Life and Marriage

Introduction

GK Chesterton is quoted as saying,

"Every high civilization decays by forgetting obvious things."

When he wrote this it was on reflection of a society’s failure to keep moral structure. When the obvious aspects of ethical and moral rules are forgotten we decay.

The law of God was written to reveal and reflect the holiness and righteousness of God in His people. It was to bring order to a sinful people in their living.

Yet how easily the world decays when even the simplest of God’s law is forgotten and no longer observed.

Much like the plant in a house that starts strong only to be forgotten in a busy schedule to be watered and nurtured properly. It withers and dries up.

It is true that only the regenerated person who comes to faith in Jesus by trusting in Jesus’ life, death and resurrection, who is indwelled with the Holy Spirit can even remotely live God’s law.

Yet, I fear that even when the foundational elements of God’s law that bring order to a society are slowly left behind, it withers.

We are seeing it in many elements of our society. Biblical marriage on all kinds of levels is treated lesser. Life of another human being can easily be taken with little regard for the image of God. Words can be spoken in a manner or with such ferocity it kills the spirit of another.

The two commandments we will explore this week are clear you cannot do these things, yet loopholes will be found from the sinful heart.

So, for our own protection and to point us to the goodness and righteousness of God, the law of God is provided and Jesus fulfills this law perfectly for us and expounds on it as well- with no loopholes.

Exodus 20:13 and Matthew 5:21-26

You shall not murder the Lord commands. You shall not is precise, clear, full of authority. It is not a choice. It is not a suggestion. It is not a decision to be mulled over. It is prohibited.

But the question always arises, what constitutes as murder?

Exodus 20:13

Murder means not to kill

In the most basic sense murder means not to kill. This is not to say that one cannot use this kind of force in war against enemies who do wrong, police officers who are protecting a society, or someone even protecting their home.

God is not telling Israel to just be a door mat. But, what He is telling them and us is that the value of human life is regarded highly by the Lord. Consideration for any kind of killing must be thought through.

We have a process for capital punishment that involves the death penalty. Jenny and I watched a true crime show the other day and the woman was clearly guilty of murder. Yet, they reported it takes up to 12 years for her actual sentence of death to take place. Why? To allow for appeals and to make sure all evidence is clear.

In the vein of this command, we must take even the taking of a life of a criminal serious to be sure they are worthy of such a punishment.

Much of this is about premeditative intent. It is the killing with the purposeful intent to take a life. However, it can also mean in cases that are due to negligence, or unintentional- killing in anger.

God even provides some clarity in Exodus 21:12-36 in cases of accidental injury or deaths and how to handle punishment for them. God sets forth an important precedent. The punishment should fit the crime.

Matthew 5:21-26

Jesus provides for us the spirit of this law, not just the letter of it. See, murder or killing begins not in the action, but in the heart. (Read Verses)

Dallas Willard once wrote, “Actions do not emerge from nothing. They faithfully reveal what is in the heart…”

If the spirit of the commandment is not to devalue human life because it is to devalue the image of God in someone; then we can carry the intent in our heart without carrying out the action of murder or in other actions.

Watch your heart before it gives way to evil actions…

Jeremiah 17:9 “9 The heart is more deceitful than anything else, and incurable—who can understand it?”

Proverbs 3:5 “5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding;”

Philippians 4:7–8 “7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—dwell on these things.”

The heart is the seat of a person.

Anger is a seed of murderous intent

Jesus elevates the intent of the law to our hearts. Here, He says that anger is a seed of murderous intent. The Bible is clear to be wary of anger for it leads to many actions we can not take back.

Psalm 37:8 “8 Refrain from anger and give up your rage; do not be agitated—it can only bring harm.”

Proverbs 14:29 “29 A patient person shows great understanding, but a quick-tempered one promotes foolishness.”

Ecclesiastes 7:9 “9 Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools.”

Ephesians 4:26–27 “26 Be angry and do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and don’t give the devil an opportunity.”

James 1:19–20 “19 My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, 20 for human anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness.”

Anger is like the seed of a weed. You didn’t even know it found root among what you have planted until it springs up.

Jesus takes us to the next movement of this intent.

Be careful not to act in anger.

Jesus takes the next step from simply being angry to insulting. In general, we must be careful not to allow the seed to grow into action. James even warns us of this:

James 1:14–15 “14 But each person is tempted when he is drawn away and enticed by his own evil desire. 15 Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death.”

There is a growing progression of temptation to sin.

Jesus is also elevating what action we take that can be a breaking of God’s commandment.

Words in anger can be just as damaging to someone’s life as taking it. This is not just words said in anger, but in the form of gossip and rumor. In the form of speaking ill of someone’s character. In the form of painting someone is a particular light by leaving out details.

It can of course be in the sense of speaking just hard words that tear down others.

Ephesians speaks to this:

Ephesians 4:29–32 “29 No foul language should come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear. 30 And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit. You were sealed by him for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander be removed from you, along with all malice. 32 And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”

We are called to encourage, to refrain from foul language. Our words matter. In fact, it grieves God’s Spirit when we allow our words fly with a heart full of anger.

Murder of the heart affects your worship.

Jesus finishes His expounding here with seeking reconcilation and forgiveness when conflict happens that can result in anger. Be angry and do not sin we read earlier.

As I said last week, how we carry our horizontal relationships reflects and impacts our vertical one. Jesus says for us to make things right, then come to worship.

Is it possible that you are here today or have had times when you felt as though you could not worship or you were getting nothing from worship services and the reason was actually because anger has clouded your relationship with the Lord and thus worship is broken?

Reconciliation is needed and restoration of a relationship. We can only worship in a restored relationship with God. Right horizontal relationships allow us to worship God purely.

