Philemon: Gospel Forgiveness

Intro / Kintsugi

Have any of you ever heard of kintsugi?

I admit, I had not until preparing for this message

Kintsugi is a Japanese art form of repairing broken pottery

Using treesap lacquer mixed with things like powdered gold, silver and platinum, the idea is not to hide the fracture, but to highlight it

The crack becomes central to the repaired beauty

Every repaired piece is one of a kind - the crack pattern can never be duplicated, which means that the art piece can never be duplicated

It gains a more compelling and lasting beauty than it did even before it was broken

Isn’t that beautiful?

We live in such a disposable society

Do you remember TV repair men? Today, you would never pay to get your TV repaired because you could just buy a new TV for the same price of the service call!

A glass shatters, you sweep it up and grab a new one from the cupboard

We eat off paper plates and plastic forks then throw them away

And here’s the problem: we treat relationships the same way

We treat them as disposable

Conflict occurs in a relationship - things get hard - and we walk away

For example, “irreconcilable differences” is the most frequently cited cause of divorce

Or we embrace this philosophy of “I’m going to reject you before you reject me”

Now imagine if kintsugi was a picture of relationships

Imagine relationships that were carefully and lovingly repaired

Imagine a relationship that was more beautiful because of the scars

Recap

Today, we continue our series in Philemon and how the gospel changes relationships

Last week, we looked at this letter from Paul’s POV as the author

We saw that Paul had been the recipient of the transforming work of the gospel in relationships

We saw how Paul was a model of the transforming work of the gospel in his relationships, as evidenced by his reference to Mark near the end of the letter

Finally, we learned how Paul was an ambassador for the transforming work of the gospel in relationships with the theme of God reconciling and restoring relationships running throughout his letters in the Bible

And now we come to Philemon’s POV as the recipient of the letter and the one who was wronged by Onesimus

Scripture Reading: Philemon 1-25

Philemon 1–25 ESV

Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy our brother, To Philemon our beloved fellow worker and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love’s sake I prefer to appeal to you—I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus— I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion but of your own accord. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a bondservant but more than a bondservant, as a beloved brother—especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you. Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.

Pray

Main Point

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve referenced the quote that Philemon is an “acted parable of the gospel itself”

But that is actually only a small part of a longer quote

“The reconciliation of Philemon and Onesimus becomes an acted parable of the gospel itself, which breaks into the world of sin, suspicion and anger, or pride and fear, with the good news that Jesus Christ has revealed God’s purposes of salvation, of human wholeness, of loving and forgiving fellowship” - NT Wright

If we want to see how the gospel changes relationships, we need to see it at work in this space - a world of sin and suspicion, people who are angry or prideful or afraid

We need to desire the gospel to bring about human wholeness and we need to value loving and forgiving fellowship

We need to be kintsugi people willing to repair broken relationships and make something beautiful through the scars

As we approach Philemon’s POV, that is what we are going to see: a guy who was wronged by his runaway slave called to apply the gospel to a broken relationship

And then we can ask: how are we to respond when we have been wronged

What do we do when we are the offended party?

What do we do when our relationships are broken, cracked, and fractured?

Do we believe in kintsugi?

Do we believe that God can make something new and beautiful out of the broken?

About Philemon

First, Philemon is known for his faith in Jesus

Philemon 4–6 “I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.”

Philemon had come to faith directly under the ministry of Paul in Ephesus and he became known for his faith and the encouragement his faith had for all those who encountered him

Second, Philemon is known for his hospitality

Both the beginning and the end of the letter reveal the hospitality of Philemon

Philemon 2 “and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier, and the church in your house:”

He was opening his home regularly for the church to gather for worship and teaching

Philemon 22 “At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I am hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.”

Third, Philemon is known for his generosity

Philemon 7 “For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you.”

Philemon 21 “Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say.”

When people encountered Philemon, they experienced a generosity that exceeded expectations and refreshed them

Even Paul felt like he didn’t need to demand Philemon to respond in a certain way because he was confident that Philemon would do more than Paul had even asked!

Philemon’s POV

While that tells us a little about Philemon as a person, where is he at emotionally when he receives this letter?

A while back one of his slaves - and we don’t know if he had others - ran away and likely stole from him

We don’t know how long it has been - but since Onesimus traveled the 1200ish miles from Colossae to Rome and then there was enough time in Rome for Paul and Onesimus to form a deep relationship - we can surmise it has been quite a while

Did Philemon take a big financial hit from losing some of his labor?

How much sleep had Philemon lost thinking about Onesimus’ betrayal?

How much animosity did Philemon still carry directed at Onesimus?

Did Philemon ever go out to dinner and see someone who looked like Onesimus and almost immediately he felt his heart start racing as all the old emotions he thought he had stuffed down came pouring back?

