Honor

Introduction

Grandpa Fisher was a kind man who loved the Lord and loved his family. He provided for them and for us grandkids. Though we moved away when I was young and I didn’t get the same relationship my cousins did with our grandfather, my story is less about him and more about an uncle and aunt.

Uncle Mike was grandpa’s son. When grandpa Fisher became ill with a disease that would slowly remove motor functions from him and deteriorate in health; my uncle and his wife, Charla, took grandpa into their home.

They took care of him well. Early on, he didn’t require much, just some help every now and then. But, I can remember when we would visit when grandpa would eventually need help with going to the bathroom, showering, even eating his food.

From far away, my uncle and aunt did something so biblical it resonated with me deeply.

1 Timothy 5:4 “4 But if any widow has children or grandchildren, let them learn to practice godliness toward their own family first and to repay their parents, for this pleases God.”

They embodied this verse to a widower and they embodied in my mind our central text of Exodus 20:12.

Not long after grandpa has passed after many years of slowly getting worse and worse; I wrote to my uncle and aunt and told them my very thoughts that I shared with you. I wanted to encourage them in the midst of years of hardship; that the Lord was pleased with them. That they honored my grandfather and they honored the Lord.

Vertical to Horizontal

Exodus 20:12 is a foundational commandment for the rest that follow, but it is also only informed by taking the first 4 seriously. When we take God seriously as our Lord, our Savior, then we will take serious His call in interacting with others.

Commandments 1-4 in relation to 6-10 reveal to us:

The vertical relationship impacts our horizontal relationships.

We cannot love others properly if we do not love God. Jesus even told us this when He summed up the law- Love God and Love others.

2. The horizontal relationships reflects our vertical relationships.

This means our interactions with others, particularly family and our parents; reflect in the depth or shallowness of our relationship to the Lord.

If the Lord is reigning in our lives, growing us more like His Son, then we should see a heart grow to honor our parents.

Caveat

I understand that not all of us perhaps came from great homes or had great parents. I don’t mean that our parents didn’t make mistakes as they tried to raise us. I mean they truly did not parent as the Lord intended- with love, compassion, instruction in the Lord, etc.

This doesn’t change the command of God. There must be an honoring of them and I will explain later. However, some situations do not bear relationship with someone, but that doesn’t mean we recognize the role they have been granted.

Exodus 20:12

What does it mean to honor?

In its most literal sense the word honor means to give weight, glorify, esteem, give precedence, take seriously.

This same word is even used in connection to God in how we approach Him. This tells me that the Lord holds in high esteem what He has created in the institution of family, particularly of parents.

I believe parents are to reflect to their children who God is. Albeit, imperfect, parents who are regenerated by the Spirit through faith in Jesus can be reflections of Christ to their children.

To honor does mean to be subject to them, to be respectful of their wishes, but it is more. God has granted them this role. As such, they are to be regarded with honor because the Lord has made them parents.

Honor isn’t just in attitude

The Scripture is full of honoring one’s parent being more than just in attitude, though that is critical. We can certainly do things for our parents, but have very little regard for them. They become more like an obligation to us instead.

I shared already one instance of honoring by caring for them as a part of the family unit. Paul writes that widows/widowers should be taken care of by family. That includes provision, care, love, and attention.

Joseph brought his aging father to safety when a famine struck the land and Joseph was a ruler in Egypt.

Ruth stayed with Naomi, her mother in law, after their husbands died, to help care for her.

Solomon honored Bathsheba when he was king, by rising to greet her when she came to him, bowing to her, and having a second throne brought to her at his right hand side.

Jesus asked the disciple He loved to care for His mother, Mary, while on the cross! Jesus took time to make sure she was taken care of while He took on the wrath of God for the sin of the world.

Jesus also respected His parents wishes when he was young and found at the temple teaching.

This means that honoring is more than just in our attitude, but in the action we take toward them.

Only command with a promise.

Paul makes note of this commandment in Ephesians as the only commandment with a promise. What is that promise?

“You will live long in the land…” What does this mean?

For Israel it is tied to their occupation of the Promised Land. Think for a moment- if the family unit breaks down and children rebel against their parents who are to lead them in Yahweh; they run the risk to lost their land and their children to false gods and worship.

For us today, I’ve seen it presented this way: When Jesus become optional to us parents, He will become unnecessary to our children.

I had a wonderful conversation with a father about his pursuit of attending church with his family. His heart? To bring what he learns from the church to his home.

Honoring mom and dad as children means regarding them as spiritual leaders and authority in our lives. This can be present as adults too. It also means that parents are to parent in a way that allows them to be spiritual leaders over their children. To help our children want to honor us.

Not by giving them everything to like us, but to lead them to Jesus.

For kids, hear me out for a moment. If we do not honor mom and dad, then the opposite can be true of this promise. Perhaps it can mean a life or death choice if it is serious enough.

Example: Let’s say you are near a fire pit and you keep playing without considering the danger near you. Mom and dad warn you, give you punishment for not listening and you still disregard them and you fall into the fire. Does that mean something very serious? Yes!

Also, mom and dad have lived a lot longer than you. They have experienced life and hopefully they are walking with Jesus deeply.

They have wisdom and insight to help guide you to live fuller lives that are pleasing to God. Wisdom and insight that could help you from making the dumb decisions they probably made growing up.

Matthew 5:20

The letter of the law vs the spirit of the law

In the same vein of attitude versus action, I want to turn our attention to Matthew 5:20 and eventually 15:1-9.

Jesus speaks that the disciple’s righteousness must exceed that of the Pharisees. To the Hebrew ear, this would have been crazy.