Exodus 20:14 and Matthew 5:27-32

Exodus 20:14

The next commandment is also straightforward. Do not commit adultery. Just as with killing this command is clear from the authority of God. You cannot do this as commited to the Lord.

Adultery here is understood as any sexual relation outside of the covenant of marriage. It was primarily understood in terms of the physical act.

Again, the Lord offers additional instructions from His law on how to handle cases to prevent this commandment from being broken.

But, this bears more weight than actually keeping good behavior just as it does with the previous commandment.

God is expressing indirectly His value of His created institution of marriage. Marriage as the NT teaches is a picture of Christ’s love for the Church, His Bride. Even in the OT God would use the picture of marriage for His relationship with Israel. Why?

This commandment and God’s institution of marriage teach us of God’s faithfulness and holiness. When Israel would wander to false gods, He would often call them spiritual adulterers.

So, if we can or are willing to be unfaithful and impure in one of the most holy human relationships established, how much more so could we be to a holy God?

Matthew 5:27-32

Jesus expounds on this commandment from the letter of the law to the spirit of the law. A man could claim purity if he never defiles his marriage bed, yet still be completely impure in heart.

So, Jesus says that lustfully looking at a woman (or man) is to commit the physical act in the heart. No longer is it about just behavior on the outside, but what is taking place on the inside.

Wandering eyes, thoughts, viewing of material in a manner that induces lustful thoughts, partaking of things that replace your spouse with anyone else.

This also doesn’t have to be explicitly sexual in nature either. I believe we could draw ties to even emotional attachments that can be formed.

This is not to say that beauty or handsomeness cannot be expressed, but with what intent. In a world that is overly sexualized, we have to be on guard all the more to even the most innocent of things creating lustful intent in us.

Jesus offers then a couple of insights.

Kill the sin

John Owen famously said, “Be killing sin or it will be killing you.” In a way, this is a restating of what Jesus says in v. 29 and 30.

Jesus is of course not promoting self mutilation/harm, but using hyperbole to express the serious nature of lustful sin. It is better to remove the very thing that is causing you to sin than to be caught up in it. Why?

I think implied is that this particular sin is very difficult to get out of. It takes a lot of years of sanctification to change. We have seen in the news time and time again the destruction that comes to the life of people caught in this.

With kids in the audience, I won’t go into details of those, but many of pastors, teachers, business men at Coldplay concerts, etc have lost so much.

As an old 90’s Rockabilly group once wrote in the chorus of a song,

You get burnt playing with fire You get burnt playing with fire With that evil flame you ride With that cheatin’ heart, and bad desire You gеt burnt playing with fire, you get burned

Divorce is a serious matter because marriage is a serious matter.

It might seem interesting that Jesus moves from speaking of adultery to divorce, but I think Jesus is using this as a way to speak of the seriousness with which God takes marriage.

What we don’t see explicitly addressed is the manner in which divorce papers were handed out. What we might call no-fault divorce or no cause divorce was common.

Deuteronomy 24:1 “1 “If a man marries a woman, but she becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, he may write her a divorce certificate, hand it to her, and send her away from his house.”

By Jesus’ time there were 2 schools of thought on this verse. One was the displeasure was something foul, impure, corrupt. In essence, a loss of righteousness or holiness.

The other school was that he could divorce her for any reason. If she cooked a bad meal, didn’t appease what he found beautiful, she got a pimple, disastifaction of her manners, etc could be a cause for divorce. Jesus is actually raising the bar on marriage and raising the standard on acceptable situations for divorce.

What did Jesus say in another encounter about divorce? What God has joined together, let no man separate. This doesn’t mean that divorce is not acceptable in some situations- adultery and even abuse.

It also doesn’t mean that it is the unforgiveable sin that it has been treated as so many times. It simply means that God means serious business when it comes to marriage and the sanctity of it.

By elevating the cause to adultery from the no cause divorce, Jesus is revealing this. It better be for the utmost egregious reason we are seeking divorce as followers of Him.

Application

What do we do then with all this information?

Surrender your mind and heart to Jesus.

Surrender your marriage to Jesus.

Set up the proper guardrails to keep from allowing lustful thoughts to be rampant.

Cut out certain movies, TV shows, books, etc that can lead to lust.

Seek help and accountability for it. There should be no shame for seeking holiness in one’s life.

Take captive every thought- whether dealing with anger and with lust.

Don’t dwell on it and let it fester and grow. It is like a spiritual cancer.

Replace what is removed with the Word and worship of God.

Repent quickly

Rest in the forgiveness and hope of the gospel of Jesus. Salvation in Him makes us right with God and it changes us over time.

Conclusion

A sermon like this can easily find its way into more Pharisaical thinking of legalism. It can feel like it is a weight of keep.

The gospel of Jesus says that the weight is lifted by His life, death, and resurrection for us. When we give our lives to Him and what He has done for us, we find freedom.

But, we also don’t get to live life loosely in that freedom. The wonderful reality of the gospel should overwhelm us so, that we want to live in and for the holiness of God.

I like how Andrew Murray put it in one of his books,

The Lord does not demand that we fulfill the law perfectly. All He requires is our childlike and whole-hearted surrender to live as children with Him in obedience and truth [in/through Christ]. He ask nothing more, but will accept nothing less.

If you are here today and there is a brokenness you need fixed because of sin, come to Jesus. If you find living only for and in yourself is lacking and you need to give your life over to Jesus, come to Him.

Perhaps you just need to recommit your marriage to the Lord, your thought life, or a relationship that is strained that has led to anger.

The law reveals to us our need of the Father and of Jesus. The law reveals the love of God to us by providing a way of life that comes from a perfect and good God who desires the fullest of life for us.

It is not designed to drive us to weight upon weight of guilt that we cannot keep this, but that we have a need of complete dependence upon Him.