Small Group - Marriage & Parenting

Why a Small-Group on this topic?

Spouse & Kids = most important people in our lives

Healthy Marriages & Parenting don’t happen by accident

In the busy-ness of life, intentionality can easily drift away

Autopilot can kick in & we no longer put intentional effort into those relationships

You see so many unhappy marriages & family troubles that could have likely been avoided with a little thought & intentionality.

And when your home life is joyful, it makes all of life much more joyful

My hope for this Small-Group topic:

To help us bring more intentionality, communication, & effort into our relationships in the home.

Naturally, we’re going to focus first on marriage.

Ice-Breaker

Tell us about your first date.

“Marriage struggles often happen because we misunderstand two things:

Our spouse’s emotional needs.

How our spouse naturally receives love.

I’m using 2 books as source material:

His Need, Her Needs

Helps us better understand our spouse’s emotional needs

The 5 Love Languages

Helps us better understand how our spouse receives love

Both books use the idea of a “Love Bank/Tank”

We all have one

When our spouse speaks our love language or meets one of our emotional needs…

It places deposits in our love banks or fills up our love tanks

But when our love language isn’t being spoken & our emotional needs aren’t being met…

Our banks/tanks begin to slowly empty out

When it comes to Love Languages:

People often express and receive love differently.

The 5 Languages:

Words of Affirmation

Quality Time

Acts of Service

Physical Touch

Receiving Gifts

Many times spouses speak different love languages

Husband may speak Words of Affirmation

Wife may speak Acts of Service

If they don’t know each others’ language…

They will likely speak their own…

Which doesn’t always translate well

The husband speaks words of affirmation to his wife…

Thinking he is showing her the love she wants

But its actually the love HE wants

Same for the wife:

She speaks acts of service to her husband…

Thinking she is showing him the love he wants

But its actually the love SHE wants

When we learn our spouse’s love language…

We can better speak the love they want to receive

That will add to their love bank toward you.

Take Love Language Quiz

Loving people well requires learning them.

And learning someone takes humility, attention, and intentionality.

Discuss findings if willing

Emotional Needs

Based off of years of counseling spouses in disgruntled marriages

These were the most often cited complaints from men & women

Men's Needs

According to Dr. Harley, the five most important needs of men in a relationship are:

Sexual Fulfillment – A satisfying sexual relationship is crucial for emotional and physical intimacy.

Recreational Companionship – Sharing hobbies, activities, and leisure time strengthens the bond between partners.

An Attractive Spouse – Men value a partner who takes care of her appearance and presents herself attractively. 

Domestic Support – Appreciation for household contributions and support in managing home responsibilities. 

Admiration – Men need to feel respected, valued, and admired by their partner.

Women's Needs

The five most important needs of women in a relationship are:

Affection – Physical touch, hugs, kisses, and verbal expressions of love are essential for emotional security.

Conversation – Meaningful communication where she feels heard, understood, and valued.

Honesty and Openness – Transparency and trustworthiness are critical for emotional safety. 

Financial Commitment – Stability and responsible financial behavior from a partner provide security.

Family Commitment – Dedication to family life, including shared responsibilities and support for children, strengthens the relationship.

Homework

Learn each others’ emotional needs

Each make a list from 1 (most need) to 10 (least need)

Share list with each other & discuss together

Speak each others’ love language intentionally at least once a week (more if possible)