Jesse’s Wedding Message

Welcome

Happy June everyone! I don’t know about you, but with May in the rearview, school being out, days being longer, temps being warm… just feeling like we have a little more breathing room. Hopefully that’s true to some degree for you as well as we kind of downshift into summer.

But good job getting here and giving God some space to work. Summer has a different rhythm to it; do your best to protect the rhythm of Sunday mornings together.

Anamosa Update

Series Intro

So, June is traditionally “wedding month,” right? Most popular month to get married still, I think. And so we’re kicking off a series for all soon-to-be-marrieds and married-for-a-long-time people alike that we’re calling “Before You Say I Do.”

SHOW SERIES DIVISION GRAPHIC

And the premise of it is pretty cool, I think. Three weeks, with each of our teaching pastors taking one of those weekends—but what we’re each going to do is deliver our “wedding message.”

Pastor John, Chip, and myself have officiated dozens and dozens of weddings over the years we’ve been pastors. And, don’t tell the bride or the groom—but we each have kind of a “standard” message we deliver whenever we officiate a wedding. So you’re going to hear that message from each of us.

(And then they’ll be a contest where you can vote on your favorite; the winner gets to go on their second honeymoon to Hawaii.)

Now, a couple of things about this series before you hear my wedding message. The first is this:

In the Bible, marriage isn’t just some state-run, human-inspired institution. It’s actually a reflection of a covenant relationship that all of us have with Jesus. It’s why the Bible talks about the church as though we are the “bride” of Christ. So whether your’e married to a person or not, if you know Jesus, you’re in a marriage. You’re the bride.

Which means that whenever the Bible talks about marriage or to married people specifically (which it does), it’s not just talking about a special kind of romantic relationship that only married people know; biblical marriage is something that is also universal to every single believer. A good marriage looks a lot like a healthy relationship with Jesus, and vice versa.

So if you’re divorced, or widowed, or single, or in a relationship but not married—whoever you are, regardless of your circumstances—you will get something out of every single one of these weekends—becuase the Bible talks to married men and women like it talks to all of us as the bride of Christ. That’s first.

Second:

It’s not lost on me that we’ll be hearing from three men—three husbands—on marriage… and no women. No wives. And while I think this will be a great series, it’s not as great as it could be if we had done a better job of developing and empowering women to lend their voices and perspectives on what God’s Word has to say on this.

Could I have cajoled my wife to get up here with me and share her perspective? Sure… (well, she’s out of town this weekend, so she’s off the hook). But I know that I have learned a lot theologically and practically from godly women, and it’s a loss that becomes very apparent to me especially in series like this one.

So: listen to what we have to say… but also listen to the godly wives and grandmas who are modeling and teaching the same biblical truth. And know that this won’t be the last time we revisit this particular topic at Prairie Lakes.

Alright. Let me get to my wedding message.

Jesse’s Wedding Message

On April 2nd of this year, my wife and I celebrated twenty years of marriage.

SHOW HAWAII PIC

I had the chance to serve a church in Honolulu earlier this year—so we took a few more days and made it a 20th anniversary trip. It was wonderful.

But that same couple, twenty years ago, looked like this:

SHOW WEDDING PIC

We got married out in Seattle where my wife is from. We met in Denver, Colorado where I was getting my seminary degree. And I hadn’t graduated yet when we got married—but I was about to.

In fact—and this is just where we were at in life—we didn’t really have much of a honeymoon at all because I had to get back to class and finish up my doctrinal paper and oral defense to graduate. I think I flew out on a Friday; rehearsal Saturday; wedding on Sunday, overnight on Monday/Tuesday, and back in class on Wednesday. I basically could afford to miss two days of class, but had to take the laptop with me to keep up.

2006 was a crazy year for us. Married in April; graduated in May—during which time I was interviewing for jobs at several different churches, including the one I had left when I went out to seminary: First Baptist Church, which built a new building and changed its name to Prairie Lakes while I was out in Denver.

So, married in April, interviewing for jobs, graduated in May, got an offer from Prairie Lakes around the same time, moved my Seattle wife to Iowa in June, and started a new job in July—

Which is a great metaphor for marriage if there ever was one, I think: a time of intense transition that neither person had any real idea of how to navigate.

Twenty years ago, two people in their mid twenties stood at the front of a church in Seattle and made a commitment to one another. And since then, I’ve stood at the front of this church—this spot, right here, actually—and watched men and women make the same commitment.

And after the family and the bridal party has processed in, and the bride with her father, and the giving away of the bride, and the opening prayer and maybe a song or some Scripture, I’ll look at this bride and groom standing in front of me and begin by saying this:

Whew. You did it. You’re here.

You planned the biggest event that you’ll ever plan in your whole life—and you’re not event planners. And you’re still together—which is saying something. Good job. You passed your first test. (And you didn’t fight at all about anything, I’m sure.)

But we know that marriage is much more than just an event. It might be the biggest day of your life—but it’s just your first day.

Before marriage was our idea, it was God’s. And there’s a few places where God, in his Word, talks specifically about marriage to married people. And one of those is Ephesans 5.

Ephesians 5 actually has an intentional design to it. Imagine an hour glass—wide at the top, with sand flowing at the very narrow center, then widening out at the bottom.

That’s kinda what Ephesians 5 is like—with verse 21 being right in the center of the hour glass. Everything that’s been said before flows down into it; and everything that’s said after flows out of it.

At the top of the chapter, Paul talks to all of us as followers of Jesus; at the bottom, he talks specifically to married people. But right in the center—verse 21—is the linchpin to all of it.

