A Rooted Marriage

Content from P Team Meeting:

Colossians 3:18–19 CSB

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and don’t be bitter toward them.

· Contrast of submit and obey

· NIV uses harsh in 19 (vs bitter in CSV)

· Ephesians 5:21

· We fail at loving far more than at submitting

· Giving all to this person, because I made this covenant with God

· These 2 verses immediately follow “whatever you do” Colossians 3:17 “And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” - which is repeated again in vs 23: Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, do it from the heart, as something done for the Lord and not for people,”

Is this Inclusio?

This household, very specific, teaching acts as an outworking major example of what The Rooted in Christ life looks that we saw earlier about putting certain behaviours and lifestyles to death and putting on the rooted in Christ way: compassion, kindness, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another, forgiving.

WE say, YAYA!! When it comes to seeing the people I’m in Christian community with 2 times a week, but then its my spouse and my insides cringe and I think the rules are different. I can be a little meaner to my wife, I can hold grudges against my husband. But here too we must let Christ rule in our hearts. Verse 17 and 23 act as the encompassing reminders that as a person rooted in Jesus, his teachings and his presence, I now do everything in his name or even as if I am doing it for him. (can I reference Al’s sermon here?)

His Name: Describe his name, or names of God and this reputation and power. So now when I act out against my spouse, I am acting out against the name of God. Now when I lean into goodness with my spouse, I lean into and reflect the name of God.

So when I hear the word Submit, what do I hear? Am I hearing the name of Jesus or the name of my experience and culture.

In Culture of the day when this was written submit was a term of respect of role and authority(back check this), but also women were often treated like possessions. But notice the difference then to how he talks about children. Children, “obey” your Fathers. Wives don’t obey, they have dynamic, influential relationship with their husbands to which then the call to respect decisions.

BUT. Here’s more context of this submit word for us in Ephsesians: The same message is given except right before “wives submit to your husbands verse is the verse, “Submit to one another.” What followed was a beautiful outworking of mutual submission. Husbands were called to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave his life for her. Husbands, is that our posture when you read the word submit here.

This word has caused Spiritual abuse of husbands to wives, when in fact in Jesus day, this radical teaching would have been fresh because now husbands and wives looked at each other with the eyes of Christ.

vs 19 is the call to love your wives and do not be harsh or embitter them. Paul’s wisdom from God here would help us to avoid wives feeling harshly put down by constant demand to obey husbands.

Submission means to a relationship wives feel safety in and trust with that their voice is heard and amplified as you journey together in this life towards Christ. This becomes an image of being rooted in Jesus.

Starting new interactions: Create space for one another. You may have to schedule this and be intentional. Sunday evenings 15 minutes are for open conversation around decisions. be curious about each others opinions. The spouse that always dominates the conversation, make space, quiet down and open your body language, to desire to hear and value their thoughts. Sometimes that means going with the others’ decision even when it doesn’t look good. You might be surprised.

My big example of going on a west coast trip in 2017. I wanted to veto and control where we went. WE were driving and I had defintely logged more driving hours than her. But watching her plan and design and curate our trip, I could see her joy. She’s even confessed that she didn’t even care how the plan went after that. While if I created it, we would have had to follow it to a T.

It means getting to know your spouse again and what makes them thrive. Some of you have never been students of your spouse and it is time. Learn their personality, current interests. Cater to what they need to be their best self.

Example: How do you recharge? Do you need people? Do you need No one? If you dominate and you’re social, I’m going to guess your spouse is craving some along recharge time, or have forced it and now you go alone. What would it do for our relationships and us as humans to know each other so deeply and love them like Jesus does.

This principal can apply to whatever area of your marraige where you feel tension.

· Has to be a real human level of connecting with people in this issue (it has so often been used as a weapon)