When Should I Date?

Song of Solomon 2:7

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Introduction

Over the last two weeks, we've asked two foundational questions.

Week one asked:

Who defines you?

We discovered that our identity is not found in popularity, relationships, sports, success, or what other people think about us. Our identity is found in Christ.

Week two asked

What satisfies you?

We learned from the woman at the well that relationships, popularity, achievement, and attention make terrible saviors because only Jesus can satisfy the deepest thirst of our souls.

This week we arrive at a practical question many students are already asking:

When should I date?

Or maybe an even better question is:

Is this the right time?

Think about how often we try to rush things. We want Christmas to get here faster. We want summer break to arrive sooner. We want our driver's license before we're old enough to get one. Waiting is difficult because we naturally believe that whatever is next will finally make us happy.

Imagine baking a cake. You carefully follow the recipe. You use all the right ingredients. The oven is working perfectly. But after ten minutes you get impatient and pull the cake out. The ingredients weren't bad. The oven wasn't broken. The problem was timing.

That's the truth behind Song of Solomon 2:7. The issue isn't whether love is good. The issue is whether it is the right time.

Read Song of Solomon 2:7.

Point 1: Love Is a Gift From God Genesis 2:18–24 “Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” The Lord God formed out of the ground every wild animal and every bird of the sky, and brought each to the man to see what he would call it. And whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the livestock, to the birds of the sky, and to every wild animal; but for the man no helper was found corresponding to him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to come over the man, and he slept. God took one of his ribs and closed the flesh at that place. Then the Lord God made the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said: This one, at last, is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; this one will be called “woman,” for she was taken from man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”

Before we can talk about timing, we need to establish something important. Love, romance, marriage, and companionship are not problems to avoid. They are gifts from God.

Genesis 2 takes us back to the Garden of Eden before sin entered the world. God creates Adam and places him in a perfect environment. Everything God has created up to this point has been declared good. Then for the first time in creation God says something is "not good."

"It is not good for the man to be alone."

God creates Eve and brings her to Adam. Notice that Adam doesn't go searching for Eve. God brings Eve to him. Marriage is God's idea. Companionship is God's idea. The desire to know and be known, to love and be loved, originates with God Himself.

This is important because culture often presents two extremes. One side says, "Follow your heart and do whatever feels right." The other side sometimes makes students feel like attraction and romance are somehow bad. Scripture rejects both extremes.

God created relationships. God created marriage. God created attraction. Those desires are not sinful. They are gifts from a good Creator.

James 1:17 reminds us:

"Every good and perfect gift is from above."

Healthy relationships are among those good gifts.

Illustration

Think about a fireplace. A fire inside a fireplace provides warmth, comfort, and enjoyment. Families gather around it. It serves a beautiful purpose. But the exact same fire in the middle of the living room becomes destructive.

The problem isn't the fire.

The problem is where the fire is placed.

Love is the same way. God created it for a purpose. Within His design it is beautiful. Outside of His design it can become destructive.

Application

Many students need to hear this:

God is not trying to keep something good from you.

He is trying to protect something good for you.

Whenever God gives boundaries, He does so because He loves us. God's commands are not fences designed to ruin our fun. They are guardrails designed to keep us from harm.

If you begin viewing God's design for relationships as protection rather than restriction, it changes everything.

Point 2: Timing Matters

Song of Solomon 2:7 “Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven:”

Now we come to the heart of Solomon's warning.

Three separate times in Song of Solomon we find this exact phrase:

"Do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time."

Song of Solomon 3:5 “Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and the wild does of the field, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.”

Song of Solomon 8:4 “Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.”

When Scripture repeats itself, we should pay attention.

Solomon is not saying love is bad. He is not condemning romance. He is teaching wisdom.

The phrase "awaken love" carries the idea of stirring up romantic affection before the proper season. Solomon understands something many people learn the hard way: good things become dangerous when we pursue them outside of God's timing.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 supports this idea: “There is an occasion for everything, and a time for every activity under heaven."

Throughout Scripture we see people struggling with God's timing.

