Dating 101

Open with sharing that even I wondered why do we date...

What is the point of dating?

How many bf/gf should i have before i get married?

Can i date as a christian?

My hope tonight is not to answer all your questions but help you answer them…

We will talk practically about

What does the Bible say / VS culture

What do i look for in a christian relationship

How do we date practically as followers of christ

Now i have had my fair share of crushes, and girlfriends but until about 4 years ago i never really understood the point of “Dating someone” so let’s start here. What do you think dating is for?

Allow students to respond

Let’s start with what the Bible says about dating… Any ideas?

“Absolutely Nothing”

Spend time sharing how God’s words doesn't explicitly mention everything but does give tools for how to do everything...

Biblical Dating

Matthew 1:18 “Now the birth of Jesus Christ took place in this way. When his mother Mary had been betrothed to Joseph, before they came together she was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit.”

Betrothed - To be promised in marriage to someone, either by decision of another or of one’s own choice

What was Biblical dating?

Dad meets Dad - Makes arrangements for betrothal - Dad’s announce betrothal to the the children - Children get betrothed “Legally Engaged”

Who want’s this?

So what do we know?

Dating is not a biblical institution like friendship and marriage but the Bible does give us non negotiables to live righteous life’s.

So how do i date in a way that honors christ?

Dating should be for marriage

Nowhere in the Bible does it mention modern day dating all we have is betrothal and marriage.

“Culture says date for fun and no purpose which in the end hurts you more and more”

2. We must be equally yoked

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”

A yoke is a wooden bar that joins two oxen to each other and to the burden they pull. An “unequally yoked” team has one stronger ox and one weaker, or one taller and one shorter. The weaker or shorter ox would walk more slowly than the taller, stronger one, causing the load to go around in circles. When oxen are unequally yoked, they cannot perform the task set before them. Instead of working together, they are at odds with one another. “gotquestions.com”

“Culture say’s date whoever you want”

3. Don’t awaken sexual desires before marriage

Song of Solomon 3:5 “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.”

“Culture says have sex for fun and 0 consequence”

So what should i look for in a BF/GF?

Men look for a Wife not a Girlfriend...

1 Peter 3:1–6 “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Respectful - Someone who respect you and others

Pure - Values purity

Gentle - Someone who is not aggressive

Quiet Spirit - Not silent but calm and peaceful

Proverbs 31:10–13 “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.”

Precious - Someone you value

Trustworthy - Someone you can trust

Ladies, look for a husband not a boyfriend

Ephesians 5:22–24 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

Ephesians 5:25–33 “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Trustworthy - If i am going to submit in this way i must trust their judgement

Loving - They truly are loving to you

Nourisher - Someone who provides for you

Cherisher - Someone who truly values you

Commitment - You are not one of the options in his sea

We do not have to date or be married to be fulfilled..

1 Corinthians 7:1–9 “Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

Paul say’s he wishes all were like him “Single”

Singleness is a gift not a curse

Marriage is not everyone’s gift and calling

How do i live this out practically?

Jesus should be #1 Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Jesus has set standards for you, but you must follow them… You don’t have to reinvent the wheel

Physical intimacy must be guarded from both sides

Don’t do it alone - I’d be lying if i said dating at 15/16 is evil “i did it and that’s my wife...” But we need to invite friends, family, leaders, and other forms of accountability into our relationships to hole us accountable…