It would be like saying, to be a true follower, you must be better than Mother Theresa or Lottie Moon, or Annie Armstrong, or Charles Spurgeon.

What is Jesus saying here?

The righteousness of the Pharisee was only skin deep. It was more about the outward and external only. So, only the appearance of righteousness.

What is interesting is there is a moment in Jesus’ confrontation of the Pharisees that speaks to the 5th commandment and this verse from the Sermon on the Mount.

Matthew 15:1-9

The tradition of “Corban”.

Jesus confronts the Pharisees on a tradition that was established called Corban. In the gospel of Mark, is the word Corban used in relation to his account to this same interaction.

Corban is a practice where they would dedicate money or property to the God/Temple in a religious vow. It sounds really good, but Jesus reveals these men are not keeping the spirit of the 5th commandment.

What they were doing was using this as a loophole to not support aging parents and truly honoring them as God commanded.

In theory a person could do the following. Claim Corban over funds and “dedicate” them to the Temple/God. At this person’s death the money would then go to the Temple. The person retains control until his or her death.

However, this person could claim Corban until his parents death at which time he could pay 50 shekels to the Temple priests and cancel Corban.

In essence, to avoid obeying God’s Word and to honor parents, they could use God and the tradition established.

Egregious is their elevation of tradition or oral law over that of God’s law as well as breaking a very commandment of God!

Jesus is calling out their hearts. Were they keeping the letter of the law? In a way when it was approached from the oral law. Were they keeping the spirit of God’s law? Absolutely not!

This would be equivalent to placing parents in the lowest level nursing home you could, when you can afford something better so that they are not a financial burden upon you.

For children present, this would be like finding ways around the rules your parents have set in order to “obey” but also not at the same time.

Example: You are told no video games for a week as a punishment. You get on an ipad and start playing games on it. Your parent says I said no video games; your response is I thought you meant on the Xbox or Switch because that is what I was playing on when you said it.

This is bending the idea of honoring by finding loopholes to get what you want and not honor God by honoring your parent.

Half obedience is still disobedience.

The horizontal relationship is reflective of the vertical.

I have already shared a little bit about how our horizontal relationships reflect our vertical relationship with God.

The Pharisees bending the rules ultimately led to disobedience and dishonoring God. They disregarded God’s law and ultimately the Lord in how they didn’t keep the spirit of the law.

To dishonor parents is reflective of disregarding and dishonoring God. It is to say that what the Lord has commanded is not worthy of my effort.

We must be mindful that honoring our parents is first a way of honoring the Lord. It is a vertical decision before it is a horizontal one. If the Lord is our Lord, His command takes precedence over feeling and desire.

Application

What do we do with this commandment and the texts we looked at?

Parents need to parent

Dr. Lenord Sax wrote an intriguing book called the Collapse of Parenting. It is a completely secular viewpoint, but he notes that parental authority has become lost in our culture. There has been a transfer of authority from parent to child, particularly due to the mindset of being loved by the child.

Parental authority is not necessarily being a tough disciplinarian, though that does play into it, but “ensuring that the parent-child relationship takes priority over the relationships the child and peers.”

He continues, “It means that parents are doing their job…of teaching the child how to behave both within and outside the family unit.”

In other words, stop being like the kids to be liked by the kids and be the authority figure you were called to be by God. We are called to lead our children to maturity; our children are developing wisdom and understanding of life and are not ready to make some of the decisions we place on them. Its our job to help them learn this.

Ultimately we are called to lead our children to and in the Lord. Leading means being the leader.

So parents, lead your children to honor you. We do not lead harshly or to exasperate them as Paul said. We lead as Jesus led. In spirit and truth. In grace and toughness at times. Always pointing them to the Father.

Children honor God by honoring your parents.

You might ask, how do I do this.

Kids listen up for a second.

Obey your parents the first time they ask you to.

Be respectful with your words, your tone, and your attitude.

Tell the truth, even when you make a mistake.

Be grateful for what your parents do. Say thank you every now and then.

As you get older and become more independent- still honor them by listening to their advice.

Work out conflict with them respectfully.

Maturity is demonstrated in how you honor them.

Adults with adult parents:

Independence does not cancel honor.

Seek their perspective on decisions.

Express appreciation for the ways they invested in you.

As they age and you age- honor them through care, patience, and presence.

Model for your children the respect you desire in how you respect your own parents.

Support aging parents in the ways they need.

Conclusion

This commandment and the teaching of Jesus is pretty straightforward in honoring our parents.

Whether our parents have been incredible or they have been terrible, there is only one way we can truly fulfill what God asks of us.

It is by the power of Jesus. Jesus honored His parents perfectly. Through the salvation He offers by the cross and resurrection; He grants to us power to live lives honoring of God and the ability to obey His commands.

By faith, through grace alone can we be saved. When we confess that Jesus took care of sin and the penalty of it on the cross for us and seek for Him to have control of our lives, only then do we enter into new life.

Today, you can have that new life and begin afresh.

He can also heal what is broken. Sin seeks to destroy what the Lord has established. Much of the conflict that happens in the familial relationship is due to sin and the brokeness it causes.

I would challenge you today to seek the Lord to help you mend your broken relationship you may have with a parent. Seek the Lord to move your heart to find reconciliation, to honor them through forgiveness.

If your earthly parental relationship is severed in some way, know that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you deeply. Who desires to care for you and to provide what is best for you.

Lean into Him, trust Him, surrender to Him. In the relationship we have with Him through Jesus He is like a shepherd who walks with us, protects us, provides for us, and leads us home to Him forever.