Showing Mercy to Your Family

**A man comes home from work one day and finds his three children outside playing in the mud STILL wearing their pajamas. The door of his wife’s car is open and the front door to the house is standing wide open……and there is no sign of the family dog.

--Entering the house, he finds an even bigger mess. A lamp has been knocked over. In the front room the TV is loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room is covered with toys and various items of clothing.

--In the kitchen, dishes fill the sink, breakfast food is spilled on the counter, the fridge door is open wide, and dog food is spilled all over the floor.

--He quickly heads up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He is worried that she is ill or hurt.

--On his way up the steps he is met with a trickle of water coming out of the upstairs bathroom. Inside the bathroom he can see wet towels stacked high, a mile of wet toilet paper and toothpaste smeared all over the mirror and walls.

--As he rushes into the bedroom he finally finds his wife…..still curled up with her pajamas on and reading a novel. She looks up at him, smiles, and asks him how his day has gone.

--He looks at her bewildered and asks, “What happened here today?” She again smiled and answers, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day long? Well, today I did not do any of what I normally do, so you could see.”

We need to honor our moms today… without them we would not be even house broken…

We have been studying Mercy and no one shows more mercy than Moms. So today we are going to look at Showing Mercy to Your Family.

The sad fact is that one of the places we struggle the most to show mercy is at home… nice to strangers but hard on those we love.

arguing when the phone rings and we answer … hello real sweet. What happened? We controlled our anger and treated someone outside of our family nicer than we did our family.

Does it bother you that often we treat those we love meaner than anyone else?

Maybe you identify with David…

Psalm 101:2 The Living Bible

I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should.

You may think you are loving, but It’s hard to show mercy to those who are closest to us. Here is a test to see how you are doing.

How Merciful am I To My Family?

When My Spouse or Children Gets Some Details Wrong when they are telling a story, do I (1) Interrupt them and correct them publically? or (2) Say Nothing and let it go, knowing I’ve done the same?

When My Spouse or Children Keeps making the same mistake over and over again, do I (1) become bitter and angry? (2) Graciously forgive them and pray for them?

When My Spouse or siblings are getting more attention than I think they deserve, do I (1) feel resentful and feel the need to bring them down a notch? or (2) celebrate with them?

When My Spouse or Children says something I don’t understand, do I (1) assume they have the best motivation for doing it? or (2) Question their motivation and think the worst?

Am I more polite with strangers than my own family?

We have been saying for the last few weeks that Mercy is actually love in action. It’s a choice you make. Whatever is true about love is true about mercy.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8 CEV

Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails! Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken. All that we know will be forgotten.

Paul lists out 15 characteristics of Love… but we are not going to look at all of them.

Four Ways to Show Mercy At Home

WE CAN SHOW MERCY AT HOME BY OVERLOOKING IRRITATIONS & OFFENSES.

IOW we ignore the irritations. You will have irritations, but you can choose to ignore them.

1 Corinthians 13:5 NIV84

It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Real Love does not become easily angered. Anger is misunderstood by most. It’s not a sin to become angry… Jesus became angry.

There are some things that we should be angry about. When God sees people getting hurt, He gets angry. There is a righteous anger and there is a selfish anger. When we see people being wronged (prejudice, child abuse, spousal abuse), it should make us angry. We just need to get angry and express it correctly.

You may think you never get angry, but you are just stuffing it down and it will come back up at some point. So people tend to blow up or to clam up. Both are not good ways to express anger. You have to control your anger.

The Bible also says a lot about uncontrolled anger. Uncontrolled anger will cause foolish things to happen in your life.

Antidote for Anger - Love and Mercy

Proverbs 17:9 The Living Bible

Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends.

Proverbs 19:11 NLT

Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

It actually shows maturity if you overlook an offense. People who cannot over look offenses are immature. People who overlook offenses…IOW it just rolls off their shoulders… thats maturity.

When you start to get angry… ask.

Three Questions to ask Yourself when You are Angry

1. Why am I Angry?

You need to know whats actually going on.

2. What do I Really Want?

3. How Can I Get It?

You will never get it clamming up or blowing up. You will never have the marriage you want… the relationships… Remember… Love is not easily angered.