Abraham received God's promise but grew impatient and tried to fulfill it himself.

Saul became impatient and offered a sacrifice he wasn't supposed to offer.

Israel repeatedly wanted God's blessings without waiting for God's timing.

The problem wasn't necessarily what they wanted. The problem was that they wanted it before God intended.

The same principle applies to relationships.

Illustration

In the U.S., typical planting windows are:

(like Texas or Georgia): February–AprilSouthern states 

(like Iowa, Illinois, Indiana): April–MayMidwest Corn Belt 

: May–early JuneNorthern states / Canada

Corn is generally planted when:

Soil temperatures are at least 50°F (10°C)

The danger of hard frost has mostly passed

Fields are dry enough for machinery

Think about planting a garden. You can have the best seed available. The seed itself is good. But if you plant it in the wrong season, you're not going to get the harvest you hoped for.

The problem isn't the seed.

The problem is the timing.

The same thing is true with relationships. Love is a good gift. But every good gift has a season.

Application

This is where I want to speak directly to students.

I don't believe middle school students should date.

Not because dating is sinful.

Not because relationships are bad.

But because dating is designed to help someone evaluate whether another person could become their spouse.

Most middle school students are nowhere near that season of life.

"The issue isn't whether you'll date someday. The issue is whether you're ready for the responsibility that comes with it."

Honestly, many high school students would be wise to wait as well.

Now if you're dating, I'm not saying you've sinned. The issue isn't simply whether you're dating. The issue is why you're dating.

Are you dating because you're lonely?

Because everyone else is?

Because you need validation?

Because you want somebody to tell you that you matter?

Or are you approaching relationships with maturity, wisdom, and a desire to honor Christ?

The question isn't:

Can I date?

The better question is:

Why do I want to date?

Point 3: Jesus Comes First

Matthew 6:33 “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you.”

Colossians 3:1–4 “So if you have been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with those who do not believe. For what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?”

The warning in Song of Solomon ultimately points us to a deeper issue.

The greatest danger isn't dating too early.

The greatest danger is allowing romance to become more important than Jesus

Jesus says in Matthew 6:33:

"Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness."

Notice the priority.

Jesus doesn't say relationships first.

He doesn't say popularity first.

He doesn't say romance first.

He says God comes first.

Everything else follows.

This perfectly connects to the first two weeks of our series.

Week one taught us not to find our identity in people.

Week two taught us not to find our satisfaction in people.

Now week three teaches us not to make people our priority.

Paul echoes this in Colossians 3 when he tells believers to set their minds on things above. Our hearts should be directed toward Christ before they are directed toward romance.

Then 2 Corinthians 6:14 reminds believers that relationships matter spiritually. The people we become closest to influence our walk with God.

Illustration

Imagine two runners running a race. They are side by side. Running at a similar pace.

The same principle is true spiritually.

When two people pursue Christ together, they naturally grow closer together.

But when one person moves toward Christ and the other moves away, the relationship becomes strained.

Healthy relationships happen when both people are moving toward Jesus.

Application

Before asking:

Do I like this person?

Ask:

Does this person help me follow Jesus?

Before asking:

Do they make me happy?

Ask:

Do they encourage me toward Christ?

Before asking:

Do I want a relationship?

Ask:

Am I becoming the kind of person who would honor Christ in a relationship?

Stop focusing so much on finding the right person.

Focus on becoming the right person through Jesus

Conclusion

For three weeks we've been asking important questions.

Who defines you?

What satisfies you?

Is this the right time? Or When should I date?

The answer to all three questions ultimately points us to Jesus.

Our identity is found in Christ.

Our satisfaction is found in Christ.

Our relationships should be shaped by Christ.

If you've never trusted Christ, your greatest need is not a boyfriend or girlfriend. Your greatest need is reconciliation with God. God created you for Himself. Sin separated you from Him. Jesus died on the cross and rose again so that you could be forgiven and made new. The call of the gospel is to repent and believe.

For believers, ask yourself:

Am I trusting God's timing?

Am I pursuing Christ above everything else?

Am I becoming the kind of person who honors Him?