WHY THE FOOL FALL IN LOVE
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One gives freely, yet grows all the richer;
another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want.
Without good direction, people lose their way;
the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.
PRO
Where there is no counsel, the people fall;
But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.
Why the Fool fall in love
10 Excuses You Make to Stay in a Bad Relationship
Excuse #1: I’d rather settle for him than be alone. ACCEPTANCE , SECURITY , SAFETY , PURPOSE.
What’s wrong with being single? You’re not alone .
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Christians, you are totally complete in Christ, lacking nothing
Epaphras, who is one of you, a bondservant of Christ, greets you, always laboring fervently for you in prayers, that you may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.
If you are settling for an unhealthy relationship just to have a warm body near, you are missing the amazing indescribable intimacy God offers you;
Turn to me and be gracious to me,
for I am lonely and afflicted.
He will continue to politely step aside as you choose to accept less ().
Turn Yourself to me, and have mercy on me,
For I am desolate and afflicted.
Seek to be complete in Him (),
I love those who love me,
And those who seek me diligently will find me.
first, and ditch this excuse before you miss “the one” that He has purposed for you to marry ().
Give God a chance, for He is your provider () and is able to do abundantly above all that you could possibly ask or imagine ().
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us,
"…Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." – God,
Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
Excuse #2: I’m comfortable.
Is change something that makes you cringe? Are you stringing a relationship along primarily because it has benefits: money, companionship, image, physical intimacy, fun, familiar routine? Let’s face it, we have all temporarily turned to everything from shopping to food for fulfillment. Things--even relationships with benefits--can never truly satisfy ().
Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.
They are shallow tools the enemy offers convincing you to wear a mask of contentment (; ). By faith, step out of the known to grasp the true and amazing unexplainable peace and joy () God offers to those who choose to trust in Him alone to meet all their needs ().
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
"My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
for my people have committed two evils:
they have forsaken me,
the fountain of living waters,
and hewed out cisterns for themselves,
broken cisterns that can hold no water.
Excuse #3: I love him.
"But I looooove him!" If I had a nickel for every time I heard those words! Geez! I love my dog! I love my brother! I love my pet hamster! There is a difference in loving and being “in love” and fully committed to the person you KNOW you were meant to marry…for better or worse. You have to get out of the “love” boat to walk on the water. What I mean is, you have to move away from the one you “love” and walk out into the unknown toward God patiently till He brings you your one, true love. Don’t miss your reward. It takes faith ().
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
Excuse #4: We’ve had sex.
Years ago, I confessed to a distant cousin that I was having doubts about my engagement. My biggest fear was that I had to stay with him simply because we had sex. Is this how you feel? Well, he reminded me that sex outside marriage is a sin. Because you have already begun is really not an excuse to continue. Sex outside marriage brings horrible consequences to every area of life, leading ultimately to death ().
Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.
Ask God to cast this excuse down with your sin to the depths of the ocean () and exchange it for His perfect forgiveness. I did, and God helped me move from the pit of sexual sin to the one He created specifically for me.
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against his own body."
Excuse #5: We have a child together.
OK. So you’re single and pregnant, or maybe you’re single with children already. You have a great reason to abandon, not your kids, but the bad relationship that entangles you (). Admit it. As children, most of us aspired to have better lives than those who raised us. Here’s the kicker: our starting point regarding relationships was the exact representation of what ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ modeled for each of us. My point: it is better to stay single and model contentment () and trust in the Lord than to marry, model a bad relationship, and end up having to raise your grandchildren who, according to statistics, will do the same. The choices YOU make affect future generations. Ponder that!
"But showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments."
Excuse #6: I’m waiting until Mr. Right comes along.
Let’s get serious! If Mr. Right crosses your path, he’ll consider your low standards unattractive and immature. Your present relationship portrays evidence of the needy, insecure person you are choosing to be. The bad relationship you’re in is a huge red flag to the Christ-like, confident mate you truly desire to be with. No, It’s more like a stop sign! Don’t allow a mountain of insecurity to cause Mr. Right to take a u-turn! Hanging onto mediocre relationships is like dumpster diving for trash when God is offering true treasure just around the bend.
"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"
Excuse #7: We’re engaged, already committed.
Have you agreed to marry him, but now you’re having doubts? If there is doubt, DON’T! Use the valuable opportunity you have now for a “time-out” to reevaluate or choose to live the rest of your life with regret! “But,” you say, “I’ve already started planning a wedding, and I’m looking forward to a honeymoon.” Get your eyes off worldly things and ask God to open your spiritual eyes ().
