The Truth about Fathers

Introduction

Today I want to speak to the Truth about Fathers

We’re going to cover the societal view on fathers, common perceptions of them and also God’s view of the role of the father.

Our text today serves as a jumping off point as we’ll be all through the Bible, but it reads: Proverbs 4:5–7 “Get wisdom, get understanding: Forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth. Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: Love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: And with all thy getting get understanding.”

The reason I chose this is so that we will get wisdom and understanding about the role of the father.

Most think they know what that is, but I believe the majority either have a superficial understanding or a misguided one altogether.

First we see the Perversion of Fatherhood

I. The Perversion of Fatherhood

Here I want to speak about the society and the culture in which you and I are in because it matters and it's relevant.

The culture in which we live affects the way we see things. So it's very important to consider the way culture looks at the role of a father.

A Satanic Slide

I named it this because over the last 70 years we have seen a decline in the view of the role of the father. No better way has that played out than in the media we consume.

Consider TV:

1950’s- 60’s what dominated Television? The wise, leaders of families

Father Knows Best - title says it all

Leave it to Beaver - Ward Cleaver (Hugh Beaumont was an ordained minister)

Andy Griffith - Andy was wise, patient and moral - guiding Opie through life

1970’s - Things begin to change - some traditional, some transitional

Charles Ingalls but also Archie Bunker

John Walton, but also Fred Sanford

In these shows also, Little House & the Waltons were period shows, vs. shows set in the present

Then you had One Day at a Time where no dad was needed at all

1980’s is more of a ‘bridge’ where we still see some competent fathers, but they are often portrayed as being wrong, out of touch or flawed

Growing Pains; Alf; Family Ties: All have fathers who are somewhat competent, but moving from the teacher to the learner.

Then comes the one who starts the trend for what comes next: Al Bundy

1990’s - Present: sees a more dramatic shift to the hapless lovable goofball

Home Improvement - Tim “the Toolman” Taylor; Homer Simpson; Family Guy; Everybody Loves Raymond

These shows (and others) show the dad as creating the problems, then mom and kids have to solve it.

This is especially true in children’s programming: Rugrats; Fairly Oddparents; Drake & Josh; Jimmy Neutron and others all follow this suit: What do you think this teaches children about fathers?

Now if you're like me, you've seen some of these shows and have enjoyed them. Characters such as Tim the Tool Man Taylor or Ray Barone might be likable but they're not necessarily respected.

So, what this teaches society is a Skewed Perspective

A Skewed Perspective

This leads me to my next point: Society has a skewed perspective of what a father should be. (I didn’t even get into the movies or TV commercials)

So when we look at the way fathers are CONSTANTLY and CONSISTENTLY portrayed, it effects the minds of people and skews their THOUGHTS & EXPECTATIONS of what fathers should be.

Women have been trained by society to believe that fathers are not competent in raising children and that without them, they’d be helpless.

Children are trained to not think of their fathers as wise counselors, but bumbling idiots who are ‘out of touch with the times’.

Worst of all, men begin to believe that that’s all that they are, and all they can contribute! So what do they do? They act like grown children themselves!

This church is one of the great reasons our society is crumbling - the way we view the role of the father.

It’s a Skewed Perspective, but the Statistics Tell the Story of how important fathers really are!

The Statistics Tell the Story

Approx. 1 in 4 children currently in the US are growing up without a father in the home. This effects them in various ways:

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)

Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.

Church, these statistics tell a story and that story is that fathers are absolutely vital to the family.

(Ill.) I had one say to me that these statistics are not to be a disparagement upon single mothers because they are noble and brave for what they do. To which I had two responses. The first was, "It's not noble or brave to have sex outside of wedlock and bring children into the world in that manner." Secondly to say that fathers are vital is not to diminish the role of the mother. It's a simple fact that a mother, by very definition, cannot be a mother and a father and children need fathers.

Statistics tell the story.

We see the Perversion of Fatherhood

II. The Perception of Fatherhood

Next, what I want to share is the idea of fatherhood that many men have.

I’m talking about Fathers - oftentimes good fathers. This is there perception

For Protection (Neh. 4:14)

Nehemiah 4:14 “And I looked, and rose up, and said unto the nobles, and to the rulers, and to the rest of the people, Be not ye afraid of them: remember the Lord, which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethren, your sons, and your daughters, your wives, and your houses.”

