Wise Friendships

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SERIES DESCRIPTION: In this series called Wise Up, Pastor Shawn and Krista explore the wisdom of Proverbs. This week, Shawn explores the topic of Wise Friendships. Your friends will make or break you. So, choosing the right friends is of utmost importance, because your spiritual wellbeing is at stake. Your friends will either move you towards God or away from Him.

Altar Instructions: Please come up when I address this final question: “What to do when you’re stuck in an unhealthy friendship?

Series | Wise Up

Pre-Message Welcome

Grace Place family! It’s awesome to have you here with us today, whether in person or online.

I’m Shawn, and along with my wife, we serve as the Co-Pastors of this incredible church.

At The Grace Place, our mission is clear: we are Caring People, Caring for People.

We pray that you experience God’s care in our time together and in your life.

Spanish Welcome - 2nd Service ONLY!

A nuestra familia de habla hispana .... Bienvenidos… es-pera-mos que usted… y su familia.. se-sien-tan bien a-tend-idos también.

To our Spanish speaking family... welcome, we hope you and your family feels cared for as well.

Before we get into the message today….

Pastor Plug:A-Team One Day

· Save The Date: Sat., Sept. 12.

Morning through early afternoon

Our time to Invest in you, Invision You… and build up the saints for the work of the ministry.

This event is for ALL Volunteers * anyone seeking to join the A-team.

Transition: We’re in week 4 of our series called…

Series | Wise Up

Series Intro

This is a series on the book of Proverbs - the question driving this series is: ‘Why do I keep making the same bad decisions?

Friends… life without the wisdom of God does not work.

Here's the good news

God didn't make wisdom hard to learn . He put it on the bottom shelf where everyone can reach it.

Transition: the title of our message today is...

Sermon Title | Wise Friendships

Well be talking about..

How to chose and be a wise friend.

The Key verse for today’s message comes from Prov. 12:26… it says

Proverbs 12:26 NIV

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

If we don’t get this today… here’s…

What’s at stake?

Why is choosing the right friends so important?

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Choosing the right friends is of utmost importance, because your spiritual wellbeing is at stake… Your friends will either move you towards God or away from Him.

These are the people who will be there when you’re up or down

The ones… who will advise your marriage when things are shaky

The ones who will tell you will tell you the truth and encourage you.

They are the key advisors of your life

Proverbs says… Chose your friends wisely.

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This is a major spiritual task everyone should take seriously

***Feel free to encourage people to listen to the Holy Spirit speak to them personally as the message is preached

LETS PRAY

YOU CAN WALK OFF THE STAGE WHEN YOU SAY AMEN

Transition: We're talking about …

Sermon Title | Wise Friendships

How to chose one and how to be one.

Looking across the treasures of proverbs… in no particular order… The first thing Proverbs says about Wise friendships is… IN YOUR NOTES.

Be friends that FORGIVE Prov. 19:11

***Clay you can have the point and upcoming verse on the same slide… it will come fast

We see this in…

Proverbs 19:11 ESV

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Being slow to anger isn't about pretending an offense didn’t happen, It's about choosing to Overlooking and forgive.

Sometimes we are the least forgiving with those we are closest.

We should learn to use the words, I’m Sorry will you forgive me & I forgive you.

Our friends should know… when no one else is willing to forgive you… I will.

How many of you need a friend like that.

If you call someone a true friend in your notes…

True friends MUTUALLY forgive.

It goes both ways

Here is the question I believe scripture is inviting us to ask ourselves today…

Question: How might you need to forgive?

What is it costing you to hold onto unforgiveness?

If your holding onto unforgiveness… you not being much of a friend.

Transition:We are talking about …

Sermon Title | Wise Friendships

How to chose a one. How to be one.

The next thing Proverbs say’s about Wise friendships is… IN YOUR NOTES.

Be friends that RESPECT. Prov. 11:12

We see this in… Prov. 11:12

Proverbs 11:12 NLT

It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet.

The opposite of belittling through disrespect - is building someone by respecting them.

Friends are at times… the worst at this:

Clowning someone is NOT just messing around - most of the time its dis respect and we are taring our friends down.

Story about Disrespectful Friend.

I remember having a so called friend in my 20’s… someone I looked up to and served with in ministry.

But every time we were together they'd find a way to put me down and disrespect me.

My wife finally said: "Shawn, why do you keep going out of your way to spend time with someone who treat you this way?" I thought yea… why do I do that, why do I want their approval so bad that I’m willing to be treated this way?

She was right -She usually is… Guess what… I distanced myself and that was that. The frustration and weight of being their friend was gone.

Proverbs says… the way of the fool…. is to clown and put others down.

What kind of friend are you?

Here is where we need to take responsibility… IN YOUR NOTES…

People will treat you however you ALLOW them to.

You might need to confront your friendship including yourself.

You do have a choice about how close stay to those who constantly disrespect you & It goes the other way as well

Here is the question I believe scripture is inviting us to ask ourselves today…

Question: How might you need to take responsibility for how others have been treating you?