They do not know nor understand;
For He has shut their eyes, so that they cannot see,
And their hearts, so that they cannot understand.
Your doubt could be a warning from the Holy Spirit. It’s the opposite of peace.
Patience is key ().
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
Wait on God (). You’re at a fork in the road; choose your will or God’s. Steps of blind faith will lead you to awesome treasure ().
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight."
Excuse #8: I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Has your heart left the picture, but your still hanging around because you’d like him to stay happy? Maybe you feel bad leaving him because he has spent so much time and money on you. You’re not stock; this isn’t an investment game. Have you tried to walk away, but his craftiness persuaded you to stay? You’re not a puppet; pull your hearts strings from his grip. Your people-pleasing nature, coupled with his controlling tendencies, are brewing up your worst nightmare. It’s time to be concerned more with honoring God than your boyfriend (). You are sacrificing your life to appease him; rest assured, God has good plans for him too (). Call this excuse what it is, guilt and manipulation, and learn how to say "no!" Better yet, say "good-bye".
"…We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts."
Excuse #9: He’s “good” enough for me.
Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t deserve any better,” or perhaps you assume you’d never land among the stars so you’ve resolved to never shoot for the moon. Drop your measuring stick and pick up God’s Word where “good enough” amounts to filthy rags () for all of us. Our Father seeks to bless you, not because you deserve it, but because of His great love. Give Creator God () the opportunity to bring the moon (your man) to you.
"And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God."
Excuse #10: He’ll change for the better!
Down here in Texas, most girls like a little outlaw in our man. We are raised to be fixers. We’ve seen Mama fix everything from a boo-boo with a kiss, to hamburger made to taste like steak. Naturally, we think we can turn a frog or even a snake into a prince with a kiss! But, sometimes a snake is just a snake and we wind up bit. Come on, who are you kidding!? You can’t change him, and he’s comfortable the way he is. You be who God called you to be and let God do the changing (). Truth be told, you need to run the other direction. Bad relationships are poisonous.
“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
“Take Delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”
Five Red Flags for Christians Blinded by Romance
Here’s your sign! You’re in a bad relationship if…
…there is abuse in your midst.
It’s such a common thing that either you’ve heard of it or are caught up in it yourself! What is it? It is the seemingly endless habit many couples have in which they will fight and makeup on a regular basis. Sure! It makes for great movies, but what works for a 90-minute Hollywood hit is a no-go in the real world. When it comes to making up, don’t misunderstand me. It’s perfectly healthy to forgive, but it’s not OK to be unwise. What I mean is this: if fighting in your dating world means hitting, pushing, shoving, name calling, yelling, manipulating, or anything rude that occurs on a consistent basis then, of course, turn walk away. It’s simple. In bad relationships, bad things happen and will continue to happen if you let them. Don’t be stupid; be wise. Wisdom always does now what brings satisfaction later. For you, being smart means that after you leave the relationship you shouldn’t go back! When God gave the Israelites an exodus opportunity, they took it. You should too! If your relationship is even slightly abusive, consider this your sign to exit the relationship NOW!
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
…you are living together.
I assume you know right and wrong when it comes to sins such as lying, stealing, and killing. This article isn’t meant for Bonnie and Clyde couples headed for jail. Rather, I’ll cut to the chase and zone in on those of you caught up in one of the more deceptive, yet prevalent sin in the dating world. More than likely you or someone you know is "messin’ around". You guessed it! Some call it premarital sex; others call it marriage out of wedlock. In case you haven’t heard, God calls it S-I-N. Yeah, I know. It feels so right, and you have every excuse in the world to continue. However, what seems right in the heat of the moment is not worth its cost in the end. When you have sex with anyone other than your spouse, things happen, bad things. It takes one time to lose your virginity, one time to contract an STD, one time to become addicted to sexual immorality, one time for your fiancé’s respect for you to dissipate forever… Get my point? The Bible states that while sin is pleasurable for a season, the after effects are horrible. If you’re living in sin, make a u-turn. Repent and stay pure until you’ve said your wedding vows.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against his own body.”
…you doubt the person you are dating is “the one” you are meant to marry and fear keeps you from breaking off the relationship.