Here’s a good verse

1 Thessalonians 5:15 The Message

And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

Look for the best in each other. If we would just practice this one thing… wow. We would have better relationships… marriages… friendships…

Moms are pros at overlooking offenses.

2. WE CAN SHOW MERCY AT HOME BY BEING KIND WHEN THEY DON’T DESERVE IT.

In every family, there are…

VDP - VERY DRAINING PEOPLE

Don’t look at them…

Four Kinds of VDP’s

1. DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Difficult people are hard to work with… to live with. They are irresponsible… immature … demanding …

2. DEMEANING PEOPLE

There are people who put others down...

3. DISAPPOINTING PEOPLE

People break promises.

4. DESTRUCTIVE PEOPLE

There are people who are abusive and mean… who hurt people.

How do you deal with these kinds of people?

1 Corinthians 13:4–7 CEV

Are you always supportive? Are you patient?

Proverbs 19:11 NIV84

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

Basically, if you want to be patient with anybody, learn what makes them tick. If you understand their fears, you will be more patient with them. If you understand their hurts, you will be more patient with them.

Typically, we look at people, we usually look at how far they have to go, but when we look at how far they have come, we will be a lot more patient with them.

When we have wisdom, we are a lot more patient with them.

Proverbs 3:27 TEV

Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it.

Solomon doesn’t say do goo to those you want to do good to. He says to those who need it. You probably have people you know, even in your family that don’t deserve kindness, but Solomon says to give it to them.

God wants you to give them what they need, not what they deserve. The need mercy. When they come home and they are taking out on you the very bad day they had, the don’t deserve mercy, but they need mercy.

Mercy doesn’t say, do they deserve it? No Mercy ACTS. (Good Samaritan)

Why Should We be Kind?

Whey should we show mercy?

1. Because God has Been Kind to Me.

Ephesians 2:4–5 NLT

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)

2. Kindness Honors God

Proverbs 14:31 TEV

If you oppress poor people, you insult the God who made them; but kindness shown to the poor is an act of worship.

Proverbs 14:31 NCV

Whoever mistreats the poor insults their Maker, but whoever is kind to the needy honors God.

3. Kindness Makes You Happy.

Proverbs 12:25 TEV

Worry can rob you of happiness, but kind words will cheer you up.

4. Kindness will make you attractive

Proverbs 19:22 The Living Bible

Kindness makes a man attractive. And it is better to be poor than dishonest.

Forget diet and Botox, if you want to look good - BE KIND.

5. Kindness causes other people to follow you

James 2:13 The Message

For if you refuse to act kindly, you can hardly expect to be treated kindly. Kind mercy wins over harsh judgment every time.

6. God Blesses Kindness

Proverbs 14:21 CEV

It’s wrong to hate others, but God blesses everyone who is kind to the poor.

Kindness makes others want to be kind to you.

Proverbs 19:17 NCV

Being kind to the poor is like lending to the Lord; he will reward you for what you have done.

What about Family Members who are hateful?

You may have a sibling, or some relative who has always been … just mean and hateful.

Paul said,

1 Thessalonians 5:15 CEV

Don’t be hateful to people, just because they are hateful to you. Rather, be good to each other and to everyone else.

Patricia’s Story

Patricia grew up in a home in a military family living in multiple states and abroad with two alcoholic parents where there was no love shown, no kindness expressed. Instead of feeling valued, she experienced both mental and physical abuse. Her mother and Patricia never had a warm mother-daughter relationship as she grew up. She said, Looking back, I wonder if that was because my mom was raised by her aunt who did not know how to demonstrate love either and seemed to have a lack of feeling.

Then eight years ago, her stepfather passed away in Florida which left her mother alone. Her Mom stayed in Florida for another year until it became obvious that she could not take care of herself. Her adopted brother was not capable of caring for her either. But because of the painful experiences of her youth, she did not want to bring her to live with her family here in California. So her mom went to live with her sister in New York City.

But it soon became obvious that her sister, who had experienced all the same hurts and rejections that I did growing up, never intended to take care of their mother. Instead she wanted to get even with their Mom for all the years of hurt she had experienced. So her sister basically ignored their mother and neglected caring for her needs.

One day, she received a phone call from my cousin, who lived near her mom and sister on Long Island and her told me that my mom was not being taken care of and was losing a lot of weight.