It’s a really, really short verse. Easy to memorize—which might be a good idea for you to do at some point in your marriage. It’s one that I’ve gone back to time and time again in mine. It’s guided just about every decision we’ve made and seasons we’ve navigated.

And it’s not even ten words long. Here’s the verse—Ephesians 5:21:

START SCRIPTURE SLIDE

Ephesians 5:21 “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

END SCRIPTURE SLIDE

After this verse, he’s going to give some more specific instructions to wives and husbands. But everything he’s going to say to them flows out of this verse.

And so here’s the first thing you need to know about what God thinks about marriage:

START TV SLIDE

The Bible’s picture of marriage is one of mutual submission.

END TV SLIDE

Submit to one another. Submit to one another. Mutual submission.

That word submission gets used today mainly when we’re talking about MMA fights. Choke holds and arm bars. Submission is making your opponent tap out.

As your pastor, I would advise against that. And thankfully, that’s not what the word means in this context.

This word submission essentially means deference—or putting someone else’s interests ahead of your own.

START TV SLIDE

Submission: deference; putting someone else’s interests ahead of your own.

END TV SLIDE

So here’s what that means. Let’s start with you, Mr. Groom. Here’s what this means for you:

It means, everyday, her before you. Every day, her before you.

What she needs before what you need.

What she wants before what you want.

Put her first.

Now, let’s be honest: this is not going to be all that difficult for you to do—because you chose wisely.

She’s fantastic. she’s smart; she’s beautiful; she loves you (for some reason)… most days with her are going to be fantastic—and it’ll bring you great joy to put her before yourself.

And it means the same thing for you, as well, soon-to-be Mrs. Bride: every day, him before you. Him before you.

What he needs before what you need.

What he wants before what you want.

Now, you (mostly) chose wisely as well. He seems… fine.

Nah. He’s great. You wouldn’t have chose him if he wasn’t. And most days it’ll bring you great joy to put him before you.

But, my friends… this only works if both of you are doing this. The Bible’s picture is mutual submission; it doesn’t work if only one of you lives this thing out. Has to be both.

Now:

There will be days where it’s not as easy to do this—for either one or both of you.

We’re human beings. We have this thing called sin that still lives in us and sometimes gets the best of us.

Soon to be Mrs.: there’s gonna be days where he comes home tired and angry and doesn’t talk to you or treat you like you should be treated.

Mr. Groom: there’s gonna be times where she’s gonna not meet whatever expectation you had but probably didn’t communicate.

Some days… some months… some years, even, are just harder than others to live this principle of mutual submission out.

But that’s why the rest of this verse is so important.

Because God doesn’t just expect you on those hard days to just “will yourself” to submit anyways. If it depended only on my wife’s ability to put me before her when I’m being a moron—even with how incredibly patient she is—I’d be in trouble.

What is the fire behind our choice to submit to one another? What powers it? What drives us to live this out—whether it’s easy and brings us joy because our partner deserves it, or whether it’s difficult and brings us frustration because you wanna… “give them what they deserve?”

We submit to one another…

Out of reverence for Christ.

Let’s unpack these two words—starting with Christ.

Jesus is the fire of our willful submission. Because…

This is who Jesus is with you. And you.

Jesus put you before him. Your well-being before his own. What you needed before what he needed.

START TV SLIDE

We submit to one another because Jesus submitted himself to his heavenly’s Father’s will, for us.

END TV SLIDE

Think about this: the king of the Universe—God in the flesh!—submitted himself to you. Emptied himself of his divine position and power, for you. Wrapped a towel around his waist and washed your dirty feet. Hung on a cross for your sin. And he did it “for the joy set before him.” You before him.

The Bible’s picture of a marriage relationship is one of mutual submission because that’s what it’s like to be in relationship with God—where we we submit to him because he put us before himself.

Alright. Just one more thing before we continue on and hear you exchange vows and rings and pronounce you husband and wife and watch you guys kiss and then go party. Just one more thing:

Let’s talk about that word “reverence.”

START TV SLIDE

Reverence for Christ: a genuine, deep awe for who Jesus is to you and what he’s done for you.

END TV SLIDE

That’s what reverence is. It’s a genuine—a real—awe of Jesus that sinks down to the deepest parts of you...

So that when you go to love this person standing next to you tomorrow…

Or five years from now…

Or fifty years from now, God-willing—

That you love them not for what they’ve done for you,

But because of what Jesus has done for you.

And if you haven’t heard anything I’ve said for the last twenty minutes—because days like today tend to be a bit of a blur—

I’m gonna ask you both to just look me in the eye for this next part.

Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ means this:

START TV SLIDE

The best gift you can give your spouse is for you to have a vibrant, personal relationship with Jesus.

END TV SLIDE

Listen: he might give you a lot of gifts over the course of your marriage together. Love and affection. A nicer house; someone to do the projects you want done. Financial security. Safety.

And listen: she might give you a lot of gifts over the course of your marriage together. Love and affection. Support. A house that doesn’t look like a middle schooler lives there. Someone who can tell you that shirt doesn’t go with those pants. Children, even—God-willing.

But before she needs you to advance in your career so that you can improve your lifestyle,

And before he needs you manage all of the things and rub his back when it gets sore,

What you really need from one another is to be loved by the other in the same way that Jesus loves you.

You’re gonna have days where you’ve screwed it up,

Where you don’t have anything left in the tank,

Where you’re stuck or broken or you’re completely overwhelmed—

And what you need from that person who’s wearing your ring is something that you don’t deserve.

And you’re gonna need them to see where you are and what you need—because they’ve been there, and Jesus met them there, and loved them through it.

The best gift you can give your spouse is a vibrant, personal relationship with Jesus.