James T. Draper wrote, “Doubt never means yes and always means no or wait a while: God does not lead through doubt. If you can’t get peace, that is an answer.” When God opens the door for marriage in your life, you will know that you know you are with the right person. If you aren’t 100 percent certain that things should progress, you’d better take a time-out from the relationship and pray for God to clearly confirm His will! I know. I know. You don’t think it’s that simple. I know because I’ve been there. If you choose to ignore the unrest in your spirit and continue on with this person you just don’t think you can live without, I’ll tell you what comes next -- excuses! Don’t go so far as justifying staying in a relationship you’ll wish you had abandoned later. Here’s why: in the dating world, thoughts like, “I can’t break up because…,” mean that doubt has given the keys to fear which will drive you down a rough road containing potholes of confusion and bumps of anxiety. If that’s not enough, your joy tank will eventually read empty. If travels down doubt path have you pondering whether or not to proceed in your current dating relationship, allow me to throw out a sign for you which reads, “faith and peace mean go; doubt and fear mean NO!”
…The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
…concerned attitudes surround you.
Ever turned on the television or radio to catch a sermon, song, or message seemingly written specifically for you? Anyone ever crossed your path leaving a comment or two that spoke directly to your heart? What about people who know you well? Are family and/or friends at all iffy about your decision to move forward with the one you are presently dating? Rather than take a defensive approach to their input, consider that emotions can hamper your ability to see as clearly as those positioned on the outside-looking-in to your life. If it’s true that you don’t want to look back someday after the romantic feelings subside (and they will), and regret you lost (amongst other blessings) valuable time. Then, ask God for discernment as you listen to others’ advice. If what they are saying is consistent with His Word and spoken in love, then imagine His mighty hand gently tapping your shoulder, prompting you to turn from your plans, and take a better path. Consistent concerns are red flags God has lovingly placed in your life to warn you of trouble up ahead! Listen. Learn. Be smart. Break up. Get out of the danger zone.
“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear.”
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold
In settings of silver.
Like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold
Is a wise rebuker to an obedient ear.
…you’re dating an unbeliever.
Are you dating someone who does not have a personal relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ? Most Christians who hang onto a non-believer actually think they are the best chance that their unsaved date will ever have for knowing Jesus? Don’t be deceived. Someone has already coined a word for this false evangelistic strategy. It is called "missionary dating". Christian, you are not Holy Spirit Junior. There are no guarantees in life, and this includes the salvation of your current date. God gives each person free will. He waits to be wanted, and so should you. If you’re a believer dating an unsaved person, your date has not only rejected the Lord but also the Lord living in you. Therefore, he or she does not want ALL of you! You are God’s, and He is jealous for you. Any emotional attachment you have toward a person who is not on the same spiritual page as you, or vice versa, is an unhealthy attachment. Read and learn from those such as Samson of the Bible, and do now what you’ll otherwise wish you would have done later. Heed God’s Word, and be not unequally yoked. Yes, that means break up and move on.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?
10 Dating Tips for Christian Singles
You are dating an incredibly good-looking guy. You both feel the attraction building up. What do you do? Now is not the time to decide! It’s too difficult to think when passion overtakes you. You must decide before you go on the date what your limits will be.
1) Do not be unequally yoked.
Take seriously.
Don't team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? (NLT)
If you are dating someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Christ, you are playing with fire. If you fall in love, what will you do? Don’t let the relationship progress to a physical point and then hope you can cut it off later.
2) Put on the armor of God daily.
You need all the help you can get in today’s world. Are you spending time with God? Do you depend on Him to meet your needs of love and security? You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God ().
3) Put obedience over passion.
Not everything we do that’s right, feels good. In fact, usually the opposite is true. It feels incredibly good to give in to passion. But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. Society tells you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedient to His word.
4) Physical expression must be appropriate.
Physical touch/intimacy should correspond with commitment. This doesn’t mean anything goes if you are engaged. Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need.
5) Limits must be set mutually.
Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits. Mutual boundary keeping reflects maturity.
6) Examine your personal motives.
What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection?
7) Is there too much physical and too little other?
If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. If you can’t stand the person but have a great physical relationship, rethink the relationship.
8) Less is better.
If one person is uncomfortable with any type of physical expression, don’t do it. You should respect and honor each other. Don’t push a date to do anything that makes him/her feel uncomfortable.
9) Be guided by love versus lust.
Love is the fruit of the Spirit. From love comes self-control. Operate in love, not lust.
10) Allow the Holy Spirit to direct and lead you.
If you feel convicted of certain behaviors, stop doing them.
Special Note: If you are a teen, you must honor your parents and respect their counsel (). You are subject to parental authority. Don’t be sexually active just because you can get away with it.