And here comes this letter from Paul - his spiritual mentor - asking him to forgive Onesimus and receive him back - not as a slave but as a brother!

He must feel caught: he owes a lot to Paul - but does Paul really understand what he is asking?

If he forgave Onesimus and declared him to be a brother, what message would that send to his other servants?

All that must be racing through Philemon’s heart and mind as he reads the letter from Paul

Applying Gospel to Onesimus

At its core, Paul’s admonition to Philemon to receive back Onesimus was an admonition to apply who he already knew Philemon to be by the power of the gospel to the relationship that needed it the most

Onesimus had offended Philemon

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, some believe that Onesimus was a thief… and others that he was an addict who stole from Philemon to feed his addiction

While we can’t say those for certain, we can say that Onesimus had wronged his former master

Philemon was the offended party - it was Onesimus who was in the wrong for running from his former master

Onesimus had broken trust, violated the relationship, and harmed Philemon

Philemon could have insisted on due process and rightful punishment

He could have sought retribution and restitution

Paul was asking Philemon to treat Onesimus - the one who wronged him - the same way he was known for treating everyone else - in faith and with hospitality and generosity

Would Philemon’s faith in Jesus, his hospitality, and his generosity be applied toward Onesimus?

It’s Really About Us

Here is what is so fascinating about this letter: We are never told how Philemon responds to it!

We could look to history and see if we can find any indication, but the text itself never tells us

And I think there is a reason: in many ways, this letter is not about Philemon or Onesimus

It is about us

When we have been wronged, when we have been harmed and hurt, when we have been violated, how will we respond?

It’s relatively easy to be kind to someone who is kind to you or to buy lunch for the person who picked up the bill last time

That’s quid pro quo, not hospitality, not generosity

The Picture of the Gospel

But notice that the starting point for the gospel changing our relationships with others is its transforming work in us

Philemon 18–19 “If he has wronged you at all, or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it—to say nothing of your owing me even your own self.”

Paul is telling Philemon that if Onesimus owes him anything - which may have been a lot if Onesimus had stolen from Philemon! - to charge it to his account and he will pay it

What a picture of the gospel?!?

That is exactly what Jesus has done for us

You owe a debt (and so do I for that matter) - that you cannot pay

In your sin, you have broken trust with God and violated your relationship with him

You broke the relationship - God did not

But Jesus took all that you owe upon himself - put it on Jesus’ tab

When we owed more than we could ever pay, Jesus paid that debt for us!

The grounding for and power of changed relationships is the gospel of Jesus who paid the debt for sin for each of us

The Four Promises of Forgiveness

There is a framework from Peacemaker Ministries that can be helpful to us here

It’s called The Four Promises of Forgiveness

Now, before we look at these, I’m telling you up front: this is difficult!

Reading these words are easier than applying these words

Basically, when you say “I forgive you” to someone, you are making these four promises

I will never dwell on this incident: I’m going to stop replaying that movie over and over in my head

I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you: It’s done means it’s done

I will not talk to others about this incident: No gossip!

I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our relationship: We are going to repair the pottery of our relationship into something beautiful

And this is so hard because it will require us to move toward the very people who hurt and harmed us

And it will require us to move toward them at the very place where we felt so betrayed

I can think of some specific moments recently - the details don’t matter here - where I had to choose to act in such a way as to move directly into the path where my trust had been broken by someone else

Forgiveness is not just this ethereal “I’ll let it go”, but an active moving toward the person and giving space for the person to rebuild trust in the place where it was violated in the first place

Because when I forgive someone, I am making these promises that I will not hold the offense against the person any longer but I will instead ask God to change and transform the relationship

Conclusion

As I conclude, let’s return to the idea of the kintsugi

Consider this quote

“The story of kintsugi—this style of pottery—may be the most perfect embodiment of all our trauma-shattered lives... Instead of throwing away the broken beloved pottery, we’ll fix it in a way that doesn’t pretend it hasn’t been broken but honors the breaking—and more so, the surviving—by highlighting those repaired seams with gold lacquer. Now the object is functional once again and dignified, not discarded. It’s stronger and even more valuable because of its reinforced, golden scars.” — Jay Wolf

As we consider Philemon’s point-of-view in receiving this letter, may we become kintsugi people who repair not pottery with gold, but relationships with the forgiveness of Jesus

First, that means that you see the beautiful piece of art that God is forming you into

In your own life, you know the cracks, the fractures, the breaks

And it is in those places that God will pour his mercy and grace

And second, that means that you see how the gospel changes relationships

Your trust has been betrayed, your joy robbed, your heart broken by someone you thought you could trust

And when you are the offended party, you could put up walls to keep the person out or you could throw away the disposable relationship

Or you could move toward the person with the Four Promises of Forgiveness, eagerly anticipating God making that relationship more beautiful than it was before the break

Pray