When You Don’t Know How to Pray

Most followers of Jesus have had a moment when they didn't know how to pray.

It might have come in a hospital waiting room or after the phone call that changed everything. It might have come at three in the morning when sleep wouldn't come and the worry wouldn't stop. You wanted to pray. You knew you should pray. But you couldn't find the words. Or you weren't sure the words you had were the right ones.

So you sat there. Maybe you cried. Maybe you opened the Bible without really reading. And then you whispered something like "God, I don't know what to say," and stopped trying.

A lot of Christians walk away from moments like that with the sense that they didn't pray well enough. Like they should have done better at the one thing a believer should be able to do when life presses in.

Last week we looked at Romans 8:18-25 and saw that creation groans and believers groan, all waiting for what God is going to do. This week Paul tells us there's a third groan in the room. The Spirit himself is groaning. And what the Spirit is doing in those wordless moments may be the most helpful truth in all of Romans 8.

Open your Bible to Romans 8:26-27

Romans 8:26–27 NKJV

26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

THE SPIRIT HELPS YOUR WEAKNESS (v. 26a)

Romans 8:26 NKJV

26a Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses.

Paul begins with a word of help. "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses."

The word "likewise" connects this back to what Paul just said. He's been talking about hope and waiting through suffering. We don't see what we hope for. We wait with perseverance. And likewise, in the same way, the Spirit comes alongside us in our weakness.

GREEK NOTE: The word "helps" (synantilambanetai) is one of the most descriptive words in the New Testament. It's a compound word made up of three parts that pictures two people lifting a large load together, one on each end. Matthew Henry described it like this: the Spirit "heaves with us, over against us, helps as we help one that would lift up a burden, by lifting over against him at the other end." The only other place this word appears in the New Testament is Luke 10:40, when Martha asks Jesus to tell Mary to come and help her in the kitchen. It's a picture of practical, shoulder-to-shoulder help.

That's what the Spirit is doing when you don't know how to pray. He's not standing across the room shouting instructions. He's bending down to the other end of whatever is pressing on you, and he is lifting with you.

Paul also says what we need help with. Our weaknesses. The word is plural in the Greek. Not one weakness. All of them. The verb "helps" is in the present tense, which means continuously. The Spirit keeps on helping. He doesn't show up once in a crisis and disappear. He's always there, always lifting with us.

Now Paul is going to narrow in on one specific weakness in the next clause, the weakness of prayer. But before he does that, he tells us the broader truth. The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses, all of them.

Sticky statement: When you don't know how to pray, the Spirit prays for you.

Now the second part, Romans 8:26

Romans 8:26 NKJV

26b For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

THE SPIRIT PRAYS WHAT YOU CAN'T (v. 26b)

Now Paul expands it. "For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered."

Paul puts himself in this group. He says "we." Not "you weaker Christians out there." We. Paul wrote thirteen letters in the New Testament, and he included himself among those who don't always know how to pray.

If Paul didn't always know how to pray, that should take some pressure off the rest of us.

Think about it. You don't always know what to ask God for. Should I pray for healing or for grace to endure the illness? Should I pray for my prodigal child to come home today or just for God to keep working in their heart? We're not always sure what to ask for. And even when we know what to ask for, we're not always sure how to ask.

Hannah understood this. In 1 Samuel 1, she came to the OT place of worship in such anguish over her barrenness that her lips were moving but no sound came out. The priest Eli looked at her and assumed she was drunk. But she wasn't drunk. She was pouring out her soul in a way that her lips couldn't keep up with. That's the kind of prayer Paul is describing. The kind that has no words.

GREEK NOTE: The word "intercession" (hyperentynchanei) appears only here in the entire New Testament. It's a compound word that means "to plead on behalf of someone else." The Spirit takes our wordless distress and turns it into a prayer. The phrase "groanings which cannot be uttered" means groans that don't come out as words. Some commentators have wondered if this refers to praying in tongues, but the text says the groanings are the Spirit's, not ours, and they cannot be uttered at all. This is the Spirit's hidden ministry inside the believer, taking what we can't articulate and bringing it to the Father.

