselves alive. God had to step in and do for us what we could never do ourselves. This is important because many people live as if they need to earn acceptance. Paul reminds us that salvation begins with God, not us.

Then verses 8–9 make it even clearer:

“For you are saved by grace through faith, and this is not from yourselves; it is God's gift—not from works…”

Paul removes every reason we could have for boasting. We do not work our way into God's family. We do not perform our way into being loved. We receive grace.

Illustration:

 Imagine trying out for a team and spending weeks practicing because you desperately want to make it. You finally show up, your heart is racing, and you're hoping you've done enough. But before tryouts even begin, the coach walks over and says, "You don't have to earn your spot. I've already chosen you."

Most of us live as though we are constantly trying out for acceptance. We feel like we have to be funny enough, attractive enough, cool enough, or wanted enough. We spend our lives wondering if we made the cut.

Application:

 This changes the way we think about relationships because many students secretly believe, “If somebody chooses me, then I'll finally be enough.” But God already made the first move toward you. God already loved you. God already pursued you.

You do not need another person to prove your value because Jesus already settled your value at the cross.

Ask students:

Am I trying to earn acceptance from people?

Do I think somebody else's attention will fix my insecurity?

Am I waiting for someone to tell me I matter when God already has?

You do not become valuable when somebody wants you. You are valuable because Christ wanted you.

Point 3- Healthy Relationships Flow From Healthy Identity. Ephesians 2:10 “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”

Exposition

Paul says,

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”

Paul now shifts from what God saved us from to what God saved us for. The word workmanship carries the idea of something intentionally designed and carefully crafted. Paul says believers are God's work. We are not accidents. We are not random. We are not forgotten.

Notice also that Paul says we are created for good works. We do not do good works so God will love us; we do good works because God already loves us.

Identity always shapes behavior. If someone believes their identity comes from relationships, then they will constantly chase relationships. But if someone knows their identity comes from Christ, then they are free to live differently.

Illustration: 

Think about a basketball player wearing a jersey. The jersey tells everyone what team they belong to. A player doesn't put on the jersey and then wonder who they play for. The jersey already settles that question.

As believers, Christ has already settled our identity. We are not running around trying to figure out who we belong to.

Application:

 When your identity is in Christ, relationships begin changing.

Instead of dating because you need validation, you date with purpose.

Instead of using people to make you feel complete, you learn to love people correctly.

Instead of believing your life starts once someone likes you, you realize God already has a purpose for your life right now.

Ask students:

Am I becoming the kind of person God wants me to be?

Would a relationship strengthen my walk with Christ or distract from it?

Am I pursuing Jesus more than I am pursuing attention?

Conclusion

Tonight we've been asking one big question:

Who defines you?

As we've walked through Ephesians 2, Paul has shown us three truths:

Point 1: Apart from Christ, we naturally look to other people for our identity.

We chase approval. We chase acceptance. We start believing that if enough people notice us, like us, text us back, invite us, or want us, then somehow we'll finally matter.

Point 2: Christ gives us the identity we were looking for.

The world says, earn love. Jesus says, receive grace.

The world says, prove yourself. Jesus says, I already came for you.

Point 3: Healthy relationships flow from healthy identity.

When Jesus becomes your identity, relationships stop becoming your source of worth

And maybe tonight you've realized something:

You've been asking people to do something only Jesus can do.

Maybe you've been asking friends to give you identity.

Maybe you've been asking social media to give you value.

Maybe you've been asking a relationship to give you purpose.

Maybe you've been asking someone else's approval to tell you that you matter.

And here's something I want to say very clearly:

If you're not a Christian, don't worry about dating yet.

I'm not saying that because dating is bad.

I'm saying that because if Jesus isn't first, then dating becomes another thing you'll try to use to fix what only Jesus can fix.

Because if you don't know Christ, the greatest issue in your life isn't finding somebody.

It's having a right relationship with Jesus

How do you do that?

3 Circles

Gods design

Sin

Brokenness

Gospel

Repent and believe

Recover and pursue

But many of you in this room are Christians.

So let me ask you one final question:

What is currently defining you?

Is it your friend group?

Your sports team?

Your grades?

Your social media?

Your popularity?

Whether somebody likes you?

Whether somebody texts you back?

Whether you're single or dating?

Because even Christians can slowly begin finding identity in things other than Christ.

Single, dating, whatever your status—

Jesus is enough.