Here we see a call to action for men to physically protect their families.

I think most people agree that a father should do all that they can to protect their families unless you're some crazy liberal who thinks there are multiple genders & such. But typically, most expect this.

So does God.

Many fathers understand that this is an expectation of them and they are correct.

God expects men to protect their wives & their children

For Provision (1Tim. 5:8)

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

God expects fathers to ‘provide for their own’. They need to labour and make sure that their families have clothes, shoes, food & a roof overhead.

The clothes & shoes need not be fashionable

The food need not be fine dining

The roof need not be a mansion

But most men - and certainly God - expects fathers to provide these things for their families.

This, to many, is the perception of what fatherhood entails. Protection and Provision

We see the Perversion of Fatherhood and the Perception of Fatherhood

III. God’s Plan for Fathers

Lastly we're going to speak to God's plan for fathers.

As mentioned earlier, during the perception of fatherhood, There are many fathers that believe if they provide and protect their families, they are doing their job. That is the measuring stick upon which they judge their performance as a father.

I want you to understand that the responsibilities of a father go far beyond that in the eyes of God.

Regardless of what Society thinks about it

Regardless of what YOU think about it

What truly matters is WHAT GOD THINKS ABOUT IT! And if that’s ALL you’re doing, YOU’RE ONLY SCRATCHING THE SURFACE!

The Bible instructs us: Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Many know this verse and they claim this verse and he holds to this verse because of the latter part of this verse. But unfortunately this verse does not apply to many Christians because there is a key word that is often misunderstood.

Proverbs 22:6 does not say "Tell a child the way he should go." It says "Train up a child…”

Many parents will tell their children about Jesus but they spend very little time training their child in the things of God.

We'll look more at this in a moment. But for now God's plan for fathers is to protect their children.

To Protect

Not only is it important to protect our families physically as fathers but that is where the journey begins not ends.

There's far more to protecting our families than that physically that God requires of us fathers.

Their Own Character (Pro. 20:7)

Proverbs 20:7 “The just man walketh in his integrity: His children are blessed after him.”

There's a lot of fathers that expect their children to "do as I say, not as I do." That has never worked and will never work.

We must protect our character for there has been many a soul that has gone to their destruction because they have mimicked their father's character.

You see this playing out in the kingdoms all the time when the Bible is speaking specifically of fathers and sons.

(Speaking of Amon, King of Judah) 2 Kings 21:20 “And he did that which was evil in the sight of the Lord, as his father Manasseh did.”

(Speaking of Zachariah King of Israel) 2 Kings 15:9 “And he did that which was evil in the sight of the Lord, as his fathers had done: he departed not from the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who made Israel to sin.”

(Speaking of Jehoahaz King of Judah) 2 Kings 23:32 “And he did that which was evil in the sight of the Lord, according to all that his fathers had done.”

(Speaking of Jehoiakim King of Judah) 2 Kings 23:37 “And he did that which was evil in the sight of the Lord, according to all that his fathers had done.”

God expects fathers to be men of integrity, to live in a manner that displays great gratitude for the family he has been entrusted with, and to accept accountability thereof as one that will stand before Him and give an answer.

God speaking of Abraham said: Genesis 18:19 “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”

God knew Abraham would be the example for his children. Does God know that about you?

Fathers must protect their Character

The Spiritual Condition of the Home (1Sam. 3:13)

There was a priest in Israel during the time of the Judges by the name of Eli. For all intents and purposes Eli was a good man in that when God had spoken judgment through the lips of Samuel toward him, he accepted it. We see something very important mentioned concerning his sons, Hophni and Phinehas, who were evil men.

So one night God spoke to Samuel, a boy who ministered for Eli, and in that these words were spoken: 1 Samuel 3:12–13 “In that day I will perform against Eli all things which I have spoken concerning his house: when I begin, I will also make an end. For I have told him that I will judge his house for ever for the iniquity which he knoweth; because his sons made themselves vile, and he restrained them not.”

God expected Eli to restrain his children and to keep them from committing the gross sins in which they were engaging.

