Testimony

Testimony:

I was raised in a Christian home, but my parents were 1stgeneration Christians.

Great Grandparents came from Japan to the Hawaiian Islands. Buddhist.

Grandparents were Buddhist, but they thought it would be important to send my mom and dad to church.

They got saved at summer camps and actually met at high school summer camp and started dating.

Dad went to college in Washington state and mom stayed in Hawaii.

Vietnam War – draft. Got married.

A year and a half later I came around.

My dad tells me he took me out on the porch when I was 5 years old and told me about Jesus and he said he lead me in the sinner’s prayer. But I don’t remember it.

I grew up in the church going to Sunday School, AWANA, Church, children’s church, VBS.

I actually loved church. I remember one year I was going for perfect attendance for Sunday School and I got sick with about a month left to go. Mom was going to make me stay home and I was so mad because I wanted to get that perfect attendance certificate. I’m still mad at her to this day.

Anyway, I memorized verses and got star stickers next to my name. I sang special numbers in church at times. You would think I was the perfect Christian kid.

When I was in the 6th grade my dad thought it would be important for me to start doing devotions, so he gave me an Our Daily Bread devotional and challenged me to start reading it every day. I did.

But the devotionals in that one talked a lot about Jesus coming again and the end time and the tribulation period.

I started to have dreams that Jesus came again I was left behind.

I started to have dreams about the sky turning red and the apocalypse coming.

I cried out to God to save me. Over and over again. I don’t want to go to hell.

Fast forward to the summer after my 7th grade year. I’m at summer Bible camp and the speaker is speaking and he’s speaking on the foolish person and the wise person from Proverbs.

This is what the wise person looks like. This is what the foolish person looks like. And I’m beginning to realize that my life is actually lining up with the foolish person. And all of a sudden I began to get convicted by the Holy Spirit and a whole bunch of things I knew about God, Heaven and hell began to come to mind.

SONG: NEED

The problem is, my parents were Christians, I went to church, I memorized verses, I prayed, I read the Our Daily Bread Devotionals. But, what the Holy Spirit was beginning to convict me of is that I knew a lot about God and Jesus, but I didn’t know Jesus personally. I had never actually given Him my life and I never made a decision to follow Him. My heart had not changed.

SONG: My Life Is Yours Not Mine

It was Friday night, the last night of camp and the Holy Spirit had been working on my heart.

You see, even though I was doing Christian things, good things, I was still Lord of my life. I did what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.  I was hanging out with the wrong people and doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing. But I didn’t feel bad about doing it. I was afraid of getting caught, but I didn’t want to stop doing them. I was living the life of the fool. I was a hypocrite. I was living a dual life. All of my church friends thought I was a good Christian boy. All of my unchurched friends didn’t know I went to church. I swore like them, looked at pornography with them, fortunately, I never got into drugs, but although I was a virgin and thank God stayed one, if God hadn’t gotten a hold of my life, I probably would have gotten a girl pregnant at some point in time.

As the camp speaker went on I began to realize that I had never submitted my life to Jesus and accepted Him into my life. I had never actually accepted His gift of forgiveness and salvation from my sins.

And the Holy Spirit kept working on me.

The sermon was done and one last altar call was given. The praise team was singing a song while people came forward to receive Jesus. It would be the last opportunity at this summer camp to respond.

I sat frozen in my seat. My heart was beating. The Holy Spirit was calling. But my heart said, “I can’t go forward. If I do, all of my church friends will know that I’m a fake and they’ll make fun of me.”

I refused to move. I couldn’t humble myself and let my pride go and admit I really needed Christ.

And then all of a sudden as the last phrase of the chorus was being sung, I found myself walking up front. I won’t say the Holy Spirit forced me, but the Holy Spirit sure made my legs move. I got up front half wondering what I was doing and yet, realizing what I was doing. I said the prayer that they led us in and it was like a burden was dropped from my back and blinders were taken off my eyes and all of a sudden I felt lighter.

We went back to talk to a counselor and they asked why we went forward. I looked at the list and since I thought I was saved because I prayed when I was 5, I check marked rededicated because I didn’t know what else it would have been. Today I know it was truly my salvation moment, when I surrendered everything to Jesus, I gave Him my sins, my fears, and my life.

And from that day my life changed. It wasn’t perfect, but it changed. And there was a joy in my heart and a desire to do what was right and to serve Jesus.

SONG: As Long As I Live.

I started to go to youth group and I had an amazing youth pastor. And I began to grow in my relationship with Jesus. I began to have breakfast with Him and be fed by Him and began to get to know Him as my best friend. I started a journey of trusting Him completely.

But as with all mountain top experiences, we have to come down off that mountain top and we end up going through valleys.

Thing were pretty good until I got to college. I hit a pretty dark place and was depressed and early stages of suicide. I thought God wasn’t listening to me any more of that He didn’t care. I have often wondered what Peter felt like when he disowned Jesus and then even though Jesus appeared to them in the Upper Room after His resurrection, there were long moments after when Jesus wasn’t around. I began to wonder if Peter felt the same way I was feeling. I had let Jesus down, and now Jesus was gone and it was probably my fault.

SONG: Where are You?

Those feelings were definitely due to choices I had made, Jesus got me through that. We got our relationship back on track and things were pretty good overall after that. I graduated college, got married, was serving as a youth pastor at a church, and then some other trials started to hit. I don’t have time to go into all that happened, that’s a testimony all in itself. But suffice it to say, I got to a point where I was so broken I thought I had lost it all. And most of these were things happening to me, not necessarily because of decision I made. There were some very hard times, including the “d” word getting used.

SONG: Restore

And because God is a good God, full of mercy and compassion and because he loves me, He once again restored me. I have plenty of scars physically, emotionally, and even some spiritually, to show for the trauma that God took me through in my life, but through it all God has been faithful to help me through it all and it lead me to hold on to 2 verses in particular.

John 16:33 NASB95

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”

2 Corinthians 12:9–10 NASB95

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

Back in 2022 I wrote a song kinda as a reflection on my life to that point and a summary of all that God had done.

Song: We Bow Before Your Throne

And in the end, people may try to trust all kinds of things to help them through life, but there is only one who we can trust, and that’s God.

Song: Some Trust In Chariots