The next thing Proverbs say’s about Wise friendships is… IN YOUR NOTES.

Be friends that INFLUENCE. Prov. 13:20

We see this in… Prov. 13:20

Proverbs 13:20 ESV

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Those who are in your inner circle will influence you - they should lead you closer towards Christ.

Let me say it like this… in your notes.

Your friendships SHAPE who you become.

If you hang with fool’s you’ll end up doing foolish things.

It shouldn’t be too surprising that majority of our best friends are all Pastor’s.

We have known each other for over 20 + years.

They are our inner circle… they are a big part of who Krista and I are today.

Your friends are also a big part of who you are today.

This is why we should be very selective with who we allow to influence our life.

Everyone does not get equal weight. I respect everyone and I am willing to listen, but I always measure it against Gods word.

If you want to be wise… have wise friends.

Church… your friends can make or break you.

When you are in you’re most vulnerable moments… these friends are there to speak into your life - Make sure you have surrounded yourself with the right voices of influence

Here is the question I believe scripture is inviting us to ask ourselves today…when it comes to your friendships…

Question: How are you each influencing one another in godly wisdom?

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The next thing Proverbs say’s about Wise friendships is… IN YOUR NOTES.

Be friends that ENCOURAGE Prov. 12:25

***Clay you can have the point and upcoming verse on the same slide… it will come fast

We see this in… Prov. 12:25 it says this…

Proverbs 12:25 NIV

Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.

Kindess is encouraging… we should make sure to be friends that have a kindess about them.

I try to make sure i’m also a friend that also gives a healthy dose of encouragement.

You know you have a true friend… when you’re encouraged after being with them.

Two of my closes friends Joey & Trammel are some of the most encouraging people you will ever be around.

Let me say It is like this.…

Don’t be a friend who ADDS anxiety but takes it away.

Yea, that should be our goal when we’re with one another.

Here is the question I believe scripture is inviting us to ask ourselves today…

Question: How might you brings an anxious presence to your friendships?

Transition:We are talking about …

Sermon Title | Wise Friendships

How to chose a one. How to be one.

Just becuase we are encouraging does not mean we skip or ignore the truth…

The next thing Proverbs say’s about Wise friendships is… IN YOUR NOTES.

Be friends that are No-Nonsense Prov. 27:17

***Clay you can have the point and upcoming verse on the same slide… it will come fast

We see this in… Prov, 27:17

Proverbs 27:17 ESV

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

How many of you want to be sharpened?

It sounds like a good until someone comes along and cuts you :)

It’s actually painful - as it chips off the dull edges off of us.

In fact… Prov. 27:6a says this…

Proverbs 27:6 ESV

Faithful are the wounds of a friend…

A No-nonsense friend tells the truth even when they know it will be painful.

We should be willing to wound a friend when its for their good.

***This requires lots of wisdom and is almost its own sermon.

Give your friends permission to be honest with you - it lets them know your ready to receive the truth…

It’s the way of wisdom.

BUT…. there is also wisdom in timing,…and sensing when our friends are most open to the truth. Otherwise you might be wasting your words.

Let me say it like this… IN YOUR NOTES

A friend tells you the truth out of LOVE not EGO

You want to make sure your heart is in the right place when you are wounding a friend with the truth.

In D-track session called EHR session we have an exercise called CLIMB the ladder of integrity. To help make sure our heart is in the right place.

We put a link to this sheet in the resource section of the notes.

The way of a fool is to be closed-off, defensive and unwilling to listen.

Here is the question I believe scripture is inviting us to ask ourselves today…

Question: When is the last time you gave/received truth that hurts?

The last thing about Wise friendships is… IN YOUR NOTES.

Be friends that are DEVOTED. Prov. 17:17

***Clay you can have the point and upcoming verse on the same slide… it will come fast

We see this in…

Proverbs 17:17 ESV

A friend loves at all times, (One who is like a what?) and a brother (Becuase they are born for what kind of times…) is born for adversity.

Be a friend that loves at all times. The good the bad the ugly.

I have to say I am spoiled in the area of friendship. I have some men in my life that I have known for 20+ years that know everything about me - the good the bad and the ugly and I know the same about them.

They have been an anchor to me to us in our most difficult times.

We have been devoted through it all.

Let me say it like this…

There is no better friendship than ones that are ANCHORED in Christ.

They are necessary it is the way of WISDOM.

Becuase they will make or break you.

You better hold onto the good ones God has put in your life.

Here is the question I believe scripture is inviting us to ask ourselves today…

Question: How can you be better devoted as a friend?

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Transition:We are talking about …

Sermon Title | Wise Friendships

How to chose a one. How to be one.

I want to close with this

What to do when you’re stuck in an unhealthy friendship?

If your friendships don't look anything like what we've talked about today… it might be time for a change.

Proverbs says… IN YOUR NOTES… is…

ASSESS the friendship.(Prov. 22:24)

We see this in.. Prov. 22:24 it says

Proverbs 22:24 ESV

Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man,

***Clay, please put this scripture on the same slide as the sub point.

Prov. 22:24 is not about just anger… its about Assessing their character.