Her husband said “We have to bring her to California to take care of her.” But in the back of my mind I was thinking, “This is not a loveable person that I want back in my life” but we made the merciful choice to be kind to someone who had been very unkind to me.

When her mom arrived in California I saw immediately that she needed physical, dental, and eye examinations, so I began the task of making doctor appointments. Honestly, from the day she arrived, it was never their plan to take care of her mom long term. She saw it as emergency help. They had downsized three times and we were enjoying being empty nesters.

But to shorten the story, fast forward six years. They are still caring for her mom.

Her mother had a mild stroke which has rapidly advanced her Alzheimer’s condition. They continued to care for her during Patricia’s second bout with breast cancer a year ago even while she was going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments.

Mercy as “undeserved forgiveness and unearned kindness.” It is not a feeling. It is a choice to be kind, even to people who have never been kind to you. That’s not easy. Her mom’s deteriorating mental and physical health, prevents her from showing love back.

“So mercy is not dependent on the other person’s response to it. I choose to continue to show kindness and love to her because it is the right thing to do. And although I’ve never received the love I needed from her, I am grateful that she gave birth to me, and that I am alive because of her. So at least I can honor her for that.

I cannot sugar-coat this. Mercy is often difficult and inconvenient. I have admitted many times that I believe God sent her to me because I did not want to take her in, and I needed to learn the lesson of mercy.”

And you know what? Revenge and retaliation against those who hurt you never makes you happy. I don’t know who my story is intended for but I will tell you this: the pathway to peace is through Love, forgiveness & Mercy!

Step Father left her alone…

Be good to each other. Don’t leave them alone. Guys, the

Best Mother’s Day Gift for Your Wives: Take Care of Yourself so You Don’t Die Early.

You may think that it’s ok to go before her, but that’s selfish… take care of yourself so you can take care of her.

3. WE CAN SHOW MERCY AT HOME BY LETTING GO OF PAST HURTS

1 Corinthians 13:5b NLT

or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.

We tend to keep score on this don’t we. That way we can remind them of all they have done when we need to. Love doesn’t do that.

Wife going Historical joke

Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs… Do you?

Writ this down...

Don’t Repeat It, Delete It!

Don’t hold onto past hurts… When you hold onto a past hurt, you are not being loving nor are you being merciful.

This means three things.

Don’t rehearse it in Your mind

Don’t Keep Bringing it Back Up

Don’t Tell Others About It

This become very important in our world of blended families. Determine to have a healthy relationship with your ex-in-laws and Ex-spouse for the sake of your kids.

Co-parenting with an ex will be frustrating, but When you forgive you teach your children to forgive.

I learned forgiveness from my parents. Dad’s cousins ripped him of inheritance. Mama’s step mother put her out when she was a teen - but I always knew her as my grandmother. Never knew that story until way after she died.

4. WE CAN SHOW MERCY AT HOME BY BELIEVING GOD IS AT WORK IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS

1 Corinthians 13:7 NLT

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

You must believe that God is working in the life of your spouse even when you don’t see it. You must believe God is working in the lives of your kids even when you don’t see it. You must believe that God is working in the lives of your other family members – your parents – even though you don’t see it. You trust, you believe. Faith and mercy and love and grace all go together.

You must believe that God is working in the lives of your other family members – your parents – even though you don’t see it

How do you know if you believe God is at work?

We Must Pray for Our Family Members

Psalm 28:2 NLT

Listen to my prayer for mercy as I cry out to you for help, as I lift my hands toward your holy sanctuary.

Testimony of Kathy’s mom praying for her

I don’t know what crisis you are going through right now. some of you may feel hopeless… at school… at work… in your relationships… in your marriage… about your future. You need to turn to God’s Mercy.

Jeremiah’s life fell apart, but he turned to God’s Mercy.

Lamentations 3:20–23 NLT

I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning.

That’s the source of hope right there. Turning to the Lord. These four things God wants you to do with your families are the things God does to you every day.

These are the Same Ways God Shows Mercy to Us

1. God overlooks and forgives your offenses by his mercy

2. God is kind to YOU when you need it but don’t deserve it

3. God wipes out and forgets your past sin when you trust Jesus.

4. God is working in YOUR life even when you don’t know it

God just takes your sins, your shortcomings and wipes them out.

Prayer and altar time

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