Eli had the ability and the authority to restrain his sons but he refused to do so.

This tells us many things but what we're going to focus on here is simply that Eli, in the sight of God, was responsible for providing the spiritual condition of the home. It was his job.

The burden did not fall upon his wife. It was his.

And this is a tragic commonality that happens in the church today and has for several years: the mothers are the ones providing the primary spiritual influence in the child's life. This is not God's design and we will explore more on this in a moment.

Fathers are to protect the spiritual condition of the home.

Their Children’s Influences (Pro. 1:10)

Proverbs chapter one is almost entirely written from a father's view unto their children. It reads in part: Proverbs 1:7–10 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge: But fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father, And forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, And chains about thy neck. My son, if sinners entice thee, Consent thou not.”

Fathers are the gatekeepers.

They are the Guardians.

They are the ones standing at the door of their children's eyes, mind, and hearts, standing vigilant and making sure that the things that enter in, are things that are profitable, and fighting against those things that are not.

This is part of the training that we spoke about.

(Ill.) For part of my daughter’s education, and the majority of my sons, we chose to homeschool them. Church, homeschool - properly done - is not easy. You don’t get a ‘break’ from your children and your responsibility to parent for 8 hours a day, 9 months a year. You are ALWAYS on the job as a parent, and a large portion of that time as an educator. So why do many do it? For us, it was to guard them. I did not want them indoctrinated with false religions like evolution. I didn’t want them exposed to things from their peers - whose parents weren’t guarding their eyes, minds & hearts.

Am I saying that you need to homeschool your children? No. This is just an example of how we as parents and I as a father were trying to guard our children's influences.

In fact this takes on many forms.

Their computer privileges

The games they play

The shows / movies they watch

The company they keep, etc.

Father’s must guard their children’s influences

To Provide

Yes God expects you to provide as a father but there are far more things that we must provide for our children beyond clothes, shoes, roof, and food.

Leadership (Jos. 24:15)

Joshua 24:15 “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Church, let me say something that is controversial to some, probably not so much to you and certainly not to God. That is, the husband, the father, is to be the leader of the home.

Not co-leader.

Not subservient.

Not “has a say”

They are to be the leaders.

When Joshua said this, he did not ask his wife's opinion nor did he consult his children to see what they thought about it. He said, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua was a man and he was leading his family instead of being led by them or the whims and wills of society.

Fathers need to step up and take responsibility to lead their family.

Husbands, fathers, know this: you are responsible for the success of your family and you will answer to God for it so you better take this position of leadership seriously.

They are to Provide Leadership

Spiritual Education (Eph. 6:4; De. 6:6-7)

Ephesians 6:4 “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”

Children need to know and hear about the Lord and it's good that you bring them to church because you should. Their primary educator in things of God should be their parents, specifically their father.

Many fathers will say, "But I don't know that much about it." or “I can’t really explain it very well”. Do you know what you do about that? LEARN.

You may not be the best, but you can learn if you try.

There's men who know all about hunting, fishing, sports.

They know about guns and gadgets and games.

Maybe take some of that time and invest it in your education and the things of God and see how that does you.

Fathers are mandated to provide a spiritual education for their children.

Discipline (Pro. 13:24)

Proverbs 13:24 “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”

One of the hardest things to do as a father is to discipline your children.

Fathers need to take responsibility in disciplining their children. This was one of my shortcomings as a father.

Fathers must provide discipline for their children

Encouragement (Col. 3:21)

Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

Discipline is to correct them when they do wrong, encouragement is what is needed when they do things right.

Some children respond better to one than the other, but both are necessary

Father’s must provide discipline for their children

To be Present

You simply cannot:

Protect them & their influences

Provide Leadership; Spiritual Education; Discipline & Encouragement if you are absent.

Fathers must be present for their families

Conclusion

Today it was my hope to show you the Truth about Fatherhood.

Maybe it gave you a greater appreciation for your husband or father

Maybe it gave you encouragement to become the father God wants you to be

Maybe it gave you the correction you need

Maybe it gave you wisdom in how the world perverts our views on things

Whatever / however it has spoke to your heart today, I encourage you to come to the altar and give thanks, praise God or ask Him to help you in your walk.