This you must asses…

This is not about occasional struggles, it’s about character.

This includes professing Christians. Just because somebody is a confessing Christian doesn't mean they are the right friend for you.

Your friendship might need some truth telling and new boundaries.

What should do if we are in an UNHEALTHY FRIENDSHIP.. IN YOUR NOTES.. Prov. say’s it may be time to…

ABANDON the friendship. (Prov. 22:14, Prov. 22:10)

I do not say this lightly… Neither does proverbs…

We see this in Prov. 22:10 it says…

Proverbs 22:10 ESV

Drive out a scoffer(someone who mocks wisdom, resist correction, one who refuses to do the right thing), and strife will go out, and quarreling and abuse will cease.

Some people will go easy. While others, you'll have to actually drive them out.

Put up strong Boundaries… and not allow them to suck you back in through minipulation, gaslighting, and control. It’s time you take control of your life.

This kind of person is most dangerous to the well being of your very soul.

you know in your gut… when its time to do this.

I understand making changes to unhealthy friendships….

Comes with a heavy weight… know this…

If you chose to keep these friends in your inner circle, plan on staying stuck.

At some point… we all have to take responsibility for allowing people like this…. in your inner circle.

Jesus loves everyone, but everyone is NOT in his inner circles. It has nothing to do with love.

Let me close with this…

Proverbs 22:3 ESV

The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it.

Question: How might you need to adjust your inner circle?

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Transition: As I close today….

So today… if you do NOT know Jesus as your Lord and Savior today is your day…

Salvation Altar Call

I believe Jesus is here today, and He wants to save you. Salvation simply means to deliver or to free. It’s not just about delivering you…

It’s about believing

Believing in Jesus means trusting what He say’s—about sin, and eternal punishment, thats the bad news.

The good news is this… that His death on the cross paid the penalty for our sins, making us right with God.

Ephesians 2:8 reminds us: “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.” Salvation requires two things:

1. God’s Grace—His undeserved gift of forgiveness and life because of His love for you.

2. Faith—placing your trust in Him for salvation.

If you’ve never asked Jesus to save you, today is your day. If you’d like ask him… , raise your hand.

I want to invite you to Repeat a prayer after me

· There is nothing magical in this prayer.. it simply is a way of declaring to Jesus what has taken place in your heart.

Here is how I would like to end the service for everyone else….

Call to Action Altar Call

We’re going to end the service with A question as we do nearly every week.

ALL ACROSS THE ROOM – HAS THE HOLY SPIRIT spoken to you in anyway today?

If you need to make some FRIENDSHIP DECISIONS

New Friends

Put yourself out there - you have to BE A FRIEND to have FRIENDS.

Hard decisions

Get wise counsel with this.

Close

Proverbs also has a lot to say about…

Resources

Communication Tool: Climb The ladder of integrity

https://thegraceplace.sharepoint.com/sites/NextStepsOffice/Shared%20Documents/NS%20Cultivation%20Classes/Teachings/20.01.%20EHL/EHS+SKILLS+SESSION+6%20(1).pdf

Going Deeper

How might you need to forgive? Prov. 19:11

How might you need to take responsibility for how others have been treating you? Prov. 11:12

How are you each influencing one another in godly wisdom?? Prov. 13:20

How might you brings an anxious presence to you friendships? Prov. 12:25

When is the last time you gave/received truth that hurts? Prov. 26:6, Prov. 27:17

How can you be better devoted as a friend? Prov. 17:17

How might you need to adjusting your inner circle? Prov. 22:3

What might the Holy Spirit be saying to you in light of this teaching?

How might the Holy Spirit want to transform you in light of this teaching?

What actions might the Holy Spirit want to take in light of this teaching?

Tongues & Interpretation

1. To STRENGTHEN the Church (1 Cor. 14:5)

For prophecy is greater than SPEAKING in TONGUES, unless someone interprets what you are saying so that the whole church will be STRENGTHENED.

Believers, God has operated through this gift today to strengthen you today. Let your faith be strengthened and know that God is in control and using supernatural measures to speak to us.

2. Is a SIGN for unbelievers. (1Cor. 14: 21a, 22)

1 Corinthians 14:21–22 (ESV)

In the Law it is written, “By people of strange tongues and by the lips of foreigners will I speak to this people, and even then they will not listen to me, says the Lord.” Thus tongues are a sign not for believers but for unbelievers, while prophecy is a sign not for unbelievers but for believers.

22 -  So you see that speaking in tongues is a SIGN, not for believers, but for UNBELIEVERS.

The Bible explains to us God has chosen to use this gift to be a sign for you. A sign for what? It is a sign of his realness for those of you who have been doubting or questioning the existence of God. He wants you to know he is REAL and he wants to bring you spiritual life and health. If you're in here today and you don't know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior... he wants you to know he has gone to great lengths to show you his love today. (Great opportunity for a salvation altar call if it fits).