So when you sit there in the hospital waiting room with nothing to say, the Spirit is praying inside you. When the only thing that comes out of your mouth is "God, help," the Spirit is filling in the rest.

Your wordless ache is exactly what the Spirit is able to translate.

Sticky statement: When you don't know how to pray, the Spirit prays for you.

Now here’s the awesome part. Romans 8:27

Romans 8:27 NKJV

27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

THE FATHER HEARS WHAT THE SPIRIT PRAYS (v. 27)

In verse 27, Paul takes us further into the conversation happening on our behalf. "Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God."

The Father, who can see inside the human heart, knows what the Spirit is praying there.

Think about how amazing this is. The Spirit is praying inside you with groanings that don't come out as words. They never reach your lips. And yet the Father knows exactly what the Spirit is saying. He searches the heart, and he sees what the Spirit is doing in there.

GREEK NOTE: The verb "searches" (eraunon) means to examine thoroughly. It's used in the Old Testament to describe God examining the heart of a person. Jeremiah 17:10 says "I, the Lord, search the heart." Paul is connecting that old truth to a new picture. The God who searches our hearts now finds the Spirit praying inside them.

And Paul adds one more thing. The Spirit's prayers always align with God's will.

Here's why that matters. We are not always sure what God's will is in a given situation. Should this loved one be healed, or should we ask for grace to walk through the illness? Should this difficult relationship be restored, or is God leading somewhere we can't see yet? We don't know. But the Spirit knows. And when the Spirit prays for us in our weakness, the Spirit is always praying what the Father wants done.

One commentator put it this way. Christ intercedes for us in heaven, and the Spirit intercedes for us in our hearts. The believer has two intercessors at all times. Christ is at the right hand of the Father, pleading our case there. The Spirit is inside us, pleading our case from the inside. Both prayers are heard. And both are in perfect agreement with the will of God.

That's why your weak prayers still get to where they need to go. The Spirit catches them up and translates them according to God's will, and the Father hears every one.

Sticky statement: When you don't know how to pray, the Spirit prays for you.

APPLICATION

So what do we do with this?

Start praying anyway.

A lot of Christians who feel weak in prayer respond by praying less. They figure if they can't pray well, they shouldn't pray much. They wait to feel articulate enough or focused enough, and the waiting turns into not praying at all.

Paul is calling us out of that. The Spirit is not waiting for you to get better at prayer. He's waiting for you to show up. He's ready to lift with you and to take your stumbling words or your wordless groans, turning them into prayer the Father hears.

Here's one thing to try this week. When you don't know how to pray, just say so. Tell God you don't know what to ask for. Tell him you don't have words. Then stay with him without saying anything else. The Spirit will pray what you can't, and the Father will hear it.

If you've never trusted Christ, you don't yet have the Spirit interceding for you. You're trying to pray to a God who feels distant, because there's no one on the other end of the line on your behalf. The good news is that Christ offers you both. Through faith in him, you receive forgiveness, and you receive the Spirit who will pray for you the rest of your life.

VISION (CLOSE)

Picture a church full of people who pray even through weakness and confidently at the same time.

A people who know their prayers are not impressive, and don't try to make them sound impressive. A people who say "God, I don't know what to pray" and then keep praying anyway, because they know the Spirit is filling in what they can't say.

Picture parents who pray weakly over their prodigal kids and trust the Spirit to know what to ask. Picture widows and widowers who sit alone with their coffee in the morning and say "God, you know," and trust that he does, because the Spirit is praying for them by name.

That's the church Paul is describing. That's the church we get to be.

And one day, when we finally see Jesus face to face, we'll find out that every prayer we tried to pray and couldn't, every wordless cry from a hospital room or a kitchen table at midnight, was heard. The Spirit was praying. The Father was listening.

When you don't know how to pray, the Spirit prays for you.

Let’s pray.